


Into the Night

by dotti55



Series: LightxL [4]
Category: Death Note, LightxL - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-27 14:09:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 116,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dotti55/pseuds/dotti55
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Light goes undercover to find a murderer after L returns from a three-month absence due to a case; while L tries to find a way to keep Light safe from the murderer...and possibly Kira.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Light looked around the apartment one more time, his hands on his hips and a look of determination on his handsome face. He'd changed all the bed linens, made sure the bathroom was spotless along with every other room in the house, and had even gone into L's office and had dusted and waxed his desk as well as making sure the entire office was cleaned from top to bottom.

He wanted everything perfect for when L returned. He had been in Germany for the past two and a half months and it had been a long and difficult separation for both of them. L had gone off before to work on cases, but this had been the longest period of time they had been separated and it had taken a toll on both of them.

L would always call first thing in the morning before Light went to work, again when he thought his day was over and once more before he went to bed at night, but phone calls didn't make up for the empty cold spot beside him in their bed, or the empty apartment he came home to every day. After the first month, his mother had insisted he come home for dinner each night, a gesture he appreciated more than he let on, as the weeks without L's company had begun to wear on him and being alone appealed to him less and less.

L had called via computer a few times so they could see each other thru the video cameras. At first Light had thought it was a great idea, just to be able to see him, but when he was actually looking at him through the screen, it only seemed to reinforce just how much he missed him. Somehow looking at L and not being able to reach out and touch him made it even more painful and it was all that he could do to keep it from showing on his face.

But now it was over, almost ten weeks of being apart was finally coming to an end this afternoon and he wanted to make sure everything was perfect. He had originally wanted to meet them at the airport but L told him no, it would be best if he just waited for him at home rather than fighting traffic and the crowds at the airport. So now he had prepared everything, there was fresh coffee, a pot of tea, a dish of his favorite snacks and he'd even made a pitcher of his favorite drink. He wanted him to be able to have whatever he wanted after he walked through that door. He sighed as he stared at the door; the only thing he wanted was for L to walk through it.

The ride from the airport seemed to take an eternity in L's mind. So many stops in the traffic, they seemed to miss every traffic light and why were there so many stop signs? He started when his phone rang he was so intently staring outside of the windows willing the car to just fly over the traffic. He picked it up, knowing immediately who it had to be and he smiled as he answered.

"Where are you?" he heard and laughed.

"In the middle of damned traffic I'm afraid, but we should be home soon." He answered and mirrored the sigh he heard.

"I wish you had let me meet you at the airport," Light complained, "At least we'd be stuck in traffic together."

"And probably doing something we shouldn't be trying in the car," L said and he heard Light laugh, "We're moving again, we should be there in about 15 minutes. After almost three months, what's 15 minutes?"

"Right now it feels like an eternity, L." Light said truthfully and L had to agree.

"I know, but it's almost over, I'll be there soon. Now stop torturing us both and hang up."

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you, too Light." L said and hung up, looking out of the window again and thrilled to see the scenery whipping past the windows at last.

Light was just finishing a call to Matsuda, checking on the progress on a couple of cases and reminding his work partner that he was taking a few days vacation to spend with L when he heard the front door open. He closed the call without saying good-bye, dropping the phone on the table and standing up.

L was barely through the threshold, closing the door behind him, before Light was on him. He slowly reached up, his hands going to L's face, his fingertips gently touching it as if he were relearning every inch of it. He stared into the huge dark eyes that were staring up at him, and ran his thumbs across the dark lines underneath, then down across L's lips. His hands then carded through the unruly raven colored mane he loved so much before he leaned down and finally captured L's mouth in a kiss. It began slowly, as if he really couldn't believe he was finally kissing him again after so long, then with a moan he kissed him in earnest, his hands dropping from L's hair as his arms encircled the detective, bringing him tightly against his own body.

L had watched Light practically run to him from across the room, his eyes never leaving the auburn ones staring back at him. As Light traced his face with his fingertips, L did the same with his eyes, finally seeing every inch of that loving face before him again, closing his eyes only as he leaned into the feel of Light's hands in his hair. He wasn't surprised when he suddenly heard himself moan into the kiss, echoing Light's. His arms went up, at first allowing his hands to run through Light's soft auburn hair, and then down the back of his neck and finally his back as he held on tightly.

When Light finally released L's mouth, he continued to hold him, loving the faint aroma of coffee and strawberries that was all L. He couldn't control the tears that began to fall softly from his eyes as he pulled away just so he could look at L again.

"Oh, Light don't…" L said upon seeing the tears and Light shook his head.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't supposed to happen." Light said as L wiped them away with his fingers. Light leaned down and kissed him again, and this time both of them were keenly aware that they hadn't been together in almost three months as their bodies began to react to being each other's arms again.

Light released him for just a moment and everything that needed to be said was said with their eyes and he kissed him again, this time allowing his hands to roam down the front of L's body, to the hem of his shirt. He gently slid his hands under the white garment, moaning softly as his hands touched L's porcelain skin. L's eyes closed again, concentrating only on Light's touch, his entire body suddenly aflame.

Neither one of them was aware of the walk from the front door to the bedroom, the next conscious thought they had was realizing they were there, clothes on the floor and in each others arms on their bed.

"God, how I've missed you," Light whispered as he nuzzled and kissed L's neck. L moaned softly, his hands entwined in Light's hair.

"And I you," L whispered back, "There were moments I couldn't even concentrate on what I was doing. This can't ever happen again." Light stopped his ministrations to look at L's suddenly frowning face.

"You can't say that, you don't know how your cases will run." He said.

"Perhaps not, but I also know I will not be separated from you again for this long. Something will have to be worked out, you must visit on weekends or something, but whatever we do, we can't let this happen again." Light smiled and gently kissed away the frown on L's face.

"Don't worry about us separating again, just enjoy that we are together right now." He said and gently bit down on L's neck, causing the detective to cry out and dig his fingers into Light's back. Light worried at the spot for a few moments before moving down L's chest, a low moan escaping as he inhaled the scent that was all L, realizing again just how much he had missed him.

As he continued to move down L's body he suddenly felt L sit up and stop him by taking his face in his hands.

"Please don't take this the wrong way," he said quietly as Light looked up at him confused, "Right now, all I want is to be one with you. Later, we can do this but right now I just want you." Light smiled up at L, he knew exactly what he meant, this would be the ultimate proof of their finally being together again.

He got up and took L into his arms, kissing him tenderly and pushing him back down on the bed. He released him and reached over to the bedside table to find the lube. L laughed as he reached for it.

"I'm willing to even forego this part," he said and Light shook his head as he poured the lube on his fingers and then onto his cock.

"I'm not. I'm not going to risk hurting you, you're just going to have to be patient!" he told him and reached down and began to apply the lube to L's opening, and then pushed a finger inside. L moaned softly, his eyes closing at the feeling, his hands clutching the sheets on the bed.

As he pushed in deeper, he leaned forward and kissed L's chest, kissing down his stomach until he reached his straining cock. He licked up L's length and up to the tip as he worked his finger in and out, stretching the muscles that had tightened over the past three months. He took him completely into his mouth at the same time he added a second finger, and heard L call his name as he thrust himself deeper into Light's throat. He moaned himself, relishing being able to do this again, enjoying everything that was L. He swallowed him down as continued to stretch him, then slowly added a third finger.

L groaned at the intrusion, feeling and welcoming the slight burn as Light added the third finger, and then nearly screamed as bright lights went off behind his closed eyes as Light found and assaulted his prostate. Light let L slide out of his mouth and leaned forward to capture his mouth.

"Light….please…I…I need you..." L pleaded when Light had pulled away, staring into Light's eyes, desire and passion clouding the dark orbs, " I need you now!" Light's own need had risen to an almost uncontrollable level as well, so he had no problem in complying with L's wishes. He removed his fingers and positioned himself at L's opening, lifting the detective's legs and putting them on his shoulders.

He then began to slowly enter him, his eyes closing in ecstasy as he slid deeper into the tight heat, struggling to maintain control. L's eyes closed again as he felt himself finally being joined with Light; groaning at the slight discomfort and reveling in it at the same time, his arms reached out for him.

Once he was completely inside, feeling L's muscles completely encircling him, Light leaned forward into L's waiting arms and began to cover the detective's face with kisses, then finally capturing his mouth again, his tongue assaulting every inch of it.

When he felt L was ready he pulled back and then forward again, beginning a slow, steady rhythm , L matching every thrust. He pulled himself up, his hands resting on L's hips to hold him steady as he increased the speed and depth of his thrusts.

L opened his eyes to look at Light, at his beautiful body that was now covered in a fine sheen of sweat, his hair hanging over his eyes so that he could barely see them, but when they did come into view how they were staring back at him, enflamed with the love and passion he was feeling, that mirrored his own. Then his head fell back against the pillow as he felt the sudden hot rush of his oncoming climax like a freight train. His body began to tremble with the force of it and he again reached out for Light.

Light could feel L's body begin to tremble beneath him, and his own release was building up with a ferocity he'd never felt before. He struggled to maintain control, but his thrusts became quicker and erratic and he held L's hips tighter. He heard L cry out his name, softly at first almost as a moan, and then he began to get louder, repeating it over and over again and his arms reached out for him.

"Oh, God L…" he cried as L's muscles convulsed around him and he leaned forward, driving harder into him as L's arms wrapped around him, his climax shaking the detective to his core. When it hit L stopped breathing, his entire being focused on the explosion that was happening inside him. Light felt his explode from him the same time, his entire body stiffening with the onslaught of his nerve endings going off with such force. They held each other tightly, the world around them erupting into the white light of ecstasy, hearing nothing but their pounding heartbeats.

Light came to his senses when he heard what sounded like giggling coming from L under him. He opened his eyes and looked down to find L was indeed giggling, his eyes scrunched tight as he did.

"What are you laughing at?" he managed to ask, not sure he wanted the answer. L's eyes opened and he stared up at Light in obvious glee.

"I think you nearly fucked me into oblivion!" he said and broke out into laughter, "I believe I actually lost consciousness for several seconds! That was amazing!" Light stared at him incredulously and then began to laugh himself. He rolled off of the still giggling L and stared at him as he leaned on one elbow and smiled.

"This is what happens when we don't see other for three months. If this happens again you'll probably go blind!" He said with a laugh then leaned over and kissed L softly as the detective giggled again, "I love you L, welcome home." L reached up and stroked Light's face.

"I love you, too Light Yagami and I promise you this will never happen again. I have missed you more than I could imagine," He said seriously and put his head on Light's chest, "Although it was almost worth it for this." He added and laughed again. Light held him, stroking his back. L lay on Light's chest, listening to his heartbeat and inhaling his scent. He would have been content to stay in that position, if his stomach didn't suddenly growl, making Light look down at him in amusement.

"I think all of this activity has seriously depleted my sugar level," L said in explanation.

"Why don't we take a shower and you can attack the food on the table. There's coffee, tea and your favorite drink in the fridge." L sat up, the grin on his face nearly blinding.

"The chocolate one?" he asked, leaping from the bed when Light nodded and smiled. He extended his hand out to Light who reached out and took it, then pulled him against him for another deep kiss.

"I have missed you so much," he told him again, "You're right, we'll have to work something out, this can't happen again." L nodded and pulled him from the bed.

"Come, I want my drink!" he said pulling Light across the carpeted bedroom towards the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

 

L sat on the couch with his legs against his chest, enjoying his frozen mudslide as Light sat next to him, the two exchanging chocolaty kisses between sips, conversation and nibbles of snacks. The shower had been another excuse to make love again, and now they were just enjoying being back in each other's company. 

L was delighted to find that Light had taken a few days off to spend with him and for once he didn't even want to look at his desk for a while. All he wanted to concentrate on right now was that drink his hands and Light by his side.

Light was leaning over to kiss him again when his cell phone went off in his pocket. Sighing in frustration, Light grabbed it and answered.

"Yagami," he said as he took a sip of his own drink.

"Light, I'm sorry to bother you on your time off…."

"It's okay Dad, just welcoming L home." Light answered smiling at L as he said so.

"Good, I'm glad he finally made it back, give him my best."

"I will. Is everything okay at home?" Light asked his father and was slightly concerned when he heard a very deep sigh over the phone.

"Yes, everyone's fine here, it isn't anything like that. Light, I know you're taking a few days off to spend with him now that he's home, but the Director has come to me about a particular case and he feels it's something that you would be the best person to handle it." Light swallowed more of his drink and shook his head at the phone.

"While that it is flattering, I have to say no right now, Dad. I'm sorry but I haven't seen L in three months, I'm not turning right around and going on a case today." L turned and looked at Light, his head cocked to one side as he listened to Light's side of the conversation.

"Look, I understand how you feel but I think once we explain to you what it is we want you to do, you'll understand why he wants you to do it. I am not happy about it either, for other reasons, but it does make sense."

"I don't care, Dad, not now. I'll be back at the end of the week, whatever it is can wait until then I'm sure." He looked over at L as he felt the detective's hand on his arm.

"Light, while I would be very happy to have you to myself for the next several days, if something important has come up.." he began.

"No, L whatever it is can wait a few days!" Light reiterated and then went back to his phone call.

"Just tell the Director that I will be more than happy to do whatever he wants me to when I get back, Dad." He heard his father sigh again.

"Alright son, I understand and I will talk with him and hopefully he will understand. I will let you know what he says."

"Fine, but I'm not changing my mind. Bye Dad." Light said and closed the call. He turned to L who was watching him carefully.

"I do not wish to be the reason you get into trouble with the Director Light," he said reaching up and touching the young man's face, "You have worked too hard to get where you are for that to happen." Light took L's hand from his face and held it.

"I can't imagine any case that's so important right now that I need to be there immediately, I haven't heard of anything recently that wasn't in the norm that would particularly need me." He leaned down and kissed L softly. "There is nothing more important to me than being with you right now." 

As he leaned in for another kiss, the intercom on the table buzzed. Light rolled his eyes and groaned, falling back against the couch with an exaggerated sigh. L laughed as he answered the buzzer.

"Yes, Watari?"

"Sorry to bother you L, but I wanted to know if you would need anything. I thought it would be prudent if I contacted you this way rather than just walking in." Light chuckled beside him nodding. 

"No, Watari you need to rest as well. It was a very long case and a long flight home. Anything Light and I need this evening we can handle ourselves."

"Very good, then I believe I shall have a glass of brandy and turn in early this evening."

"Enjoy and good-night, Watari." L said and released the intercom. He turned to look at Light, as he was still leaning against the back of the couch with his face turned towards him. He studied the slightly tanned face, the honey eyes that were slightly lidded as Light looked at him, and the auburn hair that hung slightly over his forehead and almost covered his eyes. He could remember the haughtiness, prideful over the top confidence and swagger that was his Light when he first met him, and then the sweet teenager he became when he lost his memories of the Death Note. Now before him was the culmination of the two, no longer a bored, naive teen, disgusted with everyone and everything making him a prime target for the power of the notebook; but a well rounded young man with enough confidence and pride to do whatever it was he found he had to do. He truly believed that Light had embraced the notebook because he felt he had nothing else to look forward to, nothing else to challenge him or bring him any kind of satisfaction; until they had met. At first it was Kira against L, L giving him the new challenge he needed, a matching of his own brilliant mind. Then eventually it was Light and L in a budding and ever growing romantic relationship which brought something to the un-Kira Light that he had never admitted to himself he needed, and what eventually made him stop being Kira when his memories returned.

He blinked when he realized he must have been staring for too long when Light suddenly reached out and ruffled his hair.

"Is something wrong?" he was asked and he shook his head.

"No, nothing is wrong. My mind just decided to go down a winding road of memories and reminding me how much I love you," He answered smiling and Light raised an eyebrow leaning closer to him.

"You have to be reminded? I'm not sure I like that." He said leaning down to kiss L's neck. L closed his eyes and moaned softly as he enjoyed the feel of Light's warm mouth on his neck.

"You misunderstand, I simply go over in my mind all of the reasons why I do, it's not to remind me that I do." He said as Light pushed him down so that he ended up lying on the couch, with Light on top of him, grinding against him. He reached up and held Light against him as the young man moved his mouth from L's neck to his mouth, kissing him slowly and deeply…until Light's phone rang again. L laughed as Light swore and dropped his head onto the detective's chest in frustration.

"Fuck it, just let it go to the recording!" he said angrily and L shook his head.

"It might be your father Light, might be important. I'm not going anywhere." Light sighed again and answered the offending device.

"Yagami!" he nearly spat into the phone and L had to suppress another laugh.

"I'm sorry, Light to bother you again…" his father stammered.

"What is it now, Dad?" Light said, not bothering to hide his irritation.

"It's the Director, he's demanding you meet with us tomorrow morning." Light sat up so quickly he startled L, anger taking over his features.

"He wants what? No, Dad I've already told you.."

"I know Light but, this is very important. It's only a meeting, you listen and then you decide what you want to do once you've heard everything. He can't force you to take the case, but he can demand you at least come to the meeting." 

L's thumb came to his mouth in concern as he watched Light seethe in front of him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen him that angry and so quickly. 

"You know this isn't fair, Dad. I never ask for time off, I'm always there and when I do ask because it's extremely important to me…"

"Look Light you don't have to explain it to me, I know. Let me give you a head's up on this case he's so concerned about. There have been several murders that have happened that we've kept under wraps, for fear of the repercussions." Light turned to L as he felt him reach to his cell and push the speaker button so he could also hear what was going on.

"What murders?" he then asked.

"Several young men, tortured, raped and murdered. Their bodies disposed of in alleys, different alleys each time in different spots all over Tokyo." L and Light looked at each other as they listened.

"How could I not have heard about this?" Light asked and Soichiro sighed.

"As I said we've been keeping it completely under the radar, the main reason being because in each of the cases the victims were gay. We had a detective go deep under cover to try and find this maniac, and unfortunately we just found his body a few hours ago, also dumped in an alley. The difference being it was obvious the killer knew he was a cop and not really gay as he was twice as brutal and had carved the word "cop" in his chest."

Light stood up and ran a hand through his hair, as he realized why the Director would want him involved. He looked at L as he had also stood up, staring at him worriedly.

"You haven't let these murders out because you're afraid the gay community will accuse the police department of not working hard enough because the victims are gay," he said, "And the Director thinks I could infiltrate it better because I am gay, is that right?" he asked and he heard his father sigh again.

"You're right on all counts and I'm sorry Light. That's what he wants to talk to you about tomorrow morning, about the possibility of you taking over the case and going under cover."

"Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't do it immediately. Not until my vacation days are done." Light said looking to L for his feelings about this in his eyes and not getting anything.

"I understand Light, and I don't think he'd have a problem with that, but just come in tomorrow morning and let him explain it in more detail tomorrow and what this would entail before you make up your mind." L nodded and Light sighed, defeated.

"Fine, I'll be at the damned meeting tomorrow!" he closed the call and threw the phone away from him. L walked over to him and wrapped his arms around him, the anger coming off of Light in waves.

"L, I'm so sorry…"

"About what, Light? We still have the rest of the evening, and it's only a meeting tomorrow. You'll be home afterwards, we'll be together. This is your job, I of all people understand this."

"But if I have to go under cover, if I take this case…"

"We'll worry about that after you make that decision. There are many options on being under cover, it doesn't necessarily mean we will be separated."

"But.." L kissed him and stopped his protests.

"We will not worry about it until we have to and then you will do whatever it is you have to do." Light held L against him tightly, feeling the anger drain out of him from L's hold on him.

"I suggest that we go out, take a walk, pick a restaurant and enjoy the evening and when we come back we shall pick up from where we left off before we were so rudely interrupted." L said smiling seductively and Light smiled back nodding.

"Great idea, and we leave the damn phones here!" he said and L laughed nodding his agreement as he went to the doorway and slipped into his beat up sneakers. Light looked down and shook his head.

"One day we have to buy you new ones, L." he said slipping his own shoes and L looked indignant.

"For what purpose? They do their job the few times I need them, and new ones would not be as comfortable as these, if you can consider any shoe comfortable." Light shook his head as he opened the door.

"Okay, but one day you're going to look down and just see the strings," he said laughing and L stopped walking to look down at the shoes.

"You know that is impossible, Light. Why do you say such ridiculous things?" which only made Light laugh harder as L followed him out of the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

Light felt his anger begin to rise again as he walked into NPA headquarters. It had been the hardest thing in the world to leave L lying in bed this morning. It had been so long since he had been able to wake up and find the detective beside him, he had almost cried at having to leave. L had awakened with him and they had enjoyed early morning lovemaking, and coffee in bed before he had to leave. Watari had insisted on bringing him in so that he could be assured of coming home quickly when the meeting was over.

Now he was making his way to his father's office and it was quite obvious he was not happy about being there. Soichiro was speaking to his secretary when Light walked in, glaring at him. The Deputy Director walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I apologize again for this Light, but I am glad you agreed to come in."

"I didn't really have a choice, did I Deputy Director? Because if I had I would not be here right now." Light answered quietly, his voice dripping with all the anger he was trying to keep under control. Soichiro nodded sadly and they both began to walk out of his office.

"I know, Light. Come on; let's get this over with so you can get back home. One thing I do want to say before we get there is I would not be unhappy if you didn't wish to do this either. We've already lost one good officer to this maniac, the last thing I want to do is risk my son." Light said nothing, but merely began walking towards the Director's office.

The Director ushered them immediately into his briefing room as soon as they arrived. His secretary came in with a tray of coffee, tea and pastries as he got his paperwork together for the case. Light took the coffee if only to keep his hands busy as he kept imagining ringing the Director's neck, and the warm liquid had a calming effect on him as it traveled down his throat.

"First of all, let me tell you how sorry I am that I had to demand a meeting like this during your vacation time as you very rarely ask for any time off. But I think once I tell you the particulars of this case you will understand the severity of it."

"I am aware of the case, Director," Light said quietly, "And it is easy for me to understand why you want me in particular. You believe it would be easier to have someone under cover on a gay related case who is also gay, which would be me." The Director's face colored slightly as Light's eyes bored directly into his with a fierce unwavering gaze that rivaled L's. He cleared his throat and looked down at the papers in his hands.

"Yes, yes this is true, Detective Yagami. But that is just one reason we think you would do the best work on it. You have shown your abilities in deduction and reasoning ever since you were a youngster helping your father on a few cases here and there, and now as a full detective you are even better," a smile found his face, "I would even say you would give L a run for his money." Light couldn't control the sudden narrowing of his eyes when L was mentioned, but he managed to force a small smile on his face at the compliment the Director was trying to give him.

"Well, thank you Director I appreciate that you think that highly of me." He said, still in his quiet tone.

"I take it the Deputy Director has given you the particulars then?" Soichiro nodded and then spoke up.

"I believe you need to tell him the rest of it, the type of characters the victims were and what he would have to emulate in order to catch the eye of the killer." He said, realizing it would make the Director uncomfortable and reveling in it on the inside.

"Well, it would appear that the victims could be classified as the…uh..promiscuous types. Not that I automatically assume that all gays are that way," he hastily added, "You yourself are testimony that it isn't the norm for that lifestyle anymore than normal…I mean…straight men. I know that you are in a long term relationship…"

"Which could be tested unnecessarily depending on what else you want for me." Light finished, ignoring the "normal" remark.

"In order for you to prove effective and gain the proper attention, you would have to come off as being as they were, playboy like, flirtatious." The Director finished, his discomfort obvious. Light continued to stare at him and stood up, closing the distance between him and the Director.

"So what you're saying to me is not only do you want me to go undercover with this, you need me to behave like everything I abhor? Anything else?"

"You would have to live elsewhere than where you do now, we know the killer tracks his victims for a while before he strikes, perhaps even dating them. You can't take that danger back to your…your partner and we can't let the killer find you're in a relationship. The M.O. is that he attacks young, attractive flirtatious men. We would set you in an apartment near the area.." Light's fist hit the desk, startling the Director into silence.

"No, I will not do this!", he nearly growled, "I have been separated from my partner for three months and he just got home today. I will not turn around and abandon him like this."

"Light…" his father began and the Director quieted him.

"So your father said. Detective I would not ask you to begin this case until after your vacation time, we wouldn't want to introduce a new face into the area so soon after the death of our last officer. But I do ask you to reconsider, especially since you have an affinity for the victims. I don't want it to look as if we're ignoring these cases, they will be public soon we can't cover it forever, but it is very difficult to get a regular investigation started, there is little that we know about the lifestyle and, quite frankly, it is difficult to get detectives who aren't a little biased on the situation," he leaned closer to Light's face, a look of determination on his face, "I want this killer caught, Detective. What he has done to these victims is heinous and no one deserves what he did to them, no one. I don't believe we'll be able to do it properly without your help, please. These victims deserve your help before there are more. Of course I cannot force you to put yourself into such obvious jeopardy, all I can do is ask."

Light swallowed his anger long enough to actually listen to the realities of what the Director was saying. He knew from his own experience how homosexuality was looked at on the police force, and he also knew it would have probably been worse for him if his father weren't the Deputy Director. So he realized what the Director was saying about the attitude that would probably prevail by the others was probably true. He stood up straight from the desk, his eyes downcast as he thought about what was the right thing to do. He looked at his father and suddenly realized why Soichiro didn't want him to do it; it was very dangerous and he would have to put himself out there as something he wasn't and it wouldn't only attract the killer, there were others that fed on that type of personality.

The bottom line was the victims; they deserved to have their killer found and punished for what they did to them, no matter what the situation was. He could not look at himself in the mirror if he didn't do what he could to find the monster that was doing it, the reason he was here was to bring justice. He couldn't just ignore it because it was uncomfortable for him. He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly through his nose. He looked back up at the Director and nodded slowly.

"Alright, I'll do it." He said finally and he heard his father behind him sigh deeply. The Director nodded and sighed himself, dropping to his chair to sit down at his desk. He put papers into a manila folder and handed it to Light.

"Thank you, Detective Yagami. Inside is all of the information on the case, the victims, crime scene pictures, where they were known to frequent, etc. We will do our part in getting everything set up for you to move into the new place, and you will need a liaison between yourself and the department, I would imagine you would want Matsuda to be that person." Light nodded; there was no one else he trusted more than Matsuda except for L. His breath caught as he thought of L, how would he explain this to him? He seemed to be understanding the night before, but he didn't know about his having to move out for as long as this case took.

"I am sure once you explain the situation to your partner, whom I understand is also a detective in the private sector, he will understand what has to be done. In the meantime, finish your time off, make whatever preparations you have to and report back here Friday morning for your briefing." Light nodded and turned to leave the office, his father directly on his heels. Once they were out in the hallway, Soichiro grabbed Lights arm and swung him around to face him.

"Light, it isn't too late to change your mind on this, I think you should at least go home and talk to Ryuzaki about it before you make a decision." Light looked into his father's worried eyes and smiled.

"No, I've already given my acceptance, I can't change it now. Ryuzaki doesn't discuss what cases he should take with me, and neither do I with him. I have to do this Dad, you know that."

"Yes, I know." His father answered and then suddenly took his son into his arms into a quick but very strong hug, "I'm very proud of you, son. Now get back to Ryuzaki." He told him and then turned and walked towards his own office. Light sighed again and headed for the door.

He was quiet the entire ride home, causing Watari to gaze at him through the rearview several times. He knew what the situation was, and could only assume that somehow he had been talked into taking the case. He had assumed as much, he and L were so alike that he knew how he felt about his cases, and just as L would never turn down a case no matter the dangers, neither would Light. All he could do was get the boy home as quickly as possible.

L had not spent the time Light was gone idly. He had gone into his office and looked up this case; he needed to know exactly what Light was walking into. He knew that Light would most likely take this case when presented properly to him; from what he had heard over the phone it was definitely one that needed to be taken care of.

He quickly broke through the barriers that had been put up to guard the information and began to read the particulars. He couldn't help but be alarmed when he read what had been done to the victims. According to the medical examiner reports, there were ligature marks on the wrists and ankles and even around the neck, and they had been gagged. They had been shackled tightly in place so they couldn't move much during the torture they had to endure, raped repeatedly and eventually shot execution style through the head. The torture had included beatings, burnings and in the case of the police officer, mutilation. After their deaths, they were taken to secluded alleyways and unceremoniously dumped as so much garbage. He could tell that whoever was doing this was also gay, and very angry about being so, lashing out at those who had the audacity to be obvious about their sexuality. It made him wonder about the possible age of the murderer, and what he had suffered to make him behave this way, and what had been the catalyst to make him begin to murder. It also made him frightened for Light's safety if he had indeed taken on this case.

The number one factor that all three victims had shared, besides their sexuality and obvious flirtatious natures, was their beauty. All three had looks that rivaled Light's, thus the other reason the Director wanted him for the job. L's thumb came to his mouth as his mind ran through all the possible things that could happen to Light in such a situation and it nearly made him stop breathing. He would have to find a way to keep Light as safe as possible, if he took this case, from the moment he left the front door until he walked back in. He would find a way to keep him under surveillance without jeopardizing his life or the case, he had to.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Light's mind was so occupied that he hadn't realized that they were in front of their building until he slowly became aware that Watari was calling his name.

"Light…Light we're home," he finally heard and he slowly looked up and smiled.

"Thank you, and thank you for waiting for me," Light told him and reached for the door.

"Is there anything I can do? Perhaps you need another ear to listen?" the older man asked and Light shook his head.

"No, but thank you." Light answered and got out of the car.

As he walked into the apartment, L was walking out of his office and they both stopped as they appraised each other. Light could see that L's posture was in his thinking/worried mode, his back more bent than usual, his hands in his pockets and his eyes, unreadable to anyone else, told Light what he needed to know. L could see the toll the meeting had taken on Light; his normally ramrod straight posture was just a little rounded as if carrying something heavy on his back, and while there was a smile on his face, it went nowhere near his eyes, which told a completely different story.

They met in the middle of the room, Light pulling L to him to kiss him deeply, his kiss filling in the rest of the story to L. When he was released, L reached up and ran his fingers through Light's hair.

"You've accepted the case," he said quietly and Light nodded.

"And you've been studying it," Light answered and it was L's turn to nod.

"Yes, I have. I knew you would take it as I read about it. I also know why they want you in particular.' Light sighed and walked to the couch and dropped into it, putting the folder he carried on the table, leaning against the back and closing his eyes.

"Yes, let's get the gay guy to work on the gay case so the straight guys don't catch gay germs," he said and L smiled sadly.

"Ah, I see. There was a dislike of the situation among the rest of the detectives I take it."

Dislike is a word, I guess. The Director felt they wouldn't work to their potential trying to solve it, I mean why should they? Victims were gay, flirtatious, probably asking for it." He said icily and L walked towards his office.

"That is an unfortunate reality amongst a lot of people, not just the NPA." He called behind him. He came back with the coffee urn and set it up in the dining room, and poured two cups of coffee.

"From the pictures I have seen of the victims, I believe your looks have a lot to do with it as well."

He fixed one for Light and brought it to him before making another for himself. He sat next to Light, pulling his knees up to his chest and sipped his coffee. Light sipped his coffee and smiled at L's comment.

"Well I haven't looked at the pictures yet so I can't comment." L leaned towards him and kissed him.

"Trust me, the victims were almost as handsome as you," he told him and Light laughed.

"So tell me the rest," L said suddenly and Light turned to him and took a deep breath.

"I have to go undercover L, deep undercover." L nodded.

"I assumed as much. I have a couple of Matt's favorite listening devices you can use, I imagine Matsuda will be your backup?"

"Yes, but…"

"So he can have one set and I the other so you will be under sound surveillance at all times from the time you leave until you return." Light shook his head.

"That won't work, L I can't be wired."

"It's very tiny, Light it wouldn't be seen unless you remove your shirt." L said sipping his coffee.

"L, I may have to do or say things I'd rather not have you listening to. It would impede my ability to act naturally if I knew you were listening. And I might have to…" he paused and looked away. L stopped drinking and stared at Light.

"Just how far are you planning to go with this?" he almost whispered and Light continued to look away.

"I'm not planning anything, but if I have to play this part, in order to make it believable and reign the killer in, I may have to do more than I want to," he finally turned to face L, he might as well get it all out at once. "And L, I have to move into an apartment in the area, I can't be seen coming and going from here, for your safety and to keep the illusion that I'm single."

L stared back at Light and tried not to react emotionally to what he had just said. He knew logically Light was correct, he'd have to play the part as realistically as possible, the killer would be watching closely. He assumed that's what gave the other officer away, not truly being gay he would have balked at making out with another guy, let alone anything else. He knew what Light had to do, he just didn't allow his conscious mind to think about it, the idea of Light being in someone else's arms, kissing someone else and then possibly…Then he would be away from him again, and who knew for how long? It took everything within him to not let out the cry of anguish he felt in his chest. He knew Light didn't want this anymore than he did, but he also knew that like him, he would do whatever he needed to do to solve this.

"L...L please say something," he heard Light plead next to him and he felt his fingers against his cheek, "Please tell me you understand, I can't do this if you don't." He imagined that touch going to someone else's face, his holding someone else against him, his mouth on someone else's and he closed his eyes and shook his head to banish the vision. He stood up quickly and turned away from Light until he got himself completely under control, until the trembling calmed down. His greatest fear, that Light would find someone else more attractive, easier to be with, reared its ugly head again and he fought it. He cleared his face of the anguish he was feeling, and turned back to face Light.

Light watched L struggle with his feelings; he knew how much this was tearing him apart. He knew how he'd feel if the tables were turned; the very idea of L being with someone else was a pain he wasn't sure he could deal with himself no matter what the circumstances were, and the worst part was being separated again, and he didn't know for how long. He asked himself if he would truly be able to have sex with someone else just to keep his cover intact and he found he couldn't really answer it. If he had to, he imagined he would, he would deal with it clinically and without emotion, as if he were dissecting a frog in school. He prayed he wouldn't have to, he didn't think he'd ever truly get over it. As he watched L struggle when he turned his back on him, he could see the slight tremor in him, see his back bend even more and it broke his heart. Tears sprang to his eyes, knowing just how much pain he was causing and he turned away, not able to watch any longer.

L turned around, his emotions finally under control and nearly lost it again as he saw Light had turned away, tears running down his face. He kneeled in front of him, one hand on Light's knee, the other reaching up to wipe the tears away. Light looked down at him, his eyes searching.

"Oh Light, of course I understand. Shall we go over the things I have done to solve a case and never had a second thought? All I ask is that you don't lose yourself in this, that you come back to me when it is over."

"I love you, L. Whatever I have to do means nothing to me, it's part of the job the same as the paperwork I have to fill out, there is nothing and no one out there that could ever mean to me what you do," he looked away again for a moment and then stared deeply into L's eyes, "And if I have to go farther than I want, will you take me back? Will you look at me differently?" L was shocked at the question; he never thought that Light would even think such a thing. He leaned up and kissed him tenderly.

"Whatever you have to do changes nothing. Nothing could change how much I love you, Light." Light nodded and leaned down to kiss him again.

"I'm sorry, God knows I don't mean to hurt you but I have to do this," he said, "I did demand that I still have my vacation time with you," he added and L nodded.

"Of course you do, you're the only one who can do this effectively, I know this," he stood up and dug his hands into a bowl of jelly beans that were sitting on the table popping them into his mouth," Now let us not think about it until we have to. What would you like to do today? We have today and tomorrow to spend together before this case starts…." Light was up on his feet and stopping L's question with another kiss before L knew what had happened.

"I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to do anything except be wrapped around you," he said seductively and L laughed.

"Oh, I see. I thought perhaps we could get a game of chess in, we haven't done that in a long time." He said and Light raised an eyebrow.

"Chess? Are you serious?" he asked and L nodded.

"Winner gets to be seme!" he added and Light laughed.

"Okay, but we have to make it interesting, chess games with you can last a while. How about for each piece captured a piece of clothing comes off with it." L looked Light up and down in his suit and then himself.

"That hardly seems fair, I shall be naked far sooner than you!" Light shrugged.

"I don't see a problem with that," Light answered, "And if you play well that's not necessarily true!" L snorted and pulled away from him.

"Chess board's in my office," he said, "I suggest we wait until Watari brings lunch before we get started, it wouldn't do to have him walking in while we are in various stages of nakedness." Light laughed again and nodded and L walked into his office to retrieve the chessboard. When he walked in he allowed the door to close behind him and he leaned against it, and he allowed the sob that had been lurking in his chest to escape. He couldn't remember a time when he had been so afraid of losing Light. He was afraid of losing him to this murderer, and of losing to someone he might meet while being under cover. Because he was also going to live undercover, he couldn't even reinforce their relationship on a daily basis. To his recollection Light had had few boyfriends before, he had been so intent in not being found out. What if this taste of freedom, now that he no longer had to hide it, was something he enjoyed and he decided he didn't want to be in a relationship like theirs?

He groaned quietly, he should have more faith in what they had, in Light himself. Light wouldn't leave him; he'd been assured of this many times before. He was more afraid for Light's well being than his leaving him; Matsuda was his back up and he was a good man, but Matsuda would not be able to shadow Light constantly. It would take very little for this killer to elude the detective and get Light alone where he could harm him. Somehow he needed to keep Light under surveillance and he would find a way.

"L? Did you get lost in there?" Light called out to him as the door behind him began to open. He hastily wiped his eyes and walked over to the table where Watari kept his daily sweets while working and retrieved the chessboard that was also there. As he reached for it he felt Light's hands on his arms and they spun him around. He tried to look away knowing Light would know he had been upset but Light held his arms tightly.

"Don't try to hide from me L," he said quietly and reached up with one finger and wiped a tear from his face, "I know you're upset and so am I with what has to be done. But what I need more than anything is the knowledge that you support me in this, and that everything will be the same when it's over."

"Yes, of course I support you Light, I agree with all the reasons as to why you should do this. I am sorry I cannot show a stronger face to you, I find I am not able to completely turn off my emotions on this." He apologized.

"I would know better anyway, you know that." Light answered running a hand through L's hair, causing the detective to close his eyes and lean into the touch.

"Then you also know that everything will be same when this case is over, I have already told you this." Light leaned down and kissed him, then took the chessboard out of his hands putting it back on the table.

"Maybe we can do this later, but right now I need you." He told him kissing him deeply and allowing his hands to roam L's body. L welcomed the touches and leaned into them, moaning softly as he did. Light released his mouth and took his hand, leading him out of the office and into the bedroom, closing the door behind them.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

L sat up slowly so he wouldn't wake the finally sleeping Light. It had taken him a while to fall asleep, the worry of the day's events keeping him awake. They had spent most of the day in bed, not just making love, but also just staying as close to each other as possible in between. They had left the bed only for meals, and when Light made L a few of his favorite drinks. Then they lounged on the couch, L spending most of the time lying in Light's lap as they talked for hours about everything except the case, and they had simply lay in each other's arms in contented silence as well.

But now Light had fallen asleep, completely wrapped around L so it was difficult to extricate himself, but Light was so deeply tired that L didn't think a bomb would have disturbed him.

He made his way to his office and picked up his cell phone to make a call. He knew what he had to do to insure Light's safety and he knew who he had to call to make it happen, the only ones he could trust and who's abilities were nearly as good as his own. He checked the clock; it would be about eleven a.m. in England right now, so they should definitely be reachable.

He dialed the number and his ear was quickly assaulted with a very boisterous shout of his name.

"L! How are you?"

"Slightly deaf now, Mello," he answered, "How are you?" His heir chuckled in his ear and apologized.

"Sorry, I'm just glad to hear from you!"

"I apologize that when you called me last week I was unable to talk for very long. The case was incredibly complicated."

"Yea, I got that impression. I called Light to see how he was doing and he wasn't very happy either."

"It has been a long case, I only arrived home yesterday after three months." Mello whistled his surprise

"Must have been a bitch, L.," he said and L had to smile.

"Yes, that is a word for it. I am calling for a second and perhaps a very selfish reason."

"Oh yea? What's up?" L sighed deeply before beginning again.

"I need you all to come to Tokyo, I need help and you three are the only ones that can do it." There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment before Mello spoke again, L didn't sound like himself.

"What's wrong, L? Is Light okay?" he asked quietly.

"I need you to arrive here on Friday and I will tell you the details at that time. Suffice it to say that Light is going undercover on a case and I am afraid for his well-being. I will have Watari set everything up."

"Okay, I'll tell Matt and Near when they come back; they're outside setting up a new satellite dish on the roof. Whatever you need from us L, you know we'll do it." L smiled into the phone.

"Yes, I do know that. When you arrive I'll explain exactly what the situation is and what I need you to do."

"L…are you okay?" Mello asked him and at first L didn't know what to answer.

"I am having some difficulty but it can be handled." He answered truthfully.

"I don't know what's wrong L, but we can handle it." Mello told him.

"I know you can, which is why I have called you. I will see you on Friday and…thank you, Mello." Mello was quiet again, whatever was going on was really kicking L hard.

"No problem, L. See you on Friday." L closed the phone and put it back on his desk. He walked back into the bedroom and climbed back into the bed. Light immediately leaned against him, his arms coming around to encircle him. L watched him as he settled back down, content in his sleep now that he was once again wrapped around L. For just a moment the fear of Light being in bed with someone else stabbed at him again and he pressed himself against his sleeping lover until the image was driven from his mind and he could fall asleep.

They spent the next few days in each other's constant company, the only time they were separated was when Light had to take some time to go over the information on the case and L left him on his own to do that, and then later when he had fallen asleep on their last evening and L went through the information in his folder regarding the case himself. He studied the areas where the victims had frequented such as bars and restaurants, where they lived. He searched them on social networks online, finding pictures and conversations that let him know exactly what they were like and what they were into. He was slightly alarmed at some of the outfits they were shown wearing in their pictures when they were partying; little to nothing and what they did have on left little to the imagination. His mind put Light into some of those outfits and part of him was incredibly turned on by the idea as long as it was only him who could witness Light dressed that way; but realizing that this is how he would probably have to dress under cover alarmed him. He had never really dealt with the issue of jealousy regarding Light that often; he didn't have to there were very few times he felt threatened that way. On occasion when they went out, especially when it was a club, he was quite aware of how many eyes were on his Light, and it was those moments when he felt he had to make sure those eyes knew who was with Light. He would feel that little burn when he would leave the table and come back to one or two guys holding a conversation with his Light, and especially if one dared to touch him. He knew it was childish, he knew it was silly, but he also knew he couldn't control how it made him feel.

He looked away from the screen as the thought of someone doing more than just touching Light went through his mind again, but this time instead of the hurt he felt earlier, it was almost pure rage that he felt growing inside. The fact that it would mean nothing to Light was not the issue, the issue was that someone else could be enjoying what he felt was his alone to cherish. For a moment he questioned whether it would really make a difference to him if it did happen; of course his feelings for Light would never change, but would the realization that Light had been with someone else always be in his mind? It would upset him to know Light would be kissing and have to let himself be kissed by other people, but it nearly drove him crazy to think Light would have sex with someone else. That was his gift from Light and his to give to Light, it was a culmination of their love for each other, and it was precious to him, not to be used as a way to catch a killer. He groaned at himself, he sounded like a love sick girl.

"L? What are you doing, can't you sleep?" He turned to see a groggy looking Light in the doorway, sleepily rubbing his eyes.

"I have spent the past few months with very little sleep and I believe it has taken it's toll on me and reawakened old habits," he answered shutting down the files, "I'm sorry, I tried not to disturb you." He stood up and walked over to Light who reached out and gathered the detective into his arms.

"You didn't, but when I rolled over and reached for you and you weren't there, THAT disturbed me." He leaned down and kissed him and held him tightly.

"What time is your meeting tomorrow?" L asked him and he heard Light sigh deeply.

"10:00. We'll have time to have breakfast together at least," he said sadly and L reached up to touch his face.

"It will be alright, you can call me as I did you and let me know how you're doing. Or, if it would be better, get on your laptop and contact me that way. We won't be out of contact with each other." Light nodded.

"I know. But for right now I don't want to think about it. Come back to bed with me." L nodded as Light took his hand and pulled him from his office, banishing the dark thoughts from his mind.

Far too soon for both of them, the sun was up, and they were beginning their last morning together for who knew how long. They began it by making love, not wanting it to ever end, as neither knew how long this time together would have to last them. They could be lucky, and Light achieve the goal of attracting the killer within weeks, or it could be as L's case was, difficult and lasting months. Whatever way it was going to go, they made sure that this coupling was special, and lasting as long as possible.

Afterwards they showered, dressed and had breakfast, neither one of them speaking of the case, being as normal as they usually were at breakfast, intent on not letting the situation change the way they were.

Light took a small bag from the closet and began to pack a few things, his toiletries, a few casual outfits and shoes. L watched in amusement as Light tried to decide what to take, what would be appropriate for what he had to do.

"Have you put any thought into what your back story is going to be, what you do for a living?" he asked as Light looked over different outfits in his closet.

"Well, my thoughts were to be the eldest son of a rather well to do family, who was so distraught at finding out I was gay that they pay me to keep me out of the house. So I don't have to worry about money, don't have to work. They can't pretend I don't exist or deny me because I'm too well known in their lives, but they don't particularly want me around. That also keeps the possibilities of being discovered if he should check my background minimal."

"I'll erase all of your records from the NPA, well at least lock them away in files he'll never be able to find them," L offered, "It would be alright for him to know you are Soichiro Yagami's son, it would add credence to the Deputy Director not to want it out and about that his son his gay." Light smiled at him.

"That would be a great help, L thank you. I was going to suggest that Matsuda take care of it, but I'm sure you can do a much more thorough job." L snorted, his uptilted nose going into the air.

"There is no doubt that I will do a more thorough job," he said indignantly, "I am surprised you did not consider asking me in the first place." Light laughed and walked over to him, his fingers going under the detective's chin.

"Don't get yourself in a snit, I just didn't think you wanted to be involved in this at all."

"On the contrary I wish I could do more, but I know your feelings on that with your cases." Light nodded and stole a quick kiss.

"Yes you do. But I am not above asking for some deeper information if I can't find it through my own sources. You have ways of digging up things that people think are dead and buried."

"I'm L, of course I do." Light shook his head in amusement and finished getting his things together, then took L's hand as he started to walk towards the door. When they got there he turned, dropped his bag and pulled L towards him, and hugged him as tightly as he could. He then kissed him, making sure he understood how much he loved the raven-haired detective, and that nothing he did for this case would come between them.

When he finally pulled away from him, they were both panting for air and L stepped back from him to avoid another hug or he'd never let Light leave.

"Call me after you get settled in your new place. I don't suppose you'll be able to tell me where you are?" Light thought for a moment and shook his head.

"No, I think it would probably be better that you don't know, just in case you get any ideas. I don't what you anywhere near that area. I'm leaving my regular cell phone here; I'll pick up another one that I'll use for this case, so don't be surprised when a number you don't recognize comes up on your screen." L nodded and smiled up at him.

"I think it is time for you to go, as much as I dislike it. Go forth and catch the bad guy quickly so you can come back quickly." Light turned to leave and then turned back around, his face serious.

"About what we talked about, you know that I'll do everything possible to avoid…" he began and L put his fingers over his mouth to stop him.

"I know you will only do what you have to do to stay alive and get the job done. We do not need to discuss it because it will change nothing. I love you, Light." Light smiled gratefully and turned to open the door.

"Try not to worry too much, I'll be fine. I'll try to call this evening."

"Of course you will be fine, no other outcome is acceptable." L told him and Light raised an eyebrow, still smiling.

"Well then, the great L has spoken so it has to be." He said then took a moment to run his hand through the wild tresses he adored, L closing his eyes in response.

"I love you, L," He said and then was gone, the door snapping shut behind him.

L stood looking at the door for a few moments before he turned and went back into the main room. He climbed onto the couch and drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. He dropped his head down onto his knees and now that he was alone, allowed all of his fear and worry to escape and he cried.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Light reached into his suit jacket and pulled out the envelope he had put in there earlier while L was out of the room. He opened it and removed the folded paper that was in it. He wanted to read it one last time to reread what he had written, it had to be perfect. When he finished he put it back into the envelope and walked over to Watari's door, knocked and opened the door slightly.

"Watari? Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked coming in as Watari walked towards the door.

"Of course, Light come on in. Would you care for something to drink?" he offered and Light shook his head.

"No thanks I have to get out of here and get to a meeting but..I'm sure you know what's going on?" Watari nodded, not letting any of his concern show.

"Indeed. You are on your way to begin a difficult case."

"Yes, and I have to go undercover which means leaving L for who knows how long," he handed Watari the envelope, "Just in case something goes wrong I have written a final letter to L and I want you to hold on to it and give it to him if I don't come back." Watari stared at the letter in Light's hand and back to Light.

"A final letter?" Watari asked and Light nodded.

"Yes. There's a definite possibility that I might not make it back and if that happens, I want to make sure that I have said good-bye to L and make sure he knows what he and this relationship has meant to me."

"Light…I can't imagine it coming to that." He said and Light smiled gravely.

"I can, it's that kind of case. I'll feel better knowing that if I do get killed, I'm able to still say something to L, and maybe make it a little easier for him. Promise me you'll give this to him if it happens." Watari nodded slowly and took the letter.

"Yes, I will give it to him if necessary," he answered quietly, "But I have no doubt it will not be."

"I doubt it will be necessary either, after all L said that would not be an acceptable outcome and you know his word is law," Light said smiling and then suddenly drew Watari into a quick hug, "Alright, I gotta get out of here. Please check on him soon, he let me go with a brave face but I know how I'd be feeling if tables were turned. Bye, Watari." He said and was out of the door before Watari could say anything else. As he walked by the door to their apartment he stopped for just a moment and placed his hand on the door, then quickly turned and headed for the elevator.

When Light arrived at headquarters he felt a sudden thrill rush through him. Yes it was dangerous and yes he really hated leaving L; but at the same time he was excited to get going on this case. This was different than his regular cases, this would require a lot more work on his part, a chance to really put all of his skills to the test. He was good at what he did and he knew it, but it was rare that he was tested; he felt that this time not only would he be tested, his life would depend on it.

He met Matsuda in the hall on the way to the Director's office and was surprised when the young detective pulled him aside before walking into the office.

"What are you doing here, I thought you were on vacation?" Matsuda asked him.

"I was, but just for a few days. I…"

"Oh, well it's around the squad room that you're still on vacation that's why I'm surprised to see you. But did you hear that I've been assigned to a hush hush case?" he asked excitedly.

"Well, actually…" Light began.

"Really! I have been! I don't know if you heard about it, but there are these murders going on in the gay section of town, pretty brutal too. We've already lost one officer who was undercover. I guess they were able to talk someone into taking over the case because I'm going to be the liaison. I can't imagine who they talked into it, it didn't say in my email. Anyway, it's all hush hush, they don't want it to leak out that they're sending another officer in, to insure he doesn't get found out like the other one did. I wonder who I'm going to work with." Matsuda mused as Light smiled at him fondly.

"I can't begin to imagine," he said as they reached the Director's office and they walked towards the secretary's desk. The door opened to his office and the Director walked out, and smiled at both he and Matsuda.

"Good, you're both here. Please come in," he said and Matsuda turned to stare at Light.

"It's you? You're picking up this case? Are you out of your mind?" he whispered as they walked in together.

"Maybe a little," Light answered as he closed the door behind them.

After the meeting, Matsuda offered to drive Light to where he would be staying. It was a small two room apartment just a few blocks from Shinjuku-ni-chome, the gay area of Tokyo. There were more than 200 gay clubs in this area, along with saunas, host clubs, even brothels of varying sizes and degrees of legality. His apartment was furnished and appeared to be clean, but he knew the first thing he would do was clean it to his liking. Matsuda looked around the apartment and sighed.

"Certainly isn't what you're used to is it?" he asked and Light shrugged.

"No, but I'm not here to enjoy myself and get comfortable am I?" he said throwing his bag on the bed.

"I don't understand why you're doing this, Light," Matsuda finally said, "The things you may have to get involved in..does L know what you're doing?"

"Of course he does, Matsuda we don't hide anything from each other." Light answered, walking around the apartment.

"But…you guys are…well I consider you guys married practically, he can't be happy knowing you're going to have to throw yourself out there."

"No he isn't, and neither am I but it has to be done. We both know we do what we have to in order to work a case, and he understands even if he's not happy with it." Matsuda nodded and looked at Light worriedly.

"Didn't he just get back from being away for months? I don't understand why you'd want to leave him so soon…" he stopped when Light stopped and turned towards him, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

"I didn't want to leave him, Matsuda that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do; but this needs to be taken care of before someone else gets killed and I'm the only one who would work hard enough to make sure the murderer gets caught, you know that and you know why. Stop being stupid!"

Matsuda knew he had crossed the line because Light was the one person who never used the word stupid referring to him. He opened his mouth to apologize when he was stopped by his cell phone going off. Light turned from him and started going through the cabinets in the little kitchenette.

"Matsuda," he answered watching Light opening the cabinets and slamming them shut.

"This is L. If you are with Light do not let him know you are speaking with me," the computerized voice told him.

"Oh! Hey, hello! Well, yes it has been a long time since we've talked...what's up?" Matsuda stammered sneaking a glance at Light.

"I wish to see you as soon as possible before you get too deeply into this case."

"Okay, that shouldn't be a problem. I should be able to take care of that within the hour."

"That is acceptable." L answered and disconnected the call. Matsuda put his phone away and looked at Light.

"Light, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that" he said quietly and Light stopped what he was doing and nodded.

"It's okay, I shouldn't have snapped at you but this is extremely difficult for me being put in this position where I know I have to do something because no one else will while at the same time I have to hurt L in order to do it."

"I understand. Look, why don't I let you get yourself together here, I'll go out and scout around the area. I have a list of all the places the victims frequented, I'll make myself familiar with where those places are as I assume you're going to start hitting those places tonight." Light nodded again as he sat down on the horrifically plaid couch.

"Good idea, and you're right, I will want to get started tonight. I need to clean this place and maybe order new furniture. Whoever decorated this place certainly wasn't gay!" he said cringing again at the couch and Matsuda burst out laughing.

"I can't believe you said that," he said giggling and then looked at his watch, "Okay, I have your new cell phone number, let me know when you're ready to hit the streets and I'll make sure I'm in the area and keeping an eye out. Just be careful, okay?" Light nodded and walked Matsuda to the door.

"Don't worry, I'm not like the last officer on this case, I'm not stupid enough to get too cocky with a killer like this. He didn't let his backup know where he was going, so sure he could handle the situation on his own. Gay doesn't mean easily overpowered necessarily and I'm sure that's what he thought with his narrow view."

"Yea, you're probably right," Matsuda said going out of the door, " I'll bring you a housewarming gift back!" he said grinning and Light pushed him out of the door.

Light looked around the tiny apartment as he leaned against the front door. He didn't want to be here, he wanted to be home with L, but he had to be here. He smiled imagining how his favorite turned up nose would be high in the air and wrinkled if he could see this place. He knew he shouldn't use department money for refurbishing it but he would, it didn't look like the place his persona would live in and it was imperative that everything look as it should. Besides, it would be a fitting payback for making him do this anyway.

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket as he walked away from the door, quickly dialing L's number.

"Don't tell me you miss me already?" came the soft voice that soothed his turmoil.

"You have no idea," Light answered sitting gingerly on the couch again, "And this place, well let's just say there was no decorator involved." L could tell by the tone of Light's voice just how miserable he felt.

"Perhaps I could give you some ideas." L offered and Light laughed.

"Nice try, but you're not coming anywhere near this area."

"I know your basic location having read the case, just exactly what street in  
Shinjuku-ni-chome you are on is the only variable."

"Yes, I know you are aware of that much, and I know you could find out if you really wanted to but I'm asking that you don't, L. I can't have the worry that you might show up here and get involved with the killer unknowingly."

"I promise I will not show up on your doorstep, Light." He heard and he knew that was the most he was going to get out of him.

"I really do miss you already," Light whispered and he heard L sigh.

"I know, I feel the same.," L answered and then added brightly, "Perhaps we should get into different lines of work so these separations do not happen again. Of course I could do anything, and you could just stay home and be my bitch."

Light nearly choked he was laughing so hard, as well as being surprised that L would say such a thing. The sound of Light laughing was music to L's ears and he smiled happily at the phone. The door behind him opened and Watari came in and pointed at his watch. L nodded and Watari went back out of the room.

"So what is your next move?" L asked once he heard Light had regained control.

"Well, first I'm going to clean and refurnish this place. It screams horribly of police hideout and not the apartment of a young, virile, attractive social butterfly such as I."

"I see," L said trying not to laugh, "And then I suppose you will begin canvassing the area."

"Yes, I need to get comfortable with the area. There are many, many bars along here, and although I have a list of where our victims mostly frequented, it wouldn't hurt to check most of them out. They were also seen quite often at the hattenba, so I will also look for those areas."

"Areas designated specifically for meeting others for sexual activity," L said, his distaste obvious. Light realized he couldn't allow himself to discuss with L what he was doing with this case as he normally did with his others, and kicked himself for allowing himself to say as much as he had.

"I've got to get started L, I can't stand sitting on this plaid couch any longer." He said changing the subject abruptly.

"Plaid? That is distressing," L said, "Yes you must take care of that as soon as possible. I will hear from you later this evening?" he asked.

"Yes, I'll call to tuck you in," Light said and was relieved to hear L chuckle.

"I look forward to it," he answered and was quiet for a moment before adding, "I love you Light, be careful."

"Don't worry, I will be. Oh and uh…I guess I love you, too." He answered smiling and heard L snort at him.

"Stop being an ass," he told him and hung up. Light laughed again and put the phone away and went to the bed to pull his laptop out of his bag. He immediately began to look up furniture stores.

L put his phone away still grinning from his talk with Light. He was happy to hear that Light's sense of humor was still intact, annoying as it could be. Watari had undoubtedly left to meet the boy's plane so now all he had to do was finalize the plan he had in his mind.

He stood to go back into his office when he heard the buzzer from the elevator go off. He checked the surveillance camera and was glad to see Matsuda had arrived so quickly. He pushed the button that would open the elevator doors and let Matsuda enter the hallway. He went to the door and opened it just as Matsuda rushed through the elevator doors.

"Good afternoon Detective," he told him as he walked in, "Thank you for coming so promptly." Matsuda didn't mention that he knew better than to keep L waiting, no matter how close friends they were.

"No problem, is something wrong?" he asked and L shook his head.

"No, but I have a little job for you to do for me," he said reaching into his pocket and pulling out a tiny round object and handing it to him. Matsuda looked down at it in confusion and then back at L.

"What is this, L?" he asked.

"It is a tracking device. I wish you to put it in Light's wallet."

"What? Me? Why didn't you do it before he left?" he asked surprised.

"Light would have been expecting me to do something like that and so would have looked for it. He will not expect it from you. I need to know his movements at all times, I don't want him out of sight for even a moment."

"Well, that's what my job is, to keep an eye on him and report back to the Director with updates."

"At which times you will not be watching him, Matsuda. You cannot watch him 24/7, I can. I do not doubt your abilities, but you have your limitations."

"But how am I going to get his wallet away from him?"

"You will find a way, Detective and you will do it by this evening and without letting him know. I have great faith in you. Hand me your wallet." L told him and Matsuda did so, a look of worry still on his face.

"You remove this backing from the device and you will attach it here," L told him pointing to the very bottom of the compartment where bills were kept, " He never reaches in very far to pull out cash, the few times he does use cash, so he will not see it nor feel it as it is quite flat. The device will stick to the inside and as long as it doesn't get smashed or dropped in water it will function continually. It will relay his position to my computer and I will always know where he is."

"You're making me feel useless…" Matsuda complained and L's eyes darkened and bore into him.

"I am NOT concerned about how you feel, Matsuda only about keeping Light alive. You still have your job to do, I am not interfering in that, you will be able to see what he is doing, but I will do what I feel is necessary to ensure Light is safe. I expect that to be working this evening and I will not accept any excuses if it is not, is that clear?" Matsuda swallowed and shrank away from the fierce glaze and harsh tones, nodding furiously.

"Yes, yes I'll make sure it's in his wallet this evening," he answered as L handed him his wallet back. L turned from him and walked towards the coffee table where his bowl of jelly beans sat, and took a handful, his back still to him.

"Thank you, Matsuda. I do not wish to keep you from your job any longer than necessary." He said and the young detective nodded, headed for the door and then instead turned and walked back to L. He put a hand on L's arm before he spoke.

"Look, I know how worried you are about him on this case, I am too. I was shocked that he took the case, but I promise you I will do everything possible to make sure he doesn't get hurt." L turned to face Matsuda, the glare gone replaced by a sad smile.

"I know you will Matsuda, and I must do my part as well. I will not lose Light to some ridiculous maniac," his eyes shifted slightly, "Or to anyone else." Matsuda looked confused for a moment and then realized what L meant.

"C'mon L, you know Light would never leave you for some club hopping low life. Whatever he has to do is only for the job, you and I both know that." L nodded and stood up straight, surprising Matsuda with his actual height.

"Of course, there is no question about that, that is not what I meant but thank you for your reassurance and your help" Matsuda nodded again and again went to the door.

"Tonight, Detective," L called after him and Matsuda hastily opened the door…only to be knocked to the ground by the persons on the other side. The tall blonde burst out laughing as he reached down to help the hapless detective up.

"Sorry man, didn't know you were there," he said brushing off Matsuda's suit.

"It's okay, I'm fine…Mello?" he said realizing who he was talking to.

"Hey, Matsuda, how's it hanging?" Mello answered walking past him into the living room and dropping his bag on the floor. He made his way over to L and smiled at him.

"L…"he said simply and threw his arms around him. Matsuda watched as the other two heirs came through the door, acknowledging him with a quick smile and then running to L. He wasn't sure whether they were here just to keep L company or to help with the case, but he thought it mostly likely was a combination of the two. He decided it was definitely time for him to leave and he did so.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Light walked back into the apartment laden with bags. He'd shopped for things for the apartment and clothing for himself. He had studied the pictures of the victims when they were out partying to get an idea of what was popular these days. It appeared to be mostly leather, really tight jeans and incredibly short shorts. He drew the line at the shorts; he would just have to be trashy in long pants. He put the clothes away and stood in the middle of the room trying to decide where to start cleaning first.

After cruising around the area, and marking the places Light probably wanted to hit later, Matsuda had gone home to change, thinking he would look out of place running in and out of Light's apartment dressed in a suit and would definitely cause attention. He was dressed casually, jeans and a long sleeved shirt and a jacket under which he kept his gun. He went over in his mind how he could possibly get Light's wallet away from to get that tracker in it, but he was also sure he had to find a way. He was actually kind of relieved L was going to be in on this, he had a feeling watching out for Light was going to be enough work for all of them. While he had been home he had gone over the case again, familiarizing himself with the area and the victims, and the mere thought of something like that happening to Light made him physically ill and like L, he would do everything in his power to make sure they found their killer, without losing Light.

He checked his watch and decided it was time to check in with Light, he should be back by now and he wanted to catch up with him before he went out, so he called his new cell phone.

"Hey, Matsuda," he heard

"So how did the cleaning go?" he asked and Light sighed.

"Good, it looks presentable. Ordered a few things which should be in tomorrow, did some shopping, so come over so I can get your opinion on what I got as well as planning exactly where we're going to hit tonight."

"Okay, I'll be right there. I stopped by the house to change, I didn't want to stand out anymore than I already do in a gay area." He heard Light laugh.

"C'mon Matsuda, you're cute. Who wouldn't hit on you?" he said and laughed again.

"Gee, thanks. I should be there in just a few minutes," He answered and closed the phone, heading for the car at the same time.

The boys listened without comment as L explained what the case was, passing around the file for them to familiarize themselves as he talked. Although he considered them his boys, they seemed older than the last time he'd seen them which was only six months earlier when he and Light had spent Christmas at Wammy's. They were definitely young men now, working on setting up to work on their own cases out of L's old apartment, and he looked to them as almost equals now.

"Matt and Mello, I am going to need you to follow Light undercover. I need you to go wherever it is he goes to put himself out there to attract the killer. One watching him, watching those that interact with him. I want pictures of them all, no matter how quick the conversations or interactions. The other keeping watch outside wherever he is, and following him when he leaves, especially if he doesn't leave alone. First, however, I want his apartment wired. I require cameras and sound devices. It is a small two room apartment so you shouldn't have difficulty in that." Matt and Mello looked at each other and Mello spoke.

"L..considering that Light may have to bring work home so to speak, do you really want to sit and watch that?" L looked away for a moment and then back at Mello.

"I won't deny that it may be difficult to watch, but I do not wish to leave anything to chance. We do not know where the attacks take place, whether it is the killer's home or the victims, so we need to take all precautions."

"I guess that makes sense, but the question is whether or not you should be doing the surveillance." Matt added and L looked indignant.

"I am quite sure I will be able to control my emotions in this regard if necessary, so please do not worry. Near, I will need your help at the computer to process all of the people Light interacts with, finding all possible information on them. I expect Light to attract a lot of attention so you shall be quite busy with that alone, and I still have other cases I am working on which still require my attention which I shall also require your aide on as I cannot put my complete thoughts on them at this time."

"Of course L, that won't be a problem," Near answered and L nodded then looked to Matt and Mello again.

"As you two would be easily recognizable to Light, this will require you to change your hair color, modes of dress and normal behavior. When you are in view of Light, no chocolate bars, no video games and/or goggles to bring attention to yourself. He won't be expecting to see you, but if he does get sight of you the less likely he is to immediately recognize you. But he's too intelligent not to after a while, so try not to be seen by him for any length of time."

"This is a real sick bastard, L it will be a pleasure bringing this guy down," Mello said flipping through the pictures, "How can you do this to someone?"

"He obviously has issues with his own sexuality and takes it out on others, particularly those that seem to revel in it, overly enjoy it to his way of thinking," Near answered, his fingers twirling in his white hair, "And obviously very intelligent as well so as to not leave any clues behind," he finished.

"Exactly," L answered and then stopped to answer the intercom as it suddenly went off, "Yes, Watari?"

"Your purchase has arrived in the garage, L." he smiled and released the button.

"Mello, I believe you will appreciate this. I decided this would be the easiest way for you to get around that area." He stood up and the three followed behind him and out of the door and down to the garage, Watari joining them in the elevator.

When they piled out they followed Watari's lead to where he usually parked the car; and stopped at a space beside it that was now occupied by a large, black motorcycle. Mello looked at it and then back at L and back at the motorcycle.

"Are you serious? That's too fucking awesome!" he yelled and immediately jumped on it, running his hands over the sides, reading the words "Kawasaki Ninja" and testing the feel of the bars.

"I would think this would make it easy to keep up with Light in those extremely narrow streets in the area, also make it very easy to hide in case of emergency," L said smiling enjoying how much Mello seemed to enjoy it. Matt walked over and jumped on the seat behind Mello, throwing his arms around the blonde's waist.

"Perfect fit!" he said laughing.

"Seriously L, this is great! The one I have at home is like a child's toy compared to this," Mello said and L smiled at him.

"Good. You may ship it back to Wammy's with you when this case is done," he told him as Watari handed Mello the keys. L then turned to go walk back to the elevator,

"But for now we need to get back to work as I am sure Light will begin his case tonight," he told them and they all scrambled to follow him.

Matsuda parked in front of Light's building and ran in, stopping before knocking on his apartment door. He could hear the pulsating beat of dance music coming through the door and he stood and listened for a moment in surprise. He then finally knocked several times, and finally heard Light call to him to come in. He opened the door and walked in, closing it behind him and then fell against it staring at the spectacle in front of him.

Light was in front of him, dressed in a white shirt and the tightest leather pants he had ever seen that hung seductively from his hips. Hips that were at the moment swaying back and forth in front of him to the driving beat of the music playing in the room. Light then whirled around to face him, his hair falling seductively over his eyes as he continued to dance.

"Come on Matsie dance with me!" he said moving closer to the detective who was frozen against the apartment door. He had seen Light in many ways over the past couple of years, they'd been partners, but this was something he'd never imagined. The other problem was, he couldn't deny exactly just how hot he looked, no matter what his orientation was. He felt the color rise to his cheeks the closer Light came to him and he had to make himself stop staring. Light grabbed his hands and pulled him away from the door and into the room.

"Light…uh…I don't..um…dance.." he stammered as Light pulled him to dance.

"Sure you do, I've seen you dancing with Suki," he teased and danced closer.

"That's different Light, we didn't dance like…like this!" he defended as Light gyrated around him. Light suddenly stopped and started laughing as he looked at Matsuda's deer in headlights look on his face.

"I'm only kidding, Matsuda relax," he said walking over to the portable stereo on the table and turning it off, "Just thought I'd practice a bit on you," he said. Matsuda took a deep breath and shook his head.

"If you're going out like that, you're not going to have any problem attracting anyone," he said watching Light, "How did you get into those pants?" Light laughed again.

"Baby oil and it wasn't easy," he said and Matsuda laughed with him then noticed Light's wallet lying on the table.

"I can't imagine you carrying your wallet in those pants," he said reaching for it and Light slid his hands on the back of the pants.

"I don't even think there's pockets anyway," he said, "However, I did pick up something just in case," he said and walked towards the bathroom. Matsuda quickly reached into his back pocket, pulled his own wallet and removed the device. He removed the backing and placed it where L suggested just as Light walked back out holding a small pouch.

"I bought this just in case I couldn't carry my wallet on me," he said taking his wallet back from Matsuda, "I can just put it in here and it attaches to my belt," he said and demonstrated, "I was told about it where I was shopping today so I thought I'd grab it, what do you think?"

"I think I'm going to have my work cut out for me," Matsuda said looking at him again and shaking his head. He wondered what L would think seeing Light dressed like he was. If he thought Light looked good, L would probably have a nosebleed.

"L should see you like this," he said and for a moment Light stopped moving and looked away.

"Maybe for his birthday…" he said and then sighed suddenly becoming very serious, picking up a piece of paper from the table, "Let's get this started Matsuda. This is a list of the clubs we'll be hitting tonight, ending with the Advocate, which seems to have been the most popular of the clubs. It's up to you whether or not you come inside the clubs with me or wait nearby. I have my cellphone, I can call you and leave it on, you can listen in."

"That should work. But if I lose contact with you, I'm coming in." Matsuda warned and Light nodded.

"I don't expect to get the killer's attention enough for him to approach me on the first night, but that can be a plan."

"You may not attract his attention tonight, but there's plenty other sicko's out there you may attract. I'm not taking any chances, Light." Light nodded and smiled.

"Okay, let's go. I'm going to get a taxi, you go ahead and drive there."

"I'll head over once I see you get into a cab," Matsuda told him and he nodded again.

"Fine, let's get going then," he said and Matsuda went out of the door and to his car where he watched until Light was able to hail a taxi and got in. He then took off and headed in the same direction.

"L it's been activated!" Near called to him and L turned from the table where he was grabbing something to eat and came back to the monitor. He smiled as he saw the blinking light on the screen begin to move along the map.

"Looks like Matsuda got it done," Near added and L nodded.

"Of course he did, I had no doubt that he would, he knew there was no alternative," L said and Near snickered, knowing full well what that meant. He watched the blip move to one of the coordinates he had assigned to the screen earlier.

"He seems to be heading to one of the clubs you listed," Near said, checking the coordinates, "He's obviously begun the case." L nodded again and sat down at his own computer.

"You've just come in from a long flight, Near you should go rest now. There will be plenty for you to do tomorrow," he told his heir who at first began to protest then caught the look from L.

"Okay, I am kind of tired I guess. Good-night L," he said and got up to head towards his room.

"Thank you, Near for coming right away," L said quietly without looking at him. Near stopped and put a hand on his mentor's shoulder.

"You wouldn't have called if you didn't need us and we will always drop whatever we're doing if you need us, you'd do the same for us." He said and then left the office. L kept staring at the pulsating blip on the monitor which represented his Light. He desperately wanted to know what was going on, but that would have to wait until the next day. Light hadn't called him since the first time earlier in the day and he wouldn't sleep until he heard from him, he couldn't. He looked up at the sound of someone coming into the office and smiled at Mello.

"Light is now out of his apartment, this would be the opportunity," he said and Mello nodded as he looked at the monitor.

"I take it we're going to have to break in," he said and L nodded but handed him a print out.

"Standard easily picked lock on his door according to the building schematics and the owner's information, should take you no more than five minutes."

"Three," Mello answered looking at the paper, "I just got the bugs and cameras from Watari so Matt and I will get going, then." He said and L nodded.

"I must thank you and Matt for coming right away," L told him as he did Near and Mello smiled and walked over to L, kneeling in front of him.

"You called and said you needed us L, that's all we needed to hear." L smiled.

"That's almost exactly what Near said," he said and Mello huffed.

"He just got lucky he said the right thing," he said and L chuckled.

"We'll make sure nothing happens to Light, so try not to worry. We'll be back soon." Mello told him and he nodded. He watched Mello leave then turned back to the monitor. He watched as the blip on the screen moved slightly within the coordinates. He imagined Light was moving around, probably dancing or mingling, knowing he was catching the eye of everyone in that room. He placed his hands on his drawn up knees and continued to stare at the monitor.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Light was practically assaulted with the blast of music when he opened the door to the Advocate. It was the last bar on their list for the evening and although he was beginning to get tired, he was still excited enough to be working on the case that he had more than enough energy to keep going. The room was awash in colors as the lights danced in time to the music. This was definitely not the caliber of gay clubs he and L went to the few times he could get L to go, he normally wouldn't be caught dead in this kind of meat market, but this was where the victims frequented so he had no choice. He appraised the room quickly, looking for the bar, then took a deep breath and submerged into the character he needed to be. He almost prowled towards the bar, quite aware of the looks that started coming his way. He had unbuttoned the first two buttons on his shirt, and had run his hands through his hair much to his chagrin, mussing it giving it a kind of wild look. He got to the bar and leaned forward, moving in time to the music as he waved his hand at the bartender to get his attention. Once he got a beer he turned around and leaned against the bar, watching the crowd in front of him, and the dancers on the floor. He reached into the pouch and grabbed his cell phone; calling Matsuda's number and then slipping it back in.

His eyes caught the black ones of a young man with shoulder length black hair sitting at one of the tables who nodded and smiled at him. Light nodded back and returned the smile, noting that the young man had to be one of the most attractive men in the room, then turned his attention elsewhere. After a few moments he decided he'd stood still long enough, and made his way to the dance floor, his body swaying to the beat before he reached it. In no time it seemed he had several dance partners, each one vying for time with him. He danced with them all, only having to remember what he was supposed to be doing once when one rather insistent dancer pressed himself against him from behind and began to grind against him. His first reaction was to move away but he made himself push against the dancer instead if only for a few moments before he did move away, turning and wagging a finger at him with a sly smile.

He turned back to have another dancer grab him and pull Light against him, their hips touching. For just a moment Light let his mind slide back to the first time he'd talked L into going out to a dance club, to when he had pulled L against him like this, how he'd ground his hips against L's, making the detective call his name out loud in surprise and sudden arousal. He shook his head and closed his eyes, surprised at the sudden, gnawing ache he felt. He had to stop; he couldn't think about L at all or he'd never get through what he had to do. He looked away from his dance partner for a moment, willing all the feelings away, remembering when he was nearly a sociopath, feeling almost nothing for anyone and doing what had to be done to get them to do what he wanted. The back of his mind warning him not to go so deeply that he couldn't get back. His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked back at the young man in front of him; smiled invitingly and ground his hips back against the dancer's.

The GPS system in the motorcycle led Mello directly to the apartment building Light was staying at with no problem. The street was fairly busy with both foot and car traffic. Not having had the time to do anything with their hair yet, they had both picked up baseball caps and had managed to hide most of their hair under them, and matching team t-shirts. Mello had borrowed a pair of Matt's jeans so they looked nothing like their usual selves as they made their way from the parked cycle to the building.

Just as they reached the stairs leading up to the door, Mello's phone rang.

"We're right in front of his building, L" he told him.

"Good then you haven't gone in yet. Before you open the door, please check for pencil lead near the hinges of the door. Light places them there before he leaves and checks to see if they're snapped in half when he returns. That little trick let him know that we had placed cameras in his bedroom when he was a 17-year-old Kira and ruined my surveillance of him. I doubt he would change his mode of operations as a 22 year old detective as I am sure he is expecting me to try something." Mello smiled and continued into the building.

"He was a clever bastard wasn't he?" he said as they followed the hall to Light's apartment, "No wonder you fell for him."

"Be that as it may, be extremely cautious and disturb nothing. Behave as if you were trying to sneak into my apartment without letting me know."

"Don't worry, we'll be very careful," Mello said and closed the call. He had Matt watch the hall as he worked with the lock and checked the hinges on the door. True to L's word, mechanical pencil lead was lined up where L said they would be. He very carefully removed them and put them on the counter so he would remember to put them back when they left. He very quickly popped the lock open and Matt nodded his approval.

They walked in quickly, shutting the door behind them and turning on flashlights. Matt looked around the room and whistled.

"Christ, what a shit box," Mello said looking around as well, "He must hate this!"

"He must, we know what he's used to," Matt added and then decided where he was going to plant the devices.

"Do you think we should put one in the bathroom?" he asked Mello and the blond shook his head.

"Let the man at least piss in private," he said and Matt laughed, "This apartment is small enough that it isn't necessary to put one there", he shone the flashlight where he wanted Matt to put them, while he climbed up on the counters and added a camera overhead.

They worked quickly and within a half an hour everything was set up to their liking and they made their way out of the apartment, relocking the door and Mello stopping long enough to replace the led. They walked out of the building normally as if they lived there and climbed back onto the motorcycle. Mello called L before kicking the cycle into life.

"We've put them in, you should be able to turn them on anytime now," he said and hung up.

"I still think it's a really bad idea for him to be sitting there watching Light," Matt said as they pulled into traffic.

"You know that and I know that," Mello said, "And unfortunately L's going to know it the hard way,"

 

"You've got a lot of energy," a voice said above the crowd noises in Light's ear. He turned towards the sound to see the young man from the table, black eyes smiling into his. Light had finally gotten away from the dance floor and was currently leaning against the bar, finishing off a much-needed beer. He smiled at the young man and nodded.

"It's the first time I've been able to get out and enjoy myself in a very long time," he answered surveying the crowd, smiling at several of his dance partners and seductively running his hands through his hair, "So I'm doing just that."

"First time? Why's that, just coming out or working too hard?" he asked and Light flashed him his most engaging smile.

"You writing a book?" he asked and the young man laughed.

"Forgive me, I should have introduced myself. I'm Miyano, it is very nice to meet you," Light nodded and sipped his beer,

"Light," he answered smiling again.

"While you seemed a rather..friendly dancer, you seem reticent when actually speaking to someone," Miyano observed. Light looked away for a moment and sighed.

"Let's just say I haven't had the opportunity to be myself until recently and I'm exploring." Miyano sipped his own drink and smiled.

"This I can understand. I think fun is definitely under rated," Miyano pointed to the wall behind the bartender where there were many pictures of obviously partying and inebriated club patrons, and in most of the pictures, Miyano was prominent. Light also recognized the victims in several pictures, two of which were hanging onto Miyano in one picture, obviously drunk. Light looked from the pictures to the crowd in the room.

"So where are those guys you're hanging with in the pictures? That's the kind of fun I'm looking for!" he said excitedly and Miyano sighed, looking away from him. At that moment one of his earlier partners joined them, his hand reaching up to stroke Light's face.

"So, pretty boy, why aren't you dancing?" he asked. Light smiled prettily and hid the revulsion he felt as the sweaty fingers slid down his face.

"Thirsty," he answered and nodded towards Miyano, " and looking for some party friends." The grin that spread across the dancer's face was frighteningly predatory and slightly alarmed Light, making his alarms go off. Could this possibly be who he was looking for so quickly? He would definitely put him in his possible list.

"Well I can certainly offer you a party," the dancer told him, "A private party, guaranteed to make us both happy." Light let his eyelids drop slightly as he seemed to think about the offer.

"Sounds tempting, " he purred while eyeing the dancer up and down, "Perhaps after another beer. Buy me a beer and help me make up my mind." The dancer laughed and then flagged down the bartender.

"Sounds fair," he said pointing to Light so the server knew what he needed, "Besides, if you hang around this guy too long you'll end up dead like his other party pals."

Light turned to Miyano who had turned away and was walking back towards his table. Light watched him for a moment and then turned back to the dancer.

"What do you mean, dead?" he asked the man who had yet to give him his name.

"Ask him before you come with me," he said, "You'll need something to make you feel good after hearing what he has to say and I'm really good at that. I'll be outside waiting for you, don't make me wait too long. Maybe if I give you a sample you'll rush." He added and then reached down and rubbed Light's crotch while at the same time leaning forward and smashed his lips against Light's roughly trying to force his tongue into Light's mouth.. Light fought to not gag and didn't allow it, placing his hand over the dancer's and pulled it away from his crotch. Luckily the kiss was fast as well as brutal and he was able to force a smile as he did.

"I don't even know your name, you're not allowed to sample. I'll meet you outside in ten." He said and the dancer nodded.

"Okay, ten. Don't make me come back and get you." Light raised an eyebrow in surprise at the threat and watched him walk out of the bar before he took a deep breath and walked over to Miyano at his table. The dark haired man looked up at him and smiled sadly.

"If you decide to meet him, be careful. He likes it rough which can be fun, but he can get carried away, which isn't." Light sat down at the table next to Miyano and sat back in the chair, continuing to drink his beer.

"What did he mean? Did your friends die?" He asked and Miyano looked away and then nodded.

"They were murdered." Light looked horrified and put his beer down

"Murdered? All of them?" Miyano nodded.

"There's some bastard out there who gets his jollies on raping and murdering guys who like to party. I think he's some jealous asshole who can't have fun and he's taking it out on us." Light noted that Miyano's gaze flitted towards the door before coming back to him.

"Or someone who doesn't like gays, there's plenty of that," Light added and Miyano nodded.

"That's possible too," he said quickly and then looked at Light, "You seem to be the fun type like they were, and you're obviously good looking. I was thinking maybe you'd like to join me in playing the party line like we used to. Unless you agree with him and think hanging with me would be bad luck." Light chuckled and finished his beer.

"I don't believe in crap like that," he said "If you can show me a good time I have no problem hanging out with you, I'm new around here anyway so I don't mind having someone show me around," he looked at his watch, "But my new friend will be looking for me soon and I can't miss out on a good time. We'll talk more later." He said smiling and got up from the table.

His mind was now racing faster than he could almost keep up with. Two possible suspects in one night, one kind of obvious the other not. Would the killer be arrogant enough to befriend and hang with his victims closely before singling them out and killing them? He smirked; he'd tried that with L so he knew it was a definite possibility to be that arrogant. Or could he be more like the person who he was about to meet outside, obviously brutal, perverse in his sexuality as he had been warned he could be rough. Before he walked out of the door he pulled his cell phone from the pouch.

"Matsuda, are you still listening?" he asked quietly.

"Yea, I'm here. Are you going to meet that guy? Really?"

"Yes, but I'm not stupid enough to do it on my own. I want to get a print from him so I'll take him back to the apartment. Keep a look out, I'm walking out of the building now. If I run into trouble I'll let you know.."

"What if you can't let me know? I'm watching from across the street and if I don't like what I see I'll find a way to get involved without tipping him off that I've been watching. I'm taking no chances, Light." Light nodded, he was correct after all.

"That'll be fine," he said and put the cell phone back as he walked out of the door.

Matsuda was sitting at a coffee shop across from the bar and saw Light as he walked out. He saw him look around and take a few steps away from the door when someone walked up to him, grabbed him and pulled him into the side street by the building. Matsuda jumped up to make sure he didn't lose sight of them. He watched as the man pushed Light against the side of the building, pinning him against the wall with his body. He wanted to run across the street and stop it but he had to let Light handle it, at least for now.

Light found himself slammed against the side of the building hard enough to knock the breath out of his body, and then a brutal kiss before he could catch it again. He pushed the dancer away so he could breathe.

"Come on pretty boy I thought you wanted a good time," he was told and he smiled.

"I do, but I don't want the bruises. Play nice or I'm leaving," Light told him and he was laughed at.

"You're not going anywhere, at least not until I get what I want first," the dancer told him and rubbed against him, his hands finding their way under Light's shirt.

"Hey, slow down, I don't even know your name," Light said pushing him away again

"Kenji will do," he said grabbing Light by his hair and pulling his head back, "And whether or not there are bruises is up to you." He said pulling Light into another brutal kiss. Light planted both hands against his chest and pushed him away roughly.

"This isn't happening out here" he told him, "I don't mind it a little rough, but I'm not giving free shows." Kenji laughed and nodded.

"Alright then, your place?" Light nodded and ran a hand through his hair.

"Fine, you drive," He said and smiled seductively, "I'll make it worth the trip," he said seductively, hoping the sudden disgust he felt didn't come into his voice. He wanted to get this guy into his apartment and touch something so he could get Matsuda to run his prints to see if he had any kind of record. Hopefully, he could figure a way out of doing anything else.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 

L sat up suddenly when he saw Light entering his hallway outside of his apartment door through the outside camera. Then his heart stopped as he watched another man walk behind him. He was rather tall, well-built, longish dark hair and brutally attractive. As Light unlocked his door he saw the man rub his hands on Light's ass and his eyes narrowed in anger. 

The moment Light had closed the door and flipped on the lights, this man attacked his Light, pulling him against him and kissing him roughly. L didn't want to watch this but at the same time he couldn't turn away. He felt actual pain in his chest as he watched this man paw all over Light, running his hands under his shirt and begin to kiss down his neck.

"Hey, hey calm down!" he heard Light finally say pushing the man from him and moving away, "Why are you in such a rush, it takes all the fun out of it." He said walking towards the kitchen, "I don't know about you but I could use another drink." It was then that L noticed what Light was wearing; any other time he would have found it amusing, right now he found it frightening.

"Yea, okay," the man said, "I'll take a beer if you have one." He walked behind Light as he opened the refrigerator, caressing his ass again as he bent to reach into it. L's hands clenched on his knees as he tried to maintain control. He watched as Light smiled seductively at his guest, while handing him a beer. He brought his thumb to his mouth, realizing what Light could be doing, and nodded slowly. He must have some thought that this could be the killer, he wanted a fingerprint to follow. He tried to calm down and think logically; Light would know what he was doing, he wouldn't let it get too far.

Matsuda pulled up outside of Light's building and cut his engine. He could still hear through Light's phone, although it was difficult to make out what was being said. The moments where it was obvious this guy was making out with Light, Matsuda tried not to listen, finding it was bothering him more than he thought. He wondered if Light would be able to handle this guy if he wanted more than Light wanted to give him, and just how far would Light go? Something told him he should move closer to the building, just in case.

"Geez Mels, what's wrong with you tonight?" Matt groaned as Mello tossed and turned for what had to be the 100th time since they went to bed. Mello sat up and shook his head.

"I can't sleep, I keep thinking about L staring at that damned screen and what he might see," he said. Matt sighed and sat up alongside him.

"You can't stop him from sitting there, you know that," he told him and Mello ran his hand in his hair.

"No, but I know how I'd be feeling if I were watching you fuck around with someone else no matter the reason," he said looking at him, "But I'd be filled with murderous rage, L is going to be filled with hurt more than rage. I don't think he's going to be able to deal with this alone," He rolled out of bed and reached for his clothes, "And he's not going to." Matt started to get up and Mello turned and shook his head.

"It's gonna be hard enough on him to let me in, he's not going to want an audience. Besides, one of us needs to sleep." He leaned down and kissed the red head, "Oh yea, I'd be crazed if I was watching you like that." He kissed him again and then walked out headed for L's office.

"So where did you come from, pretty boy? I don't remember seeing you in that club before," Kenji was saying, as he ran a hand down Light's shirt as they sat on the couch.

"I just moved in here, just checking out where the fun is," Light said as Kenji began to unbutton his shirt.

"I think you found it, if you can handle it." Kenji said leaning forward and grabbing the back of Light's head and pulling him forward for another hard kiss. Light suppressed the groan of distaste that threatened to escape, afraid Kenji would assume he was turned on and he couldn't have been further from that if he was sitting in a bowl of ice cubes. He watched as Kenji put down the beer bottle, his entire hand had been all over it he would get great prints.

"So, we've had a drink, I think it's time for a little more," Kenji nearly growled at him, and kissed down his jaw line and towards his chest. Light pushed him away and stood up moving towards the bed.

"Not on that couch, I couldn't keep my mind on anything except how ugly it is." He said laughing and Kenji got up to follow him.

"I think I have enough to keep your mind off of it, but whatever you say. There's more room on the bed anyway." He practically pushed Light down on the bed, crawling over him.

L suddenly realized he was practically hyperventilating when his vision began to swim. He stood up and controlled his breathing while not taking his eyes off of the screen. Light was on the bed, his guest crawling up the bed on top of him like a predatory creature stalking its prey. He jumped when his office door opened and Mello walked in.

"This is not a good time, you must go." He said in almost a whisper and Mello shook his head.

"Obviously I'm here at the right time. L you have to stop watching this." He told him walking over to the screen. 

"I can't, I need to know what happens to him. I have to make sure he doesn't get hurt, or worse." 

"Light is a detective, he can protect himself. He's not going to do anything he doesn't have to, but for you to continue to watch this is only hurting you, L." L turned to him and Mello nearly gasped at the look on his mentor's face. He had never seen that amount of pain etched on his face, that much hurt. He went to him and tried to touch him, but L flinched away, turning back to the screen.

Kenji lay on top of Light, grinding against him, groaning as he did so, moving his hands down Light's body, pausing at the button and zipper of Light's pants.

"I think it's time to remove these now. I want to see if the pretty continues," he said and began to undo what he thought was the pants, and ending up taking off the pouch in which Light had the phone. It fell from him and slid off the bed hitting the floor with a loud crack.

Matsuda jumped when he heard the sound of the phone hitting the floor. He listened for just moment to make sure he didn't hear anything violent and then relaxed. He still didn't like what he was hearing and he was trying to think of a way he could stop it without it going any further without blowing Light's cover..or his own. But he had to think of something, he knew Light well enough to know this would never leave him if he did go all the way with this guy who also seemed to be a bit on the brutal side.

Light let his head fall back as he tried to think of something that would make sense and stop this before it went any further than he wanted to. Then something hit him, and as ridiculous as it probably was, he had to try it. He put his hands on Kenji's chest and stopped him moving.

"Tell me you brought condoms," he said sweetly and Kenji stopped dead and then started laughing.

"Condoms? Are you serious?" and he laughed again. 

"I'm completely serious," Light told him, "I may be easy but I'm not stupid. No condoms no fucking." Kenji looked angry for a moment and Light prepared himself to duck but instead he sat back on his knees and laughed.

"Fine, but you can't leave me like this," he said rubbing his crotch, "You're going to at least take care of this for me." He undid his pants and released his hardening cock and began to stroke himself moving closer to Light his eyes on his mouth. 

L sat down again, drawing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them and taking a deep breath. Mello stood behind his chair, his hands on the back of the chair ready to swing the chair around and hit the off switch on the screen when it began to happen as he saw no way Light was going to get out sucking this guy off. They both watched as Light sat up a little watching the man move towards him, his chest rising and falling quickly as he prepared himself and that's when L saw it and leaned closer to the screen. It was Light's eyes, they changed right in front of him and he hadn't seen that in years. They narrowed and turned cold, a small sneer finding it's way on his face as he watched Kenji's cock move closer to his mouth.

"Light…I have to stop this before he goes too far!" he cried and grabbed his phone.

"What are you doing?" Mello asked him.

"I have to stop him, Mello he's reverting!! In order to be able to do this without the guilt he's going back to what he was when he was Kira. I have to stop him before he goes too deep…" he frantically dialed Light's phone as he spoke which went directly to voice mail. He swore and then tried Matsuda's phone and got the same thing.

"Matsuda you idiot what are you doing?" he yelled into the phone and threw it across the room and looked back at the screen, "Light stop this, you have to stop!" he yelled at it knocking everything off of the desk in desperation.

At the same moment Matsuda had put his cell phone to his ear to see if it was still connected and became alarmed when he heard the sound of a zipper being pulled and heard what Kenji had said. He had to move now if he was going to stop this. He ran into the building and started banging on Light's door.

"Open this door Light Yagami I know you have another man in there!!" he yelled trying to sound like the wronged boyfriend, "I have a gun I'll kill you both!"

Light's head snapped up at the same time Kenji's did, both staring at the door in surprise. Light pushed him away and rolled off the bed.

"Look, you have to leave sorry I didn't know he was coming," he said trying to look flustered and embarrassed.

"Who is he an old boyfriend?" Kenji asked getting himself together quickly. Light tried to look nervous.

"Yea, and he has a gun, so you need to get the hell out. Use the window…" he said opening the nearest one.

"This is fucked up, you owe me!" Kenji growled crawling through the window.

"I'm saving your life man, I think we're even!" Light yelled after him and slammed the window shut. He watched as Kenji ran down the street to his car and then laughed harshly. He went to the door and pulled it open, just as Matsuda was about break through. 

"Matsuda are you out of your mind?" he asked pulling the detective through the door and shutting it behind him.

"I'm sorry, Light I couldn't…I could hear what was going on…I had to try…" Light sighed, allowing himself to return and smiled at him.

"Not that I don't appreciate where your heart is Matsuda but you can't always run in like that. I'm trying to create a reputation." Matsuda sighed and looked down at the floor.

"I know Light, but what you were about to do…no case is worth screwing up what you have with L, no matter what's going on and especially with THAT guy." Light stared at Matsuda for a minute, seeing how worried he really had been etched on his face. He reached forward and hugged a very surprised Matsuda to him. 

"L knows what I may have to do, we've discussed this," he said after he let him go, "No, I don't want to do anything I don't have to either but, it may have to come down to it."

"What would you have done if I hadn't banged on the door?" Matsuda asked him and Light looked away.

"I don't know, I had several excuses running through my mind. I was able to get out of actual sex, but I might have had to.."

"Yea I know that's why I banged on the door. Light, there's got to be another way."

"If there is I'll find it, if there isn't I'll do it. I need you to be there in case I get tangled up with the killer and need back up, not if I have to have sex with someone. "

"I'm sorry Light, I just couldn't stand by and let that happen if I could stop it."

"Well, this time I appreciate it Matsuda, but you can't make it a habit. Now, go home and rest it's over for tonight."

"If you don't mind I'm going to watch for a few minutes more to make sure that he doesn't come back and then I'll go home. Don't forget to hang up your cell phone in case I need to call you later." Matsuda reminded him.

"Okay, that's not a bad idea, thanks." Light nodded and walked back over to the bed and picked up the pouch, removing his phone and closing it. Matsuda turned and opened the door to go out, and Light walked back to him and grabbed his arm before he left.

"Matsuda, thank you for thinking of me and L, but trust me, we're stronger than this." Matsuda smiled and nodded and then left.

L had slumped back into the chair when Matsuda banged on the door and stopped everything. He let his head fall onto his knees and heaved a deep sigh which sounded too much like a sob for Mello's liking. He put his hands on L's shoulders and although he flinched he didn't move away.

"It's okay now, L nothing happened. But what did you mean that he's reverting? How can that be?" L lifted his head slowly, still staring at the screen as he watched Light and Matsuda talking.

"Kira is still alive inside Light, he just chooses not to be Kira anymore because our relationship means more to him than being Kira does. He has found other things that make him happy so he can keep it at bay. He will always retain his memories of Kira as long as the Death Note he used exists and as long as he doesn't give up ownership."

"Why wouldn't you either destroy it or make him give up ownership? Why keep that alive in him?" Mello asked.

"Because not only will he forget he was Kira, but he could also forget what we have as our relationship began when he wasn't Kira. He can't give up ownership unless Ryuk is here to take it from him and erase his memory. Up until now he has beenas strong, and has been able to almost completely drive Kira away. But now, faced with doing something he finds so abhorrent but feels he has to do, he is driving himself back into that mind set because Kira cares for nothing. He is a total sociopath, does whatever he needs to do to achieve his goal with no guilt, no remorse. Light is afraid of the guilt he may feel if he has to do something he doesn't want to so he's hiding behind Kira." Mello sat down in the chair beside L and shook his head.

"No wonder you're so afraid of this, it's more than Light possibly screwing someone else, it's more about losing him to Kira again isn't it? I can't imagine Light as a sociopath, he loves you too much."

"It isn't his fault, since he was a child and the minute his high intellect was discovered, that has been the force of his life. His parents love him, but it became more about the grades, the accolades, the extreme prestige and pride they could reap because of his genius. Sayu was the only one who physically showed him any affection. After a while he just stopped looking for physical affection, decided he didn't need it and became cold to everything else. He had no one on par with him in his intelligence, so he definitely couldn't deal with anyone lower than him in an emotional level, it would be too tedius, so he just shut it all down. That allowed him to be Kira without any remorse or guilt. We had an immediate attraction to each other through our intelligence, neither one of us had even met anyone with our type of minds before and as rivals it was almost erotic trying to one up each other. Once he'd lost his memories of Kira, there wasn't a barrier between us, I wasn't worried about him trying to kill me, and he allowed himself to feel." L stood up and walked towards the table that held his snacks and coffee, his hands deeply in his pockets, his back still to Mello.

"As far as what I'm afraid of, it's both, and other things Mello. I didn't think about the Kira aspect of it until I just saw Light's eyes change. I am afraid of several things, that Light will enjoy a part of life that he never had before. He always hid his being gay and never really had the chance to explore all its possibilities and now that he's in the middle of it, he may wish to stay. I am afraid that in this investigation he will meet someone younger, easier to be with and he may no longer wish to deal with living with L and all the problems that entails. I am sure you are aware I can be difficult to live with. I am afraid he will get hurt, and now I must worry that he will fall so deeply behind Kira again that he may not come out unscathed." Mello walked to L and turned him so that he was facing him and was startled by the tears he saw in the large eyes.

"I can guarantee you that Light is not going to turn to anyone else, L. If he is so afraid of hurting you that he's willing to hide behind Kira to desensitize himself, he's not leaving you for anyone he finds out there or a lifestyle he may have missed as a teen. We are doing everything we can to make sure he doesn't get hurt, and starting tomorrow Matt and I will be out there with him. Between the three of us there's a really small probability that Light's going to get hurt in any way, to quote you, maybe 5%. This Kira thing, if he's as strong as you say he is and I believe it because I know how much he loves you, he will come out of it just fine. But L, I really believe this sitting here and watching him is only going to hurt you more than anything else. Light is going to have to make out with other guys; he's just going to have to do at least that to be what the other victims were. Don't keep watching it, please." L smiled sadly and walked back to the screen.

"I have to Mello." He said simply and watched as Matsuda left, and Light turned back into the empty apartment. He watched as Light stared at the bed, as if going over in his mind what almost transpired there and without warning he burst into tears, slipping down onto the couch, dropping the phone next to him. L reached for his phone and remembered he'd thrown it across the room. Rather than look for it he placed the call through his computer, he had to talk to Light now.

Light started when he heard his phone ring and it took him a moment to realize what it was. He reached over and picked it up and nearly broke it to open it when he saw who it was. He took a deep breath and answered.

"I'm so glad it 's you, I thought it was Matsuda checking up on me again."

"I had a feeling that perhaps you needed to talk," L said quietly watching Light's features relax as he listened to his voice. Mello walked towards the door, giving L and Light the privacy he knew they needed, but he waited outside the door.

"God you don't know how badly I need you right now," Light said and cursed himself for allowing his voice to hitch.

"Your evening was difficult?" L asked and watched Light try not to cry. 

"It was very difficult, I came close to..nevermind." he rethought what he was about to divulge, he couldn't tell L that.

"It doesn't matter, Light. I love you now, and I will love you when this is over no matter what happens." Light lost control at that statement and began to cry again.

"I'm sorry, I'm being ridiculous, I'm sorry. I think I miss you more than I thought I would and it's harder than I thought it would be." He apologized trying to get himself under control.

"It's alright, I understand. It is difficult for me, but I'm just sitting here waiting for you to return, you're doing the work, you're the one in danger. But promise me that you will not lose yourself in trying to shield against what you're doing. " His own tears finally falling as he longed to hold Light in his arms and calm him. Light quickly got control of himself, he didn't want to upset L any more than he already had.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean," he answered and L smiled.

"You will if you think about it," he decided to change the discussion, "Have you any ideas on suspects?" he asked and was glad to see Light brighten slightly.

"I do at least have two people of interest in mind," Light told him, "I acquired one set of prints, I'm hoping to get the other in the next day or so and we'll be able to run priors."

"Good, that's an excellent start for one day's work," L told him and was pleased he got at least a small smile. He watched Light stretch out on the couch and begin to try to remove the leather pants.

"I've got these really uncomfortable pants on," he said panting, "Gimme a minute to get out of them," he put the phone down for a moment and started rolling the pants off after kicking off his shoes. When he finally kicked them off he let out a deep sigh of relief.  
L watched him wiggle out of those leather pants in amusement and kept himself from chuckling.

"Finally I can breathe again," Light told him and he allowed himself to laugh then.

"You were wearing pants that uncomfortable? What were they?" he asked wondering if Light would tell him.

"Leather, sweaty nonbreathable leather." Light answered and L was surprised.

"Really? Perhaps you could save them and show me what they look like when this case is over?" he suggested and Light laughed.

"Maybe, you might like them you pervert," he told him and they both laughed.

"I'm so glad you called me, I really needed this." Light added.

"So am I, but then you promised to call each evening and tuck me in." L answered.

"Yea, you're right, I'm sorry."

"You are forgiven this time, but only this time," he watched as Light rubbed his eyes and shifted on the couch, his exhaustion showing," However, you sound extremely tired so I believe I shall tuck you in tonight."

"I am exhausted, but I don't want to let you go." Light said.

"I say again I can be there in ten minutes." L told him and this time Light actually thought about it but shook his head.

"No, I don't want to see you here, this place is disgusting."

"That doesn't matter, Light.."

"It matters to me. When I see you again I want it to be at our home where its clean and beautiful and the only memories there are of just us, okay?"

"Yes, I understand. I love you, Light." L answered and Light sighed again.

"Good, don't stop because then I'll be stuck here with these losers and I'd have to shoot myself." Light said laughing, "I love you, good-night, L."

"Good-night," L told him and watched as Light closed his phone then got up and shut off the lights, grab a blanket from the bed, then lay back down on the couch. Apparently he didn't want to get near that bed again tonight. He watched for a few minutes until he was sure Light was asleep then sat back in his chair again continuing to stare at Light in the darkness that his cameras could see through. 

Mello came back into the office and saw that Light had gone to sleep. He looked at L and patted his shoulder.

"L, he's sleeping, you should do the same." L looked around at Mello and tried to smile.

"I don't know if I can, Mello." He said and Mello reached over and pulled him out of the chair.

"You're going to try, L." he told him leading him out of the office and towards L's bedroom, "If you don't you're never going to survive this and what would Light come back home to?" he watched as L sat on his bed, drawing his knees up and his thumb to his mouth.

"Thank you, Mello, I promise to try." He told him and Mello nodded. He walked back into L's office and grabbed a slice of cake and brought it back to him. He watched in surprise as L took the plate and then placed it on his bedside table without touching it.

"I'll be listening so don't try to go back into that office until the morning," he said and L managed a chuckle. Mello watched as a small tremor worked it's way through L's body and he walked over to the bed and sat next to him and then without warning he wrapped his arms around his mentor and held him. L allowed his head to fall on Mello's shoulder, as a small sob shuddered through him.

"It's okay, L. I know how I'd be feeling if this were Matt we were looking at, I totally understand." He held L until he felt him relax against him and realized he had finally fallen asleep. He lay him down and reached down and pulled a blanket over him before leaving him to rest.

He walked back into the room he shared with Matt and undressed again, climbing back into bed beside his lover. He reached around and pulled the sleeping red head against him kissing the top of his head before finally falling asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 

Light awoke to the sound of his phone ringing beside him and he groggily reached over and brought it to his ear.

"Yagami", he answered without checking and was surprised to hear a small chuckle.

"Good morning, must we be so formal?" he smiled and rubbed his eyes.

"Good morning. I like waking up to your voice." He answered yawning.

"I thought you might. I also thought that you would need your coffee and breakfast and since no one's there to bring it to you, you need to get up and go get it." L told him and Light nodded.

"Yea, you're right. I have to shower and get dressed. There are several places nearby I can just walk to."

"Good, you know you can't function without your coffee. Perhaps you should invest in a coffee pot while you're there." L suggested enjoying the view as Light rose from under the blanket.

"Might not be a bad idea," he yawned again and stretched as he stood up, "Thank you for the wake up call, but I can't take the phone into the shower,"

"Pity, we could have had phone sex in the shower," L said with a laugh and Light laughed with him.

"I don't want phone sex with you, I want real sex with you." Light complained walking towards the bathroom.

"Well, since you forbid me from visiting you, that isn't an option." L told him as he watched Light prepare his shower.

"Nice try, Lawliet." Light said with a smirk and L enjoyed the sound of his name coming from him.

"What are your plans for the day?" L asked and this time Light actually laughed.

"I'm not telling you everything I plan to do," he said, "I will tell you that I'm giving prints to Matsuda today and I'm going to try to get a second set today. I'm going to take a shower, go get some breakfast and meet with Matsuda. After that is nothing you need to worry about."

"You needn't be insufferable," L told him knowing he'd be aware of Light's movements, "Let me know if I can do anything to aid you."

"If anything comes up I'll let you know. I love you, and I'll talk to you later."

"I love you as well, even when you're being insufferable." L told him and he watched as a cloud passed over Light's features.

"L, if I don't call you tonight it will only be because I'm working on something," he said and L's thumb came to his mouth.

"I understand. I will not call in case it may interfere, and I will wait to hear from you." Knowing he probably would do no such thing.

"Okay, I gotta get started and if I don't stop talking with you I'll never get started." Light told him smiling into the phone before whispering good-bye and closed the call before he found it impossible to do so. L sat back in his chair and prepared to spend the day in front of that screen.

Near and Watari came in, Watari with his trolley and Near already carrying a glass of orange juice and several small toys. L smiled as he watched him enter his office and place his toys around the computer he would be working on.

"Good-morning, L. How is he today?"

"Showering, getting ready for breakfast. I have a picture of the first person I wish you to check on. I only have his first name, which of course may be an alias. See what you can find before the police start running his prints later on this morning." He forwarded to Near's computer a picture he had taken from the surveillance camera and Near began to run it through L's facial recognition software.

L stood up from his desk as Light was in the one room without a camera and walked over to where Watari stood at his table filling it with items to last the two for the day. His guardian was slightly alarmed to notice that there were several items still left over from the evening before.

"You didn't eat very much last evening L," he stated putting the old items onto the trolley.

"I am afraid current situations have dampened my appetite." L said playing with the spoon in his fruit cocktail.

"I understand L, but you have to eat or you're not going to be at your best and Light will come home to a sick partner." L nodded and picked up the fruit cup. 

"I know, however, I did not realize how difficult watching Light like this would be."

"Even you have a limit to what you can deal with, perhaps it would be best if someone else.."

"No, that would be worse. I need to know, Watari. I cannot help him if I do not know what he is going through." 

"And what about what you are going through?" L walked away from him to go back to his chair, waving his hand in the air.

"I will be fine," he said simply and watched as Light dressed for the day. Watari stared at him worriedly for a few moments and sighed, there was nothing more he could say on that subject that wouldn't be met with obstinacy.

"Matt and Mello are currently preparing themselves for keeping up with Light, they should be done soon." He said instead and L nodded.

"Excellent, thank you Watari." Watari watched L pick at the fruit cup for a few minutes before turning and going out of the office.

 

Matsuda watched the two males that sat at the table in the coffee shop he had been in the night before having breakfast and drinking coffee. One was larger than the other, nicely built and attractive in an almost brutal way, dark short hair and brilliant dark, almost cruel eyes. The other smaller, more traditionally attractive with long black hair and soft black eyes. He had stopped by to pick up coffee before going to Light's as it was in the neighborhood, and he had noticed because he believed the larger one was the one who had been with Light the night before. He moved a little closer to the table to try and hear their conversation as he waited for his coffee.

"So, how did it go last night?" the smaller one asked the larger one, the question nearly making the larger one spit out his food.

"It didn't, he wanted condoms and just when I was about to get him to suck me off, an ex-boyfriend came banging at the door...with a gun. I had to get out through the window!" the smaller one burst out laughing, nearly choking on his coffee, and Matsuda couldn't help but smile.

"What I wouldn't give to have seen that!!" he said continuing to laugh until his breakfast partner reached out and smacked him across the face.

"No one laughs at me," the other one growled dangerously, "And least of all you. Don't worry, I'll get pretty boy one way or another. You have to do your part and decide if you think he'd like to join us." The smaller one rubbed at his face where he'd been smacked, looking to see if anyone had noticed, and then sighed

"Sir, your order's ready," a voice interrupted Matsuda's listening in.

"Oh..uh thanks.." he said paying and trying not to be noticed.

"You don't think he's a cop do you?" the smaller one asked.

"I doubt it, its obvious he's gay, but it wouldn't be impossible for him to be a gay cop. You need to get a last name so I can check him out. If he's not and we can get him to work with us, he'd attract a lot of trade with his looks…like you used to." Anger flared in the black eyes of his breakfast partner.

"It isn't my fault I got fucked up by someone you brought in, do you think I like being like this?" The larger one reached across the table, making the smaller one flinch but instead he caressed the attractive face.

Matsuda was trying to walk a little closer to the table and wasn't paying attention to where his feet were actually going. He suddenly lurched forward as his left foot tangled into the leg of the next table and he fell against it with a thud. The two diners looked up at him in alarm and he straightened up quickly and backed away.

"Sorry, excuse me, wasn't looking," he stammered and ran out of the coffee shop cursing himself. He had to tell Light what he'd heard right away. The two at the table continued their conversation after watching the clumsy jerk run off.

"You still have your uses," the larger one was saying, "and this time yours is to get pretty boy into your clutches like you did the others. Only this time make sure you know which way he leans before you tell him everything, we can't afford to keep eliminating your mistakes."

"He seems to have the same mindset as I do, nothing means anything to him except the party, he even seems to be smarter than the others. I think he's going to fit in well with us. You're going to put us out of business if you keep 'eliminating mistakes'".

"There's plenty of that type out there, we'll never run out... and he'd better be the right type if you bring him in, because if you get him in too deep and he balks you know what will happen, although not until I get what I want out of him, he still owes me."

"It's always all about you, isn't it? You always get what you want out of them, and you're so cruel about it. You're such a prick…" he flinched back when he saw the hand coming at him again but it stopped midway.

"Watch your mouth or you're gonna lose whatever you've got left and I'll have no use for you."

"Fine." He answered and went back to his breakfast, his heart beating wildly in his chest.

Light was startled by the rapid knocking on his door as he finished dressing and was surprised to see Matsuda run inside looking flustered and excited.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked as Matsuda caught his breath and then handed him one of the cups of coffee he had purchased at the shop.

"That guy from last night…I just overheard him talking to another guy at the coffee shop." He began and Light stopped sipping at the coffee.

"Yes, and?" he asked.

"They were talking about you, and how nothing happened last night, but that guy is so creepy, Light. He said he was going to get you one way or another.."

"Really? We'll see about that." Light answered going back to his coffee seeming unworried about the threat.

"But that's not all, it seemed like he and this other guy were planning to ask you to join something they're involved with. They said you would draw in a lot of trade!"

"A lot of trade?" Light ran a hand through his hair as he thought about what that could mean, "Trade as in what, more party people? But there's no money to be made in partying all the time unless someone's being charged for something…so they're running a business of some kind that they feel I could attract more business into," suddenly his eyes grew larger as several scenarios crossed his mind, but only one made sense.

"Prostitution? Are they running a prostitution ring?" he said and Matsuda looked horrified.

"And they want you because they think you'd bring in more business!" he added and Light chuckled.

"Well…that's flattering…I guess." 

"I got the feeling the second guy used to be the star attraction but for some reason he's no longer able to be so now they want you to be the star. Maybe it's not murder but it's still illegal." Matsuda said and Light nodded.

"Yes, but something tells me one leads to the other somehow," he went to the table and picked up the bottle he had placed in a plastic bag and handed it to Matsuda.

"Take this in for fingerprints, I want the report yesterday," Light told him.

"Okay, I'll take it immediately. You're not planning on going anywhere exciting right now are you?"

"No, right now I'm waiting for them to deliver my new couch and a few other items. After that I'll head back into the area find a place for dinner and from there get back into the game. I want to be seen all around the area, not just the bars."

"Ok, but don't get carried away until I'm back here." Masuda told him and Light nodded.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. Now get going I want those prints!! Oh and Matusda, that was excellent work." Matsuda nodded grinning widely and ran out of the door.

L looked away from the screen as Matsuda left and ran the information he just heard. The fool from last evening was probably testing Light to see just how easy he would be if what Matsuda heard was correct. If he ran a male prostitution ring and was looking for a new headliner, Light would be perfect with his looks. He wished Matsuda had told him more about the second one in the conversation, however, and he didn't mention any names. He glanced at Near's computer and could see the software had yet to find a match for the face.

His other worry was the threat that this fool boasted he would get Light one way or another. Obviously last night only whetted his appetite rather than scaring him away. Even if he wasn't the murderer and just some ridiculous pimp, he was still dangerous to Light.

He heard his office door open and his eyes widened in surprise at what they beheld. First there was Mello, his shoulder length blonde hair now roughly the same color as Light's and was pulled up into a ponytail; his trademark black leather turned in for jeans and a polo shirt, round sunglasses perched on his nose. Matt's red tresses were now jet black and where he usually had his goggles, were Aviator dark sunglasses. Although he was still in his jeans, he had given up his fur lined vest and striped shirt for an oversized t-shirt. L stood up and walked over to them, appraising them from head to toe, his head cocked to one side as he did and thumb to his mouth.

"There is an 95% chance that Light will walk right past you if he were to see you, very well done," he ruffled Mello's hair "Interesting choice in hair color." He said with a smirk and Mello chuckled.

"I thought you would appreciate it. It's not permanent so we'll have to retouch daily for as long as this takes, but this should make us immediately unrecognizable," he said and L nodded.

"I'm sure I do not have to remind you both to be very careful, we have no clue who this killer is, or why he is killing and it would not help matters if you get caught by the murderer while trying to protect Light." Matt stared into the dark eyes that were holding in worry and pain and shook his head.

"That's not gonna happen L, don't worry about us, you've got enough to worry about. How's he doing today by the way, Mello told me what happened last night." L sighed and turned back to his desk, and they followed him over. They watched as Light began to clean up the small living area of the apartment in anticipation of the furniture delivery.

"He's given Matsuda the beer bottle with the prints on it, planning to get more prints tonight. According to a conversation overhead by Matsuda this morning, that idiot from last night is planning to ask Light to join some sort of trade he and another are working in, saying Light would bring in a lot of trade if he were part of it."

"Wait, bring in trade? What kind of trade would Light bring in?." Matt asked and L answered.

"Human trade. Prostitution seems to be the best bet." L added, "I do not know who the second person in this conversation was, I'm assuming you will find out this evening." The boys nodded and L ran a hand through his wild raven mane. 

"My other concern is that even though he was thwarted in his efforts last evening, he has it in his head that he is determined to finish what he started at a later date. This does not bode well for Light."

"I had a feeling that went down too easily last night, "Mello said, "He seemed the type to want some kind of retribution."

"In the meantime," L continued, "You might want to make yourselves familiar with the area he's going to be in while it's still daylight, all the frequented spots are in the paperwork I gave you yesterday. You two should be wired to each other so you can stay in constant contact, keep me up-to-date via cell phone as I am currently wired to Light's apartment."

"I've still got Light on my computer so when he starts moving I can let you know where he's heading," Near told Mello, "I can use the same frequency as your headsets to contact you." He added and Mello nodded.

"Okay, we seem to have everything covered, now we only have to wait for the bad guys to show themselves," he looked at Matt, "Come on beautiful let's get going." He said and Matt laughed.

"You only love me for my hair," he said flicking it with his hand causing Mello to push him out of the door. Near shook his head at them and turned back to L, his fingers twirling in his hair.

"They may be silly but they know what they're doing," he reassured him and L nodded.

"I have never doubted their abilities," L answered, "Or I would not have asked them to help me. Now their sanity is another question…" Near laughed as L sat back down in front of his computer to continue watching Light.

Matt and Mello made it down to the garage and Mello got on the bike and kicked it into life, grinning at the smooth sound of the engines.

"Geez, you don't even smile at me like that!" Matt said feigning hurt and Mello laughed.

"Try rumbling like this the next time I straddle you and see what happens," Mello told him and Matt smiled as he climbed on behind him.

"It all depends on how you start me up, big boy." He said and Mello burst out laughing as he pulled out of the parking space.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 

"L, I got a hit!" Near called out as L watched Light direct the deliverymen as to where he wanted the new couch. He slid over to Near's computer and read the screen.

"Kenji Hikaroshi, age 28. Priors include assault and battery…I don 't believe anyone will be surprised about that…petty theft. Nothing even close to murder or prostitution. So either he's never been caught at it, or this is a new business for him. Send that to my computer, I need to do a deeper search on Mr. Hikaroshi." Near nodded and did the proper keystrokes to send it.

"I would send this information to Light, but Matsuda is working on this and I don't want to do his job for him," L said, his finger at his lips "However, I will send it to Mello with instructions to watch him when he's around Light. Thank you, Near." He slid back over to his computer when something crossed his mind.

"Have you called Sayu to let her know you are in town?" he asked and Near nodded.

"I did let her know I was coming via email before we left Whammy's, but she is in college and quite busy these days, involved in many things at school and I do not wish to interfere."

L appraised Near as he spoke, and he could hear the undercurrent of unhappiness in that statement. They had continued their contact from when they had first met 2 years earlier, getting together whenever the boys visited and she herself traveling with Light and L when they visited for Christmas. He had known the contact had diminished when she began college, but that was to be expected she had also managed to get into To-Oh University where her brother had attended and he knew just how difficult that school was.

"You should call her when you break for lunch, just to make sure." L told him as he watched Light move things around in the apartment preparing for the delivery of the furniture. Near stopped typing long enough to look at L and allow a small smile to grace his pale features.

"Thank you, I will do so," he said and went back to work. L glanced back down at the screen, and back up at Near.

"We both share the burden of caring for a Yagami, both of whom can be rather high maintenance at times but I doubt either of us would change the situation, so I understand how you feel." He said and they shared an all-knowing grin before going back to work.

L continued to watch, and after the new couch arrived he had to shake his head watching Light nearly frustrate the delivery men trying to decide exactly where he wanted it. He was glad he'd had their apartment furnished before they arrived; he was sure he would have had Light tied up and gagged if he'd had to deal with this. When he finally had the new furniture where he wanted, it appeared he wanted another shower as he began to peal clothes off and head for the bathroom, and L took this time to get more coffee and something to eat.

After his second shower, Light decided it was time to go out. He'd decided he would fill his apartment with the things a party person would have; lots of alcohol, snacks...anything that would need to be there in case he brought friends home, which would be something his type would do. He knew it would probably be a while before he heard from Matsuda, so he decided this would be the best time. He also knew this neighborhood, with as many bars as it had, was still relatively small, the gay community wasn't huge, and eventually everyone would pretty much know everyone else and he needed to get out and about. He had to meet others; he had to make sure he was known. He grabbed another one of his purchases from before, a leather jacket, and left.

"He's left the apartment, Near do you have him?" Near switched screens and watched as the flashing blip moved across the screen.

"Yes, I have him." L nodded and reached for his phone.

Mello's phone went off at the same time he was stopping at a traffic light. Matt reached into his pocket and pulled it out.

"Hey L," he said after seeing "Private" on the screen.

"Matt, Light has just left his apartment and we have him on screen. Near will keep you appraised as to what direction he's going in, please keep an eye on him as Matsuda is off getting fingerprints read."

"Okay, I'll make sure the headsets are on."

"Good. Please let me know if anything comes up."

"Of course, no problem." L hung up so he put the phone back and leaned against Mello, his mouth at his ear.

"Apparently Light decided to go out of the apartment so he wants us to keep up with him, Near will be on the headset letting us know what direction so make sure it's on," he told him above the roar of the cycle. Mello nodded and flipped the switch on his earpiece.

"Alright Near I'm online," he said into the microphone and after a bit of crackling he finally heard the soft voice in his ear.

"Okay, he's just left his building and is heading east. He's on foot so you should catch up with him in no time."

"On my way," Mello told him and turned the bike at the next corner.

Within ten minutes they had caught up with Light who was just about to turn into a liquor store. He pulled the bike up to the curb across the street, cut the engine and then reached into his jacket and pulled out a chocolate bar.

"Hey, you're not supposed to have that!" Matt said smacking his shoulder as he got off the bike and Mello shrugged.

"He's not looking, and besides even if he was he would never know it was me the way we look now." He said snapping a piece off. Matt sighed and reached for a cigarette.

"You're probably right," he said lighting up and taking a deep drag, "I hope this case doesn't last very long, I don't like how L looks." He said and Mello nodded.

"Yea, I know. You should have seen him last night, this is killing him." Mello told him and then spoke into the headset, "Near, we have visual of Light, he just walked into a liquor store and we're right outside."

"Understood," Near answered and relayed the information to L, who nodded and got up to get more coffee.

Light picked up several bottles of alcohol and more beer, along with several bags of snacks. While paying for them he happened to look out of the door and saw Miyano walking by. He still needed to get Miyano's fingerprints; perhaps this would be the opportunity. He quickly gathered his things and went out after him.

"Miyano!" He called causing the young man to turn around. Matt and Mello watched as the attractive young man turned and walked quickly back to Light.

"Near, I'm going to be sending you a picture in a moment, apparently it's someone Light has met already." Mello said into the mike as Matt prepared to take to the picture.

"Light, what are you doing out and about?" he asked and then looked at the bags, "Ah, I see, planning a party?" Light shrugged.

"Well, like I told you I'm new at all of this and the best way I know to meet people is to throw a party!" he said smiling and Miyano nodded, excitement on his attractive features.

"That's an excellent idea and I can help you. Here's what we'll do, let me help you get these bags home, I'll make a few phone calls and I can guarantee you a full house. When are you planning to have it?" Light thought for a moment.

"Why not tonight?" He said giving Miyano one of the bags and turning back towards his building and Miyano nodded.

"Besides, it will give us a chance to get to know each other better, and I even have a little business proposition for you." Miyano added as they started walking. Light thought back on his earlier conversation with Matsuda. Could it have been Miyano that Kenji had been talking to this morning?

"Really? Business?" he asked as they turned the corner towards his building, "What kind of business?"

"Not now, later." Miyano said, "First we have a party to plan."

"Tell L that whoever that person is, he appears to be going home with Light right now," Mello told Near as he and Matt climbed back onto the motorcycle. Near looked over at L as he walked back to his computer with fresh coffee.

"Mello has sent me a picture of someone Light has met and apparently is going home with him." He told him and L stopped stirring his coffee and looked up at him.

"Going home with him?" he asked and sat down in front of his computer putting his coffee on the desk. It didn't take them long to arrive at the building and he watched as Light came into his apartment and became slightly alarmed as he saw his companion. He was tall, extremely attractive with long dark hair, dark eyes and a sensuous mouth. He tried to ignore all of his jealousy alarms as they went off and calmed himself down.

"Put the bag on the counter," Light was saying as he closed the door behind Miyano, "and make yourself at home." Miyano did as he was asked and then looked around the small apartment.

"It's kinda cute, Light," he said as he looked around, "I like your taste in furniture," he said sitting on the new leather couch, "Although the décor could use a little help."

"Thanks," Light said sarcastically as he began to put things away, "This place came furnished, I've yet to make it my own, except for the couch and a few other items I just purchased." He pulled out one of the bottles of wine and began to open it. "I appreciate your help with the party, I hope I haven't interrupted your day." He added.

"Not at all. I had brunch with Kenji, ran a few errands and was on my way home," Miyano laughed, "Speaking of Kenji, I understand you had a problem with an ex?" It was Light's turn to laugh as he poured a glass of wine for each of them.

"Yea, well he's having a hard time letting me go, but I think he's gotten the message," he said handing Miyano one of the glasses.

"I think it was for the best, Kenji can be a beast sometimes," Miyano told him taking the glass and taking a sip.

"Really? Anger management issues?" Light asked sitting next to him on the couch. Miyano shrugged as he took another sip.

"I think it's because he doesn't like the fact that he's gay. From what I understand the family has disowned him and he can never keep a relationship going, he always destroys it before it lasts too long, usually with a beating or two,' he smiled at Light, "Believe me Beautiful, you should be glad nothing happened last night. He gets territorial too sometimes."

Light digested all of this information while keeping a look of mild interest on his face. It was as if he was being handed the perfect suspect on a platter, but could it be this obvious or was he completely barking up the wrong tree.

"So are you close friends with him or something?" he asked and Miyano laughed.

"Oh, well we started out as friends, then we fucked and that didn't really work out for very long. Now we're...business partners." he answered, his eyes darting to the floor as he mentioned that they were partners. His sudden shift didn't get past Light, but he didn't want it to seem he was pushing too hard for information.

"So, you said something about a business proposition?" he asked changing the subject slightly.

"Yes," Miyano answered looking happy about the change in subject, "But pleasure before business. About how many people do you want tonight?" Light shrugged.

"How about ten to fifteen? This isn't a very big apartment." Miyano nodded and pulled out his phone.

"Ten to fifteen it is!" he said and began to dial.

L watched Light's amused expression as he listened to Miyano make the calls and he frowned. He couldn't tell just how much amusement was real and how much was his role and that made him nervous. As he looked at the two of them on the couch he couldn't help be but struck at how good they looked together, each one's good looks complimenting the other. He stood up and walked away from the screen and away from the desk. He had also listened to what Miyano had said about Kenji and it made him even more worried about the possibility that he was indeed the murderer; he fit the profile he had worked up for him perfectly.

"Near, tell them to return." He said and walked out of the office. Near did so and then looked at L's screen. He could see why L was disturbed; this guy with Light was really good looking and Light appeared to like him.

L walked into the living room and then out of the door, going directly to Watari's apartment. He opened the door and walked in, startling the older man slightly as he was sitting as his desk talking with one of L's contacts. L walked directly into their room and sat on the floor by Watari's chair, his arms wrapped around his knees. Watari finished his conversation and followed L into their room and sat in the chair beside him. He waited until L was ready to speak.

"Has Light ever said anything about…how I look?" L asked suddenly, his head resting on his knees.

"No, not to me, but I know he's told you what he thinks of your looks," Watari answered, a small frown forming on his face

"He has always said he liked my looks, however, he has not had the opportunity to be with others who are more attractive than I, really." L answered still not moving.

"Am I to understand that he is currently with someone who you consider more attractive than yourself?" Watari ventured and knew he had it correct when he heard a shuddering sigh come from his ward.

"I know he loves me, Watari, I have no doubt in that. But I worry that he may find interest in what he has not had before."

"L, don't you think that Light has had more opportunities than you know of for that kind of thing? No, he didn't flaunt his sexuality early in life, but he did have experiences and yet you are whom he chose to spend his life with. You've been together almost five years, why are you concerned about this now?"

"Because I am experiencing true jealousy for the first time and I am wondering if I am justified." L answered and Watari chuckled.

"Of course you are justified, you love Light and seeing him with anyone else is going to make you jealous L that's just natural. But you and I both know that there is no real reason for it because he is coming back to you when this is over." L nodded and began to stand up.

"Yes, I do know that, I have no doubt that he will come back to me when this is over," he looked at Watari and smiled, "I suppose I just needed to hear it again." Watari smiled back at him and also stood.

"I understand. Just try to give yourself a break and not pay that much attention to what he is doing, remember he is just doing what he has to not what he wants." L nodded again and began to walk out of their room, then stopped for a moment.

"Thank you, Watari," he said without turning around and continued out and back to his own apartment. Watari sighed and went back to his desk.

Miyano finally put his phone away and smiled at Light.

"Tada! Instant party!" he said and Light applauded him.

"Impressive. I thought I would have had to go back out to the bar and pass out flyers or something," he said laughing and got up to refill their glasses and was surprised when Miyano followed him. He poured them both more wine and smiled at him.

"So, you going to tell me about this business proposition now?" he asked and Miyano frowned and looked away for a moment.

"Well, now that you're so happy with me I'm not sure I want to talk to you about it," Miyano said and reached out and caressed Light's face, "You are beautiful, you know that?" He said and Light shrugged.

"Thanks, I get by," he said, "Now tell me what you have in mind."

"You also have a one track mind, don't you? Alright, Kenji and I have a little side line," Miyano told him walking away from him, "Just a few people are involved but it does bring in good money because of the…clientele. We are very picky about whom we work with and who our client's are. It makes it safer for everyone that way and keeps everything neat."

"Sideline?" Light asked and sipped his wine, "We're not talking drugs are we because I'm not getting involved in that kind of thing. I mean I like to party but..." Miyano shook his head and laughed

"No, nothing so vulgar as drugs. We have a kind of...Escort Service." Light raised an eyebrow and went back to the couch and leaned back, laughing.

"Escort service? Are you serious, Miyano? I'm sure we're talking more than just escorting guys around town." He said and the young man came back to the couch and sat next to Light.

"Well, yes of course there would be more if it's paid for. As I said the clients are top notch, not just some boozy animal you get picked up by on the corner. Rich clients, well known clients, who pay top dollar for top people, and that's where you come in. I think Kenji likes running this type of business because he likes using people for his own gain, but I enjoy seeing people enjoy themselves for a change."

"Oh, I see. You think I might do well?" Light asked, as he seemed to mull it over in his mind.

"Someone who looks like you could easily command $800.00 and up per gig, Light. That could work into thousands a week for you."

"And how much do you guys get as pimps?" Light asked and Miyano looked embarrassed.

"That's such a bad word to use, we are business administrators, not…pimps. Of course we get a cut for doing the work of getting you the best possible arrangements, but that can be worked out later. You just have to be willing to broaden your experiences, but you being the party boy I know you are, that shouldn't be a problem for you. Besides, why give it away when you can charge handsomely for it?" he added, his hand reaching Light's hair and carding through it.

"I'll think about it," Light said finishing his wine, "Do you just manage or do you work it as well? You are just as attractive as you say I am," he asked and was surprised to see a cloud pass over Miyano's features.

"I used to work it and manage," he said, "But someone Kenji brought in turned out to be a bit more violent than we suspected. I dated him for a while, but he was deeply into bondage, S and M. One night he got carried away with a cock ring and didn't remove it from me until all circulation had stopped, it caused permanent damage. I can't really…I don't get…" Light nodded his understanding.

"It's okay you don't have to say it, I understand," he said noting the tears that were forming in Miyano's eyes, "I'm so sorry that happened." He said quietly, ""Somehow I think you can still offer quite a bit to the right person," he added and Miyano smiled gratefully.

"Thanks for saying that, but so far there have been no takers once they find out I'm broken. I used to bring in quite a bit, but that all dried up so now I just manage and try to find new ones to take over." Light leaned forward and caressed the young man's face.

"Then that's their loss because I think you'd be worth it, especially if I was looking for someone long term," he said and gently touched Miyano's mouth softly and quickly with his, "but after my last boyfriend the last thing I want is any kind of relationship, I'm all done with that." He stood up and walked back to the bottle, how touched Miyano was with that soft kiss not being lost on him. Miyano watched him walk away, then reached up and touched his lips with his fingertips; it had been quite a while since anyone had been that gentle with him.

He suddenly began to wonder if he was doing the right thing, getting Light involved with this business. His main worry was Kenji and how brutal he could be, he knew first hand how bad he could get, and then recently there were the killings…but Kenji had to get rid of them, they were trying to squeeze more money out of them, threatening to start their own service and take some of their best clients. They had asked for what happened to them, perhaps not so brutally as it ended up being, but Kenji liked to teach lessons. He couldn't see Light being that stupid; Light was different. 

He stood up and walked over to the auburn haired beauty, grabbed his shirt and pulled him against him, kissing him hard, his tongue demanding entrance to his mouth. Light was startled by the kiss and at first tried to fight it, but then thought better of it. He believed Miyano could be a very good ally in this, perhaps lead him to what else he needed to find out if he played along. Besides, it would be impossible for him to have sex so he wasn't a threat that way; a kiss was nothing. He opened his mouth and allowed Miyano entrance, his eyes narrowing before he closed them.

L stared at the screen, his face never changing it's expression as he watched them kiss, once again noting the slight change in Light's eyes as he allowed the other man entrance into his mouth. He felt a hand on his arm and turned to face Near, who saw what was going on.

"I am fine, Near. My concern is Light's state of mind more than anything else." He stated and turned his eyes back to the screen. Miyano had released Light and was smiling at him, once again caressing his face.

"Perhaps in time I can change your mind," he said and Light shook his head as he backed away from him.

"Sorry, not possible. First, I want to stay unattached; second, I like you, but we've only just met and third, if you're going to be my boss, that just doesn't mix for me." Miyano stared at his glass for a moment and sighed.

"Then perhaps I should take back my work offer." He said and Light laughed.

"No, I really want to think about it. It might be something I may wish to try, at least for a while."

"Ok, I will let you make a decision before I make another attempt," Miyano said smiling and then looked around the room again, "But first if we're having a party we need to decorate. I'll go get some decorations; you get some ice and maybe some extra glasses. Here, let's exchange numbers and call me if you come up with any other ideas." He said pulling his phone out again, Light pulling out his. They exchanged numbers and Miyano put his glass down, closing in on Light.

"I'll call you when I'm on my way back," he leaned forward and captured Light's mouth again, "Talk to you later, beautiful." He said and walked out of the door. Light sighed and picked up Miyano's glass with a napkin and placed it in a plastic bag.

"Just as planned," he said aloud smiling and put it aside for Matsuda. He really hoped escort services was the most Miyano was into, he really liked him and felt bad for his situation. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to be injured so badly you could no longer have sex, and especially when he was as young and as attractive as Miyano was. Light sighed, he would obviously be a good way to meet more people, and perhaps tell him more about the victims, and he would work on that tonight. He dialed Matsuda's number and heard his partner's breathless response.

"Sorry it's taking me so long Light, the Director cornered me." He said the minute he had answered.

"I see. I take it he wanted some kind of report?"

"Well at least an idea of what was going on. I'm on my way now, I got a sheet on Kenji." Light nodded.

"Good and I have another glass for you to take in."

"Okay, I'll be there soon." Matsuda answered and hung up. Light stared at the phone for a moment; he really wanted to talk to L, but he was afraid he might sound a little off after what he'd just done so he decided against it and put his phone away.

"I'll call you after the party," he said out loud, "I'm sure I'll need it much more after that craziness," he added and retrieved his lap top, sitting down on the couch to wait for Matsuda.

L watched the screen, smiling at Light's trademark cockiness when he'd retrieved the glass, which also reassured him about Light's intentions with the attractive Miyano. He looked up towards the door of his office as Matt and Mello came in, and smiled.

"Excellent work," he said standing up, "Near's running priors on the picture you sent."

"I hope it gets more exciting than this," Mello said reaching for another bar, "I got all gorgeous and nowhere to show it!" he said and Matt rolled his eyes beside him.

"Well, then I guess what I'm going to have you do next will make you quite happy," L told him, "You have a party to attend."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

 

"So, aren't you worried Light's going to recognize us if we're in that close proximity?" Mello asked once L had told him his plan.

"That is a definite possibility so you two have to make sure you're not constantly side by side and try very hard not to be face on with him for any length of time. It won't be easy but you shouldn't have to be there for very long, just long enough to get some good pictures. The surveillance cameras in the apartment aren't very good for taking definitive pictures. Picture taking at a party such as this will not be unusual, just use your judgment as to when and where and you should do well. You're just going to have to be careful. You two are the last persons other than myself that he would expect to be there, so that alone will keep him from assuming automatically it's you even if you seem familiar to him."

"This should be fun," Matt said, "And we'll get a close look at the two Light has his sights set on." L nodded and then turned his attention back to the screen where Light was busy typing on his laptop after having poured himself another glass of wine. There was a knock on the door and he stopped long enough to open the door.

"Good Matsuda it's you," he said letting his detective partner in.

"Sorry I'm so late, Light." He apologized and Light shook his head.

"It's alright, it actually worked out better that you weren't here. Give me a minute and I'll be with right with you. Pour yourself some wine." Matsuda looked at the bottle and frowned.

"Are we allowed? Aren't we technically working?" Light snorted at him.

"Fuck it, have some wine." Matsuda raised an eyebrow at the unexpected expletive from Light but then grinned and did as he was told. L was a bit surprised at it too, but decided not to dwell on it too hard, he was under stress after all. After a few moments and a few more keystrokes Light closed the laptop and turned his attention to Matsuda.

L was surprised when his computer chimed that he had a message. He pulled it up over the camera's surveillance and smiled; it was from Light and he read:

"I don't know when I will be able to talk to you, I've got plans for this evening that may keep me busy until the early hours of the morning. Not that I think you'll be asleep but I don't know when I'll be alone and able to call. So just in case, I need to reiterate how much I hate this, how much I hate being away from you when we only had three days together after three months apart, and although I know you understand why I'm doing it, I know it doesn't make you happy either. I love you, Ryuzaki. I'll talk to you first thing tomorrow, I just didn't want you to worry. Love, Light." L smiled at the use of Ryuzaki, in case it was somehow intercepted no one would be the wiser, Light was being careful and he loved him for it. He realized he had been quiet for too long when Near reached across and touched his shoulder.

"Is everything okay, L?" he asked quietly and L smiled and nodded.

"Yes, Light just sent me a message as he is sure he will be too occupied this evening to give me a call, that is all. I think this would be the time for everyone to relax, get something to eat, perhaps rest as I believe this is going to be a very long night." Near got up from the desk and headed out of the office, quickly followed by Matt to whom Mello had whispered something and he nodded as he left the office.

"What about you, L?" Mello asked coming over to his chair and squatting down so he was eye level with his mentor and father figure who looked back at him and smiled.

"I promise you I will rest in due time, and I shall eat something, please do not worry, Mello."

"You don't make it easy to not worry about you, L. You've nothing to watch right now, Light is with Matsuda, they're talking about the case, this would be the best time for you to stretch your legs, rest your eyes and have something to eat with us. You know you're recording everything, if you think you've missed something important you can rewind it. Please join us, L." L sighed as he turned back to the screen as Matsuda and Light were going over some sheets of paper that L could only assume was the sheet on Kenji and nodded.

"Alright, Mello you are right in that this would be the best time. He's not alone, they're talking about information I already have. I am embarrassed to say that I just have difficulty walking away from him at any time because of the circumstances." Mello stood up and ran a hand through his tied up hair.

"I get it L, believe me I do; but my job right now is to make sure Light has got someone to come home to, now come on while you have the free time." L looked once more at the screen and then nodded.

"Alright, you win. Let me answer Light's email and I will be right with you," Mello nodded and then wagged his finger at him.

"If you're not out there in five minutes I'm coming back for you…and I'll bring Watari!" L chuckled and waved him away.

 

He sat for a moment decided exactly what to say then smiled to himself and began to type.

"Thank you for the warning, Light. I would have been concerned had I not heard from you at some point this evening. You know my insomniac ways, and especially when you are not with me, so do not hesitate to call me the moment you are free, no matter what the time. And yes, I do understand and no I don't like it either. But I do love you, and will wait for your call whenever you are able to place it." He sent it to Light after rereading it to make sure it was to his liking and then unfolded himself from the chair and following Mello out of the office.

Light looked through the papers on Kenji and shook his head, he really had expected more on him.

"This makes me think he's in on this more than before," he told Matsuda, "He's got to be smart to be able to make it look like his nose is THIS clean." He said rereading the papers, "I know he's into more than this, he just hasn't been caught. That's exactly the type of person who's doing these killings, too smart to leave anything behind for us to find in any way. I definitely know he has the temperament and after the conversation I had with Miyano, I also know he has the reasoning." Matsuda nodded and looked seriously at Light.

"If you really think this guy is capable of being the murderer Light, you have to be really, really careful around him and what you do."

"He's not stupid, Matsuda he's not going to do anything to me…at least not yet, he still wants me to work for him." Matsuda raised an eyebrow.

"Really? He asked you?"

"Needs a new stud for his stable, I got the offer from Miyano already. Of course it's high class, it's an "Escort Service". He said making the quotes with his fingers and Matsuda nearly choked on his wine.

"Light you can't possibly be thinking…" Light held up his hands to stop the rant he knew was coming.

"No, I'm not thinking and/or planning anything. I haven't given him my answer yet, I'm gonna let it ride for a while, well for as long as believable anyway. I'll have to take it by ear after that, Matsuda. No more discussion on that, please." Matsuda sighed and nodded, finishing his wine.

"I'll take this glass in right away then," he said standing and looking miserable. Light also sighed and stood up.

"Thank you, partner. Look, Matsuda don't look so miserable the chances are I'm not gonna have to face anything I don't want to. Look, I'm throwing a party tonight; to kind of get to know a few more people, find out more about the victims. Why don't you show up for a while, have a little fun while we're working."

"That won't compromise our situation?" he asked and Light shook his head.

"No, as a matter of fact it'll help us. If you get seen as a friend the fact that you're running in and out of here won't look suspect. I wouldn't be surprised if Kenji isn't watching to see who I have coming in and out, especially since their last victim was a cop undercover."

"That makes sense, I guess. Any particular time?" Light shook his head.

"No, whenever after 7:00 I would think. Oh and, by the way…" he leaned forward and kissed Matsuda's cheek, "If you're going to be one of my friends, expect to be kissed." Matsuda put his hand on his cheek, the color growing from his neck up to his face.

"Geez, Light you could have warned me!" he said and Light burst out laughing.

"What and miss this reaction? Never. But I did want to give you a warning, because it would only be natural. Not that every friend of a gay man is gay, but the majority that you would want to party with would be. Just be glad I decided to only kiss your cheek." Matsuda's eyes grew wide which only made Light laugh again.

"I'm going to turn this glass in…I'll talk to you later!" he stammered and went to the door.

"Don't worry Matsui, it's only for the case. I'm already taken and, I'm sorry to say, you're not really my type." Light told him laughing and Matsuda couldn't decide whether he was relieved or insulted so he chose just to nod quickly and run out of the door. He had never really thought about Light's sexuality, even when he watched he and L together, it just looked so natural for them. He had a feeling that the reason he was feeling so weird about it was the same reason he had felt uncomfortable when he walked in and saw Light dancing all over the place in his tight leather; he had actually found Light attractive. He shook his head, was he having a crisis in his own sexuality? That was ridiculous; he's always liked women, never even thought twice about men. 

As he got into his car the reason became crystal clear to him. It wasn't that he was harboring gay feelings, it was because of his honest feelings for Light. Ever since the first time he met Light when he was a teen, he was always in awe of his good looks, his brilliance, his always knowing what to say and what to do at all the right times. Especially, since he always seemed to be just the opposite, and the butt of everyone's jokes, receiving little in the way of respect from anyone. Light was always kind to him, and when he came to work he was all for him being his partner; and both he and L trusted him to keep their secret and took him in as a good friend. Of course he cared for Light, and now he was concerned for his welfare more than he ever had been before. Light was one of the few people who allowed Matsuda to be himself, so he didn't feel he had to hide anything when he was around him, so if he honestly thought Light looked sexy in his leather, it was okay for him to think that and not think he was suddenly turning gay…or would that make him bi? He shrugged his shoulders and started the car, he'd better get that glass to forensics and stop daydreaming. 

Light looked around and decided to straighten up a bit in anticipation of the party. He gathered the papers on Kenji and ripped them up into small pieces, then flushed them away. This way there would be no accidental reading of them from anyone at the party and blowing his cover. He picked up the used glasses and headed for the sink when his phone rang and smiled at who it was.

"Well, hello Miyano," he answered.

"Light I hope you don't mind but I came up with a couple of additional things for the party tonight, I'm bringing them right over. You're still severely lacking in the munchies department so I took the liberty of picking up a few trendy snacks, is that okay? I'm not overstepping my bounds?" Light laughed.

"No, its' fine. Actually I appreciate it as I've never truly thrown one like this before."

"Alright then, beautiful just leave it to me and I should be there in just a few."

"Sounds good," Light answered and closed the call. He went back to the sink to clean up the few used dishes and made everything neat. He then sat back down at his computer to see if L had answered him and he was pleased to see that he had.

He read the answer and sat back smiling; just those few words had warmed him and gave him the little push he needed to continue what he was doing and try to wrap this case up as quickly as possible. It had really only been a day but it felt like it had been an eternity since he was wrapped in L's arms in their own bed. He looked around the small apartment and sighed; he missed their home too. He realized how much what they had was also such a strong part of him, part of what kept him grounded.

Although he never mentioned it to L because he didn't want to make him worry when he had to go off for cases, being with L and being together in their home was the thing that kept him from slipping into old habits. He sometimes felt that he was an infant in constant need of nurturing but this life he had fashioned with L was new to him compared to what he had created for himself since he was a child and needed to be continually reinforced. He had learned how to be completely self-reliant and not depend on anything from anyone, including any kind of physical contact or emotional expression when he was young. He learned how to be social when necessary, not because he particularly wanted to, and also how to say what people wanted to hear; they were so easy to play.

He knew in his head that he had become a sociopath, but he never thought it mattered, it seemed the right thing for him. His parents were supportive in whatever he tried to do as long as the grades he presented to them remained in the top tiers. He tried different things once in a while to shake up the boredom, like tennis for a while, but even that became too easy after a while and presented no challenges so he quit doing that; no challenges until that fateful game with L that day. He sipped at his wine and closed his eyes remembering it. L had been the first real challenge in his life ever, and now he was the only thing that kept him together.

He remembered how hard he had fought the attraction to L while he was Kira and constantly around him, but once he had lost his memories of being Kira and handcuffed to him, he allowed L to find that spot within him that had never been touched, that need he never acknowledged or allowed to surface. Even in his experiences with dating, and his finally realizing that he had no desire for girls and what little attraction he felt was for guys, even that had been more of an experiment than actual desire.

The only reason he was able to be the way he was now, was L and the life they had together. The sociopathic Kira was always in the back of his mind, not so strong anymore, but there as if he were waiting for the first chance to leap back into power, waiting for the excuse to take over. So his being with L was like a constant dose of calming medication that kept Kira docile and shrinking him down to almost nothing, to where he was no longer a threat, but a sick memory.

The three months he was away from L began to be a struggle by the second month. Although he spoke to L daily, not being in his physical presence began to wear on him in many ways, the constant hours of being alone with his own thoughts began to feed the long dormant Kira with little doses of energy that would make little ideas and thoughts that he hadn't entertained for years dance around his mind late at night.

He had become strong enough on his own to keep them down, his love for L and his own desire to never return to that part of his life able to keep it from getting out of hand, but he knew that if he had to be away from the calming, nurturing and reinforcing effects of being with L for much longer, the fight to maintain would become very difficult; the pull and allure of the power of Kira becoming more tantalizing each day.

Luckily L came home before it fell into the danger zone, but he only had three days to build up his resistance and now they were apart again. Now he found he had to reach into that part of himself on occasion to continue what he had to do in this case, and he worried that it might give that little extra boost to that part of him to get stronger, especially being away from L again. He drained his glass and sat up, steeling his own resolve to get through this without losing himself; without losing what he had with L.

He reached for his phone, thinking this would be a good moment to call L when there was a knock on his door. He sighed, realizing it was probably Miyano and got up to answer it. 

L came back into the office, feeling a bit more refreshed although he wouldn't admit it to Mello. Taking that half an hour away from the screen had given him a boost of energy, and the company of his boys and their crazy behavior that was still there in spite of being older had relieved the worry over Light if only for a few minutes and had given him much needed amusement.

Watari had made him a huge dish of fruit and strawberry yogurt, the yogurt tasting like ice cream to him and he had eaten every bite, not realizing how hungry he really was until he began to eat.

Now he felt he was ready to regain his position in front of the computer while Matt and Mello took naps and Near tried to reach Sayu.

He frowned slightly as he noted Miyano had returned, carrying bags and chatting happily as he entered the premises. He noted Light shaking his head with one hand over his eyes as Miyano chatted nonstop as he walked past him into the living room and he had to laugh. 

"Wait till you see what I have, beautiful," Miyano was saying waltzing into the kitchenette, "You'll be thrilled and your guests will love you." Light looked up from his hand and followed Miyano into his kitchen.

"Really? What do we have on the menu, then?" he asked as Miyano pulled things out of the bags.

"Nothing short of spectacular, shrimp, the best cheeses, pate, over priced crackers, chocolate fondue, decorations from my last party and.." Light's smile faltered.

"What did you say? The last one.." Miyano looked back at him.

"What? Chocolate fondue? I thought plump strawberries dunked in warm chocolate would be wonderful. We have cheese for it too, everyone likes cheese and strawberries in chocolate..are you okay beautiful?"

Light's face had suddenly gone pale and he looked as if he were in pain before he was able to catch himself. Chocolate covered strawberries, sometimes he thought L's very existence depended on them he loved them so much. It didn't seem right to have them and no L to enjoy them.

"I..I'm fine, sorry. Someone I cared very deeply about loves chocolate covered strawberries, it just hit me badly." Miyano turned and patted Light's face.

"Oh, I'm sorry beautiful, a painful lover from the past? They do have the habit of turning up in unexpected places. We don't have to have them if it's going to cause you pain." Light shook his head and put the smile back on his face.

"No, no that would be ridiculous. You've already purchased them of course we'll use them, I shouldn't have reacted that way. Thank you by the way for going to all this trouble, I will reimburse you."

"It's my pleasure, anything that gets me in your good graces. I'll figure out a way to be repaid." Miyano said winking as he patted Light's face and Light laughed 

"I'm glad you think it's funny," L said crossly as he watched Miyano practically drool over Light. The reaction Light had to the strawberries and chocolate didn't go past him either, and he had smiled sadly and touched the screen as if his calming touch would transfer to Light through it. But right at this moment he was concerned over how Miyano would want to extract his repayment. He reached for the plate that had his cake on it and cut a piece off with his fork with a little more force than he meant to sending the rest of it flying across the desk and onto the floor. He growled, not only was that idiot trying to make the moves on his Light, he also just cost him a piece of cake. He would look up this person's background and if he wasn't part of the murders he would make his life miserable somehow for making him spill his cake. He cleaned up the mess and threw it away, not without some sadness, then got up to retrieve another piece from his table.

After a couple of hours of preparation and decoration, Miyano and Light stepped back and inspected their handiwork. The small apartment looked a bit like the club Light had been in the night before, with the lights Miyano had brought and little table top decorations he had placed around the apartment. They had prepared all the hors devours, melted the chocolate for the fondue and prepared the strawberries and cheese for it. Miyano had even brought specially prepared party music and they had rearranged the furniture to leave space for a little dancing. Definitely not to Light's liking normally, but he could appreciate that it was what was needed for this party and was rather glad Miyano had offered to do it, he certainly wouldn't have come up with all of this on his own. He was quite glad L couldn't see it, he would never live it down.

L, on the other hand, was seeing it, and could barely suppress his amusement at seeing his incredibly conservative Light in the midst of all…that. When Miyano turned off the apartment lights and turned on the ones he had put up in all their flashing glory, L nearly choked on his coffee trying not to laugh at the look on Light's face. He would file this away for a conversation later. He was alone in the office at the moment, having happily granted Near's request to meet Sayu for dinner, so he had spent the time Light had been decorating working on his cases at the other computer. Now that they were done, he had a feeling Light would want to use their new found…friendship to try to get some information out of him and he wanted to be ready to listen.

Light looked at his watch, his induction to the NPA present from L, and realized they only had another hour or so before the party goers would probably be arriving. He decided something to eat would probably be a good idea, and a chance to really talk to Miyano about his business offer and if perhaps those that had been murdered had also been members of his little sideline.

"How about I order us some dinner?" he suggested and Miyano nodded.

"Sounds good. Great little place down the street that delivers, I'm sure I have their card I never cook." He said retrieving his wallet and digging in it.

"Great, and this will be my treat to thank you for all your help. I know I could never have done all…..this on my own." Light said swallowing the sarcasm.

"Oh, beautiful it was my pleasure but I will accept your offer for dinner as partial payment." Light raised an eyebrow as Miyano moved closer to him.

"Partial?" he asked when Miyano was leaning against him.

"Yes, partial. I told you I had another way of you repaying me," he said and leaned forward capturing Light's mouth in a kiss. Light kissed him back, allowing him access and the dominance of the kiss. He closed his eyes, told himself it was L so he'd seem more appreciative than he was, but he knew it wouldn't work. No matter how pleasant the kiss was, it could never be like L's and he couldn't lie to himself and say it was. When Miyano finally pulled away he smiled at him, a slight narrowing of his eyes the only difference. Miyano reached up and carded through his hair before handing Light a card.

"Here's their number, tell them I want the number six special with extra sauce and they'll know immediately that its me. That way whatever you order will be extra special, they love me." Light nodded and took the card, reaching for his phone.

L hadn't realized that he had been holding his glass of juice so tightly until it snapped in his hand, juice and glass shards flying across the desk. As Light made the call to the restaurant, he looked down at his hands and saw it was bleeding profusely. He hit the intercom with his other hand and called Watari.

"I seem to have cut myself Watari, could you bring some bandages?" Watari never answered, he just suddenly came through the office door carrying a first aid kit in what seemed like only a few moments. He gasped when he saw the blood pouring from L's hand and the glass all over the desk.

"L what happened?" he asked taking L's hand and trying to see the damage.

"I don't know, the glass just suddenly broke in my hand," L answered quietly, his eyes never leaving the screen. Watari opened the kit and removed an antiseptic pad and began to clean L's hand, trying to find if there were any glass pieces in it and just how badly it was cut. Once he had it clear he could see one large gash and several little ones around the palm. He retrieved tweezers from the kit and removed several small pieces of glass that were still imbedded in L's hand.

"L this may require a few stitches." He said and his ward stubbornly shook his head.

"No, just use the strips and wrap it tightly it will be fine. I cannot leave right now." Watari looked at the screen and saw Light pouring a drink for another young man before they walked to a couch.

"You broke the glass watching them didn't you?" he asked L as he removed bandages from the kit.

"It appears so, I didn't notice." Watari sighed as he wrapped the hand tightly, after putting strips over the actual cuts to close the wounds. He looked up as Matt and Mello came into the office who both immediately ran to L's side upon seeing what Watari was doing.

"What the hell happened?" Mello demanded looking at the blood all over the desk.

"Apparently he was holding a glass while watching Light and some young man on the screen here, the glass lost but not without dealing it's own damage."

"I'm fine, just a few cuts." L told them.

"You see, this is what I mean about you sitting in here and watching this!" Mello yelled.

"Today it was just a glass what will happen the next time you lose control over what you see on that screen?" Matt added and L waited until Watari had finished before he stood up from the chair and faced them both. He grabbed both of them by their shirts, one with each hand, and pushed them both until their backs were against the wall.

"I will not explain this to both of you again. I have to know what Light goes through no matter how painful it may be for me. It is twice as damaging to Light and I need to know what I will be dealing with when he does come back to me in order to help him heal. While I understand and appreciate your worry, continuing to lecture me about it is not going to change anything. If you cannot understand this and deal with it, perhaps you need to go back home." He released them and turned from them, his back painfully bent as he walked away. Both of them ran forward when their surprise wore off, their arms wrapping around him and holding him close, tears coming to both of them.

"We're not leaving you alone to face this, L, but you can't blame us for worrying," Matt told him, burying his face against L's back, "We know what Light means to you, but don't you understand what you mean to us?"

"I'm sorry, L we just can't stand to see you hurt." Mello said, his own tears falling as he held L tightly, "We know how much this is hurting you and we just want to make sure you're going to be okay at the end of it. We can't lose you, L!" L stood in their embrace, listening to the words and emotion he had never heard from them before. He knew they cared, but the waves of emotion that were wrapping around him as tightly as their arms were surprised him and he smiled sadly, tears in his own eyes as he was warmed and strengthened by their affection.

"I too am sorry for losing my temper with you, please forgive me. Obviously, I am not myself." They stood together for a few minutes longer and finally the boys released him. He turned and looked at both of them, his love for both of them obvious.

"You should get ready for the party," he said finally, "Remember what I told you and look out for Matsuda, he'll be there at some point as well." Mello snickered.

"It's Matsuda, he won't recognize us." He said and Matt laughed wiping his eyes.

"Probably not, but don't underestimate him, he has become quite a decent detective over the years. Remember, I need good pictures." L told them and went back to his chair drawing his knees to his chest. 

"Okay, we're going to change and get over to Light's. We'll try not to make faces at the cameras while we're there." Matt said and L nodded and turned to them with a smile.

"Good, and do try to restrain yourselves, I know how difficult it can be for you two to do so." The two looked at each other, nodded and then walked over to L, one on each side.

"Yes, Dad we'll be good," Mello said and they both leaned down, each one kissing a cheek before laughing and running out of the room, L turning in shock to watch them leave.

Watari had been cleaning up the mess at the desk as the drama had been going on behind him, trying not to get involved, and now he tried not to laugh as the two ran out. Now that it was over and L had sat down again, he picked up his ward's hand and sighed, it had bled through the bandage.

"I'm going to redress this wound, please try to sit still and not reopen it this time." He told the detective who nodded and continued to stare at the door, the shock of the double kiss still showing on his face.

"Miyano, can I ask you a question?" Light asked as they sat together on the couch eating their recently delivered food.

"Yes, what about?" Miyano asked.

"Those friends of yours I saw in the pictures at the club, were they part of your service?" Miyano stopped eating for a moment and looked away before answering.

"Yes, all three were top escorts, made a lot of money for us and for themselves. They were also my friends." He said sadly.

"Well, don't you think it's odd that they were all murdered? Did you look into your clients as possible killers? Did you tell the police…"

"Tell them what? That I run an escort service, they worked it and maybe one of my clients takes to killing the escorts? First of all, the only police that even bothered to check anything out came the first night of each of the murders, asked the same ridiculous questions and then we never heard from them again."

Light could believe completely what he was saying, that was the entire reason why he was here in the first place.

"I'm sorry if I'm upsetting you but if you want me to do this, I have to think what if I find myself in the same situation? How am I going to know if the person you send me with is not the killer?" Miyano looked horrified at Light's words.

"No…no that could never happen to you, believe me it couldn't!" he said and Light raised an eyebrow.

"How can you say that? How can you be so sure when you don't know who the murderer is?" he asked and Miyano put his food down and stood up, turning his back on Light.

"Because I just know it couldn't. You don't have the reputation those three had, they were difficult, completely out of control at times. They didn't think their actions would get consequences. You're completely above them in every way, Light I don't think you'd behave as stupidly as they did. Sometimes they took on clients without my approval, that I hadn't checked the backgrounds of. They are as much responsible for their own deaths as the killer." Light wondered about those statements, but said nothing more as obviously Miyano was quite upset. He stood up and walked over to him, putting his hands on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Miyano I didn't mean to upset you, but you do understand why I'm concerned?" The young man turned around and smiled, albeit a shaky one.

"No reason to apologize, I'd be concerned if I were you," he stared into the honey eyes of the young man before him before leaning forward and gently kissing him, "Now no more serious, sad thoughts we have a party to get ready for. I shall introduce you to all the best guys around, they'll tell you all about the best clubs, the best gossip and most of them will want to take you home. Now finish eating and let's get started." Light nodded and they sat back down to finish their dinner. 

L decided that if that man kissed Light one more time he would have a hit put out on him, whether he was a murderer or not. Then he decided against it as another murder would only confuse the issues at hand. He looked up as the door to the office opened and Near came in, a happy smile on his face.

"I take it dinner went well?" L asked him and Near nodded taking his place next to him.

"It did, thank you, L. She was very happy to see me. She apparently misunderstood my last message and wasn't expecting to hear from me. The best part is apparently there aren't any guys at college who attract her, and she's too busy anyway." 

"Well, I'm quite happy for you both," L told him and then told him what he had done on the cases that he had worked on. Near immediately got right into them and looked everything over.

Matt and Mello returned a few minutes later with a change of clothes and chuckled as soon as they saw Near had returned.

"Sooooo Snow Queen, how did dinner go?" Mello asked leaning on Near's shoulder.

"Mello what did I tell you about that ridiculous name?" Near snapped at him and Mello laughed.

"I'm sorry, but you will always be Snow Queen to me, it's a pet name only, don't be mad." He said and Near huffed and turned away from him.

"To answer your question it was a very nice dinner, Sayu and I had an excellent experience."

"Excellent experience? What does THAT mean?" Matt asked getting into Near's face, "What type of excellent experience did you have?" Near rolled his eyes and then glared at him.

"Why must you always assume sex somehow enters into everything?" he asked and Matt shrugged.

"Just because it's perfectly natural, and I want to know when you finally have it!" he said and Near turned away from him.

"For all you know I could have already had that experience. It's not as if I'd tell you." He said and began typing.

"You wouldn't? We're your family, you wouldn't want to share that with us?" Mello asked getting closer to Near's face, "That's not very nice."

"No, I would not. You both are very juvenile about it." Matt and Mello stood up from Near and looked at each other.

"Are we? I never thought we were, we use all right words like sex, and penis and…"

"Gentlemen…you have work to do." L interrupted and Mello glanced at the screen.

"They're not even ready yet, we've got time." He said and turned his attention back to Near.

"Well, if you ever want to have a serious discussion, come find me. We'll leave Matt out of it, he does excite easily."

"Enough, Mello. I want you in place as people start to arrive." L told him sternly and Mello nodded.

"Okay, we're leaving right now." He said then ruffled Near's hair as he walked away towards the door, followed by Matt.

"We'll stay in contact, L" Matt told the detective and for just a few moments the three exchanged a knowing look before they walked out. Near sighed then looked over at L.

"I know they mean well but sometimes.." he began and L nodded.

"Understood," he said and turned his attention back to his screen.

Light was walking Miyano to the door, when the young man turned back to face him.

"I find it hard to think we just met last night, today has been so much fun," he told him and Light smiled.

"Yes, it does seem as if we've known each other a bit longer." Light agreed and Miyano nodded.

"I'll be back about the same time people should be arriving." He leaned forward again but this time Light backed away.

"I've got to get ready, see you later." He told him and opened the door.

"Fine, later beautiful." Miyano said and waltzed out of the door. Light closed it behind him and let out a long breath and at the same time L did as well. He watched as Light went through his closet picking out what he wanted to wear before heading for the shower for yet another shower. He imagined it was more about cleaning Miyano off of him more than anything else.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Matt and Mello were parked across the street from Light's apartment for about half an hour before they noticed anyone arriving. They had been sitting on the stairs of the building across from Light's and chatting, like other people were up and down the street, looking completely normal.

Matt had been taking pictures of Mello and around the area so it didn't look out of place for him to be using his camera as people began to arrive and he swung the lens around to focus on Light's door.

The first person to arrive was the guy they'd been watching with Light most of the day, Miyano. Matt swung the camera up and adjusted the lens to get a good close up of him. He was surprised at how attractive he really was up close. His black hair, long and obviously well cared for, hung down to his shoulders, with just enough over his forehead to hang above his eyes. His dark eyes, large and doe like, were graced with long lashes. His nose was small and perky, which fit well with the cupid's bow like mouth beneath it that at this moment was in a smile that got bigger the closer he got to Light's door.

Matt pulled his eye away from the camera he was using to get close ups of Miyano and handed it to Mello so he could take a good look, and wasn't surprised by the reaction he got.

"Damn, no wonder L's stressed about this guy. I never looked that hard at him on the screen, but this is definitely a pretty boy."

"Yea, he is and he's definitely got his sights set on Light, for business and pleasure." Matt answered watching him go into the building.

"I know, but this is one of Light's suspects. This could all be a great cover for what he's really like. You know he has that problem according to L, an injury that keeps him from getting an erection. I don't know about you but that would piss me off enough to want to lash out and kill a few assholes…" Mello said but Matt shook his head.

"Except that the victims have all been raped, repeatedly. Obviously he can't do it."

"Not himself, but there are plenty of things he could use instead. Plenty of toys out there of all varying sizes that would work just as well, it isn't about pleasure it's about hurting and dominating. The fact his dick doesn't work wouldn't keep him from raping someone." Matt nodded in agreement.

"This is true, but my money's on the brute from last night. He's got the anger, the obvious power to pull something like that off."

"But what would his motive be? He's obviously a rough sex type, but is he a murderer?" Matt shrugged his shoulders and put the camera back up to his eye as he saw a cab pull up in front of Light's building.

"I dunno, all I know is Light's playing a really dangerous game here."

L sat at his desk and listened to their conversation. They had obviously forgotten for a moment that they were wired and he could hear everything that was said. They had discussed things that had gone through his mind as well, and he was proud of their reasoning, even if he wasn't happy with their discussion of Miyano's looks.

They watched for a while until it seemed the streaming of party goers going into Light's apartment had slowed and then eventually stopped. They decided it was probably full enough now that Light wouldn't notice them so they decided now was the time.

"L, we're going into the party now. What's happening, is Light by the door?" Mello asked.

"No, he's in the little kitchenette pouring himself more wine. That's beginning to disturb me." L answered

.

"Can't say that I blame him, everything's wrong and he's got to put his neck and who knows what else on the line to stop a killer without getting himself killed in the process. I'd fucking drink too." Mello said and he heard L sigh.

" I didn't say I was not understanding of why, merely that it troubles me. If you go in now, there's a crowd dancing and Light is still away from the door. You can mingle in quite easily."

"Okay, on our way." Mello said and he and Matt walked across the street, up the stairs and then slowly opened the door to Light's apartment. They could hear the pulsating music through the door, but when he opened the door they were nearly blasted back by it. They quickly slid in, nodded at each other, and then separated to opposite sides of the room. Mello decided he wanted to stay as close to Light as possible without giving himself away. He walked past the table with all the food and stopped when he saw the fondue. He grabbed a particularly fat strawberry and dunked it into the chocolate, then tossed it into his mouth.

"Yea, that's good." He said licking his fingers, "No wonder you keep these to yourself.".

"Otherwise I'd have none. Continue, please." L droned in his ear and he had to smile. Mello watched as Miyano flitted from person to person, freshening their drinks, offering food, and quick conversation. He stopped moving when Miyano found his way to Matt, offering him a drink.

"I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met?" he said and Matt smiled.

"We met quickly at the club one night, I came in with someone else. Nice to see you again Miyano, you are an excellent host." Matt said easily, still managing not to give a name. Miyano smiled prettily at the compliment and offered Matt cheese and crackers. Matt took a couple and nodded his thanks.

"Actually, I'm not the host I'm just helping. Your host is that beautiful man over there, his name's Light…well…I've just realized he's never told me his last name. Would you like me to introduce you to him?" Matt shook his head.

"No, it's fine, we've already met." He said popping another cracker into his mouth. Miyano smiled as he appraised Matt's features, his blue eyes especially which stood out in stark contrast to his now black hair.

"God I must have been blind drunk to not remember a pair of blue eyes like yours. Listen, dear if you'd like to hang around a bit after the party, perhaps we can arrange to have a private party of our own; I'm sure Light would enjoy it." From out of nowhere Mello was suddenly next to Matt, his expression easily readable and not at all pleasant.

"I don't think that would be a healthy idea," he said crossly causing Miyano's eyes to widen and he giggled.

"Oh my, territorial? Sorry…well we could make it a foursome?" Mello started to move forward and Matt grabbed his hand.

"That's okay, Miyano thank you for the offer but the beast here is not into group sex." Matt said and Miyano sighed.

"Too bad, especially since I've just realized that is my absolute favorite hair color. Well, enjoy!" he said and bounced away after looking in Light's direction and back at Mello. Matt smacked Mello's shoulder.

"What the hell, Mello you could have ruined everything, I can handle someone like that." Mello didn't reply right away as he continued to watch Miyano flit through the crowd.

"Indeed, that was not well thought out." L said in their ears, "If you cannot control your emotions Mello go wait outside."

"Sorry L, I just…sorry. Again, I don't know how you do it, he didn't even touch Matt and I wanted to kill him." They both heard a slight chuckle from L.

"When have I said that I have not been plotting his demise in various painful ways? Now get me names to go with those pictures."

Light had joined the crowd, the glass in his hand full as he weaved through it. Miyano grabbed him and introduced him to several people then dragged him to the area where people were dancing.

"Come on beautiful dance with me." He said and Light nodded, joining the rest of the gyrating bodies. Light leaned closer to Miyano's ear.

"Anyone else here that works for you?" he asked and Miyano frowned.

"You're such a pooper, always thinking business." He said and Light laughed.

"Can you blame me? I want to know if anyone who works for you is still breathing." He said and Miyano had to laugh.

"I don't blame you, when the dance is over I will introduce you to each one as a new recruit." Miyano promised and Light shook his head.

"I haven't said yes yet, potential recruit." He corrected and Miyano laughed again.

"Fine, potential." He said and Light nodded, finishing the wine in the glass.

L's thumb worried at his bottom lip as he watched Light dance and finish another glass of wine. Light was a totally casual drinker; he'd have wine with dinner, sometimes a beer every now and then. He couldn't recall Light ever drinking this much in one day; something was definitely wrong. He tried to see Light's eyes but the camera was too far away, he feared that Light was having a hard time holding on to himself; their time together after their long separation had been too short.

He knew Light needed him to keep everything grounded and in perspective, it was the reason he was so upset that the case had lasted as long as it had before this but Light had seemed okay. Light had never spoken to him about it, but L knew it was the fact that they were constantly together that helped him stay the way he was, reinforced what life he wanted. The pressures of this case, plus the constant pawing from Miyano was taking it's toll on Light, this he knew but he hadn't expected to see it manifested in alcohol consumption. Light was smart enough not to lose control completely, he was in the middle of a case and he had to keep his wits about him, This was only the second evening he had been undercover and away from him, if it lasted too much longer L would go against Light's wishes and pay him a visit.

The song had finished and Miyano began to move through the crowd with Light, and L contacted the boys.

"Miyano is introducing Light to other members of his special little group, one of you try to get close enough to hear the names and repeat them to me so I may look them up." He ordered and at first Matt moved to follow them but Mello shook his head.

"I'll follow the little pervert, you keep your eyes on everyone else." He said and Matt patted his cheek.

"You're so cute when you're jealous," he said and moved away before Mello could retaliate. Mello poured himself a drink and followed them at a small distance, close enough to hear but far enough away to not look like he was doing anything more than mingling.

"Takeshi Ito," Miyano was saying, "This is Light…I'm sorry, what is your last name, beautiful?"

"Yagami, Light Yagami," Light answered with a smile.

"He's thinking of joining our happy family," Miyano continued, "Tell him what a wonderful employer I am." The man he was speaking to was shorter than Light, with short bleached hair and a face that belonged in a shojo magazine. His features were like a porcelain doll, fine and perfect and Light could tell he had the slightest touch of make-up. He was dressed in a form fitting black and silver satin shirt and black pants. Takeshi appraised Light and then smiled.

"I see. He should do well, Miyano he's almost as pretty as I am." Miyano laughed.

"Yes, well we know that's impossible don't we?" he answered and Mello fought not to gag as he listened and relayed the name to L.

"Miyano is a kind employer," Takeshi said, "Unlike the other jerk…" he stopped when he saw Miyano's warning look. Light finished for him.

"I take it you must mean Kenji," he said and Takeshi nodded, "It's okay, I've had my moments with him, I can understand." Miyano's cell phone went off and he answered then excused himself to take the call.

"He's just an animal," Takeshi continued, "I try not to deal with him at all, but Miyano is a darling. Did you know Kenji slaps him around? He'll hit anyone but Miyano seems to be his favorite chew toy, but just watch yourself. Why don't I introduce you to Mikato while Miyano takes his call, you'll like him too." Light nodded and turned to see where Miyano had gone. He saw him go out of the front door at the same time he saw sudden movement to his right. He tried to see who it was but saw nothing in particular then turned back to Takeshi who was leading him to another young man.

Mello let out a breath, Light hadn't seen him. He didn't expect him to turn around like he did and although he may not have recognized him right away, he didn't want to push his luck. He continued to follow behind for the next name.

"Why don't you just come inside and have a drink?" Miyano asked as he walked outside.

"Because I'm not in the mood for a party," Kenji answered him from where he was standing leaning against the building, Miyano sighed and walked over to him.

"Then what is it you want, Kenji I'm having a good time and you're taking me away from it."

"Have you asked him yet? Did you get a last name?"

"Always business with you, Kenji. His last name is Yagami, and yes I've asked him but he's yet to answer me."

"Good, good. Talk him into it, I know you can."

"I don't know, Kenji there's something different about Light, I think he's better than this." He gasped as Kenji grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him against him.

"You better hope not, you've already told him about the business he either joins or we're going to have a problem."

"Why? It's not like he's going to run around and talk about it, he's not that type!" Miyano told him and Kenji looked at him askance.

"What is this, you know the guy for one day and you're defending him to me? Getting a little too close, Miyano?" Miyano looked away for a minute before he answered.

"Me? You've fucked everyone who works for us! Light treats me like a human being, Kenji, like you used to before I got hurt." Kenji pushed him away.

"Maybe he wouldn't if he knew what a freak you were." He said cruelly and Miyano flinched from the word.

"He does know, and he told me he thought I still had plenty to offer to the right person. You're just jealous because he's nicer to me than you and you haven't fucked him yet!," He answered. Kenji laughed and then reached out and smacked Miyano.

"You need to learn to watch your mouth, Miyano. You don't even know if he's who he says he is yet, he could be playing you for the idiot you are!" Miyano touched his face where Kenji had just hit him and looked back at him with complete hate. He reached out and pushed Kenji back so that he slammed back against the building.

"I'm tired of you hitting me all the time, stop it!" he yelled and knew immediately he had done the wrong thing. Kenji moved away from the wall, grabbed him and threw Miyano against the wall, his head banging into it with a loud thud, making him cry out. He then grabbed him pulling him against him.

"All you have left is that pretty face of yours, maybe your new friend won't like you so much if you don't have that either." He pulled his fist back and let it fly.

Light had finished his conversation with Mikato and was freshening his wine when one of the other party goers looked out of the window after hearing a thud outside it.

"Oh lord he's slapping that poor boy around again," he said and Light went to the window and saw Kenji draw back his fist and slam it into Miyano's face.

"Hey, knock it off!" he yelled out of the window to stop the next blow and then turned and ran out of the door. Several party goers followed him, including Mello, stopping at the top of the stairs as Light continued down them and out to where Kenji had Miyano against the wall.

"Light's running over to help Miyano, someone's trying to beat the shit out of him, probably made the moves on someone else's boyfriend. Wait, it's that Kenji guy," Mello said into the mike and L found it hard to feel sorry for him.

"Unless it appears Light is going to be in danger, don't get involved." L instructed him. Matt hearing the conversation also ran out of the door and stood next to Mello, not happy with L's instructions either.

Light grabbed Kenji from behind and pulled him off of Miyano, landing his own punch as Kenji spun around, splitting his lip and making him lose his balance and fall to the ground.

"Well, well Miyano has a hero now?," Kenji said staring up at Light. "That's not going to work for me, pretty boy, you need to learn your place like everyone else who works for me."

"If you think you can teach me, get up." Light told him, his eyes narrowed and flashing in anger.

"Don't Light, you don't know what he's capable of!" Miyano warned and Light ignored him, his total focus on Kenji who then tried to stand and ram into him. Light leaned back, picked up his foot and kicked Kenji in the face as he rushed forward still crouched down, a little something he had learned from L, smiling at the sound of snapping cartilage. Kenji cried out, grabbing at his face as he fell backwards.

"You fucking broke my nose!" He screamed at Light holding his nose and crawling to his knees.

"How many have you broken, or worse?" Light asked him and walked over to Miyano who had slid down to the ground and looked him over, his right cheek swelling badly, and tears running down his face. "You're going to need ice on that." He told him and didn't hear Kenji getting up and rushing him.

"Look out!" Matt called out unable to stay out of it completely and Light turned just as Kenji slammed a fist into his mouth, making him stumble backwards against the wall. Light quickly regained his footing and rushed at Kenji, his first punch landing on the already broken nose, and his second on his mouth.

Matt and Mello decided they had to stop this no matter what L had said. Light was holding his own but there was no reason to allow him to continue this if they could stop it. Just as they started to run down the stairs to where they were fighting, a car pulled up in front of them, Matsuda jumping out of the car.

"Hey, this is supposed to be a party, knock it off!" Matsuda yelled and pushed Kenji away from Light.

"Mind your own business," Kenji growled at him.

"You're fighting a friend of mine, so it is my business. Why don't you go home before we call the cops?" Kenji spit blood onto the ground at Matsuda's feet.

"Fine, but I'm not done." He turned and walked away, climbing into a small blue car at the end of the street and driving off, wheels screeching as he did. Matsuda then turned his attention to Light who was being held back by Miyano.

"Are you okay, Light?" he asked and Light nodded, bringing a hand to rub blood away from his mouth.

"Yea, I'm fine. Good timing once again, Matsui." He said and Matsuda smiled.

"Yea, for him, you seemed to have been holding your own pretty well. I just thought it was a bad way to run a party." Miyano walked over to him.

"Thank you, Light was trying to protect me but Kenji would have really hurt him eventually. Were you coming into the party?" he asked trying to smile in spite of the swelling.

"Yea, Light invited me." Matsuda answered and Miyano nodded.

"Good, I'm Miyano please come in, I'll introduce you to everyone." He said then turned to Light.

"Thank you, beautiful." He said reaching up to touch Light's face.

"It's okay, Miyano. Why don't you go in and put some ice on that, I'll be back in a few minutes." Miyano nodded and walked back into the building, passing Matt and Mello.

"What has happened, has Light been hurt?" L asked finally when he could no longer restrain from asking after hearing Matt call out.

"Fight is over, L. Matsuda of all people stopped it. He was arriving for the party and pulled up in front of them, threatened to call the cops and the asshole finally left. Light's gotta be careful now, if that guy is the murderer, he's gonna have it bad for him now."

"Stay with Light until the party is over, then pull back and watch the building for a while, just in case he decides to make another move this evening." L instructed.

"L, Light broke his nose, I don't think he's going to be back tonight. He broke it doing one of your moves." Matt told him and L chuckled.

"I knew he had learned well, it's good to hear he has retained it. Well, you are possibly correct, but stay at least an hour afterwards before heading back here. See how many more names you can get."

"Got it," Mello told him and went back into the party. Matsuda looked Light over to make sure he hadn't been hurt worse than he thought.

"You know that guy's going to be after you big time now, Light. If he is the killer…"

"He's going to make a move against me sooner than expected, but that's fine. I'd rather get this over with one way or another as quickly as possible." Light said as they began to walk back towards the door. Matsuda couldn't put his finger on it, but there was a difference to the way Light sounded and as he watched him walk ahead of him, also to the way he was moving. Maybe he was still just angry, he said to himself with a shrug and followed him in.

L watched as Light and Matsuda came in, and Light excused himself to go into the bathroom. He then listened as Miyano told everyone what had happened as he held ice against his face, how Light had saved him from Kenji, how wonderful he was. Miyano was in his glory, the center of attention, making Light his personal knight in shining armor. L felt he would be ill if this didn't stop soon.

Light splashed water on his face and stared at himself in the mirror. He looked down at his hands and the bruised knuckles and grinned. That had actually been fun, he was able to get out some of his frustration on Kenji's face. Matsuda was right, Kenji had it in for him from the night before when he was sexually interrupted, now he had gotten his nose broken he was definitely going to be after him. He dabbed at the cut on his lip, dried his face and headed back out. All he wanted now was for this party to be over so he could call L, he needed to hear his voice.

He walked back out to what almost sounded like a gaggle of geese going off in the middle of the room. The entire party had turned to see him walk out, all rushing towards him at once, all yammering about how great he was, what a hero, how did he take on Kenji, etc.

"Looks like you have a hero on your hands, L." Matt whispered into his mike as he and Mello watched Light be surrounded from opposite ends of the room.

"So it seems," L said curtly, "He's not going to stand for it for very long," he predicted and he was right. After a few minutes Light pulled away from them and raised his hands.

"Look, this is supposed to be a party, please forget about what happened and just enjoy yourselves. It was an unfortunate incident not something for me to be congratulated over, please go back to partying!" he told them all and they all applauded him and began to do just that. The music came back on and dancing once again commenced. He let out a breath and poured another glass of wine, offering one to Matsuda who was standing next to him.

"So, other than the fight, has anything else happened?" the detective asked him and Light nodded.

"I've met a couple other members of the stable," he said taking a sip, "They seem to all fear Kenji and adore Miyano. I'm planning on meeting up with several of them tomorrow evening at one of the clubs, I'll start making those arrangements now. I'll see what kind of information I can get from them on the pretense of wanting to know what I'm getting into." Matsuda nodded and watched as Light finished off his glass of wine and began to refill it.

"Light, don't take this the wrong way, but do you think you might be drinking a little more than normal?" he asked and Light continued to fill the glass and then looked at him.

"Probably, but it's a party. I'm not out of control, I'm still doing what I need to do, I think I'm okay, Matsui." He said and Matusda nodded, he had no reason not to trust Light's judgment.

"Oh and I turned the glass in, and the only prior he had was getting arrested for sex in a public area. Their little escort service is very well hidden as it hasn't come up for either of them."

"I'll find out if any of the others have been arrested tomorrow night, and who their best clients are, just in case Kenji isn't our killer." Light told him and then grinned.

"Enough work, go have something to eat and enjoy yourself a little. You've done enough for one night." He told him and walked away to continue mingling and learning who else was part of the service. Matsuda shrugged and decided to follow Light's advice while keeping an eye out in case Kenji decided to return.

Several hours later the party had wound down, most had left with the exception of a few, and Matt, Mello and Matsuda. As the crowd thinned, Matt and Mello decided it was best to stay as far away from Light as possible, although he very rarely looked in their direction. Mello had managed to get several more names following his conversations, which he had related to L, then made his way outside, waiting for Matt to do the same.

L congratulated them for managing to stay undetected and getting the information that he needed to track down the other members of the escort service, and asked them again to keep an eye on the building for a little while longer before coming back. They walked across the street to where they had parked and stayed out of sight.

Matsuda started to leave a few minutes after they did, suggesting to Light that he lock his windows and stay aware that Kenji might want revenge that evening, but Light didn't think so and told him not to worry. He walked Matsuda out and gave him a list of names he had learned that evening and asked him to pull sheets on them the next day, and let him know what he found. He had managed to write each one down by walking away to refill his drink after each meeting, and now gave it to Matsuda.

"Great work, Light I will do this first thing in the morning."

"Thanks again, Matsuda, for everything." Light said and Matsuda nodded.

"It was just luck tonight that I was arriving at that time, but I'm glad I could stop it. It didn't look like you were planning to quit anytime soon and he's a pretty big guy." Light shrugged.

"Good night, I will talk to you tomorrow." Matsuda nodded and headed for his car. Light turned and came back into his apartment to find Miyano flitting back and forth cleaning and putting things away.

"Don't worry about this, I'll get it tomorrow. Why don't you go ahead home, you've had a busy night." Light told him and Miyano stopped and walked over to him, looking nervous.

"Light, I wonder if you wouldn't mind if I stayed here tonight, I'm a little afraid I might find someone waiting for me tonight." Light looked at the obviously frightened man and ran a hand through his hair, sighing deeply. He really wanted to be alone so he could talk to L, he really, really needed to talk to him. At the same time, could he in all good conscious let Miyano go home knowing he was probably right about Kenji. He finally smiled at him.

"Of course, you can take the bed, the couch will be fine for me."

"No, I couldn't put your out of your own bed, that would be more than rude, the couch looks quite comfy. Why don't you go ahead to bed and let me clean up for you in return. Have some more wine to relax and don't worry about a thing."

Light thought about taking the phone outside but thought Miyano would wonder who he was talking to that he had to take it outside; it might look suspicious. The way he was feeling right now, he'd probably burst into tears upon hearing L's voice anyway, and that wouldn't do either.

He retrieved one of the remaining bottles of wine and a glass and brought it over to the bed. He poured another glass and opened up his laptop. He could at least contact him this way, even if he couldn't hear his voice.

L bristled the moment Miyano asked to stay the evening, he was sure there were ulterior motives in that request. He would watch until Light had gone to bed and was asleep and if he saw anything even remotely off he would call, regardless of what he had promised Light.

Light began typing a note to L, and continuing to work on the wine. He was beginning to feel the effects of the fight, his body feeling sore from where he was punched. He decided not to mention the fight to L in his message, just keeping it general would be a good idea, he didn't want to worry him.

"Sorry I can't call, I have an over night guest and there is no way I can make a call to you without being heard. He is one of my suspects and circumstances have made it necessary that he stay with me tonight. Don't worry, no handcuffs are involved, only someone as odd as you would come up with that scenario. I believe things are coming to a head a bit quicker than I suspected they would due to happenings this evening, but I'll know more about that tomorrow. I love you and I really want to talk to you right now, but hopefully I can do that tomorrow before I get started on my plans. Good night, Ryuzaki."

Light had finished and refilled his glass three times while he had typed that short note, something that did not go unnoticed by L as he watched him. He also kept his eye on Miyano as he went back and forth, but he seemed to be seriously only interested in cleaning the party mess.

Light sent the message, and smiled at the sleepy warming effect the wine was having on him. He wanted to just pass out and sleep, the faster this night was over the better. He had danced, partied, been patted, squeezed, pinched and just plain groped during the better part of the night, and had flirted right back. He absolutely hated every minute of it, it left him feeling violated and dirty but he was too tired to even think of another shower. He peeled off his shirt and pants after kicking off his shoes and crawled into bed, finishing off the glass yet again, leaving him heavy lidded and almost giddy. He laid his cell phone on the table by the bed, looking at it sadly. Before he lay down he stared at the computer, willing L to answer him before he passed out.

L was trying to do just that, trying to answer without letting him know that he knew exactly what he had been through that evening.

"Perhaps you can be more clear on exactly what happened this evening when we talk tomorrow, I really would like to know," he typed, "Whatever you have planned for tomorrow, maintain your priority of staying as safe as possible, and take nothing for granted, but I do not have to tell you that. Light, you must remember one thing in all of this, how much I love you, and how much our life together means to both of us. Keep that in your mind at all times and you will be fine even if we cannot talk to each other." He sent the message immediately, but sighed after looking at the screen, Light had finally passed out.

He continued to watch Miyano who continued to clean, putting left over food away and wiping everything down. He looked up as Matt and Mello came into his office, both looking very tired as Matt handed him the camera with all of the pictures.

"Obviously that idiot didn't show up, so we came back. What's going on?" he asked yawning as he peered at the screen.

"Miyano has decided he is afraid to go home tonight and of course Light has let him stay. The only good thing about that is Light has passed out after an evening of strenuous drinking and everything else he has endured. At least he won't be able to try to talk him into anything."

"That is a good thing, because I don't trust that guy any further than I could throw him," Mello said joining Matt in his yawn, "Good night, L. Try to get some rest yourself." He added and they both left the office as L wished them both goodnight, and sending Near to bed as well.

After about half an hour, Miyano began to turn out the lights and headed back into the living room. He walked over to Light, closed the laptop and put it on the floor. He leaned forward, ran a hand through his hair and then softly kissed him. L stood up out of his chair and leaned forward, his eyes huge with anger and jealousy, his hands in fists against the desk.

"I will personally and cheerfully remove all of your fingers if you touch him like that again," he whispered angrily at the screen and was relieved when Miyano pulled the blankets over Light, turned off the lamp next to his bed and then went to lie on the couch.

L sat back in the chair and brought his knees to his chest, thinking he would nap as Light slept when he was suddenly aware of movement. Miyano had gotten up, and was walking towards Light's bed.

Miyano had lain there for a moment, thinking of how wonderful Light had been to him tonight, and he had to think of a way to repay him, to let him know how much he appreciated what he'd done. He sat up and made his way over to the sleeping man's bed, knowing there was one way he could show appreciation, and bring some enjoyment to Light as well.

He crawled onto the bed and slowly lowered the covers, until they had revealed Light's boxers. He began to stroke him through his boxers, until Light began to stir, still deeply affected by the alcohol and sleep, but feeling the sensation and responding to it. He began to moan, and saying L's name. L stood up again, his hands once again balled up into fists.

"It's not me, Light, it's not me. Please wake up and stop him!" he cried but he could see Light was still deeply under the alcohol's influence to be completely coherent. Miyano reached inside Light's boxes and freed his now hard cock and began to lick around the tip, and down the underside, teasing the sensitive vein making Light cry out louder and he smiled in triumph.

In Light's mind he knew it was L, he had done this before while he was asleep. He was still under the wine's influence, his eyes still shut as the delicious sensations assaulted him. This was just what he needed, L to take care of him, show him how much he loved him.

Miyano ignored the name Light was moaning, he figured it was whoever loved the chocolate strawberries that Light seemed to still care about. He didn't care, he just wanted to make him feel good. He then took him into his mouth, swallowing him down his throat as his hands moved upwards to Light's chest.

Light cried out when Miyano took him into his mouth, the feelings so wonderful he began to rise from the depths of sleep and alcohol, wanting to look down and see L's face below him, wanting to touch him, run his fingers through the hair he loved so much.

L covered his ears with his hands, he couldn't stand listening to those sounds coming from Light, because of someone else's actions. He could hear Light groaning his name, Light couldn't be blamed he thought it was him and in his state it was understandable. He had to stop it before it went further and Light became aware. He quickly dialed Lights number and when the phone rang, Miyano quickly grabbed it and shut it off. L screamed his frustration and fell back into the chair, helpless to stop what was happening.

Light could feel his orgasm rushing towards him, he was so desperate for it, needing L so badly. He began to thrust up into the mouth he though was L's, the fog clearing from his mind faster with his blood pumping faster through him. He opened his eyes, and sat up slightly, reaching for the dark hair he saw below him…and then stopped. Something was wrong, he wasn't home and that hair, although dark was all wrong.

"No! Stop!" he tried to yell as it all began to be clear to him, but Miyano wouldn't stop and Light was too far gone to stop the orgasm as it rushed through him and he spilled into Miyano's waiting mouth, screaming.

L cried out himself, tears of anger, frustration and hurt escaping as he slid out of the chair onto the floor on his knees, afraid of what this would do to Light in his already tenuous state.

Light pushed Miyano away from him as his head cleared completely, horrified by what he had just let happen.

"Why did you do this, why?" he yelled at Miyano, his own tears forming as he thought of L and how he could have let this happen. It wasn't in pursuit of information or part of the investigation, it had just happened and he let it. He couldn't justify this at all.

"I was just trying to make you feel good, Light. You've been so good to me tonight, it's the least I could do. I thought you would want a little fun..."

"No, no I didn't want this you shouldn't have done this, how could I have let this happen?" Light cried drawing his knees up against him, burying his face against them and crying.

"Light I'm sorry," a bewildered Miyano told him, "I'm sorry I just wanted…" he stopped talking when he noticed a change in Light. He had stopped crying suddenly and very slowly looked up at him, his eyes narrowed and they seemed to almost glow. The tears had stopped and the look on his face nearly terrified Miyano and he backed up on the bed.

"I know what you wanted, you have already said," Light said in a suddenly very quiet, and calm voice, "You have done what you set out to do. You need to go back to the couch now Miyano and go to sleep." The young man nodded slowly and tried to reach out and touch Light's face. Light reached out and grabbed his arm, pushing it away from him, his gaze at Miyano cold.

"I…I am sorry, Light." He said again, bringing his arm back, and crawled off of the bed and back to the couch.

"It's alright, Miyano you meant well. Now go to sleep."

L stared up at the screen from the floor, frightened and saddened by the sound of Light's voice. It was too calm, the words too measured and careful.

"You're losing yourself, hiding from what happened" he whispered at the screen as tears ran down his face, "Don't worry, I will get you back. I will not let Kira take you again, Light.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

L didn't sleep, afraid to take his eyes off of Light for a moment. Light had gotten up, removed the sheets from the bed and flung them to the floor, then went to the bathroom and showered. He had then gotten dressed and had sat on the floor by the bed, not wanting to get back into it. His mind was in a constant battle with itself and he wondered for a moment if this was what it was like to go insane. The unfeeling part of him told him he was ridiculous for reacting so badly to a simple blowjob, told him he was behaving like a child and he would have to repair the situation with Miyano. If he was the wild one he was pretending to be, then that shouldn't have bothered him in the least, he should have welcomed it. He could use the excuse that he had already told Miyano he didn't want a physical relationship with him if they were going to work together, that could be his reason for not wanting it. His extreme reaction could be attributed to the amount of alcohol he had consumed. Most of all, L need not know what happened.

This rationale calmed him and he allowed himself to slip back into the safety of that part of him as he leaned against the bed. It shut down the side of him that did feel, that didn't want anyone to touch him except L, the part of him that felt that he had somehow betrayed L told him how hurt L would be if he found out. Although he had warned L it could happen, and L had accepted it, he had promised he would do everything possible to avoid it, and here he had just let it happen. Had it been a situation where he was in control, where he could justify it as getting closer to the killer, or getting more information he could file it under the line of duty, this was nothing like that.

The moment L was in his mind, a tug of war began. The hard part of him began to slip in power, and in spite of the shower he suddenly felt dirty, and just wrong. L's disappointment in him was the largest fear he had, that it would somehow make a difference in their relationship if he found out, and he knew eventually he would get it out of him no matter how hard he might try to hide it. He put both hands in his hair and tried to shut off a sob as his Kira side viciously began to attack him.

Don't you hate feeling this weak, being ridiculous? It's only because you're depending on HIM for your very existence the darker side of him began again. It was part of the job, no matter how it happened, stop acting like a little girl, Light. You once held the future of the world in your hands, had you behaved like this then you never would have gotten as far as you did. It was only your giving in to your feelings about HIM that led to your giving up that power, don't let it happen again and ruin this case. If you hadn't done it before do you know where you'd be right now? You would be controlling the entire planet and you would be L because HE would be dead instead of controlling you.

Light's head snapped up as those last words ran through his head, L would be dead. How could he even let that thought run through his head, no matter how weak he was feeling. L wasn't controlling him, L was keeping him grounded. He needed L, he wanted L, he loved L. He had to be careful, he was losing his balance because of this. He needed the non-feeling part of him to help him get through this, but he had to keep it under control or he would lose himself completely. There was a point after it all happened that he had lost control over it, he had reached for it but it had taken a strong hold on him and had held him until he had gotten up to shower, and now it was trying to grab hold again.

He looked at the phone on the table, he vaguely remembered hearing it ring at one point, and then it stopped suddenly. He picked it up and flipped it open, seeing that it had been L that had called him. He peered into the darkness to see that Miyano was sleeping and tried to make up his mind whether or not he should call L; a part of him needed to and another part of him told him he didn't need to.

L sat straight up in the chair. "Call me, Light. Please just call me I can talk you through this, please!" L begged him through the screen, it had been painfully obvious to him the struggle Light was having within himself as he watched him.

Light stared at the phone for a moment, his mind fighting back and forth about what to do. Slowly, a smirk found his face as he laid the phone back down, turning it off again. He didn't need to talk to L, how ridiculous. He was his own person, a detective working a case that knew the consequences of what he was doing and agreed to take it on anyway. He wasn't a needy child; he was a man, perfectly capable of controlling himself without running to L for a pat on the head.

He stood up and yawned, then looked down at the bed. How ridiculous was he being avoiding the bed simply because of what happened, he was tired and he needed to sleep. He was now sorry he had pulled off the sheets. He reached down and grabbed the blanket and then crawled back into the bed. He'd call L later when he was ready to, not because he needed an emotional fix. Something he used to say began to float through his mind again, in his heart the will, and in his hands the means. He didn't have a Death Note anymore, but he had the means to finish this case and the will to do whatever he had to in order to finish it. He closed his eyes and finally fell asleep.

L sank back into the chair when Light put the phone back and sighed heavily knowing what that meant. He was reaching into himself for inner strength, which was good in one way, but it depended on where he was getting the strength that mattered. If he was reaching into himself, using the Light he knew he should be, using their relationship and his own will power as his strength then that was perfect he would be proud of him; but he feared he had reached Kira, the haughty, over confident part of him that would allow him to do what he needed, but would also ultimately take him over again. He wouldn't know until he talked to him, and he couldn't do that until Light turned the phone back on.

He pulled his knees back up against his chest and wrapped his arms around them, and continued to watch Light sleep.

When Light opened his eyes again the sun was shining through the windows and had lit up the entire apartment. He sat up rubbing his eyes and immediately looked towards the couch-but Miyano was gone. He apparently had awakened earlier and decided it was best if he just left before Light was up. He'd have to call him later and straighten things out, tell him he was drunk and over reacted badly because of the wine and to apologize; he couldn't afford to lose this contact that was a fact that both sides of him agreed with. Besides, he did genuinely like Miyano as a person; he didn't mean to hurt his feelings.

The moment he thought that that other side of him admonished him again for letting his feelings get in the way. Miyano was a contact, a means to finishing this case and should be thought of as such only, he was to him now as Misa had been to him before. Nothing but a tool to get things done. Light groaned and held his head in his hands, he was beginning to feel like he was psychotic with a split personality except they weren't separate, they were both him.

He looked at the phone again. Calling L wasn't a sign of weakness, he told himself, it was how he kept himself grounded in what he wanted to be. He wasn't weak, he was conflicted by something that wasn't normal and he longed for normalcy. That was what L was to him, his normal life, what it was he truly wanted was in L. He turned the phone on and quickly dialed L before he talked himself out of it again. L answered so quickly it made him laugh.

"Wow, one would think you were sitting staring at the phone," he said and heard L sigh through the phone.

"I was. You said you would call this morning, I was merely waiting at your word." Light smiled as he felt the familiar warm rush he always felt when he talked to L like this when they were apart and he welcomed it.

"I'm sorry about not being able to call last night, things….things got out of hand." He said trying not to say anymore.

"It doesn't matter, Light. There is only one thing that matters and I need you to listen very carefully to this."

"I'm listening," Light answered wanting to tell him how badly he needed him right now, that he was so conflicted now that he almost didn't know what direction to go; but for now he would just listen. L thought about his words carefully, he didn't want to let on that he knew what happened and that he knew about the internal struggle that was going on, but he also knew he had to give him something to hang on to.

"I love you, Light. No matter what happens, whatever you do while you're working on this case, remember that I love you. You must also remember what you will come back to when it is done. Your life as you left it is waiting for you Light. This is the life you have always wanted, and it is here when you are done, do you understand? What ever lifestyle you have to get into there, it will not matter or exist when you walk through these doors. The only thing that matters is what you know you truly want, and that is what we have together. Is that clear, Light?"

Light listened to words he really needed to hear right now. He didn't know how L knew he needed to hear them, but he did somehow. He closed his eyes and let the words cover him like a warm blanket, even his breathing slowed down. He pictured finally walking back through the door of their home again when this was over, and taking the raven haired detective into his arms again, and it gave him the strength he needed to push that other part down again for now.

"Yes, I understand." He answered.

"Do you want to tell me what transpired last evening? You don't have to, it doesn't matter to me except that it matters to you. I only want to listen if you want to talk about it."

Light's eyes opened suddenly as what happened played through his mind again. Part of him wanted to tell L, get it off his chest and yet he wasn't sure he knew exactly how to tell him. Part of him thought it really wasn't any of L's business, it was simply part of the case.

"No, it's okay, L. Nothing I need to worry you with, I've got it under control." He answered instead. L nodded, happy to hear that Light sounded more like himself than he did last night and could see he was calmer. Maybe he would be all right, after all.

"So what are your plans for today?" he asked and was pleased to see Light smile.

"Now, now I've already told you that I'm not going to let you know what I'm doing. Suffice it to say that I'm following leads that I picked up last evening. Don't try to play me." L laughed.

"You're just being insufferable again. Fine then. When shall I expect to hear from you again?" he asked.

"I don't know, L. But I will call or email you the first chance I get, you know that."

"I do. Just remember what I said, Light, no matter what happens I am here, WE are here," Light smiled and nodded.

"I'll remember. I love you, L." he said and closed the phone, putting it into his back pocket. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He needed coffee and breakfast and to talk to Miyano. He had a sudden idea and grabbed his jacket and ran out.

L reached over and pulled up the screen to follow Light's movement on Near's computer as he hadn't arrived yet. He could smell coffee and breakfast and knew Watari would be in soon, so the boys would probably be up soon as well. He had to decide what Light's next move would be.

Light found a coffee shop and picked up two coffees and pastries. He then pulled his phone and called Miyano's number.

"Hello..Light?" he heard Miyano's surprisingly timid answer.

"Yes, it's me. Look, I need to apologize and I have coffee and pastries. Tell me where you live." He said and after a few moments Miyano answered.

"You want to bring me coffee? You don't hate me?" he asked and Light laughed.

"No, I don't hate you, Miyano. I over reacted, I'm sorry. Look, give me your address and I'll be right over to apologize properly, okay?" Miyano gave him his address and Light grabbed the next taxi and headed over there.

L gratefully took the coffee Watari had poured him and closed his eyes as the warm liquid made it's way down his throat. He had survived one of the worst nights he could remember, he couldn't turn off the movie of watching Light getting sexual pleasure from someone else, every time it went through his mind the pain was just as fresh as the first time he saw it. Even though Light thought in his wine heavy mind he was with him, it didn't make the feelings of jealousy and betrayal any easier to deal with. He had never had sex with anyone else, and because of that it was extremely special to him, something he had only and would only share with Light. To watch someone else pleasure his Light nearly drove him insane, but he knew it would pass. It meant nothing to Light and therefore would not interfere with their relationship; he just had to get over seeing it. Light was his, and no one else had the right to touch him, much less anything else.

His eyes narrowed as he saw what direction Light was going into. He reached into his pile of papers and compared the direction with the address on the information sheets; he was going to Miyano's. Why would he be going there at this time of the day? He couldn't be thinking of apologizing, could he? It was Miyano who took advantage of him, that would be ridiculous. He stopped for a moment and tried not to let his own feelings get in the way of the logic of what Light might be doing; Miyano was his best contact, he probably couldn't afford to leave the situation as it was. That made sense even if it meant giving Miyano another opportunity to think he could get into Light's good graces as well as his pants again. It also didn't make him feel better that he couldn't see what was going on.

He tried to swallow the anger over the situation but found he couldn't. He had known this possibility was hanging over him, but it hadn't played out the way he had assumed it would. Light had been taken advantage of, he hadn't wanted or planned it; he wasn't even coherent when it started happening. He knew the pain Light was feeling about it, and that coupled with his own pain was nearly crippling to him. He reached into all of his own resources to try to push that emotion away, to think solely of what he had to do to keep Light grounded, to keep him safe. Keep him safe, he had already failed at that hadn't he? All the surveillance and microphones in the world hadn't kept Miyano's mouth off of Light, had it? He had been forced to sit and watch some other man perform oral sex on his Light, and helpless to stop it. Had it not been for Matsuda's ingenuity the night before, Light would have been forced to do the same for someone else the night before. What good was he doing in reality, the great L helpless to do anything to help the one person in the world he wanted to protect the most.

Suddenly he couldn't breathe, he felt useless, stupid and with no control over anything that mattered. He had to get away from that screen that just mocked him; showing him what he had no control over. He got up and nearly ran out of the office, through the living room and out of the front door, startling the boys as they were about to eat breakfast, and Watari who was preparing it.

They all looked at each other frightened for what could have happened and began to move to go after him, but Watari stopped them and shook his head.

"I'll go after him, perhaps you can go into the office and try to discover what has happened." He said and they nodded after a moment and ran into L's office. Mello looked at the screen and could only see Light's empty apartment.

"You think something happened after we left last night?" Matt asked and Near sat down in front of the other computer and could see that Light was on the move. Mello set the surveillance back to after they had come back home from the party. They watched Light go to bed, watched as he put away more than half of the bottle and then pass out.

"Light doesn't drink like that, he was drinking all night and now practically that entire bottle, something's wrong. He must have been feeling the effects of that fight as well," Matt commented looking at Mello who's face suddenly looked horrified.

"Oh that asshole !" he said and Matt turned back to the screen, seeing Miyano crawling off the couch and to the bed. They watched as he began to stroke Light, and his calling of L's name. Near looked away and the other two stared in disbelief.

"Mello go past this, I can't watch this, he thinks he's with L," Matt said looking at the floor and Mello did, to the point where it was obvious Light became aware of what was going on and pushed Miyano away. They heard his understandable upset and then sudden cold, calm demeanor that they knew wasn't the Light they knew. Mello stopped the play and looked at Matt.

"Oh my god, it's happened. He's reverting." He said and Matt shook his head.

"Can you blame him? That was practically rape, Miyano had no right…"Matt yelled and Mello nodded.

"We don't know that he's totally reverted," Near added, "It may have been his reaction at the moment, his trying to get away from it. He may be okay this morning, we should check."

"Did L look like he was okay?" Mello asked him but then agreed, "Alright I'll fast forward it to this morning." Before he did, he watched Light's immediate reaction afterwards, as he cleared the bed, showered and came back and sat by the bed. It was obvious in his body language that he was in conflict with himself; his hands in his hair, the audible groans of frustration, until he seemed to come to a decision and climbed back into the bed. He fast forwarded until they saw Miyano sneak out, and then finally Light awaking and calling L. It appeared after his conversation with L that he was back on track; he seemed troubled but definitely not what they had seen the night before.

"He seems himself after talking to L," Near stated, "But I wonder where he went afterwards." He checked his computer to see where he was, then looked down at the papers that were piled next to his keyboard and put two and two together.

"He went to Miyano's apartment," he said, "No wonder L's upset. I mean he's upset over what happened, and now he seems to be going to see him anyway."

"Why would he do that? I would think he would want to stay away.." Matt began and Near shook his head.

"From what I understand, this guy is Light's contact to the rest of the case. He can't let that go. He's probably gone to straighten out the situation the best way he can. It did appear that Miyano was quite upset afterwards.."

"Miyano was upset? Who the fuck cares about Miyano? He should have kept his ass on the couch!" Mello yelled and Matt nodded his agreement.

"But remember the persona Light has put on, if he was this extreme person he's trying to be, most likely he would not have been so upset at the situation and this Miyano knows this. I'm sure Light realizes this and is why he is probably trying to make amends. It is important to his cover." Matt and Mello looked at each other and sighed.

"Leave it to you to make sense where there is none." Mello said.

"So what do we do, now? L is obviously distraught over this, how can we help him?" Matt asked.

"By just being here and not pressuring him," Near said, "Watari's gone to him, and he is as much his father as L is for us. Watari will know how to deal with him, he's more likely to open himself to him than to us fearing we will somehow think less of him if he shows he's vulnerable, but he will need our support as well. He's got the extra burden of trying to keep Light grounded, he needs us to help him keep himself together."

They nodded and Mello reset the surveillance to real time and they walked out back to finish their breakfast, although neither one of them felt very hungry any longer.

Watari watched with some alarm as he watched L pace in the hallway outside the door. He hadn't even realized that his guardian was watching him he was so distraught. His hands were in his hair as he walked back and forth and, his eyes cast down on the floor in front of him.

"L…son, what has happened?" Watari asked gently and L stopped pacing for a moment, his hands leaving his hair seeking the familiar refuge of his jeans pockets.

"I have just realized how useless I am to Light; how I am unable to help him, to protect him.." his voice hitched and he stopped talking until he could control it.

"What do you mean, have you lost him on surveillance?" L turned to Watari, his eyes filled with anger and hurt all at once as they bore into his guardian.

"Useless, it's all useless, it's no good. Watari, the night before Light nearly had to perform a sexual act on someone if Matsuda hadn't caused a distraction….and last night…last night…" he stopped again as his voice began to fail him and he turned away, "last night his contact took advantage of his condition, having drunk far more than he should have after fighting with the suspected killer to protect his contact, and…he…Light was passed out, and he thought…he thought it was me when he did notice…and I…I'm sitting here in front of a screen that I can watch it through, that I can hear it through, and yet Watari I'm helpless to do anything! I watched him be violated, I watched him scream in horror when he realized what was happening, I watched him sink into his Kira persona for protection against what had happened did to him and I could do NOTHING!" he cried, raising his fist into the air and slamming it into the wall, "I couldn't help him, I couldn't protect him, I just sat and watched it happen! Why am I L if I can't help him!" he continued to pound into the wall as he yelled, until Watari ran to him and stopped him as blood began to fly. He grabbed L and held him tightly against him as the detective screamed his anguish against his chest.

The boys looked up in alarm as they heard L yelling, Mello getting up and running to the door until Matt stopped him shaking his head.

"No..don't go out there. He's with Watari, he'll be okay, he wouldn't want us to see him like this." He said as Mello strained to get away, "Mello, listen to me, he needs to be able to get this out, he can't do that if he's concerned with upsetting us, now stay here!" Mello stopped and looked into Matt's face, finding the same upset there he knew was on his. He wrapped his arms around him and held him. He then looked over at Near who was struggling with his own emotions and reached out one arm to him. It took him only a moment to think about it and he ran to Mello, allowed himself to be caught in the three way embrace, all three finding the strength together to console each other and to be able to help L when he needed them.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

 

Miyano peered out of his door after Light had knocked, his face bruised and still swollen from the beating the night before.

"It's only me, Miyano, can I please come in? Coffee's getting cold." He said smiling and Miyano took the chain lock off of the door and let him in, closing and relocking the door behind him.

Light quickly looked around the brightly colored apartment, a bit bigger than his and definitely a bit more wildly decorated. He placed the coffees and pastries on the nearby table and turned towards Miyano who was practically cowering by the door. He picked up one of the coffees and walked over to him.

"Look, I'm really sorry about how I acted last night. I really had too much to drink yesterday and you…well you surprised me, I wasn't expecting it. Forgive me?" he asked handing the young man the coffee. Miyano looked at the coffee and then back up at Light and slowly smiled, as he took the coffee.

"You don't have to apologize to me, beautiful. I took it upon myself to try to please you after you had said you wanted nothing physical between us. It was completely my fault. I was afraid I had just lost you as a friend and possibly an employee." 

"No, not at all, Miyano. The truth is, this is the first time I've been out since I broke up with that person I told you about, that loves the strawberries. I haven't been with anyone else since and it just alarmed me. It's not that I don't want to, I just haven't yet, and I was drunk and…"

"I see, and I bet his name starts with L.." Light's heart stopped for a moment, had he said that when he was incoherent? He remembered thinking it, but he didn't realize he'd verbalized it. He thought quickly for a reason.

"Yes, yes it does. It stands for Lawrence and he's not really happy with it so everyone just called him L." Miyano tasted his coffee and nodded.

"Ugh, Lawrence, I don't blame him. But he should be careful, someone would think he was that famous detective nobody's ever seen; he could get himself into a lot of trouble. Good coffee, beautiful, thank you." Light relaxed and then walked closer and looked at his bruised face.

"I can't believe Kenji did this to you" he said, "I wish I'd gotten to you sooner." He took his own coffee and then offered Miyano a danish.

"Oh, well this isn't the first time I've looked like this because of him, occupational hazard of being with him." He said taking the danish and gesturing towards the living room. Light followed him and sat with him on his large, honey colored couch that was covered in colorful pillows.

"Why do you put up with it, is it because of the business?" Light asked him and Miyano nodded.

"Partly," he said and then looked away, "And there are other things. But I will tell you a secret, I've been putting away money and eventually I will be able to get far enough away from him that he won't be able to find me. I'll change my name and settle into another city, and this will all be over. It's getting way too dangerous being with him anymore."

"Really? Besides the beatings?" Light asked and wasn't surprised when Miyano nodded.

"He's getting more violent all the time, and although sometimes I agreed with…" he suddenly stopped and cleared his throat, "He's right, sometimes I need to watch my mouth." He said and smiled at Light.

"Well, now that you're not angry with me, perhaps you would like me to try it again, with a better outcome?" he suggested stroking Light's thigh. Light shook his head and moved Miyano's hand, putting everything he had alluded to in his mental files. It saddened him to realize that if Kenji was indeed the murderer, then Miyano obviously at least had knowledge of what he'd done and would be charged as an accomplice. But, perhaps he could work a deal because of his beatings at Kenji's hand, he was obviously afraid of him, he was more than likely afraid to do anything else but aid him. But right now he had to make sure Miyano understood one thing.

"I've already told you I don't want that with you, you are my friend, perhaps my employer, and I keep those people separate from my casual lovers," he said sternly and Miyano sighed.

"Fine, I promise never to try it again. But if you should ever change your mind…"

"I won't. I'm meeting some of your employees tonight at the club for drinks and possible discussion of the business. I'm sure I'll have my answer for you after that." Miyano nodded and sipped at his coffee again.

"That's fine for me, please be careful of Kenji, he's going to be mad at you for a long time." Light shrugged.

"He's the least of my worries," he looked at his watch and stood up, "Now that I've supplied you with coffee and danish I have to get going and get my day started. Maybe I'll see you this evening?"

"Perhaps, depends if I can find shoes to match the bruising," Miyano said laughing and Light shook his head.

"Okay, later then" he said and made himself not flinch when Miyano leaned forward and gently kissed him good-bye before going to the door.

"Light, watch yourself." Miyano called from behind him and he nodded before he went out of the door. Before he was five minutes from the apartment his phone rang. He looked and sighed, it was Matsuda. He wasn't going to be happy he hadn't let him know where he was going, that was the number one rule of this whole project.

"Hey, Matsuda." He said and pulled the phone away from his ear as his partner yelled at him.

"Where the hell are you, Light? You are NOT supposed to go anywhere without letting me know!"

"I know, I know and I'm sorry, but there was something I had to take care of right away this morning. Where are you?"

"I'm at your place, where you're supposed to be!! I broke in when you didn't answer the door, I expected to find you face down in a pool of blood!! "

"Okay, okay calm down, I'll be there in just a few minutes."

"No, you tell me where you are and wait right there, don't move!" Matsuda told him and he looked at his cell-phone slightly surprised at what he was hearing from his usually affable sidekick. He told him where he was and prepared to wait to be picked up and yelled at some more.

 

Watari held tightly to L, keeping him from hurting himself against the wall any further. His thin frame was simply vibrating in anger and as he cried against Watari's chest.

"You have to listen to me," Watari told him, "Yes, you are L which means you are capable of so many things that others are not, but it isn't possible for you to do everything. You are doing everything humanly possible to protect Light and keep him as safe as possible, but there are some things you simply cannot do unless you are in his back pocket. He is a detective, he chose the job and he chose to do this case knowing full well what the dangers were. He took it upon himself to put himself into this situation; no one forced him into it.

As much as you want to and feel you are supposed to because you love him, you cannot protect him from everything, you simply cannot. Believe me, I know what you are afraid of but L, you have spent every single day since you have been with him helping him build the strength he has needed to fight the Kira part of him and keep it away; you have given him a life he didn't even realize he wanted and I am sure Light is the happiest he has ever been.

You have to realize that there is only so much you can do; only so much you can feel responsible for. The rest is up to him L; he has to deal with his choices and where they lead him. The only thing you can do, is what you are, keeping an eye on him so you know what you will be up against when he returns to you, and helping when you can but realizing when you cannot. What happened last night was partly Light's own doing, he should have known better than to allow himself to get to a point where he was so under the influence he was not able to keep that from happening to him, and I guarantee you he will not allow that to happen again.

Now, what is most important in my mind, is that you keep yourself together otherwise who will be here to help Light when he comes home and it is over? This is where you and only you can help him L, so you have to make sure you are together, that you are at your best and ready to take it on because I am sure he is going to need you badly. Do you understand?"

L had gradually calmed down as he had listened to Watari's soothing voice and the words he was saying. As much as he hated to admit it, his guardian was correct about everything, including Light's own part in what happened. He took a deep breath and pulled himself up to look at the older man.

"Watari what if something else happens to him because I can't stop it?" he asked and Watari sighed.

"If something else happens to Light it will not be because you haven't tried to help him, you cannot hold yourself responsible for things you cannot control. It won't be because you can't stop it, it will be because of the situations that he's in the middle of. Stop thinking everything is because of what you do or do not do." L looked away from him for a moment and then down at his hands that were against Watari's chest, blood running from one of them and onto Watari's suit and he pulled back.

"I'm sorry, I'm bleeding on you," he said and Watari looked down and shook his head, a disapproving frown on his face.

"Now this you are in control of. Don't ever do that again, you could have broken your hand." He said lifting and looking at it closely, "One hand is cut up, this one is pulverized, I think you've done enough, don't you?" L nodded slowly. 

"I am sorry for my behavior, I am embarrassed I have lost control so easily," he answered looking down at the floor.

"It was not easily lost L, you are under a tremendous amount of pressure and worry. But please refrain from taking it out on your own body. Come with me and let me treat this wound as well." He told him and as he began to lead him to his apartment L stopped and looked towards his door.

"I think I should go back now and talk to the boys, I am sure they are aware of my…upset. Get whatever you need to tend to my hand and meet me back inside," He said and Watari nodded, "And Wammy, thank you." He added as he opened the door.

L opened the door to his apartment and saw what he expected to see, the three boys sitting at the table, looks of worry gracing all of their features. He smiled and walked over to the table and sat down, gingerly placing his now throbbing hand on the table in front of him.

"God, L what the hell…" Mello began and L held up his other bandaged hand to stop him just as Watari walked in again with his medical kit.

"The wall and I had a small discussion," L said as Watari lifted his hand and began to clean the wound, "I did not wish for you all to be concerned so I am here to discuss with you the situation." The three looked at each other looking slightly ashamed, and L studied their faces.

"I will assume by your facial expressions that you have seen last evening's…events and thus already know the situation." They all nodded slowly.

"We're sorry, but when you ran out of here without a word we had to know what happened." Matt told him.

"Whatever we can do to help you and Light with this…" Near began and L shook his head.

"You are all already doing more than enough to help us, I cannot ask you for more." L answered.

"We could see the turmoil Light is going through," Mello said, "To be at constant war with himself, I can't imagine what that has to be like." L smiled sadly as Watari finished wrapping his hand.

"Unfortunately, I can. I have been there myself, I know exactly what kind of torture he's going through. The difference being it was not another persona I was fighting with, it was my own sense of justice, of what I knew was the right thing to do opposed to what I wanted to do." The three stared at him surprise, they couldn't imagine L ever being in a situation where he wasn't 100% sure of everything he was doing.

"It could only have been when you decided not to turn Light in for being Kira," Near said suddenly and L nodded.

"I had come to Japan to find, capture and execute Kira, instead I found, fell in love with and hid Kira from capture. It was against everything I had ever sworn to do, I became involved with a suspect, even though at the time he had changed from the murderous Kira to the Light you know, I knew he was Kira and yet I allowed it to happen."

"You can hardly blame yourself for that," Watari told him, "You were chained to the boy 24/7, there was no way you could not have become involved somehow."

"That is not a viable excuse Watari," L told him, "When I first put on those handcuffs it was to watch him only, knowing that he was Kira and that his power would someday return and his first act after that would be to try and kill me. Had I simply maintained that in my mind foremost…"

"Light would be dead and you would be alone," Matt said quietly and L nodded sadly.

"Yes, that is true. I found that I simply could not let that happen, and yet he was a mass murderer who killed without thought or remorse on one side, and on the other-the side I was living side by side with-someone completely different. I fought with what I knew I should do, what I had sworn to do and what society demanded against what I wanted; what I felt I needed. I told myself that I had given my entire life since I was a child to what society demanded and that this once, just this once I wanted something over society. It was the most painful time that I can remember."

"None of us hold that against you L, we all understand the situation," Mello told him, "You've been alone all your life, and you found someone that just worked, it was cruel it just happened to be fucking Kira. We didn't at first, we thought you were under some power he had over you, but we began to understand why you did it. We saw what type of person Light was after a while, and although the things he did under the Death Note's influence were horrific, we knew he wouldn't have done those things under normal circumstances."

"I rationalized it under the label of rehabilitation under my auspices, making sure he would never use the notebook again and that I would find a way for him to somehow make up for the lives he took. But it was mostly because I loved him and he loved me enough to give it all up when he was on the verge of winning everything. To be so conflicted in one's own mind, to be at constant war with oneself is extreme agony."

"Light's situation is a bit different though L," Near said, "His is more a personality conflict more than a conflict of what is right or wrong.."

"Yes, but in a way it's the same thing, right is what he is now, wrong is Kira. What I decided to do was wrong in the name of justice and the lives he took and I live with the guilt of that every day, just as he lives with the guilt of ever being Kira every day. What I did was right for me, for the Light I knew he really wanted to be, but I know that if he ever…ever reverted to being Kira again completely, if my Light gets lost again, I will have to turn him in and myself as well for hiding that he was Kira in the first place and we will both die."

Watari finished bandaging L's hand as he finished speaking. He had never heard L actually say that, but he had always known that would be L's decision if Kira ever came back. He looked at the three stricken faces and knew that the idea of Light reverting to Kira and what the outcome would be had never crossed their minds.

"L…you couldn't do that..turn yourself in…" Matt started and L nodded.

"I would have to, there is no discussion on that. I am expecting that when Light returns he's going to be somewhere in the middle, depending on what else happens in the run of this case and how much longer we are separated. The constant bombardment against his resolve without the reinforcement I can provide for him physically and emotionally will take it's toll. With his other difficult cases he has come home every evening, back here to me and the life he wants and needs and it rejuvenates him and he can easily keep that side of him at bay. He doesn't have that luxury this time, especially after a long separation."

"Are you going to have to fight this the rest of his life?" Near asked, his fingers twirling furiously in his hair.

"I don't think so, up till now the hold Kira has on Light has been minimal, he very rarely even acknowledges that it's there anymore. I am sure that in time it will fade completely. It's simply the fact that this type of case has come on the heels of our being separated for three months and that it's the kind of case that he has to be something he abhors and deal with the type of people he normally can't abide, that's making it so difficult and causing him to have to call on the unfeeling part of himself. When he gets through this, we will have much reworking to do, but it can be done." He looked at the three of them who now looked at the table, and then slowly back up at him. He smiled and stood walking closer to them.

"I tell you all of this not to upset you, but so that you know exactly why I have lost myself in this and why it is so important we do everything we can to keep Light as safe as possible. I do not predict the worst-case scenario I have told you, but it needed to be said so that you know all possibilities. Now, I have left Light unwatched for too long as it is, I am assuming that Matsuda has gotten back in touch with him and he is fine, but I need to go back to the surveillance." He walked past them and back into his office. They looked at each other and sat back in the chairs.

"If we didn't know how much they love and need each other before, we sure as hell know now," Mello said and looked at Matt, "And I know exactly how he feels, I wouldn't have to think twice if it were you." He said and leaned forward and kissed the red head.

"I'll get back to the office, L shouldn't be alone for too long either," Near said smiling at the two and got up to follow L


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

 

L saw that Light was not yet back to his apartment but he also saw that he was traveling. He looked up as Near walked back into the office.

"Light is on the move, it appears he is heading back to his apartment and at the rate he is moving it must be by car." He hit his intercom as a thought came to him.

"Watari, prepare something that Light generally has for lunch and pack it, I believe a visit is necessary."

"Right away," Watari answered. L thought for a moment while looking at the surveillance of Light's apartment and buzzed Watari again.

"Could you add a set of clean sheets as well?" there was a slight pause before Watari answered in the affirmative again. L then picked up the phone.

 

"I can't believe you did this," Matsuda was saying, "You know that's what killed the previous undercover cop!" Matsuda continued scolding and Light nodded.

"Yes, Matsuda I do know that. I wasn't thinking clearly this morning, I'm still a bit fuzzy from the party and something happened last night and I had to make sure that everything was still good between me and my only and best contact." He said and Matsuda eyed him quickly.

"Why, what happened?" he watched as Light shifted uncomfortably in the seat, his eyes moving from side to side and then out of the passenger window, "Light…you didn't.." Light rapidly shook his head.

"No! No, I didn't..we didn't..but he left upset and I just wanted to make sure it was okay." Matsuda let out a relieved breath and then smiled.

"Then he must have put the major moves on you last night and you turned him down?" Light ran a shaky hand through his hair as it went through his mind again.

"Yea, that's pretty much it." He answered quietly and Matsuda wasn't happy with his tone.

"Pretty much? Light, what did he do?" he asked and Light's head snapped towards him, sudden anger flaring in his narrowed eyes.

"I said we didn't do anything! Why are you harping on this?" he yelled and Matuda's eyes opened wide at the sudden anger.

"I'm sorry, I was just…trying to figure out what could have happened that made you go out without telling me." He answered and turned his attention back to the traffic to allow Light to calm down. He now knew for sure that something had definitely happened, maybe not sex, but enough to put Light in this mood. His phone began to ring and he reached on the seat next to him where he had put it.

"Matuda," he answered.

"This is L, Matsuda. I need you to make sure Light is away from his apartment for the next half an hour, I'm planning a visit and I need time to get there." 

"I think that would be an excellent idea," Matsuda said sneaking a look at Light, "I think I can do that with no problem."

"Very good. He is with you now I am assuming?" L asked.

"Yes, just as you say." 

"Excellent. Half an hour, Matsuda." And the line was dead. Matsuda put the phone back down and glanced at Light who had appeared to have calmed down.

"Suki wants to meet for a few minutes when I stop by to report to the Director," he told Light, "Look, I didn't get a chance for any coffee or breakfast yet, why don't we stop and talk about where we are and what the plans are?" he asked and Light nodded.

"Yea, that's a good idea. I've got a couple of things I want to bounce off of you anyway, and...I'm sorry I yelled.." Matsuda shrugged.

"It's okay, we're both under a lot of stress. Nothing a lot of strong coffee won't cure!" he said happily and Light smiled at him glad the air was cleared between them. 

 

"Here's a lunch for Light, a large, full thermos of coffee, fruit cocktail and a slice of cake for you since you neglected to ask for anything for yourself and…the sheets are on the bottom." Watari said to L as he placed the satchel on the desk in front of him, "You can just put everything in the microwave when it's time to eat…except for the fruit cocktail and cake ofcourse," L nodded and stood up.

"Thank you. We can leave immediately," He reached out and turned off his computer and looked down at Near, "That stays off until I return. Although I understand your looking at it before to better understand what was happening, there will be no more studying that without my permission, is that clear?" Near nodded.

"I will continue working on your cases and wait for your call if you need anything," he said and L nodded.

"Very good," he walked out of his office followed by Watari and found Matt and Mello on the couch, Matt in his favorite position lying in Mello's lap playing a video game, Mello reading a newspaper.

"Gentlemen, I am going to pay a surprise visit to Light, I believe that would help him more than anger him; at least that's what I'm hoping. Be prepared to go back to work tonight, I have a feeling he will follow up on information he gathered at the party last night."

"No problem we'll be ready," Mello said smiling and L nodded, "You sure you don't want me to come along and get the door unlocked for you?"

"You forget who taught you how to do that." L answered and Mello shook his head.

"No, I haven't, it was Watari!" Mello answered and L nodded.

"And do you not think he would not have taught me first?" he asked and Mello laughed.

"Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking." He said as L headed for the door. He stopped a moment and went into his bedroom, returning a few moments later obviously stuffing something in his pocket as he and Watari left the apartment. Mello snickered and looked down at Matt.

"How much you wanna bet he grabbed lube?" he said and Matt laughed.

"Well, I would hope so. Light's in need of reassurance, can't imagine anything more reassuring than that!" he said and Mello leaned down.

"Would you like to be reassured?" he asked his fingers traveling along Matt's leg.

"Nah, I'm pretty secure right now, maybe after this next level if it kicks my ass," Matt answered, fingers flying on the game pad. Mello sighed and let his head fall back against the couch in exasperation, not noticing the big grin on Matt's face.

 

Matsuda had pulled all the sheets that were available on all the names Light had given him the night before. Most had minor problems, some of them involving lewd behavior, a few prostitution, but nothing more than that. They went over what Light's plan for the evening would be and agreed on where Matsuda should station himself to watch the comings and goings and to warn him if Kenji made an appearance. He checked his watch and more than enough time had passed for L to have arrived and gotten into Light's apartment.

"I'm going to head back to headquarters and let the Director know what's happening and let your dad know you're okay. He's really not happy with your being on this case." 

"Yea, I know. But tell him I'm fine and that I have a feeling this is going to be over soon, at least I hope so." Matsuda stood up from the table and Light did the same.

"Come on, I'll drop you off on the way. Maybe you need a nap since you got up so early and you're planning to stay up late."

"I didn't sleep much last night either," Light added as they walked to the car, "So that might be a good idea." He didn't mention the constant battle going on in his head even now and that he hoped a little sleep and maybe a quick call to L would calm; it was exhausting him to stay on top.

Matsuda drove away after reminding him to call him before he did anything else and he let himself into the apartment, stopping suddenly when he saw movement to his left near the couch. He continued to stand still as the movement materialized and turned to look at him.

"L?" he whispered sure his eyes were playing tricks on him.

"I was in the neighborhood so…" L didn't finish as Light rushed to him, taking him into his arms and kissing him deeply. He relished how their bodies just seemed to fit together as he held L tightly against him, relished the feel of him, the taste of coffee and whatever sweet he recently had, everything overwhelming his senses and washing over him like a huge wave. He barely heard that voice in his head questioning why he was here, didn't he trust him to do the job on his own, tell him to leave you don't need him. It got quieter and quieter until he didn't hear it at all and for the first time in two days his entire body relaxed completely.

L could feel Light's body relax against him as he allowed Light's tongue inside his mouth to totally take over the kiss and practically attack his own tongue. Light was holding him so tightly he thought for a moment he'd crack a rib before he felt him relax his hold on him as the rest of his body did the same. He was very glad he took the risk of making Light angry that he'd shown up at all, whatever happened it was worth it for just this moment of knowing how much Light had needed to see him.

Light finally released him so they both could breathe, running a hand through the wild raven locks and smiling down at him.

"What the hell are you doing here when you know I told you not to?" he asked finally, "And what happened to your hands?" he added worriedly as he held them up.

"We needed to see each other, and although I promised not to appear on your doorstep I said nothing of breaking into your apartment." L answered in all seriousness and Light laughed, "And as far as my hands are concerned, a glass broke while I was holding it in one and the other…unfortunately I hit it against the wall." Light shook his head as he looked at the two bandaged hands, kissing them both.

"Look what happens to you when I'm not there," he said, "And as much as I hate your being in this place, I can't deny I needed to see you, I love you," he added quietly and leaned down and kissed him again, "You know this is dangerous, I don't know who's watching.."

"And who cares, Light? You are supposedly the king of promiscuity are you not? Why would it be strange someone was with you? No one has a clue who I am and I came to you, you did not come to me so no one should question anything even if someone is watching. Relax, I brought lunch, and coffee…I intend to spend several hours with you before leaving you to your work tonight. Do you think that's going to be a problem?" Light sighed and shook his head, still holding tightly to L.

"No, I guess not. Strangely enough, you know what I really want to do right now?" L smiled and reached in his pocket and pulled out the lube he had picked up right before leaving and Light laughed, shaking his head.

"Well, actually ofcourse I always want that with you but…but not here, L. This place represents everything I hate, I didn't even want you in here I only wanted to ever think of you in our home, not in this hole. But I definitely can't make love to you here, it would cheapen it somehow no matter how much I want to." L pouted for a moment and then put the lube back in his pocket.

"Then what is it that you want to do instead?" he asked genuinely confused.

"Believe it or not, I just want to lie down and sleep with you. I haven't slept well since I've been here and right now the idea of sleeping with you in my arms is better than almost anything I can think of." L smiled and reached up and touched Light's face.

"I think we can do that," he said and this time he initiated the kiss. He released Light and started to move towards the bed when Light stopped and stared at it for a minute. He knew what Light was thinking but he could say nothing without giving himself away. The bed was in disarray, sheets on the floor, blanket spread around it. He pulled away from Light. He went to the table where he had left the satchel, opened it and began pulling things out until he finally got to the sheets. He turned and handed them to Light who stared at them open mouthed and wide-eyed. 

"I know how particular you are about the high thread count of your sheets, so it is no wonder you haven't been able to sleep properly. These probably feel like sandpaper to you." He said moving and kicking the offending sheets on the floor further away, hoping the story would make sense to Light; it was true that Light preferred the higher thread count, but that wasn't the reason he had brought them but he couldn't let Light know he knew what had happened. He was relieved when Light nodded and smiled at him gratefully, then turned towards the bed.

L couldn't stop the movie of what happened from playing in his own mind as well, but he pushed it aside as deftly as he had kicked aside the sheets on the floor and out of the area, and helped Light put the clean sheets on the bed.

When it was done they both stripped down to their boxers and climbed into the clean sheets, Light feeling more relaxed with the familiar smell and feel of the sheets. L got into his favorite position of lying on Light's chest, wrapped in his arms. Light leaned down and kissed the top of his head, breathing in his scent and closed his eyes, his arms tightening around the raven-haired detective once again. 

"It's ridiculous how much I love you," he said as L's fingers drew little circles on his chest.

"I don't find it ridiculous at all, it makes perfectly good sense because I also love you," L told him as he leaned forward and kissed his chest. Light laughed and stroked L's hair.

"Of course it makes sense to you," he said and moaned softly as L continued to kiss and b then lick down his chest. For just a moment Light lost himself to the sensation and then his eyes suddenly flew open and he sat up grabbing L's shoulders and lifting him from his chest.

"No, please L not here. I can't here, I just can't. I'm sorry, I can't," L stared into Light's eyes and could see he was serious, he could see how stricken he still was over what had happened the night before and how much it pained him that he had to say no. He had hoped that he could help him get over it this way, but obviously Light couldn't deal as long as he was in this apartment. He smiled and leaned forward, kissing him gently.

"It's okay, we'll just sleep then," he said and they both sank back down into the bed, L lying again in Light's arms. He closed his eyes as he felt Light stroking his hair and in a short amount of time he could hear Light's breathing slow as he finally fell asleep. He sat up slowly so he wouldn't disturb him and studied his face as he slept, his thumb against his bottom lip. Even in his sleep he could see the turmoil that was behind his closed eyes, the tenseness in his body had returned. L changed position and moved Light so that he was lying against him and held him, occasionally reaching up and stroking his hair and the back of his neck. He felt him begin to relax again against him, burying his face in L's neck.

"You will be fine, Light, there is no other option." He whispered and closed his own eyes. He had slept very little himself over the past few days and now that he was once again in Light's arms he felt himself slipping into sleep himself.

When his eyes opened again he found that Light was already awake and was staring at him. At first he wasn't sure what he saw in the auburn eyes as they looked down at him, for just a moment he thought he saw them narrowed in anger and then just as suddenly they softened and Light was smiling at him. 

"How long have you been awake?" he asked and Light looked at his watch.

"No more than about ten minutes, I had to be sure I hadn't just dreamed you were here, I've been having some weird thoughts lately." L sat up and touched Light's face with his fingers.

"I know you must be having some difficult times, I know the types of thoughts that are bothering you now. It's another reason I decided it was time we saw each other." Light stopped smiling and looked away.

"So you think I can't control my…thoughts unless you're here to babysit me?" He said almost vehemently, 'If you have such little faith in me you can just go home now." He finished and sat up as if to get out of bed. L jumped to his knees and grabbed him before he could move, his hands resting on Light's shoulders, feeling how tense his body was again.

"You know I trust you, Light. But I also know that with our recent separation and the pressures of this case anything can happen. I have not been myself either; I needed to be with you just as badly as I feel you needed to be with me. It is not that I do not believe you are strong enough to fight it; it is merely the fact that we both need a little rejuvenation. Are you denying that you needed to be with me, if only just to sleep together?" Light sighed and reached up and grabbed L's hands on his shoulders.

"No, of course not, I'm sorry I said that, I don't know where it came from." He said and turned around and gathered L in his arms, "I guess I'm not feeling as confident as I usually do." L snorted in his ear and pulled away to look at him skeptically.

"Light Yagami not confident? The world will come to an end before that happens." He stood and kissed Light quickly and then crawled from the bed reaching for his jeans, "I brought lunch but yours will need to be heated." Light stood up as well pulling on his own pants.

"It's okay, there's a microwave in the corner of the counter," he said walking towards the kitchen. L watched happily as Light opened the containers and smile at the contents that were obviously for him. He placed them in the microwave and turned it on; then opened the thermos and checking to see if the coffee was still hot. Light reached up into one of the cabinets and pulled out two cups. He turned and leaned forward to kiss L when there was a knock on his door.

"It must be Matsuda," he said going to answer, forgetting he wasn't wearing a shirt. He opened the door and found himself staring directly into Miyano's surprised face. Miyano took the moment to look Light up and down, thrilled with what he saw, especially the fact he was shirtless.

"Well, hello beautiful! Did you know I'd be stopping by?" he said and Light froze, he could feel L had moved behind him.

"What are you doing here, Miyano?" he finally asked and Miyano's eyes moved to look behind him, and he frowned upon seeing L, also shirtless and staring back at him with the darkest eyes he'd ever seen.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't think you'd be entertaining this early in the day," he looked at L again and said quietly, "Although you must know you can definitely do better than that."

"What do you want?" Light said crossly, knowing L had heard and hearing him move closer to him.

"I just wanted to give you a message, beautiful..Kenji has decided to forgive you for your little altercation last evening; he thinks you're worth more money to him than to worry about teaching you a lesson at this time. So he wants us to meet tonight at the club. I told him that would be the best place since you said you were going to be there anyway."

Light quickly shifted his gaze to L behind him and back again to Miyano, sorry he hadn't gone outside the door to speak to him as he didn't want L to know what he was doing.

"Fine, I'll be there," he said tensely. 

"Good. Well, I decided to stop by instead of calling because any excuse to see you is a good one, but I didn't think I'd be interrupting. I'll go now that I've delivered my message, so you can get back to your charity work. Don't forget now what I told you."

"I assure you that if you could remember how to put all those words together by yourself without a brain hemorrhage I am sure Light, whose IQ is probably three times yours, will have no trouble remembering it," L said coldly, pulling himself up to his true height and staring directly at the man whom he had watched take advantage of his Light, his mind playing how cheerfully he could snap his neck at the moment.

As if he could hear L's murderous thoughts, Miyano stopped smiling as he stared into the most ferocious stare he could ever remember encountering, forgetting that he had just been insulted.

"I won't forget, thank you, Miyano." Light said and shut the door as he felt he wanted to laugh at L's statement, and as if it's shutting broke L's stare and allowed Miyano to think on what he had said, they both heard a loud, resounding "BITCH!" from the other side of the door. Light turned and looked at L and tried to think of what he could say to cover the things Miyano had just said but broke into laughter when he saw L's face as he continued to stare at the door. 

"Jealous much?" he asked as he leaned down to kiss him.

"Of that cretinous fool? I think not, Light. By the look of his face he has pushed it into many places it was not wanted such as this. No wonder you're so tense having to deal with fools such as that…" he fumed until Light took him into his arms and kissed him.

"Let's not talk about him or anything else regarding this case and just have lunch, okay?" Light asked hoping it would silence any questions L might have about what he heard. L smiled at him and nodded, knowing better than to bring up anything about what he'd heard. He would just watch later and have Matt and Mello go to that club this evening.

They sat at the small table and ate together as if they were at their home, talking about a case that L was working on, debating a few points that were in question and afterwards bringing their coffee and desert back to the bed where they relaxed next to each other. Light delighting in watching L eat his cake with the true enjoyment only L could have for it, in spite of the bandages, and following it with the incredibly sweet coffee. They then simply lay in each other's arms, most of the time in silence just enjoying each other's company.

They stayed that way until the sun began to go down, both of them sighing as the shadows began to grow along the walls of the small apartment. Light reached over and turned on the lamp that sat on the bedside table and looked sadly at L.

"Now I remember the main reason I didn't want you to visit," he said quietly, "I didn't think I could stand saying good-bye to you again." L smiled at him and shook his head.

"Then don't say it, I can visit again tomorrow, this is just…" Light shook his head.

"No, I don't think so. Tonight is going to be rather busy I think, I don't know exactly what's going to take place. I can't depend that I can see you tomorrow. Call Watari and tell him to come pick you up." He said and sat up, getting out of the bed. 

"You are glad I came, aren't you?" L asked as he got out of the bed following him.

"You have no idea how glad I am," Light told him and L nodded and dug his phone out of his pocket and made the call. He gathered all of the lunch items and put them back in the satchel, and pulled on his shirt. Light walked over to him and took him in his arms one final time, and held him as tightly as he could. L could feel the difference in him as he held him, he was definitely more relaxed than when he'd first held him earlier, and he knew he had made the right decision.

"I love you, Light. I and your life away from this will be waiting for you when this is finally done, you know this." He told him and Light nodded smiling.

"I know, I love you for doing this, L. But for your own safety I would be happier if you don't do this again."

"Then this will have to hold you," L said and kissed him with every ounce of power he had within him. When he finally pulled back Light was looking at him wide-eyed.

"I think that just might do it!" he said catching his breath and grinned at him. They walked to the door and Light opened it, just as he saw the sleek black car pull up to the front of the building. Obviously Watari had not been far away.

"I will call you tomorrow, I promise," he told the detective as he walked out of the door and into the open door of the car.

"I shall be waiting to hear from you," he answered and sat back as Watari closed the door. Light watched as the car pulled away from the building and into traffic before he closed the door. He stared at the apartment that now seemed twice as lonely as it had before, but now he also felt strangely energized. He now had good memories of L in this place and somehow it did seem to help keep that other side of him quiet as he looked around the rooms. All he wanted to do now was get this over with so that he could leave it behind. He called Matsuda to tell him what Miyano had told him and now told him to be on the lookout for Kenji as well, just in case, when he arrived at the club. He then decided to shower and get dressed for the evening, hoping what he learned tonight would get him closer to the end.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

 

Light ran his fingers through his hair before walking into the club and immediately headed for the bar. As he ordered his drink, several people who had been at the party the night before joined him, telling him how much they enjoyed the party and how impressed they were he had taken on Kenji and appeared no worse for it. Within a few minutes of getting his hands on his drink he was being pulled to the dance floor and was in the middle of gyrating bodies.

He threw himself into his supposed persona switching partners at will, making the dance floor his own personal arena, attracting as much attention as possible. He felt a hand slide across his ass and up his back, ending up in his hair.

"Relax, beautiful it's just me," he heard Miyano's voice purring in his ear from behind, "You can't expect me to look and not touch when it's so tempting," he said moving against Light in rhythm to the music. Light laughed and turned around to face him.

"Well, you never know when the right person could walk in, I have to always try to look my best" he said and Miyano nodded and looked around.

"I see you don't have your little charity case with you, that was a good idea." He said and Light fought to keep his internal reaction on hearing remarks about L from showing.

"He isn't a charity case, he's quite intelligent, a little different maybe," he said and Miyano burst into laughter.

"Different? Is that what we're calling it these days? Oh, beautiful you are too kind. Well, so you shouldn't wonder none of my clients are that…different. They are all quite handsome and worldly, lonely businessmen who normally can't indulge in their…persuasions because of their high business standings. They will wine you and dine you and then most of them will want you to fuck their brains out. I am sure you can handle that, eh beautiful?" Light flashed him the best smile he could and then leaned forward and kissed him.

"I think I can handle that," he told him, "Just tell me when to start." Miyano smiled back at him and nodded then waltzed away from him through the crowd of dancers. Light was only without a partner for a few moments before being grabbed and spun around to someone else. His mind worked on what he had just learned, their clientele appeared to be mostly businessmen who for fear of reprisals hid what they were and came to him when they wanted companionship and sex. Knowing what it was like to be gay in a world where you were mostly looked down upon, he could certainly understand the need for finding someplace relatively safe to be what you are without fear of being found out. He actually felt bad for whoever these clients were; it seemed such a lonely way to live.  
You weren't lonely before HE came into your life, that dark voice started up again, as a matter of fact you were doing so much better without him. It's only because of Him that you're conflicted about what you have to do with this case; if He didn't exist, you'd be able to do everyone and everything you had to and not lose a wink of sleep over it.

Light closed his eyes for a quick second and put L into his mind to silence that voice again. While it was true that his love for L made it difficult for him to think about things he might have to do, it wouldn't stop him if he really had to and they both knew that. He quickly reopened his eyes and smiled at his dance partner.

Matt stood at the bar with his back against it, sipping a drink and watching Light on the dance floor. He had been dancing near Light when he saw Miyano waltz over to him and had managed to get close enough to hear most of the conversation, which he then relayed, to L and to Mello who was outside watching the door.

"That Miyano guy can't keep his hands off of Light," he commented after Miyano had left and he was back at the bar.

"Perhaps someone should break one and he would then understand the error of his ways," L monotoned in his ear and he could hear Mello laughing

"He just came outside and walked over to a car…wait I remember that car from last night. Kenji's here." Mello said.

"It is very important to keep an eye on him and Light. I don't trust that he has suddenly become altruistic, money or not." L cautioned.

"Will do," Matt answered quietly making it look as if he were singing along with the music. 

"They're both heading for the door right now," Mello warned him, "I guess Miyano gave him the information he wanted to hear. Looks like Kenji's going to wait outside, I guess he doesn't want anyone to see his face, it's all bruised from the broken nose," Matt turned his head towards the door and watched as Miyano came back in and walked over to Light who was still on the dance floor. Matt watched as he whispered something to Light who then nodded and danced off the floor, following Miyano towards the door.

"I think it's time for a cigarette," Matt said and followed them out of the door, getting as close as he could to the three of them without making it look obvious. He leaned against the building and lit up.

Light tried not to smirk as he saw the damage he had done to Kenji's face, while he had gotten away with a cut on his lip. Kenji smiled at him, a smile that looked more predatory than it did friendly and Light didn't trust it.

"Miyano tells me that you've accepted our offer," he said and Light nodded with a smile.  
"Helping harried businessmen relax is a specialty of mine," he said, "I might as well get paid for it." Kenji laughed and nodded.

"Certainly makes sense," he said and looked at Miyano, "Set him up with someone for tomorrow night, he's going to be with me tonight." Miyano looked surprised for a moment and then just sighed.

"Fine, tomorrow night then," he said and Light looked confused.

"What do you mean I'm going to be with you tonight?" he asked and Kenji smiled that unnerving smile again.

"No one works for me without me trying them out first, it's a personal rule. Can't have some guy out there with my clients who's a lame fuck. I want to be able to say without hesitation that they're getting a top performer, they pay top dollar for top performance."

"That's not something you have to worry about," Light told him, "I guarantee you I'm not a lame fuck."

"Oh, beautiful it's just his way. He's had all of us, it makes him feel like the big daddy," Miyano said laughing and Kenji pushed him aside. He then grabbed Light by his shirt and pulled him up close.

"You're no better than anyone else that works for me, Light, it's part of the deal. You wanna work for me, I get a trial first. Besides, you broke my nose last night, consider this a way to make it up to me." Light pushed him away and stared him down, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

"I don't have to make anything up to you, Kenji and I don't have to work for you," Light told him, "I thought it sounded interesting, but I refuse to be tried out first by you or anyone else to prove that I'm good enough; I know I'm good enough. Either hire me or don't, it doesn't matter to me. I'll be in the bar when you make up your mind." He turned and walked back inside. 

Matt turned away slightly as Light walked past him back into the bar. He turned back and watched as Kenji slammed his fist down on the car hood startling Miyano.

"Nobody talks to me like that!" he yelled and Miyano had to laugh.

"Don't look now but somebody did, sweetheart," he told him and Kenji grabbed his arm and opened the car door.

"Get in!" he yelled at him.

"What? Why? I want to go back in.." Miyano protested.

"I said get into the god damned car!" Kenji yelled and Miyano shrank back and nodded.

"Fine," he answered and got in. Kenji got behind the wheel, started the car and sped off.

"L, I don't know how much of that you actually heard, but the bottom line is Kenji made an offer that Light totally told him to stick up his ass and he was NOT happy. He forced Miyano into the car and drove off like a maniac."

"We can be sure that he is up to something and whatever it is will not be good for Light. Don't let Light out of your sight, Matt and Mello be ready to move at a moment's notice."

"I'm ready, L." Mello said and Matt stomped out his cigarette and went back into the club.

 

Light's cell phone went off and he picked it up, moving as far away from the speakers as he could.

"What the hell just happened out there?" Matsuda asked him.

"I turned down Kenji's offer, why?" Light asked.

"Because he just forced Miyano into his car and sped off like his ass was on fire!" Light sighed.

"I hope I didn't just make it worse for Miyano," he said and looked around the room.

"I'm going to have a few conversations with some of the others like I planned originally and then I'll go back to the apartment. As Kenji's gone I don't think you need to hang around any longer."

"Sorry, I don't leave until I know you're safe inside your apartment, and what happened to leaving the phone on so I could hear?"

"I forgot the little pouch to put it in so I can't do that, sorry. "

"You know you're not making this easy, Light." Matsuda complained and Light laughed.

"I know, I am really sorry. But it looks like things aren't going to be as exciting as I had hoped anyway. I'll let you know what information I get, if anything." He said and hung up. He grabbed another drink and sat down at a table, but he wasn't alone for long. Several members of Kenji's "stable" joined him in between dances.

A particular beautiful young man, who looked a lot younger than Light suspected was legal to be in this club sat down next to him, his hair exceptionally long and blonde, with eyes that were a color that Light could only describe as smokey. He had a small, upturned nose similar to the way L's turned up slightly and a mouth that practically screamed "kiss me". Light had to admit that he found him incredibly attractive, you'd have to be dead not to.

"Hey, mind if I sit down?" he asked, his voice softer than most women Light knew.

"Not at all," Light answered smiling and took another sip of his drink.

"Everyone's saying that you're thinking about working for Kenji," he started and Light nodded, "It is good money and the clients are pretty decent, the problem is Kenji." He said and Light raised an eyebrow.

"I see. Why are you bothering to tell me this, I haven't met you before." Light asked him and the young man smiled.

"I'm Koichi, and I am Kenji's most popular escort," he said and Light nodded again.

"I can certainly understand why. If you're concerned about possible competition from me.." Koichi laughed and leaned forward on the table.

"That doesn't concern me because it isn't possible; no one is competition for me. But recently I've lost a few friends that used to work with me, and they were a lot like you seem to be so I give you a warning."

"What do you mean a lot like me?" Light asked, trying not to look as interested as he felt.

"They were all…good looking, but then all of Kenji's people are, they have to be. But they fought with Kenji a lot and everyone's just clucking about what you did last night, so I thought someone should warn you. The others were killed, ofcourse that can happen in our line of business, there have been some rather….violent clients on occasion…but something tells me that isn't the case with them. None of these other fools will take the time to tell you this, they're either too scared of Kenji or are too stupid to put two and two together. I tell you this only because I despise Kenji and would do almost anything to see him get what he deserves. Since you seem to be the only one around with balls enough to do it, I thought I would tell you to be on your guard, he will do anything to get you back for making him look bad."

"I appreciate the warning," Light answered, "But if you're sure he has something to do with the deaths of your friends, why don't you do something about it like go to the authorities?" Koichi laughed again and patted Light's cheek.

"As if they cared about three dead faggots," he said, "and I am no physical match for Kenji he'd snap me like a twig. I missed your party last night, I was working, but everyone has told me it was fun and you seem to be as nice a person as they say, and after what you did to Kenji, I thought you at least deserved to know to be wary of him and why. None of us can face him, but obviously you can so I thought you should be aware."

"Aren't you afraid that someone will know what you're doing and tell Kenji?" Light asked him and once again Koichi laughed.

"I may be no match for Kenji, but I can take each and every one of these bitches," he said and Light had to laugh.

"Thank you again for the warning, I had been reconsidering my desire to work for him anyway. Can I get you a drink?" he asked and Koichi nodded and leaned forward and kissed Light.

"I had to do that, curiosity got to me, and yes I'll have a drink."

Matt who was sitting at the next table rolled his eyes when Koichi leaned over and kissed Light. He got up and walked back over to the bar.

"Geez, does Light have a magnet in his ass or something? If they're not grabbing at him they're kissing him..or.." he stopped after realizing what he was saying and who was listening.

"Matt, sometimes you're a jerk.."he heard Mello tell him and he sighed.

"Sorry, L..I didn't mean to…"

"It's fine, Matt." L answered, but even through the head set Matt could tell the things he had said had upset him.

"I didn't hear everything, but apparently this guy was warning Light about Kenji and the fact that he's going to get him back for beating him in front of his stable," Matt continued to change the subject," I get the feeling that if Light had agreed to his little proposition he would have found a way to hurt him that way, but since he didn't he's got to think of something else."

"It seems if we can prove Kenji is the murderer it would make their lives a lot easier as well, he seems to run them through brutality and fear, no one deserves to live like that," L answered

"Matt, Kenji's car has just shown up again. Looks like he's planning to stay this time, he's parking in the back now." Mello told him.

"Do you see Matsuda's car anywhere?" L asked him and Mello peered down the street.

"Yea, he's a bit further down the road, why?"

"I do not wish to step on any toes, as this is not my case. If something should go down, I want Matsuda to make the arrest and do whatever has to be done as much as possible."

"Yea, I get it. But if Light gets into any trouble…"

"I understand, do whatever you feel is necessary if Light needs the help, just remember who's case it is."

"Okay. Looks like Miyano is going back in, but I don't see Kenji, maybe he's just parking the car." Mello said and L's eyes narrowed as he ran through in his mind what else Kenji might be doing while he was out of sight.

"Mello, if he doesn't come around soon, you might want to alert Matsuda to the fact that you noticed Kenji's car in back of the building, and since you saw the fight last night, you thought you might let him know."

"How can I do that without him knowing who I am?" Mello asked.

"Before anything happens, just stop by his car and say hello. You were at the party last night, you saw him stop the fight and so you recognize the car. You have plenty to start a conversation up with. This way he won't be surprised when you come back to him in alarm."

"Okay, I'll do that right now." Mello said and began to walk towards Matsuda's car. He began to look as if he were checking out the car, walking around to get a better look at it. Then he "noticed" that someone was sitting inside.

"Oh, hey man it IS you!" he said sticking his head into the driver's side window. Matsuda stared at him in surprise.

"Me? I don't know you!" he said and Mello laughed.

"Not really, no but I was at the party last night. I saw you stop that fight, I recognized the car. How are ya man?" 

"Ah..I see," Matsuda said giving the young man hanging in his window a second look; something about him was incredibly familiar, "Well, Light's a friend I didn't want to see him get hurt." He said cautiously.

"Well from where I was standing it looked like he was doing the hurtin' all over Kenji's face," Mello said laughing, "So, you going in for a drink?"

"I was just about to call and see if Light was in there, I do want a drink but I hate drinking alone. You?"

"Waiting for my partner, he's in there right now and should be out in a few, we gotta catch a movie. I'm not a big club person."

"No, me either. Well, it was nice talking to you, but I think I'm gonna give Light a call now." Matsuda said reaching for his phone.

"That's cool, man. I just wanted to say hi and tell you how awesome I thought you were last night, later." Mello said and banged on the hood of the car as he walked away. Matsuda watched him walk again and couldn't shake where he thought he knew him from; maybe he saw him at the party last night…yea he did actually he remembered him being inside Light's apartment, but there was definitely something about him..

"Well done," L told Mello as he walked away from the car.

"Thanks, but it wasn't really that hard, it is Matsuda, you know." 

"You know he's killing himself trying to figure out where he knows you from," Matt said into his ear and Mello laughed.

"Yea, I could see it on his face he was really trying to place me."

"Contrary to popular belief, Matsuda is NOT stupid," L warned, "I am sure he will figure it out eventually, probably not right away, but he'll get it."

Matt watched as Miyano came back into the club and started walking through the crowd, he could only assume he was looking for Light, who at this moment was at the bar talking to another member of Kenji's group. While he was looking for Light, he locked eyes with Miyano who smiled prettily and walked over to him before heading to Light.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite pair of blue eyes. Out for a little fun?" Matt smiled back remembering Mello could hear.

"Hoping for some, you got something in mind?" he tried not to laugh as he could hear Mello growling in his headphone.

"Well, right now I have a little business with Light, but if you're still here later, maybe we could work out a little something." Miyano said patting Matt's cheek.

"Maybe I'll wait, it sounds interesting," he answered.

"I'm kicking your ass when this is over..." Mello threatened and Matt barely held the laughter until Miyano walked away.

"Come on, Mells I'm just working in character, you know I don't mean it, honey buns!" he said once again forgetting who else was listening.

"If you two can refrain from your usual childish behavior…" L said and they both apologized immediately, although Matt couldn't suppress the grin of amusement.

Matt watched as Miyano walked up to Light and playfully ran his fingers up his back.

"I'm back, beautiful glad to see me?" he asked and Light smiled at him, actually glad to see that he was okay.

"Actually I am, I was afraid Kenji was going to take his anger at me out on you," he told him and for a moment he saw something on Miyano's face he'd never seen there before, was it worry or something else all together.

"No, he hasn't hurt me. Buy me a drink?" he asked and Light nodded and ordered for both of them. Miyano sipped at his drink and watched as Light continued his conversation. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a little vial, which contained a clear liquid, looking around to see if anyone was looking. 

Matt tried to see what was happening from where he was, but the crowed had gotten bigger over the past half an hour. He tried to move down the bar a little closer but kept running into bodies. He could see Light talking to the other guy, and Miyano standing on the other side of him. It all looked innocent enough, but he wanted to hear some of what was going on.

"What is happening, Matt?" L asked him and he sighed trying to get through.

"Well, Miyano is next to Light who is still talking to the other guy, they're both having a drink, it doesn't appear to be anything going on, and I still don't see Kenji."

Miyano uncapped the vial with one hand and held it tightly in his palm waiting for the proper opportunity. Light reached for his drink and took a sip, putting it back on the bar as he continued his conversation, looking back at Miyano for a moment and giving him a smile as if to let him know he hadn't been forgotten. 

For a moment Miyano thought that what he was doing was wrong, he couldn't do this to Light…he really liked Light, and he didn't want to see him hurt. But he knew he really had no choice, Kenji would most likely beat him again if he didn't do this, and Kenji had promised he wasn't going to really hurt Light; he just needed to make sure Light understood his place. It wasn't going to be like the others, Kenji had promised him that. Now that Light knew so much about the business, he couldn't just let him walk away, he had to get him to work for them and Kenji wanted to convince him. When Light turned away he quickly poured the contents of the vial into the drink and let the vial fall from his hand onto the floor. It wouldn't hurt Light, it would just make him sick for a short while, and he would escort him to where the men's room was…and the back exit. Then he'd lead him out of the door and to Kenji's waiting car. He sipped at his drink and waited.

L was practically vibrating with anxiety; he knew something was going to happen tonight, he could just feel it. He hated he couldn't see what was happening, but Matt was doing a good job inside, Mello outside. He had gotten up to pace around the office several times, Near watching him walk back and forth with concern. He had been so happy when he had returned from visiting Light that he had happily asked Near about Sayu and where he saw their relationship going into the future. He had listened intently to what Near had to say, had given fatherly advice and had even joked about dealing with the Yagami's in relationships.

But now his demeanor had changed once again to worry and frustration, certain that this evening was going to bring a major change in the case and that Light was in danger. He kept an eye on the blip on the screen that was Light's movements, and he hadn't done much movement in a while, just within an area of a few feet when he did move so they both knew he was still at the bar. 

Light first noticed something was wrong when he felt his vision swim slightly. He knew he hadn't had that much to drink, and yet something wasn't quite right. He raised a hand to his eyes and rubbed them and blinked a few times and that seemed to straighten it out. Then suddenly a wave of nausea rolled through him and he had to grasp the bar to keep from falling.

"What's wrong, beautiful a bit too much after last night?" Miyano asked him and he put a hand to his forehead and he felt a mild sheen of sweat.

"I...I don't know, I just suddenly don't feel very well," he said and Miyano put his drink down.

"Here, you probably just need some cold water splashed on your face and you'll be fine. Come with me, I'll help you to the bathroom." He said and took Light's arm and began to move him through the crowd. 

Matt watched as they left the bar area, thinking they were perhaps going to dance when he noticed Light falter in his gait and lean heavily against Miyano. He hadn't noticed him drinking that much, as a matter of fact he drank way more the night before and it didn't seem to bother him as much. Maybe it's what he was drinking more than how much.

"There hasn't been any movement from the car, L. I'm going to alert Matsuda just in case." Mello told him and walked back to where Matsuda was sitting.

"Hey, not for nothing dude, but I just saw that guy Kenji's car parking behind the club and I know Light's in there. If you're his friend you might want to double check, just in case that guy still has it out for him." Matsuda looked up at him in alarm and immediately jumped out of the car.

"Hey, thanks for letting me know!" Matsuda then sprinted down the street and headed to the back of the club.

Matt slid down the bar to where they had been standing and where Light's drink still was. As he stepped closer his foot rolled on something and he looked down. He frowned and reached down, picking up a small empty vial. He sniffed it and wrinkled his nose, it had a slight smell, but not strong enough to be noticed if it were added to something. He picked up Light's glass and held it to the light to see if he saw anything strange. He could see something swirling in the bottom of the glass. He looked towards the bathroom again and decided to take a look himself.

"L…I think Miyano drugged Light. I can't be sure, but I saw them both walking towards the men's room, and Light kind of faltered a bit. I found an empty vial on the floor of the bar where they had been standing and it looks as if there is something swirling in the bottom of his glass. I'm heading for the bathroom right now."

L had stood up from his chair the moment Matt started talking and was leaning on the desk/ Matt walked into the bathroom and swore.

"It's empty, they're not here!" he turned and ran out and saw the exit. He opened the door in time to see the car speed away and into the street, just as Matsuda hit driveway. He had to jump out of the way to avoid being hit by the car as it sped past him

"L…Light's tracker is moving like crazy, he's in a car and it's moving fast!" Near told him.

"Mello follow him, follow him!" L yelled into the mike and Mello had already jumped on his bike when he saw the car fly past Matsuda.

"Holy shit he's moving in and out of traffic like a maniac, causing cars to swerve all over the place and causing a major jam. I'm trying to weave around them but he's moving so fast I'm going to lose him. Tell me where he's headed! Near told him the direction the car was headed in and Mello gunned the motor.

Matsuda ran back to the car and jumped in, turning on the motor immediately and pulling out of the parking spot, heading in the direction he saw the car moving into. He picked up his cell phone and called the NPA.

"I need a GPS tracking on a cell phone, and I need it now!" he yelled into the phone when he got connected and gave them Light's number.

Miyano was in the back seat with a practically passed out Light, holding him against him so he didn't fall out of the seat.

"Will you slow down, no one knows what's happening and no one's following, but if you keep driving like this we'll get stopped!" he yelled at Kenji's back.

"Just making sure. Search him, get his wallet and anything else he's got in his pockets and toss it."

"What? Why? You don't need to do that if you're only going to rough him up a little, it's what you said Kenji I wouldn't have helped you if…"

"I said toss them before it's you that gets tossed out of this moving car!" He yelled and Miyano shrank against the seat. He looked over at Light who was trying to open his eyes and focus on him.

"What..what's going on, where am I?" he asked and Kenji shook him. If he got him to wake up he could protect himself, he knew Light could beat Kenji, but he was in no condition right now.

"Light you have to wake up, fight it! I gave you a drug, I'm so sorry I didn't know this was what Kenji had in mind, you have to wake up!" Kenji pulled over and slammed on the brakes, turning around, pointing a gun at Miyano.

"I said empty his pockets and toss them out of the window before I blow your fucking brains out!"

"Alright, alright!" Miyano cried and searched Light finding his wallet and his cell phone. He then threw them both out of the window as tears started to run down his face. Kenji always had him do this when he nabbed his victims, it took them longer to find where he'd dumped the bodies, they always looked wherever they found their items first. 

When it was done, Kenji turned around and restarted the car, placing the gun on the seat beside him. Miyano held Light in his arms, still trying to wake him from the drugs effects.

"I'm so sorry Light, I'm so sorry," he said quietly against Light's hair, "I didn't know. But you have to wake up, try to wake up, please…please."

Light tried to focus on him, but wave after wave of nausea kept him from being able to. He groaned holding his stomach, knowing he was in danger but unable to do anything to save himself.

"Mello…they've stopped, about half a mile from where you are now." Mello weaved through the waning traffic and got to where Near said they had stopped but saw nothing.

"There's nothing here, Near are you sure?" Near stared at the screen again and nodded at it.

"Yes, according to this Light should be about five feet away from you, towards your right." Mello pulled up to the side of the road and looked around. There was nothing where he was except trees and a few houses down the street, but nothing five feet in front of him. He reached into his storage compartment on his bike and pulled out a flashlight and shone it in the area. The beam hit something and he jumped off of the bike and ran to it, getting down on his knees when he realized what it was.

"L, I'm so sorry but they threw his wallet and his phone out of the car, he's not here." He looked up to see if he could discern what direction the car could have gone in but he saw nothing. He felt hot tears of anger stinging behind his eyes; if anything happened to Light because he lost the car…He picked up Light's things and took them back to the bike, putting them into the storage compartment waiting to hear something from L.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Near turned and looked at L, almost afraid to see what the reaction was going to be on knowing Light for the moment was lost. He watched as L stood perfectly still for a moment and then slowly sat back into his chair. He drew his legs up against his chest, his arms wrapped around them tightly as he stared at the screen in front of him. He became alarmed when he saw L's arms tremble violently as he held himself. Near got up and quietly left the office, knowing that only Watari could help at this moment.

"How could you lose the car Mello, you were on a motorcycle," he whispered into the microphone.

"He…he was weaving in and out of traffic at an amazing speed, by the time I got close to him he had taken a turn and sped down an alley, I lost sight of him. I'm so sorry, L…."

"I am assuming that if the phone and wallet are in good condition, then the car had to have come to a stop before throwing them out. He would not have done that if he were still far away from his destination so I am assuming he is somewhere in the area, somewhere within the near vicinity, within two miles at least. This is where you need to begin our search."

Mello listened to the cold voice coming through the headset and almost couldn't recognize that it was L. He suddenly felt useless and stupid, he had let L down and it could cost Light his life. He heard the sound of a motor behind him and he turned quickly to see a car pulling up to where he stood and slamming on it's brakes, the headlights blinding him.

"Don't move, police!" a voice he recognized at Matsuda's yelled and he stood still as the detective walked over to him, his gun drawn.

"What are you doing here?" Matsuda asked him looking around and Mello sighed.

"Looking for Light. Matsuda it's me..Mello." Matsuda frowned and got closer, looking Mello up and down.

"Mello? It is you! What the hell are you doing?" he demanded.

"Keeping an eye on Light, trying to be your back up but without being seen."

"Where is Light, I tracked his phone…" Mello reached into the compartment in his bike and pulled out Light's wallet and cell phone.

"They threw it out of the car, to throw us off track."

"Damn it! Do you have any idea…" Matsuda's phone rang and he grabbed it in annoyance.

"Matsuda.."

"Stop wasting time and start looking for Light. I believe they are somewhere nearby, within a two to five mile radius. You will be looking for either a house that's standing alone away from neighbors or a warehouse where there are no other buildings. We know the killer….tortures and rapes his victims he needs to be somewhere where he cannot be heard." And then the line went dead. Matsuda stared at the phone for a moment, the sound of L's voice chilling him to the bone.

"Alright, let's split up and start looking, if you find anything use Light's phone to call me, and I'll call you on it if I find anything." He told Mello and Mello nodded jumping on his bike and heading to the right. Matsuda jumped into his car and went straight ahead.

L continued to stare straight ahead, trying to hold himself together and think logically to help them find his Light. But his mind was screaming that they wouldn't get to him in time, before he'd be hurt or…worse. Light would never survive an assault…a rape intact, he knew this for a fact. The crime scene pictures kept circling through his mind, Light's face replacing those of the victims making his chest hurt and his breathing labored. He couldn't stop the trembling in his arms no matter how hard he held onto his legs, his fear was so great. But he couldn't let it take him over, he had to keep his wits about him to help them find Light and when they did, depending on when they got to him, he'd have to be ready to deal with the results; he had to be ready. But they would find him and they would find him alive, he would accept no other outcome.

The door opened to his office and Watari came running in, Near at his heels. He took one look at his ward he knew why Near had come to get him. He walked over to L and placed his hands on his trembling shoulders.

"We will find him, Watari, I am sure of this." L told him, trying to keep his voice from cracking. Watari looked over at Near and he nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him.

"Of course you will son, so you know what the most important thing for you to do is?" Watari said to him, his voice strong and commanding. L nodded taking a deep breath.

"I must keep my mind clear so that I can help find him and once he is home, I will be able to help him, yes I know this," he turned and looked at Watari, his eyes shining with the fear he felt inside, "But I am so afraid for him Watari, so much could happen before they find him."

"We will not worry about could happen, L we will only concern ourselves with finding him. Tell me what is happening right now." Watari said sitting in the chair vacated by Near, he knew he needed to keep L's mind working before he lost himself in fear for Light and listened intently as L brought him up to speed.

Light felt himself being moved from the back of the car, as he leaned heavily on Miyano who continually tried to make him more aware.

He lifted his head and looked around him, a large building stood before him, it looked like an empty warehouse. He saw Kenji unlock the door, waving a gun at Miyano gesturing for him to go inside.

"Light…Light try to wake up before it's too late, I'm so sorry, I didn't know… please forgive me." He whispered again and Light groaned trying to raise his head. He was beginning to feel better, the cramping in his stomach finally coming to an end. He put his thoughts together; apparently Kenji made Miyano drug him to get him out here without a fight, Miyano thinking he was only going to discuss the business, maybe he'd rough him up a bit but now it appeared Kenji was planning to kill him.

His head began to clear and he looked around the room he was being taken to, still leaning against Miyano. It was just a huge room, obviously it had been used for storage before, now Kenji was using it as a place to kill. He looked up to see chains hanging from the ceiling with handcuffs attached, and another set on the ground held fast by a metal rings driven into the ground by metal spikes. There was a tool box on the floor nearby, which Light could only assume had whatever instruments Kenji used to torture his victims.

He felt the strength come back to his legs and began to stand up straight, just as Miyano began to plead his case again as Kenji began to unlock the cuffs with one hand, a gun in the other.

"Kenji there's no reason to do this to Light, he wants to work for us and I know he won't say anything, please don't do this!" he pleaded and Kenji laughed.

"Shut up and bring him over here," he said and Miyano shook his head.

"No, I'm not going any further with this," he said as Light finally felt like himself, "I can't do this anymore." Kenji shrugged.

"No problem to me," he raised the gun pointing it at Miyano. Light pushed Miyano to the ground, standing in front of him.

"Leave him alone," he said taking a deep breath to finish clearing his head and glaring at Kenji, "What do you want from me?" he asked and Kenji walked over to him, patting his face with the gun.

"I want what you owe me, what I told you I'd get eventually," he said ,"First, take your clothes off and then get into these cuffs." Light shook his head.

"I'm not stupid enough to just walk into those cuffs. I always thought you were the murderer, and now that I know for sure I'm not going to just lie down and let you kill me." Light told him and Kenji sighed.

"I had a feeling you'd need some persuasion," he turned quickly, aimed the gun and shot Miyano in the arm before Light could stop him, Miyano's scream echoing through the building as he fell backwards onto the ground.

"Bastard!" Light screamed at him and dropped to his knees next to Miyano, trying to see how badly he was hurt.. Kenji grabbed Light by his hair and pulled him up, dragging him to where the cuffs were.

"Now the longer it takes you to do what I tell you, the more limbs he's gonna lose, do you understand?" he threw him to the ground and leveled the gun at a whimpering Miyano. Light lifted his head and glared at him, his eyes narrowed to slits, shining with pure hatred at Kenji. He began to slowly remove his clothes, his mouth twisting into an almost frightening smirk.

"You have no idea what you're doing," he said almost under his breath, "I have killed thousands of animals like you, and you will die like the animal you are," he told him. For just a moment Kenji was startled by the fierceness of Light's gaze, and the coldness of his voice, but he laughed at his statement.

"Thousands? Who do you think you are, Kira?" he burst out laughing but stopped suddenly as Light continued to stare at him with that same cold, almost evil stare as his clothes dropped to the floor. He kicked off his shoes and stepped out of his pants, his eyes never leaving Kenji's. Kenji walked forward and kicked Light's clothes out of the way.

"Now, on your knees pretty boy and attach those cuffs to your wrists," Light continued to stare at him as he reached up and attached one cuff and then the other. Kenji reached over to make sure they were locked shut then walked behind him.

"I know you like to kick, but remember if you do anything I'll put another bullet in Miyano," he warned as he knelt down and attached the cuffs to Light's ankles. Once they were done he walked around in front of him again and kneeled so he was face to face with him.

"Whatcha gonna do now, pretty boy? Hmmm? Got nothing to say to me now, do you? You're just like the rest of them, acting like you're something special instead of the animals you are, like we all are. You need to learn your place Light Yagami, just like they did. You and I are going to enjoy ourselves for a while as you do, well…maybe I should say I'm going to enjoy myself for a while, before I kill you," he reached down and began to undo his pants, freeing his cock, "But first you're gonna finish what got interrupted before, you're gonna make me good and hard so I can fuck you." He stood up and positioned himself so that he was directly in line with Light's mouth. Light looked up at him then directly at his cock and spit on it.

Kenji screamed in rage and brought the gun down across Light's face so hard it slipped out of his hand and skidded across the floor. The blow dazed Light for just a moment, and blood began to seep from the wound, running down his face. He lifted his head and stared up at Miyano as the blood ran; his eyes practically glowing with hatred and his mouth curled into a frightening smile.

"Yes, I AM Kira," he said in a voice that unnerved Kenji, if only for just a moment. He then began to beat Light with his fists, his anger and humiliation at Light's hands fueling him. With each blow Light would return his unnerving glare back to Kenji's, until he finally lost consciousness, but it didn't stop his attacker's rage. Kenji's concentration was solely on beating that unnerving glare from Light's face, so much so that he didn't notice Miyano crawling out of the room and out of the door.

All Miyano could think was that he had to find help for Light and for himself; he didn't want to bleed to death, and he didn't want Light to die because of what he did. He crawled out of the door, the sickening sound of Kenji's fists against Light's face ringing in his ears as he pulled himself up and began to run down the street.

He ran across the grass and then out into the street, hoping to flag down a passing car, knowing there wouldn't be many where he was. It was dark, no street lights which was the main reason Kenji had picked this area. He wondered if he could make it back to the club by foot before Kenji killed Light, they weren't that far away, but he wasn't moving at his best. He looked down at his right arm, blood running down it in ribbons and cried out. He deserved this, for his part in all of this, he deserved it. He kept running down the street, blood trailing behind him, hoping he'd find someone before his strength left him.

Mello flew down the street, scanning everything that could possibly fit what L had described, but so far the houses he'd seen were all occupied, and were relatively close together.

"Mello, anything?" he heard Matt ask him and he sighed.

"No, not yet. Where are you?"

"I'm heading back to L's in a taxi, don't worry about me, just find Light."

"I'm working on it, believe me," Mello answered.

As he continued down the street his headlights caught something on the ground. It appeared to be coming from the grassy area to his left, but continued in front of him. He stopped for a minute and climbed off the bike, crouching down and looking at it with his flashlight. He stuck a gloved finger in it and looked at it closely; it was fresh blood.

He looked around to see if he could see where the trail was coming from.

"Mello…why have you stopped, have you found something?" L asked him not hearing the motorcycle engine. The last thing Mello wanted to tell him was that he'd found a trail of blood and was trying to follow it, but he knew he had to.

"L…I've found a trail of…of blood and I'm trying to follow it." He said.

"Blood…" L whispered and Watari stood up and moved closer to him, "Do you see where the blood could be coming from?"

"No, not yet. I think you should call Matsuda and tell him to turn around and head into the direction I drove off into, he'll know." Mello suggested and L reached in front of him and dialed Matsuda's number, telling him what Mello had found and that he should join him.

"Oh, no..you don't think…"

"I'm not thinking anything Matsuda except that you need to be quiet and get to where Mello is immediately!" L snapped and closed the call, his hand shaking as he brought it back to his knees.

Mello went back to his bike and got on it, following the drops of blood down the street and looking all around to see if it veered or lead elsewhere…and then he saw it; what appeared to be a body, lying on the side of the road. He prayed it wasn't what he thought it was and sped to it, nearly jumping off of the bike when he got there.

"Light!" he called out as he reached down and turned over the body, and then in surprise.."Miyano? What happened?" he whispered and the closed eyes opened, recognizing the person holding him from the party.

"Kenji shot me to make Light do what he wanted. You've got to help Light before he kills him," Miyano whispered lifting a bloody hand and pointing back, "the warehouse…across the grass and down the street, hurry he'll kill him!" he cried. Mello looked around to see if he could see Matsuda coming any time soon, he didn't want to leave Miyano lying in the street, but if Light's life was in the balance…

To his great relief he heard the motor of Matsuda's car as it flew up the street. He stood up and flagged him down, making the detective screech the tires as he slammed on his brakes.

"It's Miyano, it looks like he's been shot. He says Light's being held in a warehouse back that way, help me get him into your car!" Matsuda helped pick up the groaning Miyano and placed him in the backseat of his car.

"I think I should call for back up.." Matsuda said reaching for his phone and Mello shook his head.

"No time for that, get in your fucking car!" Mello shouted at him and gunned the bike into life taking off down the street. Matsuda did and turned the car around, following Mello.

Kenji didn't stop beating Light until he was out of breath and his knuckles were bleeding. Light had long since passed out, blood running from so many wounds on his face his features were completely obliterated. Kenji grabbed him by his hair and lifted his head up, stared at him and laughed, and let his head drop.

"So much for your being a pretty boy anymore," he laughed and then stood up, "I don't need you to be awake for what I want from you," he said walking around behind him, "at least not the first time anyway. We have hours to have fun." He ran his hands down Light's bare back and down to his buttocks.

"Guess what Light, I still don't have any condoms!" he said laughing as he positioned himself behind Light, lifting him slightly.

"Get away from him before I blow your goddamned head off!" Kenji jumped and turned around to see a very angry Matsuda staring him down, his gun pointing directly at his head, Mello beside him his own gun drawn. Kenji dove to the ground going after his gun and Matsuda fired several times, the force of the shots driving him across the room. Mello ran to Light, kneeling in front of him and lifting his head.

"Oh God, Light…" he whispered and L felt his heart stop, having remained quiet listening as Matsuda and Mello arrived in the warehouse.

"Mello…what condition is he in?" he asked afraid of the answer.

"He's alive L but…he's been beaten badly, very badly."

"Mello…tell me…does it look like anything else has happened to him?"

"No, I think we got here just in time." He told him as Matsuda went to Kenji's body to search for the keys for the cuffs. He found them in his pants pocket and unlocked Light's wrists and then his ankles, Mello catching him as he fell forward.

Matsuda grabbed his phone and called for an ambulance and backup while Mello lay Light down and began to dress him, he would preserve Light's dignity and not leave him to speculations of something happening that didn't. He looked up at Matsuda as he pulled on Light's shirt.

"This is your arrest, I'm getting out of the way. I'll meet you at the hospital, call L and tell him which hospital he's being taken to." Matsuda nodded as Mello handed Light over to him gingerly.

"Oh no no..he's not dead, tell me he's not dead…" they both looked up to see that Miyano had drug himself from the car and was falling to his knees as he stared at Light's body in Matusda's arms.

"What do you think you're doing?" Mello said to him helping him to the ground, "And no he's not dead, but Kenji tried to beat him to death," he told him and Miyano sobbed leaning against the wall.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know he would do this, I didn't know…"

"Just relax, ambulances are coming, keep your hand on the wound to slow down the bleeding, it's gonna be okay. If it weren't for you we would never have found Light in time, so thank you for that," Mello told him and stood up, turned and nodded at Matsuda and then ran out of the door, hopping on his motorcycle and driving away before more police arrived.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

 

L sat at Light's bedside in ICU, staring at the damage that had been done to him. Several years ago the roles had been reversed when he had been hurt in an explosion and it had been Light who had been keeping vigil at his bedside. Now he knew the agony Light must have suffered at that time; but for him it was two fold. Not only was he worried for what damage had been done and what they would discover when he woke up, but also who would actually be looking at him when he did wake up.

For now he concerned himself with the extensive damage to Light's face; he was completely unrecognizable. The hit from the gun had caused a massive gash to the side of his head, requiring stitches; his jaw had been dislocated and it was held by a bandage that went from under his chin and around his entire head to keep it in place until it healed. His face was so bruised and swollen that his eyes were practically hidden, reduced to tiny slits in a sea of black and blue; his lips split and swollen to almost twice their size. L had laid his head on Light's chest and cried when he saw what condition his Light was in, knowing how much he had to have suffered.

He had been assured by Mello and later by the doctors who had examined Light that he had suffered no other injuries, there had been no sexual assault and at least he had that to be thankful for; that and the fact that Light was alive. He was had been given ice packs to help reduce the swelling and at the moment he was holding one against Light's eyes. 

"Oh my God, Light?" L looked up to see Soichiro at the doorway to Light's room, a look of horror on his face. He came into the room, his hand covering his mouth as he stared at Light's face. L looked up at him but for only a moment, his focus constantly on Light, and removed the ice pack so his father could see the full extent of the damage.

"I had no idea it was this bad," Light's father whispered as he leaned over the bed, trying to find his son in the mass of swelling and bruises.

"I too was surprised by the ferociousness of the beating, but it was all about power and Light had challenged and humiliated the killer, thus making him have to once again prove himself. The murders were simply that, warnings to all who dared to question his authority. I believe it was also personal with Light which is why it was so very brutal. His mother is also here?" Soichiro nodded, his eyes tearing as he continued to look at Light.

"We were warned he looked bad, I suggested she wait until I saw him first, I was afraid she would not be able to handle it." L nodded.

"That was best, I doubt seeing Light like this would help her in any way." Soichiro looked away from Light and stared at L. He could see how this was wearing on him as well, and he hated having to add to it by what he was going to ask, but he had to know for sure.

"Ryuzaki, were there any other…injuries?" he ventured and L turned his dark gaze on Soichiro.

"If you are asking me if Light was raped then the answer is no," he answered and Soichiro lowered his head and released a breath in relief.

"I will give you another answer that you have not asked for, but I will give it to you any way. This is the last time you and your Director will use Light's intense feelings of justice against him."

"What are you talking about? Light did not have to take this assignment, it was his choice." L stood up, sudden anger taking him over.

"That is a lie and you know it! He has as strong a sense justice as I do, perhaps even more because he was spoon fed it from the time he could remember because you fed it to him!"

"I…" Soichiro began but L wouldn't let him finish.

"You both knew that if you brought this case to his attention he would have no choice but to take it, not only because of who he is but what he is as well. You used it against him, knowing he could not let a killer get away with what he was doing and especially with who his victims were. He knew that the regular NPA is made of narrow minded fools who would not put forth their best efforts, laughable as they may be, in trying to bring this killer to justice and that he would be the only one to care enough to really work at solving it. You knew this, and you used it against him. This will never happen again."

"You cannot accuse me of using my own son, I told him he didn't have to take the case, I asked him not to. I had no choice but to call him about it when the Director asked me to, there was nothing I could do about that but comply! We did not deceive him, the Director even mentioned to him that he felt Light would work harder to find the killer because he is…gay…but remember we did send another detective first, he gave his life…"

"Because he was a fool and did not take the case seriously, not because he was some type of hero. You have no idea what the repercussions of this case could be for Light and I will not have this situation happen again. If need be, Light and I will move from here; there are police forces everywhere." Now it was Soichiro's turn to be come angry.

"You believe you can make my son leave his chosen career, his family…."

"He did so once before. It is only because I arranged everything that we even came back here in the first place. I knew that being on the NPA had always been his desire, and I wanted to make him happy. I do not believe there would be much resistance if I thought we should leave here."

"I think you overstate your hold on my son!"

"I do not have a hold on your son, he is free to make his own decisions. However, if we believe as a couple that we would be happier elsewhere, then we will be happier elsewhere. I merely warn you that putting him in this type of position again will result in consequences you would not like. It is not that I do not realize that as a detective he will face danger on a daily basis, that is to be expected. But it is when he is being used as he was in this instance that I object to it. I also ask you to remember who I am, and that nothing is beyond my reach."

"I cannot believe you are threatening me with my own son! I had no choice in what I did!"

"And I cannot believe that you helped put him into this position. Had I been you and the Director had come to me, I would have told him to handle it himself, I would have washed my hands of it. I certainly would not have called my son and legitimized it even more with my being part of it, knowing that my involvement would help sway him," he stopped for a moment recognizing the genuine surprise and hurt on Soichiro's face and he considered another thought, his thumb going to his mouth, "Perhaps I am incorrect in blaming you. Perhaps you were being played by the Director as well."

Soichiro stared back at L trying to digest everything that he had been told. Had he inadvertently played into the Director's hands in helping sway Light's decision to do this? He looked at his son's battered face, thought of all that could have happened to him. 

"Ryuzaki, I never thought that…it never occurred to me that…"he turned to look at Light, "Son, I'm so sorry." L watched as guilt and worry found their place on Soichiro's face, and he sat back down in his chair, bringing his knees up to his chest. 

"Perhaps you should see to Mrs. Yagami, let her know what is happening," he suggested and Soichiro nodded.

"Yes, I should. If he should wake before I return…"

"I will let you know, Deputy Director." L told him and Soichiro nodded and stood.

"Thank you, Ryuzaki I have always known Light was in excellent hands with you," he told him and left the room. L looked down at Light and frowned as he saw him stir, but it looked as if he were in some kind of distress. He was shaking his head slowly, his battered mouth trying to make words. He took Light's hand in his and held it tightly.

"I know you are having a battle in your mind, Light but I am sure you will win, and I will be here waiting for you." He reached down and touched the soft auburn hair he could reach and tried to calm him by stroking it gently.

Light's eyes opened and he was in total darkness. He panicked at first, Ryuk's haunting words about those who used the Death Note not going to heaven or to hell, but to someplace where you were surrounded by nothingness ringing in his ears. Had Kenji killed him in that warehouse and had he been sent to Mu?…he shook his head..he couldn't think about that, if he had died what about L? All he wanted to think about right now was L, and as if in answer to his thoughts a light appeared in front of him and a glass door. He realized he was now standing and he walked towards it, and caught his breath when he got there. Behind that door was L and he was in their apartment, in his office. He was drinking coffee and reaching for a slice of cake. He began banging on the door, screaming L's name but he didn't seem to hear and he couldn't budge the door.

Suddenly next to him another glass door appeared and he reluctantly turned and walked over to it. Behind it appeared to be a city street at night, dark and filled with shadows. People were walking down the street, they seemed to be afraid, looking around them. Suddenly from all around them gangs of thugs surrounded them, began to beat them, rob them, leaving them bleeding on the ground as they ran away. Unlike L, the victims all seemed to focus on him standing behind the door, reaching towards him, pleading. Light began banging on the door to try to open it, to try to get to them and help, but just as with L's door he couldn't budge it, and they didn't seem to hear him when he yelled at them to open the door.

'You have to make a decision, who do you want to be?' A voice echoed in the darkness and he moved away from the door looking for where it came from.

"Who's there? Show yourself, where are you?" there was a low chuckle and a shadow moved from behind the second door and Light gasped and backed up; he was looking at himself. His other self stared at him through red eyes, an almost frightening smile on his face.

""Do you see what's behind that door, Light? Innocent people who are being preyed on by the animals whose names we used to write down and eliminate. These people need us, Light. You know there's another Death Note out there, all you have to do is take me back and we can find it and help these innocent people. We can finish the job we started, Light. Look at them out there, they're frightened, terrorized they need Kira back. Can't you hear them calling for Kira? They never stopped believing that Kira would come back and save them. The only thing stopping that from happening is you."

Light watched as his mirror self reached out to him, the smile on his face that didn't quite reach the glowing eyes.

"Take my hand, Light and we can help all of these people. This is why you became a detective isn't it? To help people? Kira will take care of them, bring his rule back and show the criminals your power, show them justice, Light."

Light listened, he did want to help people, he wanted to bring justice, and as he reached towards himself he suddenly felt that something was wrong, there was another voice calling out to him. He turned towards where the other voice was coming from, and found L outside of the glass door, his arm also outstretched and reaching for him.

"I am here, Light. The life you have always wanted, the life that you love, the Light that you really want to be. It's all here waiting for you, Light. I love you, and I want you back. Take my hand and come home to me, Light."

Light cried his name and reached out for L's hand the fingers barely touching when his other self laughed at him, stopping him.

"Is this what the great Kira has become? A lap dog for L? You were a God, you had the power to control the entire world and yet you let one man run your life? Did he help you when Kenji was beating you? No, it was me you reached for, it was Kira that gave you the strength to survive it; not L…Kira. Come with me and you can have it all, you can keep him if you wish, but you will be in control. If you go to him he won't let you help those people who are crying for your help, Light. Are you going to let them down? Can't you hear them pleading for your help?

Suddenly Light could hear them; they were screaming, crying for Kira to help them, to save them. He put his hands over his ears, he didn't want to hear them, their wailing was driving him crazy. He looked to L who smiled at him, still holding his hand out to him.

"We can help them our way, Light. Take my hand now before it's too late, please Light, I love you." Light began to cry, not sure what to do, what would be right. He knew he wanted L, he knew he needed L but the people were crying for him and only Kira could help them.

He looked at himself and then back to L again, and this time he saw tears in L's eyes as he continued to smile and hold out his hand. He couldn't hurt L, no matter what else was happening he had to stop L from crying. He ran forward and grabbed L's hand, throwing himself against him, wrapping his arms around him. 

There was thunderous almost insane laughter from the vision of himself who withdrew his hand but continued to smile at him.

"This is not over, Light. You will come to me soon, I can wait." 

Light clung to the vision of L tightly, and he became aware of bright lights hurting his eyes, he tried to cover them with his hands but it still hurt.

"L…help me, the light's are hurting my eyes, L…help me.."

 

L watched as Light struggled in his sleep, until he heard him actually call his name and his hands flew up to his face to cover his eyes.

"Light..calm down…it's okay, I'm here..it's okay!" he said soothingly trying to calm him down. He got up and quickly and turned down the lights in the room, immediately returning to Light's side when he had. He watched heartsick as Light tried to open his eyes, and they would only open slightly. Light's hands reached up to touch his eyes, flinching at the soreness around them. They touched the bandages around his face and under his chin. He reached out, calling for L, visibly upset that the sound was wrong because he couldn't speak properly and L grabbed his hands.

"I'm right here Light, you 're in the hospital. Your jaw was dislocated so don't try to say too much right now."

"I…can't see you…" he tried to say and L understood.

"Light…you're eyes are very swollen from the beating, that's why you can't see thru them very well, please don't panic it's going to be okay." Light nodded and held even tighter to L's hand. He could feel the pain in his jaw, remembered each crushing blow to his face and he began to tremble. What must he look like right now and how much of it would heal? 

L was alarmed when he saw tears rolling from the side of Light's eyes and down his swollen face. He reached down and lifted him from the bed so he could wrap his arms around his trembling body, then pushed the button calling for the nurse, knowing Light would need some pain medication.

"It's okay Light, you're going to be okay. I love you, it's going to be alright." L told him as he rocked him gently. Light wrapped his arms around this real L, just as he did around the vision, but this one was warm and held him tightly as he continued to cry against the familiar white shirt, inhaling the comforting scent of the one person he needed more than anything else in the world. He shuddered as that other voice rang through his head once more.

"That's what you think you need right now because you are confused, but as you get stronger you will realize that what you really need, what you really want…is me."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

 

After getting some pain medication, Light fell back asleep while he was in L's arms. L laid him back on the bed, adjusted his blankets and caressed his hair.

"I love you, Light and we will get through this like we always have," he said as he continued to caress his hair. He looked up as a shadow crossed over him from the doorway.

"Have you eaten anything, Ryuzaki?" Watari asked from the doorway. L shook his head and stood up.

"No, but I'm fine, Watari, thank you." 

"He's in room 405, just across from ICU and down the hall." Watari added and L nodded.

"Please stay with Light, I shouldn't be too long," he said and Watari nodded as L walked past him. Watari walked over to Light's bed and shook his head sadly as he looked at Light's injuries. He reached out and put his hand over Light's hand.

"You're strong Light, this will be overcome. You won't let him win again, will you?" he said smiling and then squeezed Light's hand gently.

L stood at the door of 405 for a few minutes before walking in, trying to get control of his feelings. The last person he wanted to look at was this man, but he had to. If it weren't for him, Light would probably be dead by now, or if not dead than destroyed by what would have happened to him; he deserved to be thanked despite what else he had done.

He opened the door and walked in to find Miyano sitting up in the bed, talking on the phone with one hand, the other arm in a sling. 

"No, dear I'm fine, they've given me some really wonderful drugs and I don't feel a thing!…No, I haven't seen him yet they're only allowing family in to see him. I know Kenji beat him badly, I'm just hoping there's no permanent damage to that beautiful face.." He was saying when he suddenly realized he was being watched. He looked over to see a man standing in the doorway of his room, in a white t shirt and jeans, his hands buried deep in his pockets, his back rounded and his head bowed, wild black hair covering his eyes.

"I…uh…have a visitor, I'll call you back." Miyano said and hung up the phone, "I'm sorry, do I know you or do you have the wrong room?" L lifted his head, his dark eyes boring deeply into Miyano's and suddenly he remembered where he knew him from.

"You…you were at Light's apartment." He said and L nodded.

"Light is my life partner. If it weren't for your risking your life to find help, we would not have found Light in time to save him. For this I am very grateful." Miyano stared at him, confused at what he had just heard.

"Light is your partner? But I thought….oh you must be the one who loves the chocolate covered strawberries, but he told me you were broken up." L smiled and shook his head.

"We were…separated but we were working on getting back together when you saw us. We were working things out."

"I see. I can't really say I'm happy for you, I was hoping I could eventually get him for myself," Miyano said with a half hearted smile and L was glad his hands were stuffed so deeply into his pockets. Miyano then looked at L seriously, "How is he? I know Kenji beat him pretty badly."

"Yes, he was beaten badly but he will recover." Miyano looked down at the bed and then back up again.

"He wouldn't let Kenji shoot me again, he let himself be chained like an animal and beaten to protect me, I couldn't just lie there and let him die without trying to find help. I knew what Kenji would do to him and then afterwards, he would kill him. I've seen him do it before…Light didn't deserve that."

"I don't believe any of his victims deserved to be tortured and die that way," L told him, "I imagine it was for fear of your own life that you never tried to turn him in." Miyano nodded and looked at his lap again, guilt and remorse clearly on his face.

"Are you some kind of policeman? Am I going to jail now?" he asked softly.

L sighed and stared at him. He knew he should; he was most likely an accomplice to the murders just as he was when Kenji kidnapped Light and yet he felt Kenji didn't really have much of a choice in the situation. He still bore the bruises and marks from Kenji's last beating, he had a feeling that was just one of many to keep him in line. He could see the fear in his eyes at the thought of going to jail. L also realized that it would be like sending raw meat to the lions if he sent Miyano to prison. Then the movie of what he did to Light flashed through his mind and for just a moment his anger flared and he fought to push it back down and influence his decision.

"I am a detective, and yes, by all rights you should go to jail for three counts of being an accomplice to murder and one to kidnapping with intent to murder.." Miyano cringed and cried out in fear, a suddenly shaking hand going to his face, the carefree character L was used to seeing disappearing entirely. L sighed and walked closer to the bed.

"But because of extenuating circumstances, namely that you were in fear of your own life, and because you saved the life of another….of the person I love more than you could ever know, your participation in these crimes will not be brought to the authorities. The story will be that you were forced to appropriate Light only, you knew nothing about the others; is that clear?" Miyano's hand dropped from his face, and he stared at L through the tears of fright that had formed in his eyes.

"You would do that?" he whispered and L nodded, "I'd kiss you but I don't think you want that." He said with a smile and L stepped away from him.

"That will not be necessary nor is it wanted." He told him and Miyano laughed.

"No, I didn't think so. When can I see him?" he asked and L stopped the word "NEVER!" from leaping out of his mouth.

"I don't believe he wishes to see anyone immediately, at least not until most of that swelling goes down. At that time, he can have visitors." He told him and Miyano nodded. L turned to walk away and Miyano reached out and grabbed his arm. He stopped, looked down at the hand on his arm and into Miyano's eyes; who immediately moved his hand.

"Look…L…I…" L started when Miyano said his name.

"What did you say?" he said coldly and Miyano shrank back.

"I'm sorry, Light told me you liked to be called L because you hate your first name Lawrence!! I told him you should be careful that no one mixed you up with that ridiculous detective I've heard so much about! I'm sorry..." he said and L relaxed. Light must have thought that up to cover when he had mentioned his name when…he shook his head.

"It's fine, I was just surprised you knew it." He said.

"I was just going to say thank you and to tell you to take good care of Light, it was quite obvious that he still loves you. He is more than beautiful, he treated me better than anyone and he just barely knew me; and if I don't get to see him before I leave, please tell him good-bye for me." L nodded and made it to the door before Miyano spoke again.

"Because, dear, if you don't treat him right I'll be waiting for him," he said, his character back to normal. L forced himself not to say what was on his mind and instead opened the door to the room and walked back out into the hallway.

As he walked back down the hall back to Light's room, he saw someone sitting in a chair by the nurse's desk, head bowed and hands clasped together in his lap. He immediately recognized the body language and made his way over, putting a hand on the man's shoulder.  
"Matsuda?" he said quietly and the young detective looked up at him, worry and upset all over his face.

"Ryuzaki!", he said jumping to his feet, "They wouldn't let me see Light, they said family only. How is he?" 

"He woke not too long ago but just for a few moments, he was in a considerable amount of pain. The swelling and bruising is so bad that he can't really open his eyes too well, his jaw was dislocated so it's bandaged to stay in place for at least two weeks. He is almost completely unrecognizable…" his throat caught and he had to stop and look away or his control would break. He felt hands on his shoulder and turned back to Matsuda who was now training his worried look on him.

"And you? How are you?" he asked and L shook his head.

"I am having difficulty in seeing him like this, of knowing that everything I did still did not keep him from being gravely injured."

"I know, that's exactly how I feel. I was there, and somehow I let them get away with him, they were right under my nose!"

"But you saved him Matsuda, you kept him from being hurt any worse than he was. My entire purpose was to keep him from being hurt at all, to watch over him and make sure he was kept out of danger. I failed completely; and I never fail. When it mattered the most, I failed."

"Ryuzaki, I wouldn't have known he was being taken until way after the fact if you hadn't been monitoring him, if you hadn't had Mello alert me to what was happening. It would have been so much worse." Matsuda told him and L took a deep breath and nodded.

"I am hoping he feels the same way when he finds out. I am sure he will be very angry with me, but perhaps it will not be quite so bad when he realizes it saved his life."

"Does he need to find out? I'd rather he didn't know I had anything to do with it." Matsuda asked and L looked at him.

"Perhaps not. We have a policy of keeping nothing from each other unless it is case related but, in this case and under the circumstances, perhaps omitting certain things may be the way to go. I cannot lie to Light, but neither do I have to tell him everything unless he asks." L said with a small smile and Matsuda smiled back.

"The boys are in the waiting room, I told them I'd let you know when I saw you." Matsuda told him and L nodded again.

"Thank you, I'll go and speak to them. As soon as Light is able I will have you see him; but I don't think he's going to want to see anyone until he looks more himself." He said and Matsuda understood.

"I just wanted to make sure he was doing okay. I'm not sure I want to see him right now myself, I saw him right after it happened, I can just imagine what it must look like now. I'll take off now and Ryuzaki, we know he's going to be fine. Look at you, you got blown up and no one would know the difference now. There's something about you guys, you've gone through more crap than any other couple I know and you keep coming out of the other side like nothing happened. It's gonna work this time too. Good-night, Ryuzaki." He smiled at L one last time and took off down the hall.

L watched him go and then went back to check on Light. He walked in the room and even though he had been in there all night from the time they brought him in, and all day today, when he walked in and saw his face again, it felt like someone had kicked him in his stomach and all the air left his body. He simply couldn't believe that was his Light lying in that bed, looking like that. He doubled over and dropped to his knees, suddenly feeling like the weight of everything was just crushing him; what he had done behind Light's back in an effort to keep him safe which still didn't work and just how angry would Light be when he did find out, the worry of how Light would come out of this physically and especially mentally, and Miyano…Miyano would always be in the back of his mind. Would Light go to Miyano if he were too angry with him? He told himself how ridiculous that was, no matter what Light loved him, he knew this but he couldn't shake the picture of Miyano waiting for something to happen and welcoming Light back with open arms.

He felt arms around him, gently lifting him back to his feet and holding him. He let himself be held for a few minutes and then looked up into Watari's understanding face.

"The boys are waiting to hear something in the waiting room, I need to let them know what's happening."

"I can do that L, why don't you stay here with Light in case he wakes." L shook his head.

"No, they deserve to hear from me. He won't be waking for a while, I'm sure, but please stay with him until I come back, I don't wish him to be alone." Watari nodded and released his hold on his ward. L walked over to the bed and leaned down to gently kiss Light's forehead, then turned and walked back out of the room.

Matt and Mello had showered and gotten all the hair dye out and once again looked like themselves. Matt sat, video game in hand, as Mello paced back and forth, snapping a chocolate bar almost violently; Near sitting at Matt's feet on one knee, fingers twirling in his hair nervously as the other hand held onto his still favorite robot. They all looked up simultaneously as L walked into the room, Matt and Near leaping to their feet. 

"Light is sleeping now, he awoke a little while ago but he was in substantial pain so he was given more medication. He has sustained a dislocated jaw, a severe gash on the left side of his head from where he was hit with the gun, the rest of his face is practically unrecognizable from the severe beating he received. I don't imagine he'll be leaving here for several weeks at least. Please stay until you're ready to go back to Wammy's or until Light is ready to come home. When he does, we will need to be alone as I'm sure you can understand."

"Would you like us to stay and keep up with your cases for a while, at least until Light is better?" Near asked and L thought a moment and then nodded.

"I would be most appreciative if you could, but I don't wish to keep you from anything you were doing…"

"We can access our files from your computer if necessary, or one of us can go back if necessary. But right now, it's important your mind is free to be with Light. We'll keep up with your cases and if we need to know anything we'll ask. We can do this for you." Matt told him and L nodded. He looked to Mello who hadn't said anything, and walked over to him.

"You seem preoccupied, Mello," he said and Mello turned to him.

"I'm sorry, I'm not. I just feel I failed you and Light and I'm so sorry he ended up like this." 

"That is a feeling I share with you Mello, that I didn't do enough to protect Light, but as far as you are concerned, you did everything I asked and you were the one to find Miyano and thus getting to Light before worse was done to him. I believe you did everything possible and I am very pleased with what you all have done for me and Light." Mello nodded and then wrapped his arms around L.

"I know he's got to look lousy right now, but he'll be fine and he will be the Light we all love when this is over." He told him and L nodded.

"Yes, he was himself when he awoke but it was obvious he was battling Kira in his mind. That is the main reason I need to be alone with him when he is released, I feel there will be a battle and we must face that alone."

"We understand that, so we'll stay and help until you let us know he'll be coming home and we'll get the next flight out." Near said and L nodded and Mello finally released him.

"I must get back to him, please go home and rest and you should all be proud of yourselves, because I am. I will send Watari down to get you home, Good-night." L told them and walked back out of the room. They looked at each other for a moment, Mello going into Matt's arms and Matt reaching out and taking Near's hand, the bond that only they had and could understand giving them the strength they needed to help L through this.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

 

Light woke about an hour later, his mind going over what he could remember of the beating. He didn't remember much, he knew he had retreated after the first couple of blows, and that dark voice kept reminding him that he was the one who had protected him while the attack happened; had kept his mind intact. But what Light didn't know was what had happened afterwards. Part of him didn't want to know, but in reality he knew he had to know if Kenji had raped him. He struggled to open his swollen eyes, reaching out for the hand he knew would be there. L would tell him what had happened, L wouldn't lie to him.

L took grabbed the slightly shaking hand as it reached up searching for him and held it between both of his, Light's struggle to try to open his eyes hurting him deeply.

"Light…don't try to open your eyes, they're still too swollen. I'm right here." He said quietly but Light didn't listen. He wanted to see L, if only just a little, he wanted to see him. One of the last things he remembered was thinking he wouldn't see him again, and being so very glad he'd left that letter with Watari. He managed to get them open a bit, enough to see L's face above him, not clearly but he could see that explosion of hair and those eyes.

"Answer me…don't lie." He managed to get out and L frowned not knowing where this was going or coming from.

"I never lie to you Light, you know that." He answered and Light nodded.

"Kenji…rape me?" he asked and L shook his head.

"No, Light. Matsuda got to you in time. Apparently that was what he was planning to do when Matsuda ran in, but he didn't get the chance. You are still as pure as the driven snow." Light tried to laugh and then quickly realized that was a bad idea.

"Glad.." he whispered and felt tears of relief slide down his face. L wiped them away gently.

"As am I, you have quite enough to heal from. How is your pain, do you need more medication?"

"L…Kira…"

"Is plaguing you, this I know. The fact that you are willing to tell me this shows that you are still the stronger and this is a very good sign. You will get through this, he will dissipate once again."

"Destroy…Death Note…please." L started at the plea. Light knew better, he already knew how L felt about that. He couldn't destroy it, he wasn't sure what would happen and he wasn't going to take the chance.

"Light…you know I can't do that, we've had that discussion. I know you feel like you can't control him right now, but you'll get stronger and you'll be able to…" he stopped when Light began to shake his head violently.

"Tired…can't fight…tired…" he whispered and L held his hand tighter.

"I know you are, but just give it some time, Light. You're in a weakened state right now, but after a few days you'll be stronger and you'll continue to get stronger. We will fight him together."

"I..love..you…he…hates…you.." Light managed, fresh tears starting again.

"I know Kira hates me because I stand in the way of his taking you over again. But we will win again Light. Until now he wasn't even a thought to you for the past few years and it will be that way again. But I can't destroy the Death Note, you understand?"

Light nodded, his half closed eyes searching for L's smile, for the strength he needed because he couldn't do this on his own. Even now the voice taunted him, telling him how little L loved him because he wouldn't do this one thing for him. That he didn't need L, that he should just relax and let him handle everything. Light shook his head again, and L knew he was once again fighting inside his head.

"Go back to sleep, Light. You need to sleep, it will build your strength. I will be here, I am not going anywhere." L told him and Light nodded slowly, letting his eyes close again and within a few minutes he had gone back to sleep.

L continued to hold his hand tightly, worrying for Light's sanity. There were two people fighting for control of that one body and not only did he fear the wrong one would win, but the fight itself would damage his beautiful mind. If he destroyed the Death Note all memories of Kira would be gone, there would no longer be a fight, this he knew. But would Light still love him? And now with the threat of Miyano he was really afraid to take that chance. He brought Light's hand up to his lips and kissed it, hoping he was making the right decision.

Within two weeks Light had been moved down to a private room, the swelling mostly gone so that he was definitely recognizable, but the bruising still very prevalent. By the third week the bandage around his jaw had been removed with the caution that he didn't do too much talking, or open his mouth too wide for the next three weeks. Although it had gone down a good deal, his face was still a mass of bruises and swelling, but at least his features were visible behind the swelling and various bandages

L had not left his side for more than a few minutes each day and as Light had done with him when he was hospitalized, he slept with Light in the small bed, their limbs wrapped around each other, Light's head usually on L's chest so L could hold him close.

The constant interaction helped Light keep Kira at bay, the voice seemed to still as time went on and he got stronger, just as L had promised. He was sitting up in bed now, grimacing at the soft foods that were brought to him for dinner. If he had to look at another bowl of jello he would throw it at someone. Luckily L loved jello and relieved him of it before someone wore it.

"I don't understand why you dislike this," L was telling him as he sucked down a spoonful of the jiggling substance, "It could use whipped cream but other than that it is tasty." Light scrunched up his face as he watched L eat it.

"It feels like it's alive in my mouth and trying to get away," Light complained and L stared at him mid-swallow.

"That's disgusting," he said and Light smiled…slowly.

"That's exactly right," he said and leaned forward gently kissing L's mouth, "I love you," he said and then sighed, "I need to get out of here, I need to be home with you." He added and L nodded.

"I love you, too, " he answered, "And you should probably be released some time this week," he added swallowing the last of the jello, "You will have private therapy for your jaw exercises twice a week, so that it doesn't lock up on you until it's completely healed."

"You always have everything under your control don't you?" Light said suddenly and L was startled by the sudden coldness of his eyes and the chill in his voice.

"I merely put preparations into play so that it would be ready for you when you got home, Light it had nothing to do with control." He defended and Light blinked and then smiled at him.

"I know, I don't know why I said it like that, sorry," Light apologized and looked away, concern crossing his rapidly normalizing features. Maybe the voice was quieted in his mind, but apparently it had chosen to just come forward instead and without him not being able to stop it.

L put a thumb up to his mouth, it was obvious Kira was peeking out again. He leaned towards Light and carded his fingers though his hair, watching as Light's eyes closed at the touch.

"Watari is bringing you something you should enjoy that isn't jello," he said and Light laughed, "So that should improve your mood greatly," he leaned forward and gently kissed him.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to intrude…" they both looked towards the door to see Soichiro standing in the doorway, Sachiko next to him.

"Mom…Dad no problem," Light said as L sat back. Sachiko came to him and gently hugged him to her.

"You are looking so much better," she said and looked to L, "I imagine he hasn't been a model patient." L smiled and stood up.

"On the contrary he has been a very good patient. I will give you time alone, but I will just be down the hall if you need anything." He said and patted Light's hand before leaving the room, Light squeezing it before he pulled away.

"I am glad to see you're looking so much better Light," Soichiro said, "That first week was pretty rough." Light nodded.

"Yea, wasn't a picnic on this side either," he answered as his mother sat in L's vacated chair.

"Dear, you and Ryuzaki aren't planning to move back to England are you?" she asked and Light stared at her confused.

"Dear, I asked you not to mention that until he was home!" Soichiro said obviously exasperated.

"I don't know when that will be, what if they leave when he gets released? I need to know." She defended and her husband sighed, shaking his head.

"Not at all, why would you even think that?" Light asked and she looked at Soichiro who cleared his throat and moved closer to his bed.

"Ryuzaki brought it to my attention that part of the reason you took on such a dangerous assignment was because I had made the call to you, thereby forcing your hand because of how I brought you up; with a strict sense of justice. He felt that the Director used me to use you and, I suppose he was correct in that. But he made it clear that he would not let it happen again; that he'd move you back to England before he allowed you to be coerced into such a case again. I can't say that I blame him considering what happened, but it was an upsetting thing to hear; I enjoy having you here, and working with you."

Light listened but the words were beginning to blur as his anger began to rise. L had no right to say anything like that to his father; especially without consulting him first. L had no control over what cases he took anymore than Light did over L's; and he had made it sound that he had been pushed around and forced into it like a mindless puppet. He was suddenly aware that both of his parents were staring at him.

"Light I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.." his father was saying and he shook his head.

"No, it's fine. Ryuzaki sometimes gets carried away, he really shouldn't have made a threat like that, I apologize." 

"No need to apologize, he loves you and he was worried. It was when you were brought in and you didn't look good.."

"He still had no right!" Light snapped, his eyes narrowing in anger, "Ryuzaki has to learn that he cannot control everything and especially not me." His eyes softened and he smiled at his parents. 

"But don't worry, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, and if I do decide to move it will be our decision and not Ryuzaki's alone ." his mother nodded and squeezed his hand.

"We didn't mean to upset you or cause trouble between you and Ryuzaki. I'm sure he meant well.."

"Let's not talk about it anymore, Mom. Where's Sayu today?"

"She's off seeing her boyfriend, you know how young love is. She did say she'd stop by later on," Once again Light looked confused. As far as he knew, Sayu and Near were an item. Ofcourse with Near being in England it was possible she was seeing someone else in between, she was still young.

"I see," he answered and then smiled, "I'm glad she's having fun in spite of college." He said.

"Well, it's not like they get to see each other often, so she's taking every opportunity to spend as much time as possible with Near." Sachiko said and Light's eyes widened in surprise.

"Near? Near's in town?" Now it was Sachiko's turn to look surprised.

"Why, yes dear, Ryuzaki didn't tell you his youngsters were in town?" Light heard the voice loud and clear this time.

'He's been keeping things from you, what else has he done or lied about that you don't know?' Light closed his eyes and shook his head, L NEVER lied to him, he knew this. There had to be an explanation. He raised a hand to his head and rubbed his temple.

"I'm sorry, I'm sure he did mention it but sometimes things don't stick with me right now." He said and his mother patted his hand.

"Of course, that makes perfectly good sense after what you've been through. You should mention it to the doctor, there might be something they need to address." Soichiro told him and Light nodded then slid back against the pillows, his mind in turmoil again. At that moment L came back into room, followed by Watari who was carrying a covered container.

"Watari has brought you a bowl of Meso soup, he remembered how much you love it, and cheesecake in case you would like something sweet. I also have cheesecake but mine has strawberries all over it, you can't have those yet." He said placing the container on Light's side table.

"I think we'll leave you to your meal," Soichiro said helping his wife from the chair, "Glad to see you're doing so much better, son." He said and nodded at Watari as he started leaving the room, his wife doing the same.

"Bye and thank you for the information." Light said, his eyes shifting to L quickly and then back again to his parents. Soichiro looked slightly uncomfortable but smiled anyway and continued out.

"You do seem to be doing well today," Watari said as he opened the container and removed the bowl of soup. Light smiled at him and sat back up as Watari moved the table closer to him. Light took a tentative first sip and then smiled as the warm, flavorful soup slipped down his throat.

"Thank you so much this is wonderful," he said honestly and took another sip. 

"What information did your parents give you?" L asked as he began to dig into his own cheesecake after sitting down. Light took another sip and then looked at Watari.

"I'm sorry, but would you mind if I speak to L alone for a few minutes?" he said and Watari shook his head.

"No, of course not. I'll come back when you've finished your food to retrieve the dishes." He said and walked out closing the door behind him, he had the feeling whatever was going on was not going to be good. L looked surprised as he watched Watari leave and looked back down at Light.

"What's going on?" he asked as Light turned to him, obvious anger in his eyes.

"There are a couple of things I need to discuss with you," he said quietly, "The first one is what the hell were you thinking by threatening my father with taking me away somewhere like I was some abused child?" L's eyes widened and he sat up straight, putting his plate down on Light's table.

"I am sorry it was presented to you in that manner, I assure you that wasn't my thinking at all."

"What was your thinking, L? You had no right to say something like that to my father, to accuse him of coercing me into taking that case…"

"Light, you have to admit that the way he reared you has everything to do with how you see justice, it is partly why Kira became so strong in you, that desire to bring justice to the masses, to truly bring criminals down."

"You act as if there's something wrong with that, you of all people who has done many off the wall things in pursuit of justice!"

"This isn't about me, and I did not say there was anything wrong with that desire, it is quite admirable it is one of the things I love about you; but the depth of it in you can sometimes move you in directions that is quite dangerous for you. With the exception of the Kira case, I never put myself in harm's way, you are constantly out there which is normal for your line of work, I just don't believe you should be forced into cases that are so out of control."

"You mean cases that are out of your control. You were supportive of this case when it first came up, have you just changed your mind because I got hurt and you couldn't stop it?" L stared at him for a moment as that thought went through his mind, his thumb coming to his mouth. Was that the real reason behind this, the fact that he felt helpless because Light got hurt anyway, in spite of all of his power behind him?

"Light, I…have no control over any of your cases, I never interfere…"

"But they are regular cases, and sometimes we do sit and brainstorm over certain aspects of them. You were completely shut out this time L, you had nothing to say, nothing to offer and I wouldn't let you even if you did. You didn't like that very much, and now you're trying to keep it from happening again. You have to get it through that stubborn, thick head of yours that you cannot be involved in every aspect of my life, you cannot have a hand in everything I do and you certainly cannot take it upon yourself to decide things for me in an attempt to keep me out of harm's way! Do you understand?" L nodded slowly and sighing deeply.

"I understand. I love you, Light and the idea of losing you to something like this, losing you at all is something that…my thinking is not always the best." Light reached up and caressed L's face, the voice in his head telling him he was being stupid to let this go, and he ignored it.

"I can understand that L, but you're smothering me this way. Just never do that again and everything will be fine. Only I can be responsible for my own decisions. You know I'll never make life altering decisions without your input, but ultimately they have to be my decisions." He leaned forward and kissed L gently, testing the tenderness of his mouth and L searching his eyes for any traces of Kira but nothing seemed to be there except his Light. He then closed his eyes and enjoyed the kiss until Light pulled away.

"Now," Light began, "Why haven't you told me that the boys were in town?" L stopped breathing for a minute, not quite sure exactly how Light found out but now afraid that everything was about to get worse. 

"I'm sorry, they are helping me keep my cases up-to-date as I'm not able to do much here with you. They have wanted to visit, I thought you had more than enough visitors." Everything he said was true, so he was not lying to Light he couldn't do that; he just omitted the qualifiers.

"Again with the controlling L, you have to stop that. Didn't you think I might want to see them?"

"I'll have Watari bring them by this evening, no I didn't think of that at all, my only thoughts were…"

"I know, of keeping me safe.. No more of this L, please, no more," he grimaced slightly and massaged his jaw, "I think I've probably talked enough for right now, I've said all I need to on this subject anyway," he said and L nodded his agreement, and then Light smiled at him and went back to his soup.

L watched him, reaching out and caressing his hair as he loved to do and receiving a happy smile from Light in between sips of soup. He then reached for his plate and picked up his fork and as he cut the first bite there was a knock on the door and it pushed open.

"Knock, knock!! Did you miss me, beautiful?"


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

L dropped the fork noisily onto the plate as Miyano waltzed into the room, giving him only a passing glance. He made his way to Light's bedside, leaning forward and kissed the top of his head, making L slam the plate onto the table. Light looked from one to the other and rolled his eyes.

"Miyano! I don't know what the hell you're doing here, but Light is not in a position to have any conversation right now!" L told him and Miyano looked at him skeptically.

"I'm here to see how Light is doing, obviously. Originally, I was just going to disappear and pretend I never met Light, but then I thought, that isn't necessary. Light and I are friends, he's allowed to have friends isn't he?"

"You wish to be more than friends with Light," L accused and Light reached out and grabbed his hand shaking his head, trying to keep quiet and rest his jaw. Miyano smiled and caressed Light's hair, making L see red as Light moved away from Miyano's touch and held his hand tighter.

"Well, I'm not going to deny that, dear. But I'm no home wrecker, I don't intend to get between you two so don't worry about that. But I don't think I shouldn't be allowed to see a friend simply because he has a jealous partner!"

"Try to remember whom it was who kept you out of jail," L told him, his voice suddenly deadly cold and quiet, his stare just as cold, "Do not forget that can be just as easily changed." Miyano drew back away from Light at the threat and Light shook his head.

"Don't threaten him like that L, you wouldn't really do that," he said to him and L didn't answer. He turned to Miyano, hoping the uneasiness he felt with them both in the same place didn't show.

"Just to be clear Miyano, I love L and we are together and nothing will change that. I do consider you a friend, and I am happy to see that you are fine after everything that has happened. I am also grateful to you for going for help and saving my life, L told me what you did. But things can't be the same as they have been," He reached up and cradled his jaw, he was beginning to feel the effects of talking too much.

"Don't say anything else," L told him and Light nodded, leaning back against the pillows. Miyano looked down at him and sighed.

"That's clear Light and I understand. You were only out there because you had broken up, and now that you're back together, I guess that means you won't be hanging out at the clubs anymore. I just wanted to see that you were okay, and to let you know that I'm always available if you need anything," he grinned, "Absolutely anything! Bye, beautiful." He said and waved at Light as he went out of the door, stopping long enough to stick his tongue out at L. Light turned back to L and couldn't stop the laugh that was dying to escape. He had never truly seen the green eyed monster in full action from L and it was amusing to watch. L continued to watch the door just in case Miyano had any second thoughts. He looked down at Light when he heard his chuckle.

"I fail to see any humor in him!" he said and it was then Light noticed that he was actually trembling. Light pulled on his hand making him sit back down and face him. He reached up and took L's face in his hands, staring deeply into his eyes.

"You heard me tell him that I loved you and nothing would change that, right?," L nodded, "Then stop being ridiculous. Miyano is a sweet man, but he is also so not my type in any way. I can be friends with him, but that is as far as it will ever go, and in all honesty, I can only take that so far. Not stop being jealous so I can stop talking!" he said and leaned forward, kissing L tenderly.

L couldn't tell him why Miyano unnerved him so badly, that he had seen what had taken place that night, that he had watched that man pleasure his Light and it didn't matter that Light had thought it had been him, the fact remained that it hadn't been him.

"I'm sorry, I do not wish to cause you to hurt yourself. I know you love me, Light but I also know he has it in his head that if he waits long enough he will have a chance with you." Light shook his head and held his arms out to L, who got out of the chair and climbed into the bed with him, this time laying his head on Light's chest. Light began to stroke his hair, and kissed the top of his head. He sighed when he felt Kira react to what he was doing. 'I love him, Kira and nothing you say to me will stop that' he said in his mind to the darker half of him, and he received a deep, low laugh in return.

L lay in Light's arms but couldn't relax. He couldn't shake the feeling that this was only the calm before the storm, that Kira would not give up so easily after the taste of power he'd already enjoyed. He also had to think what actions he would take if he wasn't able to destroy Kira; if Light was lost to him again. It had only been Light's love for him and the promise of a life he really wanted that quieted Kira in the first place. If something happened to shake Light's foundation with him, Kira would rush in and take him back, he was sure. Miyano was a threat to that stability, but once Light was back home he would be unapproachable and safe from surprise visits. He didn't know Light was a cop so he couldn't show up at headquarters.

His other fear was Light's anger, and if he found out about his involvement in his case, just how angry he would be worried him greatly. Although stronger, Light was still in a weakened state, if that knowledge wasn't presented carefully, and at the right time it would be disastrous. And if Light were lost to him, would he really turn Kira in as he had said he would? He could not leave a full-fledged Kira free to the world, especially now he had the police force at his disposal. But the idea of turning him, then himself, would result also in the destruction of the "L" mythos, as he would turn himself in for hiding Kira but that wouldn't be fair to his heirs or his many contacts. L would be universally hated and his boys would not have the opportunities they'd been trained for.

He fought tears as he held tightly to Light as he finally realized what he would have to do, it was the only way. It also guaranteed that he and Light would be together if what Ryuk had said was true and that brought him a little comfort. He snuggled against Light as he felt the troubled young man's arms wrap tighter around him, praying they both survived what was to come.

"We're not going anywhere until we're sure Kira is under control again!" Mello was telling Watari when he told them Light would be released the next day and they should prepare to leave. They were all sitting in the dining area, Watari drinking a cup of tea as the others had lunch.

"L was quite clear that he wanted to be alone with Light when he was released." Watari reminded him and Mello shook his head.

"This will go down in history as the first time we don't care what L wants. We were only with Light a little while, but even we could tell something isn't quite right, I know you must know it." Watari sighed and nodded slowly. He could see Light's constant struggle in the strain that was always on his face, in some of his quick answers and attitudes.

"Yes, of course I've noticed it. He's struggling, he doesn't want Kira to overtake him,"

"And L is struggling even harder to maintain as well. He's told us what he intends to do if he can't keep Kira at bay, we can't leave now and be worried about a phone call we might get from you. We can't let this happen; we love them both we can't walk away in the fear we might lose them both." Matt interjected, Mello nodding his agreement.

"We could be a help for both of them, Light enjoys the family relationship we have with him, he calls us more often the L does sometimes, we can help reinforce what he wants; and L just needs us to be here for him so he doesn't think he's fighting this alone. We can't leave them, Watari." Near put in his side of the argument.

"He's not going to be happy with this," Watari warned and Mello shrugged his shoulders.

"We know and it's not important, he'll get over it. He's going to be too busy dealing with Light to waste too much energy on us." Watari smiled and got up, walking to each one, hugging each one closely.

"Thank you, I am completely on your side in this as I too am concerned about where this will end," he told them as he sat back down and reached for his tea, as the three went back to their lunch, triumphant smiles on each face.

L let Light get into the car first, then slid in behind him. Light looked around the interior of the car and touched the seat with his fingers, a smile gracing his features.

"I never thought I'd be so happy to see the inside of this car," he said and L grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly, "But it means I'm finally going home and that maybe I can relax and this will finally be over." L leaned over and kissed him, Light returning it with as much strength as he could, his mouth still tender.

"I know how much you're suffering Light, we'll get through this, he'll be quieted again once you're home and around everything that you love." L told him and Light nodded, reaching around him and hugging him close.

"God I hope so," Light whispered into L's hair, "I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, I'm exhausted."

"It's what he's hoping for, you can't give up now. The only way he can win is if you give up. I love you, I'm not letting you go." Light pulled back and smiled at him, but L could see the weariness in his eyes, the lines of strain on his face. He knew that part of Light just wanted this to stop and would almost welcome Kira if the struggle would end.

"I know, I love you too, it's what's keeping me going," he reached up and felt his face, "I've been afraid to look in the mirror, tell me what you see." Light said and L caressed his face gently.

"There's almost no swelling now, scaring is infinitesimal, and the bruising is rapidly disappearing, and you're still beauti-the most handsome man I've ever seen." L quickly changed his description, not wanting to say Miyano's pet name for Light, who then smiled at him.

"And you never lie, of course!" he said and L laughed.

"No, never to you anyway." L qualified and it made Light laugh, a sound L had longed to hear. He then put his head on Light's shoulder and they held on to each other the rest of the ride home.

The boys had sequestered themselves in Matt and Mello's room, deciding it would be best if Light and L got home to an empty apartment to allow Light to relax and get used to being home before they let them know they had not left. Matt and Near worked on laptops while Mello worked on listening at the door to hear when the two had arrived.

He looked at them excitedly when he heard the front door open and listened intently to hear the conversation.

Light walked into the apartment, his hand grasping L's tightly. Watari excused himself and went back to his own apartment and took a deep breath, and went in as L closed the door to their apartment behind him.

Light looked around, inhaling a long, deep breath as he took in the home he had missed so badly for the past several weeks. As he walked through he could almost feel the lessening of Kira in his mind; every room in here reminded him how happy he was now, of how much he and L shared, and how much they loved each other. It was like a large warming blanket was being thrown across him and he welcomed it. He felt L squeeze his hand next to him and he looked over at him, and smiled at the expression on his face. It was like a child who had just given their parent a present he had made for them in school and was waiting to hear their reaction; all eyes and worry if it was good enough, if they'd like it.

"It's definitely helping," he said smiling at L, "I can almost hear him shriveling up!" he said with a laugh and L laughed with him.

"I knew being home would help you," he said as they continued to walk through, "It's been so long since you've had one of your suits on, you must be going through withdrawal. I would understand if you want to hug one.." L told him and Light turned to him, raising one eyebrow in surprise.

"I'm not that crazy," he said grinning as he looked towards the bedroom and sat down on the couch, stretching his legs out and leaning against the back of the couch, his head hanging back against it. This is where he wanted to be, where he needed to be and he felt as if he had relearned how to breathe and he closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling. He suddenly reached up and grabbed L, pulling him into his lap and kissing him. L groaned into the kiss, reaching up into Light's hair and holding him. He knew his fight wasn't over yet, but this was a much better start than he had hoped for, it made him realize that his Light was still there and wanted to stay.

"I need coffee," he said when Light finally released him, "Would you like some?" he asked Light and he nodded in answer. That was one of their favorite past times, sitting with coffee and talking about everything and anything. He watched as L got up and went into the dining area where there was always a full pot, and his eyes fell on his badge and police id's where he had left them on the table. He picked them up and reached for his wallet, then remembered what had happened to it.

"L? Did you get my wallet and phone when it was thrown from the car?" he asked the detective walked back into the living room with two cups of coffee.

"Yes, but I tossed the phone it was only supposed to be used for your case." L answered leaving out the fact that he knew Miyano's number was in it, and that Miyano probably had that number as well, "Your wallet's on your dresser where you usually put it." He told him and Light stood up and headed towards the bedroom, id's and badge in hand.

L sat down and sipped his coffee and then it suddenly hit him like a bolt of lightening. He jumped up and ran into the bedroom hoping he wasn't too late. Although he knew Light very rarely reached very deeply into his wallet when retrieving cash, he probably would now while putting things back where they belong and he'd find…

He stopped when he saw Light holding it between his fingers, and he looked up at L in confusion.

"What is this?" he asked, although L knew full well he knew exactly what it was.

"It is an electronic tracer," he answered quietly.

"Why is it in my wallet, L?" he asked and L took a deep breath.

"So that I could monitor your whereabouts at all times while you were under cover," he answered. L could see the clouds of anger beginning behind those auburn eyes and it terrified him.

"You put a tracer on me without checking with me first? How could you do that? Were you that sure I would fail?" Light asked him and L shook his head.

"No..it was nothing like that. I was just afraid that something would happen just as it did, that you had no control over and I just needed to be sure that you would be safe. Light it saved your life, if it had not been there, we wouldn't have known where to even begin to look for you!"

"That may be, but you did it without consulting me first!" Light yelled and dropped the tracer on the ground and crushed it with his heel.

"Would you have let me if I had suggested it? You know you would not have, and instead of just coming home from the hospital I would probably be burying you instead once we had finally found your beaten and raped body! Is that what you would have preferred?"

Light ran a hand through his hair and stared at L. He couldn't deny that he was right, had that not been there he would have most likely been killed; but it didn't mean he had to happy about the fact that L had been once again controlling.

"You can't ever do this again, L do you understand? In spite of the fact that you're probably right, without knowing what vicinity I was in I might have died, but you can't just decide to do things like this! Your controlling issue is getting out of hand!"

"It's not an issue of controlling, it is an issue of loving you and not wanting anything to happen to you!"

"What are you going to do next, wrap me in bubble wrap and watch my every move?" L fought not to smile at that picture but shook his head.

"No, of course not. I realize that your job is dangerous on a daily basis, but this case was different, and I was truly afraid for you, Light. I am very sorry to have gone behind your back and done this. I will not do it again."

"Because you're right about the probable outcome had you not done this, I will let this go. What else did you do, L?" L's eyes grew wide at the question, he wasn't expecting it and he was terrified to answer it.

"What do you mean, why would you ask that?" he countered to give himself some time to think.

"I can't believe that you would have stopped there if you bothered to do this much. What else did you do?" L looked down at the crushed tracer and then back up at Light.

"Light, does it matter? It's done, the case is over, the murderer dead and you are home safe. Can we not just put it behind us?"

"No, I need to know what else you did, L. You have to realize you can't continue to do this, and if I don't know what you did, how can I make sure you don't repeat it thinking you got away with it? Tell me, and tell me all of it."

"I…I placed listening devices and cameras in your apartment so I could monitor you." He whispered and this time it was Light's eyes that widened in surprise and then his own fear kicked in. When did he do it? Maybe it wasn't until after the party, after…

"You…rigged the apartment? The day you came to visit?" he asked and L shook his head.

"I had it done before, the first night you went out. I needed to know what you were going through so that I could help you better when it was over…" Light backed away from him and turned his back on him. Then that means he probably saw everything, he knew what had happened between him and Miyano.

"Then you know about Miyano." He said feeling anger and shame well up inside of him, feeding the monster lurking inside. 'You see! He can't be trusted, all he wants is to control you and now he knows about what happened. He will never look at you the same way again, he will think you're tainted, pretending that everything's the same so he can continue to control Kira. You don't need his lies and his control. You are a god, you need no one.'

"Yes, I know how he took advantage of you," L whispered and reached out to touch Light's arm, "But it doesn't matter to me, Light. I told you when you left here that whatever happened because of this case wouldn't matter to me. I love you Light, that's all that matters." He could see Light's body trembling, what he feared was happening, he could tell. Light was fighting but because of what he'd done, Kira was feeding off of his anger and hurt and the feelings of shame and remorse he had over what had happened with Miyano. He grabbed Light's arms and swung him around. Light's head was bowed, but he could see tears running down his face.

"Light…Light it doesn't matter, I love you." He told him and Light shook his head.

"I never wanted you to know, I didn't want it to happen." He said.

"Light you had been drinking, you were missing your life with me, you thought it was me."

"It doesn't matter, I let it happen and it had nothing to do with the case, I just let it happen," he sobbed and lifted his head, "I love you L, I shouldn't have let that happen," and as L watched he could see the spark that was his Light simply go out, his eyes narrowing as he stared into L's, "But you would have never known if you'd just kept out of it!" he reached out and slapped L as hard as he could, making L stagger backwards. He walked towards L, his hands clenching into fists, his eyes suddenly filled with anger and hate, "You have always had to control me, keep me under your thumb but that is over now. I am no one's pet, Kira belongs only to himself and the people who worship him and need his help. You've kept me away from them long enough, L Lawliet and it stops now," He grabbed L by his shirt and threw him through the door to the living room, "And now you have to decide what you want."

"Light, I know you're still there don't let this happen!" L cried as Light continued to stalk him.

"Tell me L, how much do you love me? Enough to stay with me as I continue my work? We could work together, I am not against that. The feelings that he has for you are not gone," he said as he caressed L's face, "I want you dead but he doesn't and he will be easier to control if you're still breathing." He leaned forward and kissed L, holding him so he couldn't back away. L fought it, eventually being able to lift his foot and place it on Light's chest and push him away. He couldn't believe the same mouth could feel so different.

"I do not love Kira, I love Light Yagami!" he hissed and Light laughed lifting up his arms.

"I am Light Yagami and you only have yourself to blame for setting me free." He reached out and grabbed L by his throat, "Then I have no need for you if you can't work with me."

L grabbed at the hand around his neck trying to loosen it's hold all the while staring into Light's eyes and not seeing anything but pure hate. He tried to call out his name as Light's hand tightened around his throat, cutting off his air. He couldn't believe it was going to end this way, that everything they'd had meant nothing, he was dying at the hands of Kira anyway. He closed his eyes unable to stare any longer into those eyes that no longer held anything but hate for him and accepted his oncoming death. If Light was truly gone, he had no reason to fight.

"Get away from him!" the shout startled Light enough that for a moment Kira's hold broke and he released L in horror staring at his hands and then back at L.

"I'm sorry, oh god I'm sorry!" Mello ran at Light and pushed him away from L as Matt and Near flanked L.

"Mello don't!" L cried as Mello pushed him back, hope coming back to him as he saw Light push through, then wincing when he saw Kira push right back.

"He was trying to kill you!" Mello yelled back and L shook his head.

"Not Light, Kira..don't do anything he's still not completely healed!"

"No, Mello don't hurt me. It might upset, L." Light sneered at him and Mello grabbed his shirt.

"Stop being stupid Light, you're stronger than this asshole, you've got to fight him!" Light laughed.

"Whatever fight there was left went away once L told him he knew about that little blow job, just couldn't face that." He said laughing and L ran to him, moving Mello out of the way. He grabbed Light's head and held him steady as he stared deeply into his eyes.

"Light, listen to me. Stop being ashamed of what happened, it's over it doesn't matter to me Light, it shouldn't matter to you. I love you Light, I love you! We need each other!" For just a moment he saw Light come through but it was gone just as quickly and Light pushed him away.

"I don't need you, L." he turned and walked away from him heading for the door. L tried to run to him but Mello and Matt held him.

"Where are you going?" he demanded and Light smiled at him.

"You've screwed up everything, L by being so controlling. I can't stand being controlled, I won't tolerate it." He told him and went out of the door. They waited until they were sure he was in the elevator before they let L go.

L stood staring at the door, at a complete loss of what to do next. He had imagined Light would have been angry with him about what he'd done, but he didn't know that finding out that he knew about that night with Miyano would be what drove him into Kira. Somehow he had to make Light not feel guilty about it, but how could he and especially now that he was gone. He had unleashed Kira back into the world, and he had to stop him. He turned and walked into his office, followed closely by the boys.

"L..we'll get him back. I have a good idea of where he went." Matt told him and L nodded.

"Yes, I too know where he's headed. He has only one ally right now that he can turn to who would welcome him as he is." He answered going to one of the bookcases in his office.

"What are you doing?" Near asked him as L moved a few books off of the shelf, revealing a button which he pushed, causing that part of the wall to move. The boys stared in surprised as it revealed a safe. L moved closer to it, setting off a laser which immediately scanned his eye. A few moments later the door slid open to reveal the Death Note.

"It's been here the entire time?" Mello asked and L nodded.

"I couldn't risk it being found by someone else, and yet I had to make sure that Light never knew where it was. He knows nothing of this safe."

"But why do you want it now?" Near asked almost afraid of the answer.

"Because if Light doesn't come back soon, I have to assume that he is completely lost to Kira. I have two options, to destroy this and thus remove all of his memories of Kira from his mind so that Kira will have no hold on him which could also result in the loss of our relationship. Or..I can write both of our names in it and thus ensure Kira dies and I with him, but L's reputation is not tarnished thereby leaving you three free to continue. As I cannot imagine my life without Light, the second is the only viable conclusion."

The three of them stared at him open mouthed, unbelieving what they just heard from him.

"You can't do that, L that's absolutely ridiculous!" Mello said reaching for the black notebook. L pulled it away easily.

"You can't give up that easily L, we have to figure out a way of making him come back!" Matt said and L shook his head.

"I don't know how to make Light not feel remorse over what happened. I tried, it didn't work, nothing I said worked," he looked at the three of them, "I'm not sure why you are still here in the first place, but right now I need to be alone."

"No, that's not happening. I have an idea about what to do about Light, but you have to promise you're not going to write anything or do anything with that notebook until I get back. Promise me L!" Mello said staring directly into L's eyes. L nodded slowly and put the notebook back into the safe, closing it and then the wall in front of it.

"I will give you sufficient time to do whatever it is you feel you need to do." He walked out of the office and back into the living room, his hands dug deep into his pockets. He then headed for his bedroom and closed the door behind him. He looked around their room forlornly, feeling himself completely falling apart. For the first time in his life he was at a loss, he didn't think Light would slide as quickly as he did. He walked to the closet and pulled one of his suit jackets out taking it back with him to the bed. He buried his head in it, hugging it to him and as the scent of Light's cologne swirled around him he began to cry. They were deep, soul racking sobs that threatened to tear him apart.

From outside the room the boys heard the heartbreaking sobs and it only served to steel their resolve to fix this.

"Near, please stay right here by his door, and check on him in a while, Matt and I have got to get to Light." He ran to the intercom and buzzed Watari, telling him quickly what went down and what he needed to do. Watari told him he'd meet them in the hall and they both ran out of the door.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Light jumped in the first taxi to come by and gave them Miyano's address. He no longer had Misa, but Miyano was the next best thing. He, like Misa, had a major crush on him and would probably do almost anything for him. He smiled to himself, and even if the other part of him didn't want to acknowledge it, he had quite the talented mouth. He could hear that part of him fighting him, trying to get back in control so he could get back to L, but it was half-hearted; he was too upset about what L knew, about what L did that he couldn't focus his strength and that was just fine for the Kira side. Eventually he would completely die out, and he was on his way to add more damage to make sure that happened.

Watari pulled up in front of the apartment Light had been using during the case, Matt and Mello barely waiting for the car to stop before leaping out. They broke into the apartment and went through it, making sure Light wasn't there. Mello pulled his phone as he and Matt went back to the car.

"Near, we just checked the apartment and Light's not here, go thru the files and find Miyano's address for me." He told him as he and Matt slid into the car.

"We should have just gone there first," Matt said, "I'm sure that's where he went."

"Yea, me too but I had to check here just in case he was going to go here and have Miyano come to him." Mello answered and then Near came back on the line giving him the information he needed. He then passed on the address to Watari who took off.

"How is he, Near have you gone in to check on him?"

"I did, he was just sitting on the bed holding Light's jacket. He looked at me and apologized for letting me see him that way, that he never meant to appear weak to us and he's done it so often since this case started. I told him we didn't see him as weak at all, just human like the rest of us. Then I sat on the bed with him and he leaned against me for a while. Then a few minutes ago he told me he needed to be alone and he fell back on the bed holding Light's jacket. I came back into the office to make sure he didn't come back in here to get that notebook."

"Okay. If this works I should be back with Light soon, if it doesn't I'll kill Light before I let L use that Death Note." Matt turned and stared at Mello as he closed his phone.

"You'd kill Light?" he asked incredulously and Mello nodded.

"If we can't get rid of Kira L thinks the only way to get rid of Kira and salvage his own conscious is to use the death note on both of them. If Kira's already dead, there will be no reason for L to kill himself"

"Except for the fact that he can't live without Light. Mello, if something happened to you I'm not sure I could go on without you and we don't have the history those two have. If you kill Light, L would never get over it, or forgive you." Mello leaned over and kissed Matt.

"I don't know what I'd do without you either, Matt and I never want to find out. But right now I have to do what I think will be best for L. Just hope I get Light back so I don't have to make the decision. I love Light, but not like I love L and if I have to choose it won't be hard, and hope that one day L will understand."

Miyano opened the door to the incessant knocking and was surprised when he opened the door and was mercilessly attacked by Light's mouth. Light pushed him into the apartment and kicked the door shut behind him as he roughly kissed him. After a moment Miyano pushed him away, breathless and surprised.

"Not that I'm not complaining beautiful, but it was just a few days ago you made it clear to me that you were in love with L…have we had a lover's spat already?" Light grinned at him and Miyano wasn't sure he liked the way that grin looked.

"You could say that, but let's not talk about that right now. I never did thank you for that little favor you did for me after the party." Miyano looked at him skeptically.

"Thank me? You practically ripped my head off when it happened." Light reached out and cupped his face.

"I know, but I apologized the next day didn't I? And right now, I'd like to show you how grateful I should have been." He leaned forward and kissed Miyano again, his hands beginning to roam down Miyano's body. Miyano moaned at the touches, but he couldn't help the alarm bells going off in his head; something was very wrong. When Light's mouth left his he gently pushed him away.

"As much as I've dreamed about this moment beautiful, there's something wrong here. I told you I'm not a home wrecker, and I don't want to think we have something only to have you change your mind again and go running back to L."

"You worry too much," Light told him and began to kiss down his neck, delighting in the screaming he could feel from his other side; this would kill him he was sure. His jaw was beginning to ache so he pulled back and unbuttoned his shirt, his eyes never leaving Miyano's. As Miyano tentatively reached forward, his fingers touching Light's chest, his door burst open and he found himself, for the second time in his life, facing a gun.

"Move away from him, Light" Mello ordered and Light turned around, shocked at first and then a smug smile crossed his features.

"Or what, Mello you'll shoot me? I think not, L wouldn't appreciate that."

"Right now I don't fucking care what L would appreciate. Right now I'm telling you to get away from Miyano or I will definitely shoot you." Light realized he couldn't take the chance that Mello was mad enough to shoot him and decided to move away instead, leaving Miyano facing the gun.

"Please don't, I'm just getting over being shot…" he pleaded and Mello smiled at him.

"Don't worry, I'm not planning to shoot you. I need you to go outside with my friend here and stay out there until I tell you otherwise." He said and Miyano moved quickly to comply, running outside without another word.

"Mello..be careful and think carefully." Matt told him and Mello nodded, his eyes never leaving Light's as Matt went outside closing the door behind him. Light stood defiantly waiting for Mello to make the next move.

"So, what do you think you can do that L couldn't?" he asked as Mello closed in on him.

"L cares too much, I don't. He was too nice, I won't be," he pulled Light by his shirt until they were practically nose to nose.

"I'm talking to you, Light Yagami, not Kira. Stop cowering behind this asshole and at least pretend like you're a man." Light burst out laughing, throwing his head back as he did.

"Too late for that, he's gone." He said finally and Mello shook his head.

"I don't believe that, not yet. You need to listen Light or you're going to die. L has suffered enough because of your bullshit and I'm not about to let him suffer anymore. Do you know what he's been through while you've been on this case? You know the bandages he had on his hands? One of them he cut the shit out of because he was holding a glass while he watched you kiss that asshole out there, it exploded in his hand. Why? Because he was upset watching you do it, because he was afraid he would lose you."

"He shouldn't have been watching, that was his problem for trying to control everything!" Light shot back and Mello shoved the gun into his ribs.

"That's partly true, maybe he shouldn't have, but he did it because he loves you so damned much, not because he was being nosy. And the other hand, he damned near broke it punching a wall because he couldn't stop you from getting sucked off by that jerk. Not because he was jealous over it, but because he knew what kind of damage it could do to you and he couldn't protect you from it. Now you have to stop being a pussy and whining about that happening and man up. L will kill you and himself if you don't with the Death Note. Is that what you want Light? I thought you loved L so goddamned much. You don't love him enough to fight for him after what he's suffered for you? Fight this bitch, Light come out of that stupid shadow and fight this bitch off!" He pushed Light so that he slammed against the wall and came after him.

"There's no shame in what happened, but there is in the fact that you're too fucking scared to fight for your life! What the hell is wrong with you? I didn't know you were so fucking selfish!" Light suddenly grabbed his head, it felt like it was splitting in two.

"If you don't fight it I will blow your fucking brains against this wall before I leave. I love L enough to not let him hold the guilt for your death on top of everything else. I'd rather have him hate me for the rest of my life than to let him suffer with that. What about you, pussy? Do you love him enough?" Light screamed and pushed Mello away from him, glaring pure hatred at him. He hadn't thought about the possibility that L would use the Death Note against both of them; he had counted on L's blinding love for him that he'd never harm him. He could feel Light fighting him with every bit of power he had, the fear of L killing himself fueling his fight. He closed his eyes, his hands coming to his head; he had to think of a way out of this.

"So close, I was so close…I won't lose this…"

"Yes you will asshole, you will lose this or you die right now. Don't think I won't know the difference if you try to pretend you're Light because I will. Kira dies in this room," He walked to him again, held the gun against Light's head and cocked it, "Your decision which way."

Light fought his way forward in his mind, he couldn't let L kill himself over him no matter what happened afterwards. He did love L too much for this, he had to fight for him for what they had. How had he let this happen? He didn't want to be Kira, he wanted to be Light. The fear that Mello had managed to instill in Kira helped him move forward and forced Kira back. He fell forward into Mello, the fight to get back so much harder than it was to slip backwards, hearing Kira scream angrily at him as he did and then finally fall into silence. Mello held him, the gun sliding down to his side as he did. He could feel Light's body trembling with the effort and hoped he hadn't pushed too hard.

Finally Light lifted his head, sweat running down his face, looked up at Mello, and slowly a smile spread across his face and he wrapped his arms around the surprised blonde.

"Thank you," he whispered and Mello pushed him back to stare at him, look deeply into his eyes, afraid Kira was trying to fool him. But as he stared he no longer saw the harsh gaze, but the softened look of Light. He lost the strength in his legs and fell to his knees, the gun dropping to the floor with a loud clatter and he began to cry. Light reached down and helped him up and held him close as he cried.

"I'm sorry I made you do this," Light whispered, "But I'm so grateful you did. Everything you said was right, I have been an ass."

"I was so afraid I'd have to kill you Light," Mello cried against his chest, "I didn't know if I really could."

"If it would save L, I would want you to and you could have," Light said to him, "But I've got to get back to him before something else happens." Mello looked up at him.

"How do you feel? Is he still there?" Light was quiet for a moment and then shook his head.

"I think you scared him right out of me." He said laughing. The door blew open again and Matt came running in, Miyano could be seen behind him peering nervously. Light held out his arms and Matt stared for a moment and then ran into them.

"It got so quiet and I didn't know what was going on!" he said as he hugged Light. He let go and turned to Mello and ran to him. Light looked to Miyano who was standing at the door, confusion still on his face. He walked to him and shook his head.

"Miyano there's no way I can apologize enough, and I can't explain what was wrong with me, but I hope you can forgive me." Miyano nodded and smiled at him.

"I knew something was wrong, I couldn't get that lucky." Light sighed and looked sadly at him.

"This has to be good-bye, Miyano. I can't have any contact with you, it wouldn't be fair to you and I know L wouldn't be happy with it. I am really sorry."

"I understand, Light. Just don't forget my address, just in case." Light nodded and gently kissed his cheek.

"Good-bye, Miyano." He said and ran towards the black car he saw sitting at the curb, Matt and Mello following behind.

Near opened the door and looked into the bedroom for what must have been the 100th time since he'd left L alone. He hadn't moved, his knees drawn to his chest, Light's jacket covering them and his face buried in the jacket and Near was grateful. The longer he stayed in that position, the longer he stayed away from that safe. His phone rang and he quickly shut the door before it disturbed L and answered it walking towards the living room.

"This is Near," he answered and was taken aback by the voice he heard.

"Near, how is he?"

"Light? Light is that you?" he asked incredulously, afraid to hope.

"Yes, it's me. I'm alright now, thanks to Mello. What about L?"

"He's sitting on the bed in your room, he's okay so far. Are you on your way back?"

"Yes, in the car now, I should be there in about five minutes."

"Okay. Light…I'm glad you're back."

"So am I, Near. I'll be there soon." Near hung up the phone and looked towards the door. He wanted to tell L that Light was okay, but he decided to leave it to Light when he returned. He made his way over to the couch and sat down, and he then let his own feelings escape; the fear that he was about to lose both L and Light washing away with the silent tears that ran down his face.

Light almost didn't wait for the doors of the elevator to open enough to let him get through. All he could think of was what he had done to L and how he could rectify it. He flew through the front door and into the apartment, leaving the others behind him. Within a few moments, Near came out of the same door closing it behind him. He walked over to Watari and hugged him.

"He's going to be okay, Watari, they both will be." And Watari sighed heavily.

"Yes, they do seem to always make it through don't they? Although this time I was not so sure. Come, coffee and snacks are definitely needed." He said and led them to his apartment.

Light ran across the floor and threw open the door to their bedroom. It was like déjà vu to him; when he and L had fought several years before and he had walked out, he had returned and walked into the bedroom to see him surrounded by his suit jackets and sleeping; now it was only one jacket draped over knees but it was painfully familiar. He stood at the door and cried, so much pain he had caused the one he loved so deeply, he was so sorry. Although it was true that L had over stepped his bounds, somehow right now it just didn't seem to matter so much. He walked over to the bed and gently sat next him. He reached out and put his hands into L's hair, gently carding through it. Then he leaned forward and gently kissed L's cheek.

"L…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He whispered as he felt the detective stir and slowly look up. He started and sat up, moving away from Light.

"It's okay…it's okay..It's me, L." L stared at him, his thumb coming to his mouth as he stared at him. He slowly reached out and touched Light's face, moving up to his hair and back again. He looked deeply into his eyes and Light reached out and took his hand, bringing it to his lips, kissing it.

"Light?" he whispered and Light nodded, bringing L's hand back up to his face.

"Yes, it's me. Kira's gone, and maybe for good this time." He looked at the slight bruising on L's face and the marks his fingers left on L's throat and choked back a sob, "God, I'm so sorry, L. I didn't mean to hurt you. I always seem to hurt you so much…" L shook his head, placing his fingers on Light's mouth.

"It is I that has much to apologize for, if I had not done what I did this would never have happened."

"And as you pointed out, I would probably be dead right now. We'll work that part out later, right now all I want is you in every way possible." L crawled into his open arms and lay his head on his shoulder.

"I was sure I'd lost you this time, so sure I was ready to end both of our lives. I'm sorry." He said and Light caressed his back.

"I know, but I pushed you into a corner, what else could you do? Don't think about it now, just tell me you still love me in spite of what I just put you through because I love you so much." L sat up and leaned forward , gently touched his lips to Light's, afraid this was just an apparition that would disappear if he touched it too hard.

"I do and I always will love you Light," he whispered still not sure he was believing Light was really there, "Is this real? Are you really here?" he asked finally and Light laughed.

"Yes, I am really here. Let me prove it to you." He whispered and pushed L back against the bed.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

For the first time in their relationship L felt suddenly unsure. What if this was an elaborate trick of Kira's, to get him to relax and then to humiliate and use him at his most vulnerable. He visably tensed as Light leaned down to kiss him, felt himself begin to tremble and Light stopped, sitting back up in confusion.

"What's wrong?" he asked and L shook his head, looking away.

"I'm sorry, I'm just…" Light immediately understood and sat back, looking down at him sadly. Ofcourse he'd be scared with what he just experienced. The bruising on his face and neck told him all he needed to know about what L was feeling right now. Light got up from the bed and walked out of the room into the living room. He stood in the middle of the room, running his hands through his hair wondering what to do next. He walked over to the bar, made himself a drink and sat down on the couch, his head bowed. He had hurt L more than physically this time, he had actually made L frightened of him. How could he prove to him that everything was back to normal, there was no more Kira to come out and hurt him? Had he just destroyed everything they had? He gulped down half of the drink, welcoming the burn as it went down his throat. What could he do to fix this?

L sat up slowly as he watched Light walk out of the room. He didn't mean to hurt Light, but he couldn't help that he felt so unsure suddenly. He tried to understand his own feelings; he still loved Light with everything in him, but for some reason he was…scared of him? He shook his head, no not of Light, he could never be afraid of Light. But Kira, he was terrified of Kira suddenly. Kira represented the loss of everything he held dear and earlier he had stared him in the face for the first time in over five years, full blown evil that wanted him dead, that had beat him and tried to choke him to death. L never thought he'd ever react this way to Kira, he'd always met him head on before but now he had almost paralyzed him. It was because the last time he'd dealt with Kira he didn't love Light, he'd just met him. That time in the helicopter when Kira had come back, L had fought him back easily because Light had just discovered the joys of being in love with L and wanted it so badly it was easy to overcome him so he didn't have to face him like he did tonight. The time when Light had been given another Death Note, he had been strong enough to fight it on his own as soon as he was back home, with just L's actions to help him. But then he hadn't been weakened by separation and extreme guilt as he had been this time.

He had never looked into the eyes of the man he loved so much and seen so much hate for him, been so afraid of him and been so unable to do anything to fix it. He didn't know what had happened, what Mello had done, but had it been enough? Was Kira truly gone, or was he setting himself up for another attack that would kill them both. He had to be sure, he had to be…but he also needed Light so badly right now at the same time.

Light finished the drink and put the glass on the table. He had to prove to L somehow that Kira was gone and wasn't going to ever hurt him again. He closed his eyes and searched himself as deeply as he could; there was nothing there, no trace of the evil that had threatened to tear them apart. He looked at his hands, he remembered reaching out and slapping L so hard it had driven him back across the room; he remembered putting both hands around his throat and squeezing as tightly as he could until Mello yelled at him to stop and for a moment Kira was gone and he was back, staring at his hands as he was now, and the horror of what he had done sent him back into hiding and let Kira back out.

All he wanted to do now was make love to L, and not because he wanted sex, but to make it all better and go away in the physical way that had always proved how much they loved each other, it had always been the ultimate way for them; but now L was afraid of him.

L crawled out of the bed and slowly made his way into the living room, his heart beating so hard he was sure Light could hear it from where he was. As he got closer he could hear the quiet sobs coming from Light, could see his body shaking with them. He walked around the front, watched for a moment as Light hung his head, his hands clasped in front of him on his lap as he continued to sob. He didn't think Kira could do that; he could pretend to be a lot of things, but he could never do that. He got down on his knees and moved Light's hands so he could lay his head in his lap. Light began to stroke L's hair, his tears never slowing.

"How do I fix this, L? How do I get you to trust me again? God, I love you so much, please tell me what to do, please!"

"This feeling of being afraid is something new to me, I don't know what to do either. I only know that I haven't stopped loving you, Light." Light lifted him up from his lap and stared into those huge dark eyes, seeing as much distress in them as he was feeling. He lifted L up and sat him next to him.

"I can't make what Kira did to you go away, all I can do is promise you that it will never happen again. L- I would kill myself before I'd ever let Kira hurt you again, I promise you that. But I don't feel him anywhere inside me anymore, there's no voice whispering in the back of my mind. Mello made me realize what a fool I had been, made me realize how much you had been hurting this entire time and it fueled me into pushing forward and forcing Kira away because I never, never want to hurt you." He looked at the bruising on L's face and throat again, leaned down to kiss his face and then his throat, trying not to notice the slight flinch from L when he did so.

"I didn't do this, but I allowed Kira to do this and I'm so sorry," he finished. L listened, his own eyes filling with tears as he watched Light cry. He turned away from him for a moment, trying to make himself just relax and allow Light to take control of him again, it was what he really wanted more than anything. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, then turned towards Light and smiled at him.

"I can't tell you that I am not still afraid, but as I remember I was similarly nervous the first time I was with you and was also afraid you were trying to use me, but my feelings for you over ruled my fears and I have never regretted that decision. I am willing to try it again, I put my life and my body in your hands Light because I love you and I want our life back. I have to trust that Kira is indeed gone and it is truly just my Light that is with me now. If I am wrong, I am hoping that Kira will just kill me and get it over with." Light shook his head.

"No..oh no, L I can't do this if you're afraid. You take the lead, I'll do whatever you want me to." L smiled and shook his head, touching Light's face gently.

"I can't, I can't think straight. I need for you to do this, I need for you to take control and make love to me and I will know then." He leaned forward and kissed Light gently, still fully aware of the tenderness still in his face, and Light could feel the trembling now, another stab at his heart. He nodded slowly and stood up, bringing L with him. He pulled L to him and held him tightly, and kissed his neck softly.

"I will prove that you can trust me again," he whispered and led him back into the bedroom. He had L get back on the bed and then thought of something. He smiled suddenly and ran back out into the living room towards the bar. He checked the small fridge and smiled even more, everything he needed was there. He quickly filled the blender with the ingredients of L's favorite drink and mixed it up. He then checked the fridge for something for L to eat and Watari hadn't disappointed him. He prepared L's drink in the large glass he always used and then pulled the bowl of strawberries from the fridge, getting a glass for himself. He then put the blender, glasses and the bowl on a tray and headed back to the bedroom, warmed by the smile L gave him as he kicked the door closed behind him.

"We are in no rush, and what's important is that you are relaxed and comfortable," he told him as he placed the tray on the bedside table, and he then handed L his drink.

"Plying me with alcohol does not work in your favor," L said smirking and Light knew he was kidding as he took the first sip and closed his eyes in delight, licking the chocolate syrup from his lips. Light poured himself one and laughed as L eyed the amount he poured in his own glass.

"L I only took a little and can always make more if we run out," he said enjoying that part of L's personality had resurfaced in spite of the tense situation between them. He reached over and grabbed a strawberry, and held it against L's mouth so he could bite it. He did, taking a huge bite and following it with another swallow of his drink. Light leaned over and licked the chocolate from L's lips himself this time, and was pleasantly surprised when L's tongue peaked out to meet his. They touched tentatively and Light pushed it a bit further, pushing his tongue past L's and into his chocolaty flavored mouth. L allowed it, but Light was aware his eyes were opened wide the entire time, not closing as they usually did when they kissed. L had been right, it really was like the first time they'd made love during the Kira case, handcuffed together and just as tentative as now. He sat back and took another sip of his own drink and watched as it began to relax him. L finished his drink and then pushed the empty glass towards Light for a refill which he did happily. He grabbed another strawberry and dipped it into L's drink and then popped it into L's mouth, much to L's delight. L knew this was all designed to calm him and it worked for the most part; at least he'd stopped trembling for the moment, but then he didn't feel threatened in any way right now. He looked at Light, who smiled back at him, his eyes filled with hopeful promise and love, that's all he could see and it warmed him. He crawled forward on the bed towards him and this time he initiated the kiss to Light's surprise and pleasure.

He took that as a green light to go forward and slid his shirt from his shoulders as L kissed him. L swallowed the rest of his drink and put the glass down on the side table. He slowly put his hands on Light's body, starting with his shoulders and slowly moving them down his chest. Light noted that L's hands had begun to tremble slightly as they traveled down his chest. He closed his eyes and moaned lightly, loving L's cool touch on his chest, he needed it so badly. L's eyes were on his own hands as they traveled Light's chest, almost as if this were the first time he'd ever touched him

Light reached down and took L's hands and kissed them L smiling up at him as he did. Light then leaned forward and kissed L deeply, letting go of his hands and holding L's head as he plundered his mouth with his tongue, still feeling the tenseness in L's body as he did. He finally felt L's arms move slowly around his neck and he nearly cried in relief. He could feel that they were still trembling slightly, but at least he was trying.

He slowly let his hands slide under L's shirt, and upon hearing L's sharp intake of breath he stopped and looked down at him for permission to continue. L stared deeply into Light's eyes, trying to see if anything else was showing behind the auburn, but saw nothing but Light and then nodded. Light pushed up the white shirt and L lifted his arms from his neck so it could slide off easily. Light began to kiss L's chest, feeling L's arms come around his neck again as he did, and hearing L whisper his name. He looked up into his face and saw a trembling smile.

"Light, I love you," he whispered and Light moved back up to his mouth, gently kissing him in answer. Normally he knew he probably would have attacked his mouth but under the circumstances he knew he'd better go gently at all times.

"I love you too," he whispered in L's ear, "I love you so much," he pushed L up onto the bed, laying him down gently, "You tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable, okay?" and L nodded, reaching up for him. Light lay on top of him, kissing him gently as L held him tightly, his eyes closed as he began to let himself relax a little more and enjoy Light's touch.

Light lifted himself up on and began to kiss down L's chest again, stopping at each nipple and licking and sucking at them until he heard L moaning in pleasure. He kissed down his abdomen reaching the top of his jeans. He caressed him through the fabric first, making sure it was okay before he went any further. L moved his hips up against Light's hand, a quiet moan escaping and giving Light the impetus to move on. He put both hands on the top of L's jeans and began to slide them down slowly. He felt L tense again he stopped, leaning down to kiss L's stomach and caress his chest. He could feel L's heart beating rapidly against his hand.

"If you want me to stop, just tell me," he whispered and L shook his head almost violently.

"No..I don't want you to stop, I'm sorry I can't control my reactions. I want this as much as you do, Light…I have to be sure." Light nodded, concerned that L still wasn't sure, but continued. He pulled L's jeans and boxers down and dropped them onto the floor, kissing down to L's cock, licking it and kissing the tip. The ache in his jaw suddenly told him that he wasn't going to be able to do anything more than that right now and he looked up at L.

"My jaw is telling me I'll be very sorry if I try anything else right now, I'm sorry." He apologized and L sat up and smiled.

"It's fine, I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself," he said. Light grinned and licked the tip again.

"If you weren't so…blessed it wouldn't be a problem!" he said and L laughed.

"It's the first time that it is a problem," he answered and Light laughed with him, feeling some more of the tensions fall away. He sat up from the bed and removed his own pants and boxers, also letting them fall to the floor, not caring for once where they fell. L sat up and crawled forward on the bed to where Light stood by the bed. He got up on his knees and reached up and kissed Light gently, then pulled Light back into bed with him, his arms wrapped around him, pulling Light on top of him.

They both moaned at the contact of their bodies rubbing against each other as they lay on the bed, both of them moving to increase the friction. Light reached up and reached into drawer of the side table and grabbed the lube. He sat up and poured it on his fingers and then kissed down L's thighs, moving the lubed fingers to his opening. He felt L tense up again and could see the tremors in his legs.

"L?" he asked and L nodded, closing his eyes. Light put lube around L's opening knowing it was going to be extra tight tonight due to his tenseness. Then he slowly began to insert one finger as he licked up L's cock, sucking on the tip only. L moaned trying very hard to relax himself, to at least try and stop trembling. Light moved his finger in and out, stretching the muscles slowly. He leaned forward and covered L's mouth with his, his tongue entering his mouth at the same time as he pushed a second finger in. L groaned louder, his hands clutching the sheets on the bed. In his mind they had reached the point where if Kira were actually to rear his ugly head, it would be here. While L was at his most vulnerable, and could be hurt the worst, physically and emotionally. He trusted Light, but he wasn't sure Kira wasn't just hiding, pretending to be gone, waiting for this moment and there was no other way to find out than to put himself in the position he was in. His need for Light was getting stronger than his fear of Kira, and his body began to react strongly to Light's ministrations, his hips grinding down to meet the thrusts of Light's fingers. Light scissored his fingers, feeling the muscles give slightly and began to insert a third finger as he kissed down L's neck to his chest, avoiding the bruised areas. L cried out his name and his hands grabbed at Light's hair.

After a few moments, Light grabbed the lube again and put some on his hand to rub on himself and position himself behind L, who braced himself for whatever was to come, his eyes closed and his hands back on the bed. Light slowly entered him, taking more time than he normally would, afraid to make any sudden movement or cause L any more pain than necessary. His own eyes closed and his head fell back, the tightness of L's muscles almost painful, but also delicious. His eyes opened as he heard L cry out his name and reach for him when he was completely inside. L pulled him into his arms and kissed his chest as Light pulled out slowly and slid back in, slowly setting up a comfortable rhythm.

It was then that L realized he wasn't going to be hurt, that this was indeed just Light. Kira would never have taken the time Light just did, he would have attacked and hurt him as much as possible. He let out a sob of relief which Light heard and immediately thought he'd done something wrong and stopped immediately.

"Are you okay, did I hurt you?" he asked and L shook his head as tears began to run down his face. He reached up and touched Light's face and smiled.

"No, you did not hurt me and that's the point. You just proved that you are my Light, that you have really come back to me" he whispered and Light leaned down and kissed him, picking up the rhythm again.

They were both lost in the joy of being joined together again, of being one. It was what they both wanted and needed so desperately, the affirmation that they were still them, that nothing had really changed. L met Light's thrusts as they became more forceful, his hands traveling from Light's back to his hair and back again, whispering his name over and over as if saying it reaffirmed what he now knew. Light began to tremble himself, feeling his orgasm rushing faster than he expected. He reached forward and began to stroke L, hoping to bring him along. The moment L had relaxed, he began to rush towards his own release, needing it more than he had even realized.

Their bodies moved together as one, moving in rhythm and slick with sweat. Suddenly L's entire body convulsed and Light watched as his orgasm took him over, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as he head pressed back against the pillow, his own name ringing in his ears as L cried it. His own following close behind as L's convulsing muscles nearly milked it out of him, seeing bright lights explode behind his closed eyes before falling forward onto L's body.

They lay in each other's arms in complete silence for a few moments, only their breathing breaking the quiet in the room. Finally, Light slid off of him to lay beside him and was thrilled to feel L move into his normal position afterwards, his head lying on Light's chest, the legs wrapping around each other. Light leaned down slightly to kiss L's sweat dampened hair, his arms wrapping around L and holding him as tightly as he could.

"Thank you for trusting me," he whispered and L nodded against his chest.

"I had to know for sure and I wanted it as badly as you did," L answered and then sighed against his chest, "Light, I am sorry for what I did, you were right in your anger, I realize I went too far. But can you at least understand why?" Light nodded as he stroked L's back.

"I never said I didn't understand your feelings, L. You just can't act on them like that. But I don't want to talk about it right now, I just want to enjoy being where we are right now, okay?" L nodded and began to run circles around Light's chest with his fingers.

"Is there more to drink?" he asked suddenly and Light laughed.

"Yes, there is, and more strawberries." He sat up, unwrapping himself from around L and stopped looking down into those huge eyes that were looking up at him. He leaned down and kissed him tenderly.

"I love you," he whispered as he moved errant raven hair from the front of L's face, "Please tell me you're not afraid of me anymore." L smiled at him and shook his head.

"Not consciously, Light but I can't be sure about my subconscious. I ask you to not take it to heart if something causes me to react badly for a little while and to forgive me." Light nodded and kissed his forehead.

"I won't take it to heart, I promise." He said and then pulled himself up to reach for the drinks on the table. He emptied the blender into both of their glasses and handed one to L as he sat up to grab it. He then took a strawberry and bit one end, and held it up to L to take the rest, which L took greedily. He watched as L swallowed some more of his drink, his eyes closing again in enjoyment. He'd put up with almost anything if it meant they would eventually be healed again and back to normal.

He took a sip of his own drink and thought a moment. Maybe they needed time to heal, and maybe they needed to go somewhere else for a while, to be away from everything that reminded them of what happened. All he had to do was look at the bruises on L to remember what had happened and each time he did, it hurt him like the first time. In the morning he'd bring it up, but not now. All he wanted to do right now was what he was doing. He leaned over to L again for another kiss, which L gave him eagerly.

"Maybe we'll do this again later without all the drama," L said afterwards and Light burst out laughing.

"I think that would be a great idea," he answered and then got up out of bed and grabbed the blender, "But I think right now we need a refill." He said and L nodded eagerly, watching Light go out of the bedroom door. He leaned against the headboard and sighed, finishing off what he had in his glass. He hoped it wouldn't take too long for his own subconscious to calm down, life needed to get back to normal. But for right now, his only desire was to finish those strawberries…


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

L's eyes opened suddenly, adjusting to the darkness of the room. He wasn't sure exactly what it was that woke him but he thought that it was the sound of laughter, guttural and low. He looked over to where Light lay, his back was to him and seemed to not hear it and was still asleep. He reached out and gently touched Light's shoulder.

"Light? Did you hear…"and the rest of his words stuck in his throat as Light turned over to face him, his eyes on fire, that hateful grin on his face again. As L pulled away in terror Light sat up and began that low laughter again.

"Dear L, you're so easy. I let Light out long enough to lull you and now he's gone for good, he's dead. It's just you and I now." He whispered and L shook his head violently.

"No…no that can't be!" he cried and Light stood up from the bed.

"Oh and if you're looking for someone to save you..don't." he held up his hands, both were covered in blood, a knife in one of them.

"The boys were a little harder than Watari, but they're just as dead right now. It was touching when Mello and Matt realized there was no help as both their throats were cut, they held hands as the life ran out of them, you would have been moved. So again I say, it's just us, just you and I." L tried to move from the bed and couldn't, his body would do nothing but tremble as his heart broke inside of him, his boys and Watari, all dead. Tears of anguish ran down his face as he watched as Light walked around the bed, his hands continuing to drip blood as he stared at L.

"You couldn't have killed them, you wouldn't kill them Light!" and Light nodded.

"This is true, your Light wouldn't have, but I'm not that Light. I need my Death Note, I know you know where it is."

"No, I won't give it to you!" L said defiantly in spite of his terror and this time Light threw his head back and laughed long and loud, sounding like the madman he was.

"Oh, L you're not going to do this are you? You have no hope in keeping the information from me. In a few minutes you're going to be screaming the answer to me. No, I won't let you die before you tell me, but you will wish that I would." One bloody hand reached out and grabbed L by his throat. L clawed at it desperately as Light continued to stare at him.

"Just tell me where it is and this won't be necessary," he whispered and raised the knife with the other hand and held it to one of L's eyes, "You'll only need one to show me where it is…" he said and L stared at the point of the knife as it neared his eyes.

"Light! No! Light, please…" he screamed and tried to kick him away, but couldn't his legs tangled in the blankets. His eyes slammed shut as if his eyelids would somehow protect him and he began to cry out Light's name again and again as if that would bring him back and make this stop.

Light was in the dining room having awakened before L, so he thought he would bring their coffee and breakfast into the bedroom so it would be there when he woke up. They had a lot to talk about and it would be more comfortable in the bedroom. He was just putting cups on the tray when he heard L scream his name. He dropped everything with a loud clatter and ran towards the bedroom, throwing the door open and for a moment he stared at the sight before him. L was thrashing around in the bed, his eyes slammed shut and his hands around his own throat. Light ran into the room and jumped on the bed, straddling L and peeling his hands from around his throat and shaking him.

"L! L wake up, wake up!" he said as strongly as he could without actually yelling. L's eyes flew open and Light stopped moving when he saw the pure terror that was reflected in L's eyes as he stared at him. He had only seen that once before, and that was when his own hands were around his throat. He gently touched L's face and whispered his name.

"L it's okay, you were dreaming, you were just dreaming." He said and held him tightly as he watched L's eyes refocus on him.

"Light?" Light tried not to react as he watched L's hand tremble reaching forward and touching his face. He smiled and nodded, and raised his hand to touch L again and drew it back quickly when L's eyes suddenly darted to it. L reached out and grabbed it back, turning it over in his own hands, proving to himself that there was no dripping blood on it. He looked back up at Light who was now looking at him with love and concern. He reached up with both of his arms and wrapped them around Light's neck, burying his head against his chest and cried. Light held him tightly, rubbing his back and kissing the top of his head.

"It was only a dream, L it's over now, I'm here." He whispered and he felt L nod against his chest as he regained his composure. Light heard what he thought was a gun looked up to see Watari standing in the doorway, surrounded by the boys. They had heard the sound of the tray and dishes crashing and had feared the worst. Once Watari realized L was not being hurt he put the gun away. Light nodded at them and they nodded back and went back out of the room to let him handle it, closing the door behind them.

Light continued to hold L tightly, reassuring him gently until he felt the trembling finally lessen enough for L to be able to look up at him finally.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." He apologized and Light shook his head.

"It's alright, you have nothing to apologize for. Do you want to tell me what it was?" Light asked and L sat back away from him and looked away as he spoke.

"Kira had returned, you had killed the boys and Watari and were about to torture me to find out where I'd hidden the Death Note by removing one of my eyes." He whispered and Light stared at him in shock.

"Oh God no wonder you're trembling, I'm so sorry I've done this to you," he said reaching out and pulling L to him again

"It wasn't you, Light you can't apologize for what you didn't do," L told him and then looked up into his stricken face, "I am just so glad it was just a dream, I love you, Light." He whispered and leaned up to kiss him needing that strong reassurance and Light was only too glad to give it, returning the kiss as deeply as he could. When they parted Light smiled at him and stroked L's back.

"I was getting your breakfast, are you ready for some coffee?" he asked and L nodded.

"Definitely ready," he said smiling back and Light nodded and stood up, stopping just for a moment to kiss L again quickly before going out of the room. L watched him walk out and then rubbed his eyes with his hands. He held his hands in front of his face and watched as they continued to tremble slightly. The dream was so real, every detail was still etched on his mind, and he could see Kira's face clearly when he closed his eyes. If this is what he had to look forward to until he got past this, he just wouldn't sleep at all.

Light found Watari and the boys in the dining area cleaning up the mess of broken cups and spilled coffee when he walked back out. Watari had heard the breaking cups and L's shouting and had come running in, stopping only when he saw the boys at the bedroom door.

"I'm sorry guys, you shouldn't have to clean my mess," Light apologized as he stopped down to help.

"It's okay, we had to do something while we were waiting to hear what happened," Matt said.

"I imagine he must be calm now?" Watari added and Light nodded.

"A nightmare, a rather disturbing one in which Kira returned killing all of you and ready to torture him to get the Death Note's location,"

"Jeez, are you serious? No wonder he screamed," Mello said pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"I would suggest that you be ready for this kind of thing for a while," Watari told him, "He's suffered mental trauma from what happened yesterday, his greatest fear realized, it's going to stay with him for a while." Light sat down on one of the chairs and ran a hand through his hair.

"I was afraid of that, what can I do to make it easier on him?" he asked.

"Just what you're doing, keep reassuring him, but it's got to run it's course. It's not something you can just shut off." Watari told him, "But most importantly you have to make sure you keep the Kira part of yourself dead." Light looked up at him.

"It is dead, I feel nothing from it anymore." Watari nodded as he threw broken pieces away.

"Good, then you have finally made up your mind and decided that definitely is not what you want."

"What do you mean, finally? I haven't wanted that since L and I…"

"Be honest with yourself, Light. Kira is not some separate person living inside of you, it is you. You allowed that part of yourself that most of us have, that dark part of you that you know you can't act on, to surface. I will accept that something powerful within the notebook helped it gain access, but it's always been there. Your love for L is the only thing that kept you from continuing to enjoy the ultimate power of ultimate justice, no matter how warped. You are the one in control of whether or not you want that power again. There's a part of you that misses that power Light, a part of you that welcomed the excuse to delve into that again." Light stood up, shaking his head violently in protest.

"No! No, I don't miss that at all, how could I?"

"Because it's part of you. Every time you feel weak, or defeated you long for that. Are you going to tell me that the first thing that doesn't cross your mind when something goes wrong at work, someone gets away with something, or doesn't get caught, isn't "If I had my Death Note?" Light gasped and looked away; he was right. He couldn't count the number of times he had said that as he watched as his hard work at catching someone backfired somehow and he walked. Or the proper amount of proof couldn't be verified, or any number of things that kept him from completing the job. Yes, it did almost always cross his mind.

"There is a part of you that didn't want to lose that power. Until you realized that it would cost you everything, until it nearly did and you had your own hands around L's throat. Even then you hid behind it, and it took Mello's making you realize it that finally killed it for you. L made it too easy for you, allowed you to have it both ways, and he knew it, that was why he worried so; but Mello forced you to make that final decision that you had to consciously make to kill it, and you never had before. That was why it was always whispering to you, tempting you because you wanted it to. Now, you have made the final decision and the temptation is gone."

Light listened and realized that Watari was absolutely right. He had never consciously admitted it before, but he was right. The intoxicating power that he had as Kira had always been playing around the edges of his mind, even if he hadn't admitted it and he actually did like it being there; reminding him that he did have that ultimate power if he really wanted it. Until it had made him almost kill L, and made him run to Miyano and if he had done what he had planned it would have emotionally killed L if not physically and it would have given him an excuse to remain Kira. He looked at Watari and the boys and shook his head.

"I am so sorry, I don't know what else I can say," he said, "I don't know why L didn't tell me this himself," he wondered and Watari walked over to him and put both hands on his shoulders, smiling warmly.

"There is nothing else to say, the mind is an extraordinary thing, it can work against you as well as for you. L had his reasons for not telling you this, I'm sure. Your days of being Kira are now gone and you can work on healing L now and making him realize it. If anything, thank Mello for realizing what had to be done and doing it without pause. That was brilliant on his part." Light looked to Mello who was grinning at him.

"I thanked Mello yesterday when it was over," he said, "But I can never thank him enough for it." He said reaching out to hug the blonde.

"After all this time, it would be too damned hard to break someone else in for L," Mello told him, "It was a totally selfish act." Light smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

"Okay, if you say so," he said and then looked around, "I need to bring L coffee and something to eat, I don't want to leave him alone for too long." Watari handed him a few items to put on the tray, while he grabbed two more coffee cups, the coffee pot, cream and sugar.

"I will get your regular breakfast ready for you, Light" he added and turned to leave to do so.

"Watari…thank you." Light called after him and Watari turned slightly and nodded, then continued out of the door.

"Oh, and guys, I'm thinking seriously of taking L away for a while, would you be willing to stay and keep things going for him if I do?" the three of them looked at each other and nodded excitedly. He smiled his thanks and moved quickly back to the bedroom.

"Sorry, it took me so long," he apologized as he walked in closing the door behind him, "I was reassuring the boys and Watari that you were okay." L smiled at him as he placed the tray on the side table.

"It's fine, it gave me a chance to calm down completely before you returned," he said watching Light pour his coffee.

"And Watari gave me some insight as to why it took so long to kill off Kira inside of me, and why it's gone completely now. I didn't even realize that it was because I didn't want to give it up entirely." L looked up at him surprised.

"Watari told you that? I didn't realize he knew.." he said.

"L..why didn't you tell me that was the problem?" he asked handing L his coffee.

"Because you were already dealing with guilt from it, I didn't wish to add to it by telling you that you were the reason you couldn't get away from him. I hoped it would eventually fade, which it had done until my case took me away for so long." Light smiled at him knowingly.

"That isn't all of it though, is it L? You knew that I was dependent on you to keep Kira at bay, my being with you. I think you were afraid that if I realized it was in my own power to get rid of Kira, you would think I wouldn't need you so much any more." L stopped sipping at his coffee and looked slowly back up at Light.

"I didn't consciously think of it that way, but perhaps you are right."

"That's ridiculous no matter how you thought of it, L. I love you, I will always need you. I don't need the fear of Kira to keep me with you."

"I'm sorry, Light. Please don't be angry with me," L said and Light could hear the slight edge of fear in his voice. He leaned over and kissed L gently.

"I am not angry with you L, it's okay. But one thing this has all brought out into the open, is the fact that you cannot keep things from me, and you cannot do things supposedly to protect me, without letting me know." L nodded, unease still registering in his eyes as Light stared into them.

"We need time away, we need to heal and we need to get back on track," he said and ran his fingers through L's hair, glad to see L react his normal way, closing his eyes and leaning into the touch.

"What do you suggest?" L asked without opening his eyes.

"Let me think about it, but we definitely need to go away, and just you and I. We need to rediscover each other now L, and we need to do it someplace we've never been, a complete change." L opened his eyes and nodded.

"I agree," he said and reached forward touching Light's face, "Are you sure you're not angry with me?" he asked and Light sighed but smiled at him.

"I am not happy with the things you did L, but I am not angry. The time for anger has passed, we've got to learn from all of this and move on. You just have to remember that I am not your child, you cannot protect me from everything, especially not myself."

"I love you so much Light that I don't think logically when it is about you, only what I feel is right to do. I know it isn't much of an excuse, but it's the truth." Light reached out and took L's face in his hands and kissed him this time deeply, his tongue taking complete control of L's mouth. When he finally released him, L leaned forward and fell against his chest as he caught his breath, Light holding him tightly against him.

"Now, eat something before I force feed you," he then told him and L giggled as he sat up and then reached for biggest donut on the plate.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to check on my breakfast," Light said as he stood up and L nodded. As Light went into the living room the intercom buzzed.

"Yes, Watari?" he answered.

"Your breakfast is on the table, and Detective Matsuda has entered the elevator. Shall I let him in?"

"Absolutely!" Light answered and went back to the bedroom.

"L, Matsuda's coming up, I'll keep the door closed unless you want to come out, otherwise, I shouldn't be too long, okay?" L nodded, his mouth full of donut and Light had to laugh at the sight. He closed the door and turned around just in time to see Matsuda coming in the door.

"To what do I owe this lovely visit?" he asked and then stopped smiling when he saw the expression on Matsuda's face, "Is something wrong?" he asked wondering just what else could go wrong right now.

"I need to let you know about what's going on at headquarters," Matsuda said and Light gestured to the table where the boys were finishing their breakfast. He said good morning to them and sat down, as Light brought over a cup and poured him coffee. Light poured himself another cup as he remembered he'd left his cup in the bedroom and then sat down where Watari had left the covered dish with his breakfast.

"So, what's happening there that's making you look like that?" he asked taking his first bite.

"It's kind of delicate, Light I don't know if you want me to talk about this in front of…everyone." He said and Light shook his head.

"I can't imagine anything going on at headquarters that couldn't be said in front of my boys," he said smiling at them and they smiled their appreciation.

"It's what they're saying about you, about that night. They're all saying the reason you haven't shown your face since it happened is because you were…well…raped and that maybe...maybe you enjoyed it." Matsuda looked away, his face a bright crimson. Light stopped mid-chew and he and the boys all looked at Matsuda.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Mello asked and Matsuda shook his head.

"I wish I was, Mello but it's becoming a big deal. No one knew what the case was until after it all came down, and now they're all over me every day to tell them what really happened. Because the nature of the other victims, they can't believe that Light got away without being attacked." Light swallowed and then took a deep breath while he thought.

"First of all, I don't owe any of them any kind of explanation, it won't stop them from thinking what they want anyway," he said, "And second of all, I don't give a fuck." The table erupted into laughter as the boys shouted their agreement and Light continued to eat, Matsuda staring in disbelief.

"But Light, if you don't defend yourself they'll never think about you the same way, they'll always be snickering behind your back!"

"They do that anyway, Matsuda you don't think I know that? The only reason they don't get in my face is because of my father. Do you really think if I go in there and make some stupid statement that they're going to either believe it or care? No, I'm not doing it."

"But Light, they're making it difficult for me too, constantly asking what I saw, did I catch the guy in the act…it's getting to me."

"I'm sorry about that Matsuda, I really am. Why don't you tell them what the truth is then?"

"I have, many times but they won't shut up about it! I thought if you also told them.."

"It won't make a difference at all, and you know that. What you need to do is go to the Director and report them, get them all fired." Light said taking a swallow of coffee.

"You know I can't do that, we don't rat on each other." Light sighed and put down his chopsticks.

"Alright, Matsuda I'll see what I can do. You know I can stand there and talk till I'm blue in the face and they're still going to believe what they want to. They're going to think I'm just saying it to shut them up. It's a waste of my time but I'll stop by in the morning if it will make you happy." He snapped and Matsuda stood up.

"I'm sorry I disturbed your breakfast, Light. I just thought you should know."

"No, you want them to stop bothering you, it's not about what I should know," Light said angrily and stood up himself, "So I will go in there tomorrow morning and make an ass out of myself for you, knowing it will do no good whatsoever and probably just add fuel to the fire. Now excuse me, I have to get back to L, you know where the door is." Light then walked out of the dining room and back to the bedroom, closing the door noisily behind him.

Matsuda looked after him and then turned back to find the three genii staring at him, anger on all of their faces.

"You guys have to understand, I have to work with these guys all day every day.…" Matsuda started and Mello snorted at him as he stood up.

"I understand you need to grow a pair and stand up for your partner. Just when I thought you handled yourself really well out there, you come back to the office and cave under their bullshit. Don't you think Light's been through enough without having to go back there to answer their crap so you'll feel better?"

"It's a shame, man. I thought there was more to you than that," Matt added and he and Mello left the table and headed to L's office, followed by Near who merely looked at him and shook his head. Matsuda turned and ran out of the door.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

When Light slammed the bedroom door L nearly leaped out of the bed in fear, his coffee flying from his fingers and falling to the carpet, his sudden fear further fueled by the anger he saw on Light's face. He drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them tightly as he stared at Light.

"Damn L I'm sorry," Light said moving quickly to the bed, "I wasn't thinking, Matsuda just pissed me off so much." He explained as he reached down and picked up the fallen cup, then sitting next to L and wrapping his arms around the trembling frame. L nodded and leaned against Light.

"It's fine, it isn't your fault I am not myself." Light laughed sadly.

"Well, actually it is," he said and L looked at him, his thumb coming to his mouth.

"In reality I suppose you are correct, but I can't blame you," he said and Light sighed as he held him tighter. "What has Matsuda done that has made you so angry?" L asked him and Light shook his head.

"You don't need to worry about this on top of everything else," he said and stood up, grabbing his pain medication as his jaw was beginning to ache and after taking a couple, heading for the bathroom to get some water. Afterwards he grabbed a towel to mop up the spilled coffee.

"Light you just finished lecturing me on not hiding anything from you, this isn't a good way to start." L called after him. Light didn't answer right away when he returned with the towel, he just got down on the floor and began to mop up the spill. L reached down and touched his shoulder.

" Please tell me," he said and Light stopped cleaning and looked up at him.

"Apparently I'm the talk of the office, everyone is certain I was raped and I haven't come back to the office because I am too ashamed to show up. Matsuda's taking the brunt of it, and he just stopped by to ask me to make an appearance to stop it." L looked away for a moment as he thought.

"I imagine this is powered by inability to accept your being gay, although I am surprised at Matsuda. I feel there must be more than this that's bothering him," he smiled at his partner, " but I believe we can handle this and put a stop to it as well. Let's get ready, I'm going with you." He said moving to get out of bed, but Light shook his head.

"No, that isn't necessary, I can handle those fools. Besides, I told Matsuda I'd do it in the morning, I'm not leaving you right now," L sat back, a pout on his face that made Light laugh.

"I wish to give you support, this isn't going to be easy. We shouldn't wait until tomorrow we should deal with this now," He complained and Light leaned down and kissed him.

"I appreciate it but it isn't necessary, and I still think tomorrow is soon enough," he told him.

"What if I meet you there and we can go out for lunch afterwards?" L suggested and Light sighed running a hand through his hair.

"Fine I'll do it now; and yes, I'll probably need a drink or two after that so meeting me for lunch would be a good idea," he said and stood up, "Okay, I'll shower and get ready to go. I need to talk to dad anyway and let him know I'm taking at least ten more days out, fill out whatever paperwork is necessary. I'm sure it will be approved under the circumstances, and the way I'm feeling right now, I'm taking it even if it weren't approved." L took Light's hand as he was about to move away.

"You do know that it isn't necessary for you to continue working there," he offered, "I realize it has always been in your life plan and you enjoy your job, but you have been there for several years now. Perhaps it may be time to move on." Light shook his head as L started to leave the bed.

"I'm not letting them push me out, L" he said and L shook his head as he stood.

"I'm not suggesting that, but you are merely 24 years old, there are many opportunities out there for someone of your intelligence and talents. You do not have to continually put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Privately, there are many options."

"No matter what's available, if I leave it will look as if I'm running, I can't do that. At least not now anyway," he smiled, "But I promise I'll think about it in the future." He kissed L's forehead and headed for the bathroom, leaving L to think about how he could help. He would call Matsuda first and find out what it is that's really bothering him and go from there. For now he would settle for helping Light shower and help him relieve some of that frustration, he thought as a smile came to his face and he also headed for the bathroom.

"Near, why don't you take a break and call Sayu, we can cover this," Matt was saying as he sat down next to the white haired genius. Near thought for a moment and then nodded.

"At the moment she's in classes, but there is no reason why I couldn't meet her for lunch in a little while" he said smiling, "If you're sure?" Mello nodded his answer.

"Yea, just tell us what you're working on right now, we can keep up with it," he added and Matt agreed.

"There's a huge drug running situation he's working on in Arizona, a serial killer in Russia, and a jewel heist in Dubai that's worth millions. Those are the top three in what appears to be about 100 other smaller cases he's running at the moment."

"100? How the hell does he do that? Are there notes around anywhere?" Mello asked and Near nodded.

"Watari does that, there are notebooks that he keeps on all the cases, he updates on a daily basis, keeping meticulous records on everything. L doesn't consult them very often though, he just manages to keep everything in his head somehow."

"I knew he was working on more than one case at a time when we were working with him at Wammy's, but I never suspected this many at once." Matt marveled as Mello sat on the desk.

"How do you think they're doing?"he asked nodding towards the bedroom and Near looked up at him.

"I don't know, but with the added pressure from Matsuda, it can't make Light very happy right now." He said and Mello nodded.

"I don't get Matsuda, he's never behaved like such a dick before…well at least not that much of a dick."

"I would suggest that he's got some other issues he's not dealing with and the constant ribbing is only making it worse," Near told him, "Perhaps there are some guilt issues involved in letting Light get so close to death before he found him." Mello nodded.

"Don't think I don't see that when I close my eyes too. You guys have no idea how bad he looked hanging in those cuffs, his face was totally unrecognizable and there was so much blood. I swear to god I thought he was dead when I first saw him and all I could think was that I had lost them in traffic and it was my fault he was dead and how could I tell L." Matt reached over and grabbed Mello's hand.

"You did the best you could, Mello it was a high traffic area and the last thing you wanted to do was cause accidents while you were chasing them down. Besides, he wasn't dead and you even got him dressed so he didn't get eyeballed by the police when they got there. If you think they're talking now, imagine what would have happened if they'd found him naked as well."

"Fucking assholes," Mello hissed just as the office door opened and L walked in.

"Who are you calling such despicable names," he asked smiling as he walked over to them.

"Those detectives, NPA's finest," Matt said and L nodded.

"I see. Well, I'm inclined to agree with your assessment. What exactly are you three doing in here?" he asked.

"Well, under the circumstances we thought we'd keep things going while you and Light worked things out." L nodded and smiled at them.

"It is appreciated, I am not quite myself yet so knowing I do not have to worry about my cases at the moment helps immensely." He told them and they all nodded their understanding.

"Light also mentioned something about a vacation," Near said, "Where are you going?" L shrugged.

"We haven't decided yet," Light said suddenly appearing from behind L, "And while I'm gone you're going to think up some places where you would like to go so we can make immediate arrangement." He grabbed L's hand and pulled him out of the office, winking at the boys as he did and closing the office door behind him. He leaned down and kissed L softly.

"Thank you for joining me in the shower, I wasn't expecting it." He told him and L smirked at him.

"I thought not else it wouldn't have been as much fun," Light looked at him seriously, searching those dark over large eyes.

"And what are you feeling about me now, are you still afraid of me?" he asked and L sighed.

"It's not a fair question, Light. It is not you that I am afraid of, I am still…unsure of the possibility of Kira returning when I least expect it. I know you have told me it isn't possible, but it has not been fully proven to my subconscious mind. I'm sorry." Light shook his head.

"Don't apologize, I just wanted to know if it had changed at all, since you joined me on your own."

"I wanted to, and I forced my subconscious along for the ride," he reached over and straightened the knot on Light's tie," Perhaps you should go get this over with so we can meet later." Light nodded and ran his hand through L's hair.

"I love you. I'll call you when I'm done dealing with them, okay?" L nodded and Light grabbed another quick kiss before heading out of the door. L reached into his back pocket for his cell phone and dialed Mastsuda's cell number.

"Detective Matsuda.."

"Matsuda, this is Ryuzaki. You paid Light a visit this morning, upset him greatly at a time when it really wasn't a good time for it. It simply doesn't seem like something you'd do, Matsuda. I consider you a very close friend, and I would hope you would feel comfortable enough by now to tell me if something is not right. Can you please explain to me what is really going on with you?"

Matsuda looked around and then decided to get up and leave the office. He walked out into the hallway and then into the empty meeting room.

"I'm sorry I disturbed everyone this morning, but you don't know what the situation is like here, everyone coming to me with their ideas of what really happened to Light, and asking why I wasn't honest in the report and why I didn't mention that Kenji's pants were practically off. The Director asking me if what I reported is what really happened, or was I trying to spare Light embarrassment, and…"

"Matsuda, I can understand that this must put you in a very uncomfortable position, but all you really have to do is present them with the doctor's report if you wish to prove it. Not that it is truly their business, but having it in writing from a doctor that he was not sexually assaulted should quiet any questions."

"I didn't think of doing that, I guess I didn't think I could." Matsuda answered quietly, I'm getting really tired of always being in the middle!"

"In the middle? I'm sure I don't understand…"

"You know what I mean, Ryuzaki, I'm always the one in the middle. You give me a tracer to put in his wallet, the Director asks me about him, all the other detectives want to know about him…I'm really tired of being everyone's access to Light! It's as if I exist only to deal with or answer about Light!"

It was suddenly crystal clear exactly what was going on with Matsuda. He was absolutely correct, everyone was using Matsuda as their conduit to Light and he was getting fed up with it.

"Matsuda, I apologize for having had to use you as a way to get to Light, but I had no other recourse. As far as the others are concerned, you should have told them a long time ago that you are not Light's keeper and if they have questions about what is going on with him they should ask him."

"Even Suki has heard what they've been talking about, and now even she is asking me questions about him, about…about your relationship and how he and I work together without…without any problems since he's…you know…and I guess it's getting to me. I'm sorry, Ryuzaki I shouldn't have let it bother me so much."

"No, Matsuda, I can understand your problem and I am sorry for it. But are you sure there is nothing else?" Matsuda was quiet for a moment and then decided he might as well be completely honest, he'd gone this far and he really needed to say it to someone.

"I guess, having to constantly go over what happened, makes me realize that if you and Mello hadn't been involved, I would have let Light die."

"You don't know that to be the truth, Matsuda. Things may have gone in a completely different direction.."

"No, if Mello hadn't alerted me to the fact that the car was parked behind the club, I wouldn't have known anything about it until it had sped away, and I wouldn't have known Light was in it. I had been parked there the whole time and didn't realize that the car had gone back there. I saw it go by but I thought he was just parking, it never occurred to me that he was hiding in the back for some reason. I didn't do my job, Ryuzaki and it could have cost Light his life." L had assumed it would be something like this, he knew Matsuda was stronger than he was sounding, that something else had shaken him so badly that he was allowing the pettiness of the officers get to him. He took a deep breath and pressed on.

"I am not going to debate that issue with you, because we do not know the variables that could have changed had we not been involved; but I will remind you that it was you that kept Light from being raped, you killed Kenji before he could hurt Light in a way that he would have wished he had been killed instead. No matter what else you think you did not do, you kept that from happening and we are both more grateful to you for that than we can ever express."

Matsuda listened and could feel his body relax, and he hadn't even been aware he had been so tense. He had been afraid that L had been upset with him, had thought he was a fool like so many others and that had really bothered him because he did consider both L and Light as his best friends. The thought that he could have been instrumental to Light's death had been plaguing him since the day it had happened, that he'd run into the building and found him dangling beaten and naked with Kenji preparing to do the unthinkable behind him.

"Then you're not upset with me, Ryuzaki? I thought the whole reason you wanted your guys in on it was because you didn't trust me to watch out for Light, and then I kind of proved your right."

"When it comes to trying to protect Light, I do not always think clearly, Matsuda. It was not a reflection on your abilities in any way merely my own fear of what could happen to him, so no, I am not upset with you in any way. However, Light is not particularly happy with you at the moment." Matsuda groaned and covered his face with his free hand.

"Yea, I did kind of make an ass out of myself this morning, didn't I?"

"As far as that situation is concerned, I believe what is needed now is a separation. You need to separate from Light and he needs to separate from the NPA." Matsuda pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it before putting it back.

"No…I don't want that, Light is my partner, he's my friend I don't want that to change but.."

"It isn't going to get any better Matsuda and if you can't handle it now, it's only going to be worse for you. Light and I are going away for a while, at which time I am going to try to get him to leave the NPA. Perhaps you should take this time to find a different partner."

"I don't want a different partner, Light is my partner. I don't think you're going to be able to talk him into leaving the NPA either."

"That makes no sense Matsuda, you're complaining you're tired of being constantly approached about Light. If he is no longer your partner that will stop, isn't that what you want?"

"I want everyone to stop using me, I don't want to lose Light as a partner!"

"You may not be able to achieve both, Matsuda, but perhaps there is someone else who can help in this. Thank you for speaking candidly with me, Matsuda. I can guarantee that I will never use you again to get to Light, I apologize for doing so before. But I have taken you away from your work for long enough and Light should be arriving there soon. Thank you, Matsuda." L finished and closed the call.

If he and Light were going to get away, this situation at the NPA would have to be taken care of. He went to the intercom and buzzed Watari.

"Watari, I need to be connected to the NPA as soon as you can arrange it."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

 

 

Light's cell phone rang just as he walked into the NPA building. He smiled when he saw it was from L.

"Miss me already? I told you'd I'd call when this was done." He said and heard the quiet laugh from L.

"Don't be so egotistical, but actually I do miss you already, but that's not why I'm calling. In the spirit of our earlier discussion, I'm about to do something and I don't want to do it without letting you know."

"This is good, what is it you're about to do?"

"L is about to address the detectives, and in doing so he will also make a few statements in your behalf."

"What kind of statements?" Light asked slowly and he heard L laugh again.

"Nothing that's going to interfere with what you're there to do, but I just wanted you to be aware that he is going to speak." Light sighed and thought a moment; at least he wasn't going to be surprised.

"Okay, I guess I don't have any objections to it, although I'm not sure that L would care if I did."

"L would definitely care, whether it would change his mind is another story. Also, be gentle with Matsuda, he is suffering from extreme guilt over allowing you to be so brutally hurt."

"You've spoken to him?" Light asked.

"Yes, I felt there was more to what he said to you, so I placed a call to him, and he opened up to me. I think he's been hoping to get it off his chest for some time."

"Okay, thank you for letting me know, I guess it does make sense."

"It does, and I imagine my zeal to protect you affected his self-esteem as well, for which I have apologized."

"That was an excellent thing to do Ryuzaki, I'm proud of you," Light told him and then laughed when he heard L snort at him.

"Only because it was Matsuda and he is a friend, otherwise it would not have happened. I am going to prepare what I'm going to say now and do try to act surprised when it happens." Now it was Light's turn to chuckle.

"Oh, I'm sure I will be. Bye Ryuzaki." He said, closed the phone and continued his walk into the building. He took a deep breath and strode as he normally did into the office, his back straight, confidence exuding from each step.

Everyone in the room looked up as he did, he could feel all pairs of eyes on him, all appraising the remaining bruises on his face as he walked past them. He met each set of eyes with his own as he walked in, a smile on his face as he walked past Matsuda, and sat on his desk, turning to faces that were staring at him.

"Hey, Light it's good to see you! We didn't expect you to come in…so soon!" one of them called out and Light turned to look at him, his smile widening.

"Really? Why is that?" he asked and he and several others looked at each other before answering.

"Well..just that we heard how badly you'd been hurt, we just thought.."

"That I was hiding, isn't that really the answer?" he asked and was slightly gratified when they looked a little uncomfortable at the question. He reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out paperwork from the hospital. He handed it to the detective closest to him.

"That is the report on my condition when I arrived at the hospital the night I was attacked. As you can see, I was examined quite thoroughly, nothing was overlooked. As you can also see, because of the nature of how I was found, I was checked for sexual assault and what is written in that space Detective Ayama?" he asked the detective holding the paper. The detective cleared his throat before answering.

"No evidence of sexual trauma or assault in evidence, all tests for same negative."

"I don't think you said that loud enough, Detective. Once again please, and a lot louder." Light told him and was aware that Matsuda was smiling behind him and trying desperately not to laugh.

"It says no evidence of sexual trauma or assault in evidence, all tests for same negative," Ayama repeated in a louder voice, color rising to his cheeks.

"Now why don't you pass that along to everyone so they can see that we're not making it up, that it is authentic with several doctors signatures on it, all of which can be verified if you find it necessary."

"Light, I don't think.."

"Do it!" Light hissed at him, his eyes narrowed in anger and the detective quickly handed the paper to the next one. Light then stood up from the desk.

"Don't think for a minute that I am showing you my personal information because I am afraid of what you've been saying, that I give a damn about what your little minds have been thinking since I was hurt or even before. It is only because your disgusting behavior is beginning to affect people that are close to me, and could quite possibly cause me trouble in the future that I have bothered to do this. 

In case this is not perfectly clear, I was not raped by anyone at anytime. It is probably a good thing that the other detective who was sent on this case was killed; it would have been heartbreaking if he had lived to walk back into this pack of hyenas waiting for him instead of the support of his fellow officers that he would have needed and deserved. Or would you have behaved differently with him because he wasn't gay?" Light watched as the papers went from hand to hand, most of them not even looking at it but passing it along as quickly as they could to the next man. When it reached the last detective, Light walked over to him and took the paper from him, the detective not able to look at him.

"I'm surprised, gentlemen. From what I was led to believe you've been discussing my private life and information quite readily on an almost daily basis when I wasn't here and yet when I give you the opportunity you barely look at it." He said looking at all of them.

"Look Light it's not that we don't think you're a good detective or anything, it's just that we're not used to the situation and you can't blame some of the guys for getting a little carried away," one detective told him and Light shook his head.

"Not used to what situation, Hideki? I've been here almost three years, and you all knew who and what I was from the moment I walked in here. You've had plenty of time to deal with it, if there's anything to deal with in the first place. It isn't as if I walk in here wearing make-up and flouncing my sexuality in your faces, I do nothing to bring my private life in here. I've worked with all of you, helped you all on your cases on occasion and yet you still treat me and talk about me as if I'm something from another planet when you think I can't hear you, but I do hear you. 

I love what I do, I worked too hard to be here and it is something I have planned to do since I was a child so I will not allow anyone to take it away from me for any reason. But neither am I going to continue to put up with being treated like a subhuman so I warn you now that there will be consequences if this continues. I don't want this, I respect and think highly of all of you, and all I ask is the same respect from you. You don't have to like me, you don't have to like what I am, but as a fellow officer I deserve better than this." There was sudden movement behind him and the detectives' heads turned towards the door.

"Excuse me, Light." Light turned to see his father and the Director standing in the doorway, his father looking at him proudly as the Director looked almost as embarrassed as the rest of the detectives.

"We have both received a call from L, he wishes to address the detectives," Soichiro told him and Light nodded.

"I'm not working I don't think it is necessary that I be there," he said as he put the hospital papers back into his jacket.

"You are still a detective here, he specifically stated all detectives so since you are here, you should attend." The Director stated and Light sighed nodding.

"Fine, I'll attend," he said as the Director came to him.

"Detective Yagami, I heard most of what you said, I apologize for what you have had to deal with and if any of this behavior continues it will be dealt with harshly. I would have done so earlier if I had been aware. Now, if you would all go to the meeting room, " He told him, looking from one detective to the other as he spoke. Light and his father exchanged looks, knowing full well he was merely posturing, meaning none of it. He had to have heard it was going on and did nothing to stop it before.

The detectives all began to leave, filing past Light, still unable to look him in the eye although several of them patted his back as they walked past him. Aizawa stopped and smiled at him as he came to him.

"Light, I'm sorry to say that I did nothing when I heard the talk, I just ignored it but I should have said something." Light smiled at him.

"It's okay Aizawa, it would have put you in a difficult position, and I guess you weren't ready to put up with the harassment Matsuda was taking, but then it's always been okay to harass Matsuda hasn't it?" Aizawa stared at him and then looked away, turning and joining the others. Soichiro waited until he, Matsuda and Light were the only ones left in the room before going to his son.

"I'm proud of you this had to be difficult." He said and Light shrugged.

"Something had to be done, I couldn't let Matsuda continue to take the full force of their ignorance."

"Thank you, Light I'm sorry I had to disturb you with this, but I thought you needed to know and shut them up. It was brilliant how you handled it, I'm really sorry about this morning." Light smiled at him.

"No worries, Matsuda. I think we need to go hear what L's got on his mind." He said and started out of the door, with Matsuda and Soichiro at his heels. Practically every head turned as he walked in, stopping the slight murmur of conversation that was going on. Light and Matsuda sat where they normally did in the front while Soichiro and the Director walked to where the disguised Watari stood with the open laptop with the swirling L.

"Good morning gentlemen," the mechanical voice began, "It was good of you to assemble so quickly on short notice." He said and Soichiro nodded.

"We are all here as you requested, L" he said.

"First of all it has been quite a while since I have worked with the NPA, over a year at least so it is good to see you all again. There was a case that came to my attention recently that was interesting but did not fit my criteria for my involvement. I was sorry to see that you lost the first detective investigating the case, my condolences to you.

I have seen in the reports of the case that you sent two more detectives in under cover and the reasoning why you chose them. Because of the nature of the victims involved, it was felt that a particular type of detective should be sent, is that not correct Director?" The Director was startled he was asked the question but quickly regained his composure.

"Yes L we felt that he would blend in more effectively after the other detective was so easily found out and killed."

"I see, that was interesting thinking on your part. You don't suppose your other detectives had the talent for going under cover in this instance? I'm sure when you need someone to go under cover in a drug operation you don't look for an addicted officer?"

"Well, of course not that would be impossible, we don't have any officers that are addicted!!" he defended while Light tried very hard not to smile.

"I wonder what would have happened had you not had an openly gay detective, would the case have gone unsolved? I ask only because this is not the first time such a case has been left undone."

"Of course not, L! We would have assigned someone else to the case, it would not have gone without investigation! It probably would have taken more time to find the proper candidate, but it would have been done."

"Lucky for you that you had someone readily available to you isn't it? I don't imagine you had many officers volunteering for the case considering the situation."

"Well, no but…"

"According to the reports I've read, Detectives Yagami and Matsuda, both of whom I have worked with several times and am quite impressed by their abilities, performed exemplarily, Detective Matsuda bringing down and killing the murderer himself. Excellent work, Detective." Matsuda smiled and nodded his thanks.

"Detective Yagami suffered a very serious beating in the process, and I am pleased to see after reading the hospital report that his only injuries involved the vicious beating; considering what happened to the other victims, it could have been much worse. Also excellent work Detective as your true identity was never found out." Light smiled and nodded at the computer, rubbing his thumb over his lips, his meaning known only to the person on the other side of the screen who grinned widely when he saw it.

"I am assuming commendations are going to be given, I would like to know the date." Both Light's and Matsuda's eyes widened at the suggestion, looking at each other and then back at the computer. The Director stared open mouthed at the computer and then at Soichiro who had to look away so he couldn't see the smile.

"I am not wrong in assuming they would be receiving commendations for work above and beyond the call of duty? The fact that Detective Yagami is gay does not preclude the fact that both he and Matsuda put themselves in incredibly dangerous and life threatening situations above the norm in that world. The fact that Detective Yagami was severely injured should also account for something."

"Well, yes of course L we were considering such a move," the Director sputtered, "We will contact Watari when the date has been set."

"Very well, see that you do I would like to be present. As I worked very closely with both of them during the Kira case, which I would like to point out was another extremely dangerous case in which both of them volunteered when the rest of the police force turned their backs on me and the world, and Detective Yagami wasn't even on the force at the time, I would like to lend my support." The rest of the detectives shuffled uncomfortably in their seats at the mention of the Kira case, they had all turned their backs on L in fear of their lives and distrust of L at the time, something that none of them were particularly proud of. 

 

"Thank you gentlemen for your attention. I wanted all of you to be here because I wanted to commend you on the support to Detectives Yagami and Matsuda that I am sure that you gave upon the completion of their assignments. It would be very difficult to do that kind of work without knowing your fellow officers were behind you," his tone suddenly turned harsh as he finished, "And I advise you that I would not work with any police department that did not stand behind their fellow officers, no matter what." 

L watched them squirm after that statement knowing they had done no such thing, and decided he had done and said enough. He looked at Light who was shaking his head at the screen his hand on his forehead; while Matsuda was beaming as if it were Christmas.

"Good day everyone; perhaps there will be a case soon that will meet my standards and we may work together again. Watari…" They all watched as the mysterious man shut down the connection, the swirling L disappearing from view. Several of the detectives walked over to Light and Matsuda, patting them on the back and congratulating them. To be commended by the most powerful man in law enforcement was nothing to take lightly. Light was also aware of a few faces that were not necessarily glad for him as they walked out of the room, but he wasn't worried about that. 

"WOW we're going to get commendations, Light!" Matsuda said excitedly and Light rolled his eyes; he'd have to have a few words with L when he got home.

"Yes, Detectives L was quite right, it was going to be a surprise, but we had been discussing that possibility." The Director said and now it was Soichiro's turn to roll his eyes.

"Congratulations, son…Matsuda." He said bowing at both of them. 

"Dad..really it's not necessary." Light said and the Director stopped him.

"Nonsense, it'll be taken care of, I'm going to finalize it right now. When will you be returning to work Detective?"

"Well, actually one of the other reasons I am here was to talk to the Deputy Director about extending my sick time for about ten days," he reached up and touched his jaw that was beginning to ache badly from all of the talking, "I am still having difficulty with the dislocation."

"Consider it done, Detective. Deputy Director I'll expect the paperwork on my desk this afternoon." He bowed at Light and left the room leaving the three of them to stare at each other.

"I don't know what L is thinking," Light said finally and his father smiled at him.

"That you put your life on the line when no one else would even bother and you should be commended for it, I have to agree." He said, "Now come with me and let's get your leave paperwork done." Light nodded and turned to look at Matsuda who was still looking like a deer in headlights.

"I've never even received a certificate," he said, "I have to call Suki!" he added and ran out of the door. Light and his father laughed and then headed out of the door behind him.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

 

 

L waited in the car until Watari got into the car before shutting down his laptop and putting it away.

"Do you think I made my point?" he asked and Watari laughed.

"Especially when you mentioned the commendations, I was certain the Director was going to choke. Very nicely done." 

"And now to surprise Light and take him to lunch, thank you Watari." He said and got out of the car, checking the garage to make sure no one was looking.

Light was coming out of his father's office when he saw a familiar figure sitting in the waiting room.

"Well, this a surprise," he said as L stood up from the chair.

"I decided I didn't wish to sit around and wait for your call, and I hoped you wouldn't mind," he said smiling and Light smiled back at him, feeling a sharp stab of guilt as he looked at the still obvious signs of his attack on L the day before and the slight trepidation he could still in his eyes at the worry that he might be angry.

"It's fine, I'm actually very glad to see you," Light answered and sighed heavily looking into L's eyes for the love and forgiveness he really needed and finding it, "Having to deal that way with people I always looked up to and having to be that open took a lot more out of me than I suspected," then he smiled and said, "It also appears I am to get a commendation." L's stretched his eyes wide.

"Really? That's fantastic, you certainly deserve one," he answered innocently as they walked towards the elevator and people passed them.

"Yes, well it seems L thinks I deserve one as well," Light added and L nodded his approval.

"I've always heard L was a genius, this just proves it to me," he stated as they got into the elevator and Light rolled his eyes. The moment the elevator doors slid closed and they were alone he quickly leaned over and kissed the raven-haired detective softly.

"L is a rather crafty individual," he said smiling and L smiled back at him.

"I prefer to think that he's clever rather than crafty," L answered and Light laughed.

 

"Okay clever then, sometimes too clever for his own good." Light told him as the doors slid open and they walked out into the lobby.

"Perhaps, but he always gets what he wants, doesn't he?" L asked as they walked out of the building and into the street. Light stopped walking and looked down at him, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

"Somehow that does seem to happen, doesn't it? Come on, I'm in desperate need of food and a drink." He said reaching for L's hand and L grasped it smiling up at him, still gratified in seeing only his Light in those auburn eyes.

 

"Come on L, there has got to be somewhere you'd really like to go," Light said in exasperation as the elevator opened on their private floor.

"I've been practically everywhere Light, I can't think of anyplace I'd prefer to go for no reason." L answered as they walked out towards their apartment door. Lunch had been spent discussing possible vacation destinations and two hours later they were still no closer to an answer.

"You may have been practically everywhere but all you ever saw was a hotel room! And it's not for no reason, it's a vacation, to relax, regroup, to reacquaint ourselves with each other, that's not for no rea….." Light stopped mid word as he opened the door to their apartment to find Near lying on the couch lip locked with his sister who was lying next to him. L wondered why he had stopped talking and moving at the same time and peeked around him and then tried not to laugh at what he saw. Instead he walked around the still stopped Light and into the living room, and addressed the two young people who were too busy to notice they'd been caught.

"Sayu, how nice to see you," he said and suppressed another laugh as the two shot up off of the couch at the speed of sound.

"Um..Hi Ryuzaki, we didn't hear you come in," Near said as Sayu attempted to straighten herself up.

"Hey Ryuzaki, Light!" she said brightly. L turned to look at her brother who was still standing at the doorway.

"Light, say hello to your sister and close the door," he said finally snapping Light out of his surprise.

"What the hell is going on?" he finally said and this time L did laugh.

"It's called making out, you're very familiar with that so leave them alone and come with me," he said taking Light's hand and pulling him towards their bedroom.

"But…" he started to protest and L pulled harder.

"Nevermind, Light," he said and Light turned quickly to his sister, his finger wagging.

"We'll talk about this later, young lady!" he said and L shook his head.

"No you won't, let them be." He said and pulled him into the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

"Did you see what they were doing?" Light asked fuming and L nodded.

"They were kissing, yes I did see that," he said, his amusement obvious.

"Well…shouldn't you say something to Near about that?"

"Like what? They are both quite old enough to know what they are doing, and neither of them are stupid." He put his arms around the agitated older brother and smiled at him.

"I don't believe I've ever seen this side of you, the protective older brother, it's quite attractive." He pulled Light down into a kiss, pushing his tongue into Light's mouth before he noticed and completely dominated the kiss. Light calmed down long enough to enjoy the kiss and the fact that L had initiated it, perhaps things were working faster towards normal than he had hoped.

"Are you calm enough now to go back into the living room?" L asked him once he had released him from the kiss. Light sighed and nodded, running a hand through his hair.

"Yes, I'm fine. It was just a surprise to see her…like that. I've never seen her in a situation like that."

"Understandable." L told him and grabbed his hand before going back out into the living room. Near and Sayu were now standing by the couch, Near looking nervous and Sayu laughing softly as they walked out of the bedroom.

"There is no reason to stand there looking as if you've done something wrong, you have not," L told them, "Perhaps ill advised in the middle of the living room, but not wrong. You do have a room, Near."

"What? You're suggesting they go to his room? Alone?" Light blurted out and L smiled at him patiently.

"They are adults, Light, quite capable of making decisions about their behavior regardless of what you may think." Sayu laughed and walked over to her brother.

"Besides, did I ever say anything about those special visitors to your room during your school days?" Light's eyes widened as he stared at his sister, then turned to L who was now looking at him with his head cocked to one side, his thumb rising to his mouth.

"Special visitors?" he echoed and Sayu laughed again as Light covered his face with his hands.

"Oh don't worry Ryuzaki it was way before he met you at college, and they certainly didn't last for very long, but they were there on occasion. He used to sneak them past mom and lock his door, but I saw them when they went by my room. Then later or sometimes early the next morning he'd sneak them out again. And I never said a word to anyone, because I'm such a good sister."

"Sayu, I never…I mean I didn't know you were even aware but that still doesn't mean you should be alone with Near or with any guy in their room!" Sayu patted Light's cheek.

"You're so cute," she walked back over to Near, "I have to go anyway, I have an early class tomorrow, but thank you for having me over I had a really good time," she told him and kissed him softly, "Bye Ryuzaki, thank you for calming Light down."

"It was my pleasure," he said and she giggled.

"I'm sure it was," she said slyly as she walked past them to the door, "Oh, Light stop looking at me like that, I'm not 14 years old anymore. You probably think I'm still a virgin too don't you?" she laughed and went out of the door. Light stared after her, his mouth hanging open until he turned to look at Near who backed away towards the hidden panel which led to L's office.

"It's time for me to relieve the guys, excuse me," he said quickly and opened the door and ran in, closing the panel behind him. Light turned and looked at L whom he could hear laughing quietly behind him.

"What can you possibly find funny about this situation?" he asked.

"You and your double standards. It was perfectly fine for you to sneak someone into your bedroom at what was probably a younger age than your sister is now, however for her to have done the same and become sexual herself is an affront to your sensibilities. It is quite humorous."

"That word doesn't sound right about Sayu don't say it." Light fussed and L sighed as they both sat down on the couch.

"Light, your sister is an adult you have to come to terms with that and stop behaving this way. I should think that you would be happy that at least she was with someone you know well enough that you can be sure his intentions are honorable." Light turned to L and nodded, a smile finally finding his face.

"You're right, I'm being ridiculous but she is my sister and I've always seen her as a child so to think of her and Near…it just doesn't seem quite right. What about you? Doesn't knowing Near is involved that way feel strange to you?" 

"Actually, in reality, it does seem a little strange but as I'm so used to Matt and Mello's antics it just seems to just fit right in. Now, let us not worry about them, we still have to decide where we are going and when." He then turned and lay back so that his head was on Light's lap, his legs hanging over the side of the couch and one hand reaching up to touch Light's face.

"Fine, but you have to work harder at it. As far as when, immediately isn't soon enough." Light complained.

"I'm sorry if sitting on a beach all day is not my idea of relaxing; nor being stuck on a cruise ship for any amount of time doesn't excite me either."

"You're not supposed to be excited, you're supposed to find a place where we can just…be. Not have to think of anything, or do anything for a change. I don't know about you but I'm so burned out after all of this, L I just want to just be as far way from everything that's happened as possible." L nodded his agreement.

"I understand, and I don't mean to frustrate you in this. I have never taken a vacation and therefore I don't know exactly what it is you're looking for. May I suggest you talk with Watari about it? He may have some ideas we haven't come across yet." Light looked away for a moment and then back at L.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I think we should stop always running to Watari when we have difficulties. This is our relationship, we need to find our own answers."

"But sometimes he can see from an angle that we can't," L defended and Light nodded.

"Sometimes, but L…he's not always going to be around to do that for us. We're going to have to learn to find those angles on our own." L dropped his hand from Light's face and looked away.

"I do not wish to think of that eventuality, Watari has always been with me and he always will." L said stubbornly and Light sighed, knowing this was dangerous territory.

"I understand that L, but it's reality. Watari is not always going to be with us and we can't live our lives constantly depending that he is going to work our problems out for us, it's ridiculous. His insight has been invaluable to us, but I think it's time we stopped depending on him for our relationship issues. Even something as simple as where we should go on our vacation should be our decision alone." He reached down and moved L's face so that he was facing him again.

"You know this is only the truth, L I'm not saying he can't be a part of our lives, he is and I want him to be, but he can't fix our problems." he said quietly and L nodded slowly.

"Yes, I know everything you've said makes sense. I can't imagine my life without Watari anymore than I can imagine it without you. It's also just that he's always fixed my problems." Light leaned down and kissed L gently.

"That's my job now, should have been for the past five years and will be for the rest of my life. I know I can't replace Watari for what he has been in your life and I don't want to; but as far as we are concerned, I should be the one you come to and we should work together on our relationship. Wherever we go, he's not coming with us," he said and although L agreed in theory it sounded harsh to him and a little scary. In his entire life that he could remember, he had never been anywhere without Watari.

His slight paranoia over the return of Kira kicked in, and he found himself thinking that Kira wanted to get him alone and far away from everyone who could protect him. He closed his eyes and shook his head trying to banish the Kira thoughts, and to stop the trembling he could feel beginning, knowing Light would be able to feel them as well.

Light watched the change in L's demeanor in alarm; watched as his relaxed body suddenly tensed up, his eyes close and his head begin to shake back and forth. When he felt the trembling begin he realized he had to do something. This could not be just the thought of being without Watari for a while; it had to be something else. He reached down to lift L up when the detective's eyes shot open and for a moment he saw the fear he hoped he'd never see again.

"What's wrong, what did I do? Is it about Watari?" he asked and L shot up from the couch and walked away from him, shaking his head.

"No...yes in part but not completely," he answered his back to Light as he now stood at the other end of the room. Light got up and followed him, not sure whether he should touch him or not, but opted to try. When he placed his hands on L's trembling shoulders he felt him startle and turn to face him, the fear in his eyes calmed but still present.

"Tell me what's wrong, be honest with me what have I done?" he whispered and L looked away.

"My fear of Kira returning has reared it's ugly head," he whispered back, "The thought of being alone with you, completely alone suddenly terrified me. I began to feel that this was an elaborate plan to get me to where you could hurt me with impunity, no one to stop you," he looked back at Light seeing the pain his words had caused him, "I'm so sorry, Light I tried to control it but I couldn't, I don't want to hurt you." Light reached out slowly and gathered L into his arms, holding him tightly against the tremors.

"It's okay I needed to know. Can't you see that this is exactly what I'm talking about. I need you to trust me completely again and you won't do that if you know there's always someone to watch out for you. You've got to let me take care of you, just me so you'll get over this. I love you so much L, you have to let me prove it to you again. There is no Kira anymore, it's over, he's dead." L pulled away from him and looked into Light's eyes, finding nothing there but the hurt and the love he had for him and he nodded and smiled.

"I'm trying to make myself believe that completely Light, I really am. I don't want to drive you away." Light shook his head.

"That will never happen. This is just something else we have to work through, L it will pass and I'm here for whatever it takes. All this drama, all this worry has got to stop, we need something, someplace ridiculously happy to do." He leaned forward and softly kissed his partner, putting his words into that contact. L responded to the kiss slowly and then returned it with as much love as he could.

When they separated it was as if an explosion had gone if in Light's head and his eyes opened wide and he burst into sudden laughter. L was startled by the sudden change and began to back away when Light shook his head and held him tighter.

"It's okay, I'm fine. I just realized exactly where we should go and L, you're going to love it!" he kissed L again, this time a happy quick peck and let him go.

"It sounds like you're really happy about your decision, where are we going?" he asked and Light shook his head.

"Oh no I'm not telling you because I know you'd think I'm crazy. Just trust me, you're going to love it. Now, I am going to Watari because he is an expert at travel plans and I don't want you leaning over my shoulder if I try to book this myself. I love you!" he nearly shouted and was out of the door before L could react.

L watched him run out of the door with his head cocked to one side as he tried to imagine what Light had come up with. He looked around their apartment and sighed; anything would be better than being here right now. The home he loved so much was reinforcing what had happened here and he needed a new outlook. He smiled remembering Light's sudden laughter and realized it had been a while since he had heard it and it made him begin to be excited for what that laugh meant.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

 

After Watari stopped laughing he and Light planned exactly the type of vacation Light had in mind and told him that he thought the idea was marvelous, completely different and guaranteed to put L in a situation he had never been in before.

"I am assuming that is part of why you have chosen this particular venue?" Watari asked him and Light nodded excitedly.

"I want it to be a completely new experience for him in as many ways as possible and I think this will do it." Watari nodded.

"What time would you like to leave? I need some time to fuel the jet and get permissions," Watari asked and Light sighed.

"We're not going to use the jet this time, Watari. I also need you to make reservations on commercial airlines, you can't come with us this time." He said as gently as he could. Watari's face registered surprise as he sat back in his chair.

"I see. You do realize L has never been in a commercial airline?" Light nodded.

"Yes, I do know that and it 's part of my plan. I would like it to be First Class, I'm not going to force him to be surrounded by screaming children and the like, but I do want him to experience it." Watari thought for a moment and then leaned closer to Light.

"You are taking him out of all of his comfort zones, I am not sure how he's going to react to all of this, especially after what has happened." He warned.

"And that is exactly what I want. Look, Watari he still loves me but he's got trust issues with me right now and I have to fight that, I have to get him to completely trust me again and realize that Kira is indeed dead and is not going to leap out and hurt him again. If he is out of his comfort zones, away from everyone he depends on to take care of him he has to completely trust in me. I need to take care of him Watari, I need to prove to him that he can completely depend on me, put his life in my hands and know it will be okay. He used to feel that way and I need him to feel that way again or it's going to eventually destroy what we have. You do understand?" 

Watari studied the face in front of him, the earnest expression, the determined look in his eyes that was also tempered with the desire to be understood and agreed with. He could see nothing that could eventually lead to his ward being hurt, could see that Light meant every word that he was saying. In all the years he had been with L since he brought the young genius to Wammy's, they had never been apart. Not one day had passed that he had not been with him, that he was no more than a room away from him and he wasn't too proud to admit that the idea of that possibility frightened him; that L would need him and he would not be there for him. Light could see the hesitation, could almost feel the internal struggle that was going on and he reached forward and took the older man's hand.

"Watari, I love L more than my own life. L isn't the only one who has nightmares about what I did, I'm sick over it. Please believe me that I will not hurt him in any way, I swear to you I only want to make what we have stronger, bring it back to where it used to be. You have always been the most important part of L's life, and I am not trying to change that. But I need to let him know that as far as our relationship is concerned, he has to know that I am able to take care of him as well, that he can depend on me again as he used to. This means everything to me, to us. Please trust me." Watari smiled and squeezed Light's hand.

"I do trust you Light, that isn't the issue. I have never been separated from L and it is difficult for me to entertain that idea, but you are absolutely correct in what you are trying to do. I will be happy to set this up for you, Light. Besides, if you are leaving the boys in charge, they will need some supervising!" Light grinned and leaned forward to hug him.

"Thank you, Watari," he whispered and then stood up, "Now I've got to get back to him, he's dying to know what we're doing and I want to keep him guessing until we arrive," he said and left the apartment. Watari stood up and walked over to the room that was his and L's alone and sat down in his chair. He looked over to where L sat, seeing the small little boy with the large eyes staring up at him, demanding his attention and knowledge and he smiled.

"So have you decided on where you're going?" Matt asked L as he and Mello joined him in the living room and L shook his head.

"Light has decided where we're going but he hasn't told me, it is to be a surprise." He answered and Mello laughed.

"And you don't look too happy about that," he said sitting next to L, "Look at it as an adventure, you'll enjoy it." He added and L nodded.

"I am wary of what he has in mind, he's trying to give me new experiences," L complained, "I believe I've had enough of that", he added and Matt patted his shoulder.

"Yes, but they weren't fun!!" he told him and then checked his watch, "Speaking of fun, let's go have some! If I sit still any longer I'm going to grow mushrooms," he told Mello who nodded and walked with him to the door.

"Stop worrying L, it's going to be great!" he told him as they went out of the door, just as Light was coming through the other way. L looked up at him as he walked in, and he could see the worry in him as he did.

"Don't look so worried it's going to be fine. But right now we need to go shopping." L looked at him confused.

"Shopping?" he asked standing up as Light got himself ready.

"Shopping," he repeated, " We're going to need some hot weather clothes, like shorts. I know you don't own swim trunks." L stared at him in alarm.

"Swim trunks? Shorts? Light I don't swim, I've never been to a beach unless it was case related, or a pool since I was a child and forced into it!" Light laughed and went to him.

"Another good reason to do it. I know you feel comfortable in your regular clothes but you might want to try something lighter, you might sweat in what you have on" he suggested and L shook his head as Light led him to the door.

"No, I will not change. L does not sweat!!" he said adamantly and Light stopped and turned to face him, pulling the pouting raven into his arms.

"Okay, that may be just too much to change for you. But as far as L not sweating, that's not true," he smirked and pulled L against his body, "I can make you sweat," he said quietly and punctured his statement by rubbing his hips against L's, leaning forward and kissing his neck. L was surprised by how strong the sudden rush of arousal that ran through him was, and he could feel the heat of his face coloring at his body's response.

"That…that is something different entirely," he stammered and Light laughed as he pulled away from his neck and softly kissed his mouth.

"Sweat is sweat," he said and then pulled away, "But you will need a swimsuit, come on," he said and pulled L out of the door as soon as he stepped into his beat up sneakers.

Light couldn't remember the last time he had laughed so much and at the same time been so aggravated going shopping. He usually did it on his own, knowing L was not the least bit interested and dragging him away from his computer was next to impossible. But if he was looking for L to feel out of his norm and like a fish out of water, shopping was definitely the way to do it. 

He shopped for himself first, finding summer clothing in his taste, shorts and short sleeved shirts, several pairs of pants and shirts for casual evening wear and at least one linen suit in case something important came up. L watched him pick out what he wanted, and then watched as he tried everything on before making final decisions.

"This is incredibly tedious Light, why would you want to do this when you could have Watari pick up what you need and stay home away from this? I was quite correct in not accompanying you before," he said looking around the store.

"Because I prefer to pick out my own clothing and I must try them on to make sure they fit properly. You're going to do the same thing when we get to the swim wear," Light warned him as he decided which ones he was purchasing.

"Ridiculous," L said, his nose in the air, "I will do no such thing," he added and walked away from Light as if to emphasize his statement, the strings of his untied sneakers slapping against the floor as he walked away. Light sighed and watched him as he walked over to one of the mannequins that was wearing a Speedo, and a very revealing one at that. Light walked over to him as he watched L stare at it, his thumb coming to his mouth.

"Is this to demonstrate how small this underwear is?" he asked and Light burst out laughing.

"It's a Speedo, Ryuzaki. It's swimwear." L's eyes got wider and Light laughed again, "Are you telling me when you were at the beach during a case you never saw anyone wearing these?" he asked and L shook his head.

"My attention was not on the attire of beach attendees, except when I was trying to discern what the murder victim may have been wearing when he disappeared, but I have never seen quite so much of anyone in a public place," he turned and stared at Light, "Do you wear such a thing at the beach?" Light shook his head.

"In this I'm totally in agreement with you, it is not something I would wear either," L nodded and stared at it again.

"It looks quite uncomfortable, it looks as if one's testicles would be pushed into a very awkward position, not to mention one's…" 

"Yes, it does seem it would not be the most comfortable thing to wear," Light interrupted him before he could go further. L then reached over and pulled the front of the Speedo out, gazing down into it and then turned to Light.

"This mannequin is not anatomically correct, no wonder it is able to wear it!" he said and Light grabbed his arm pulling it away from the display as people had stopped to wonder what he was doing.

"Let's go look at the ones that you might like," he said hastily and tried not to laugh.

"They are not being honest in their sales strategies," L said as he was pulled away, "They are making you believe that it will cover you when the mannequin is clearly lacking in what you need to cover!" L complained and then smiled at Light, "And it is quite obvious why you would not wear one, that certainly is not large enough to cover your…"

"Ryuzaki stop!!" Light told him his face coloring as L was not speaking in quiet tones, "Honestly it's like shopping with an infant!" he grumbled and pulled him away as quickly as possible. 

L could not ever remember shopping for anything in his life, he had no idea what size he was when Light asked him as Watari always took care of it. Light pulled the back of his jeans out to try to find a tag to give him an idea. He knew they were too large, so he went down two sizes when looking for a swim suit. He watched L stand in the middle of the aisles, his thumb to his mouth as he looked all around him, his sensibilities attacked by all the noise and lights, people walking past him and several of them giving him second looks and moving away from him as he stared back at them.

Light picked out several pairs of swim trunks, and offered them to L to pick which ones he might like. L looked them over, looking at the brighter colored ones in disgust and finally choosing a dark blue one, holding it in his way as he held it up to Light.

"If I must wear something such as this, it is the least obnoxious." He said and Light laughed. 

"Here, take it into the dressing room and try it on. Don't take off your boxers, pull it on over them and see if they fit." L stared at him as if he had three heads.

"Try them on? Why can we not just purchase them and leave? I have never tried anything on!" he argued and Light shook his head.

"No, you need to try these on to make sure they fit properly. I can't have you strolling the pool with all your bits hanging out, and it must be comfortable. Just put them on over your boxers and come out and let me see how they fit." L dropped the offending item into Light's hand and walked away.

"I will not do any such thing, ridiculous parading around in this store in such a small amount of clothing."

"You have to wear them at the pool Ryuzaki, and you're not parading anywhere."

"Then I do not wish to go to a pool," L said stubbornly and walked away from him. Light growled under his breath and pulled two more of the same type from the shelves, one in a smaller size and one in a larger size. Obviously he wasn't going to try them on so this was the best he could think of doing, he'd have him try them on when he got home. He watched as L strode away and tried to remember that this was the most brilliant man he'd ever met, and arguably the most powerful one in the world and also the most irritating when he wanted to be. He took a deep breath and tried to remember that most of L's life was spent behind a desk, in either an office in an orphanage in England or hotel rooms; that he never did anything for himself or ever left that desk unless it was case related except perhaps to go to museums until he had come into his life. He realized that in the past five years he had spent with him, although he had managed to get him to go to restaurants and clubs, movies even a few parties here and there, as a couple they both enjoyed being home and in their own company more than anything else so they didn't go out often. So in reality, in all things social, L was still a babe in the woods. He realized something else, how much he loved him just the way he was. He put back the other items that L didn't like and then turned at the sound of his voice. 

"Excuse me," he heard as L approached one of the clerks, "Is it not true that the mannequins are dressed to show how the items would look if one were wearing them?" he asked and Light began to move as he feared where the conversation was headed.

"Why, yes of course," the clerk answered smiling.

"Then I believe in the case of the mannequin wearing the Speedo you are not being truthful with your customers as the mannequin does not have a penis and therefore cannot truly show how the item would actually appear." L told him and before the shocked clerk could answer, Light had grabbed his arm and was pulling him away.

"Sorry to bother you!" he called as the clerk stared after them, L trying to pull away.

"Light I was interested in hearing what his explanation would be! The female ones have breasts why would the male ones not have penises?" Light pulled him to the nearest cashier and hastily paid for the purchases.

"I don't know why, Ryuzaki and I am sure that poor clerk does not know either." Light turned and saw that the clerk was still staring at L, the look of surprise and shock still on his face. He then looked at L who's expression was one of exasperation at not knowing the answer to something and Light couldn't help himself, he began to laugh.

"Come on, let's go. Maybe there'll be an answer online," he said and led L out of the store.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

 

Light sat on the bed trying not to laugh as L tried on the swim trunks. The first pair were way too small and the second fit well, but L felt it was too snug and reminded Light that unlike the store mannequins he was anatomically correct. He then put on the last pair that were the largest of the three, and he felt more comfortable in those, they reminded him of his jeans.

"It would be the third one that fits just right Goldilocks," Light commented and L shot him a dirty look, "Now take off your shirt, you can't wear a long sleeved shirt and swim trunks at the pool," Light told him and L did so, but not without a pout which only made Light laugh more. He nodded as he looked him over and smiled.

"You look great L! The only thing that may be a problem is your probable sensitivity to the sun since you're not out in it very often. I love your porcelain skin but I don't think the hot sun will. I wonder if they make SPF 1,000!"

"Very amusing Detective Yagami," L snorted at him and then looked at him seriously, a question nagging at him, "Is there a reason why you are trying to make me… uncomfortable?" he asked, "You're planning this vacation and won't tell me where, you're not letting me take my jet or Watari along. In essence you are taking everything that I am used to away from me and I have to wonder why you would do this," Light patted the side of the bed next to him so he would sit.

"I am not trying to make you uncomfortable for the sake of making you uncomfortable," he told L when he had settled next to him, "But I am trying to get you to try new things, I want you to trust me again L and maybe if you feel a little out of your element you'll lean on me a little bit more. I don't want to hurt you so if there's something I suggest that really upsets you, of course I don't want you to do it, but at least give most of them a try, okay?" 

L stared into the honey eyes that were staring into his, begging for understanding and trust. The idea that Kira was trying to unarm him in every way possible was nagging at him and he was ashamed of the thought, but he couldn't help it. All he saw in Light was Light but that small seed of fear would not leave him alone.

"I will try as long as you realize I am still having some difficulty and be patient with me," Light nodded and gently touched the part of L's face that was bruised.

"Having done this to you how could I not be patient? I'm lucky you still love me at all," he told him. L leaned forward and gently kissed him.

"It is not possible for me to not love you Light, that is part of the problem." He said and Light smiled sadly.

"It's not a problem to me, if you didn't feel that way you would have thrown me out after what I did and if you had I don't know…what…I…" L stopped his struggle by kissing him again and Light wrapped his arms around him, holding L as tightly against him as he could, not releasing him until L pulled away.

"That isn't something you have to worry about, even with my underlying fear I can't leave you. My mind just needs to calm, it will happen in time." L assured him and Light nodded and began to wipe away the one tear that threatened to fall at the thought of L throwing him out. L stopped him and kissed it away and then stood up and began to remove the swim trunks.

"Right now I need to remove these ridiculous trunks!" he grumbled as he pulled them down. Light immediately pulled the now naked L down onto the bed and ran one hand down his body.

"How long did you think I could sit here and look at you like that and not have to act on it?" he whispered and L laughed.

"Actually, I didn't think about it at all but now that you mention it..ung.." he groaned as Light's hand reached his cock and began to stroke him, "Light..the boys.."

"Know how to knock…" Light answered and covered L's mouth with his own.

 

Matt and Mello were laughing as they came through the door pulling the balloons they had purchased behind them. They were also wearing party hats, and once inside Matt dumped the bag he was carrying onto the couch spilling its contents of noisemakers and confetti. Mello looked towards the closed bedroom door.

"Should we invite them to our little coming out party?" he asked Matt and that only made the red head laugh harder.

"Or sure, we'll invite Light to a party celebrating Near boinking his sister, he'll appreciate that!!" he answered.

"I keep forgetting that little detail," Mello laughed walking over to the bar, "Besides the door's closed, might be a little busy himself. Red or white for losing one's virginity?"   
"Definitely red, white stands for virginal you know," Matt answered and laughed again, "I still can't believe it. When he ran into the office like his ass was on fire and told us what happened I almost fell out of my chair!"

"Dumbass making out on the couch," Mello laughed, "But Sayu blew me away with telling Light, man I wish I could've seen his face!" they both laughed again as Mello grabbed glasses and joined Matt at the door of the office, "Ready?" he asked and Matt nodded, pushing through the panel, yelling and using the noisemakers, throwing confetti at the hapless albino.

Near's head shot up at the noise and then it dropped onto the desk as he realized what they were doing. He realized too late when he told them what had happened that he was digging his own grave but it was done. He kept his head down on the desk as they danced around him, feeling the blush starting from his neck all the way up to the top of his head, and the confetti falling in his hair and all around him. 

"Come on Near sit up and enjoy the celebration of the emergence of your manhood!" Mello told him grabbing his head and pulling it up, "You should be proud, we are!"

"Come on guys, what if Light hears you?" Near asked and the two shook their heads.

"They're busy so stop worrying. Come on have a glass of wine and be glad!" Matt told him and Near finally began to smile as Matt poured him wine.

"I guess this means you guys are really serious then," Mello said as Matt poured him a glass as well, "Coz I don't see you as a player, it took you long enough to get this far!"

"If you are asking if we are now in an exclusive relationship then the answer is yes. We have not discussed too far into the future, she still has college to finish and I…well you know."

"Yea, we do. But damn, Near this has got to be the longest distance romance I've ever seen," Mello said, "How is this going to work?"

"Actually, it's okay while she's in college, her parents don't want her concentration to be compromised by my being in the way, so the few times we can see each other is good, and we can talk on the phone and via the computer as often as possible. It will not be easy but it will be a good test as to whether or not this will work out." Matt sat down in the chair next to him and put his hand on Near's arm.

"We're busting your balls right now, but we really are happy for you Near. I don't mind telling you that I thought you were going to be as much of a recluse as L was until he met Light, and I really hope this works out. When she gets out of college, there's no law that says you have to stay with us you know. We are all L's heirs, and when he needs us he'll call just like he did this time, but it doesn't mean we can't live in between. If you want to move to Japan and move in with Sayu or something, don't think you have to think about us at all, you do what you need to do. Okay?" 

"Yea, if you move out it gives us more room anyway," Mello said unwrapping a candy bar, "I'll be glad to not have to watch out for those damned robots all the time when I'm walking around," he added and sat on the desk, "Or afraid of knocking over another damned fort."

"I appreciate it Matt, thank you," Near said and then looked at Mello, "You I'm ignoring just like I've done since the first day I met you." The buzzer went off and Near answered.

"This is Near," he answered

"Ah, Near. I take it L is not in the office?" Watari asked.

"No, he and Light are.." Mello started making rude gestures and Matt covered his mouth to keep from laughing out loud and it took Near a great deal of control not to laugh either, "In their room," he finally finished.

"I see. I'll give them a little time and then I'll buzz them there."

"You better give them more than a little time, Watari!" Mello called out and Matt snorted over his hand.

"If it's something about a case I'm sure I can deal with it." Near offered.

"Oh no it isn't anything like that. The Director of the NPA just contacted me to let L know that Detectives Yagami and Matsuda will be receiving their commendations the day after tomorrow as L wanted to be in attendance."

"L wants to be in attendance? That might be a little difficult. Won't everyone wonder why Ryuzaki isn't there for Light?" Matt asked.

"I'm sure L has a plan," Watari answered and then clicked off. The three looked at each other.

"L's phenomenal but I can't imagine how he's going to be in two places at once," Matt commented.

"And prerecording a statement or something wouldn't work," Mello mused, then he looked at Near, "Unless of course he used one of us."

"Why not, it's a mechanical voice they hear, although the one whose voice is closest to his is Near's," Matt added and Near nodded.

"I am sure that's what he has in mind and it should work without a problem," he held out his glass to Matt, "Refill?" Matt laughed and poured him another.

L opened his eyes to the sound of the intercom going off on the bedside table. He hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep until the sound woke him. The surprise afternoon lovemaking had tired him more than usual as he had fought himself to not tremble or show any signs of trepidation, as he knew he would upset Light, and he had managed for the most part but he couldn't hide it completely and Light had known he was still nervous, but said nothing. But this time he was not as nervous as last night, and he had relaxed sooner and it had been better. He struggled to sit up and answer the buzz as each time he moved Light pulled him back in his sleep. He finally broke free as Light began to wake up and hit the intercom.

"Yes, Watari?" 

"I have heard from the Director of the NPA. Detectives Yagami and Matsuda are to receive their commendations the day after tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. in the main auditorium and he would be pleased to have L in attendance…in a manner of speaking of course."

"Excellent. Please let him know that we will be there and thank him for the information," he smiled as he looked over at Light who kissed his shoulder as he sat up, "Anything else I should know about?"

"No, Near has everything else under control at the moment. You may wish to go over with him exactly where he is in all of the cases," Watari answered.

"Thank you, I will do that," L answered and turned off the intercom. He turned just as Light was trying to pull him back down into the bed.

"Light I have to get up," he protested as Light held him down.

"Why, nothing's happening," Light complained as he held onto him.

"I need to check on Near and the boys and see how they're doing with the cases. Besides, we should get up, it will be dinner time soon."

"You're going to have to trust them when we leave," Light told him as he released L and watched him get up and reach for his clothes.

"I trust them now, I simply wish to see if they have any questions, I did throw them in head first without any preparation," he stopped as he pulled on his shirt and looked at Light, "I am sorry I was still…tentative." He said and Light sat up and shook his head.

"Don't be, it's alright. You weren't as tense this time as you were last night, it's getting better." He pulled L down for a quick kiss and then let him leave. He sighed deeply and ran his hands through his hair. It had been better, but if he never saw that moment of fear in L's eyes again it would be too soon; it was only for a few moments but that was a few moments too long and it killed him inside each time he saw it. Hopefully by the time their time away was over, it would be gone. He groaned as he heard his cell phone go off, knowing it was probably the Director calling about the ceremony and reached for it.

"I'm sure there is an excellent explanation for this," L stated as he looked around his confetti filled office. He had surprised the trio when he walked into the office without warning, and now they were scrambling to try to clean up the mess.

"We were celebrating Near's arrival into manhood," Mello told him as he scooped up the glasses and bottle of wine. L walked over to him and took the bottle from him, read the label and handed it back to him.

"One of Light's favorites, did you enjoy it?"

"I guess we should have asked, sorry. We'll replace it," Matt offered.

"Indeed you will. This celebration, in respect to your relationship with Sayu Yagami?" L asked Near and he nodded slowly.

"Well, not so much that it's Sayu, but that he's actually becomes sexual! We think it's a great thing!" Mello answered for him, "We were just teasing him L, no disrespect to Sayu, no harm done."

"Except to my office. You will finish cleaning up this mess and never again use my office for this type of behavior is this understood?" they all nodded and Near got up from the desk to help when L put a hand on his shoulder.

"Not you, I am sure this was not any of your doing. Do you have any questions regarding any of the cases you are working on?" Near shook his head.

"I did ask Watari for some of the paperwork on the drug case and he brought me the folder, but everything else is fine." He answered and L nodded sitting next him.

"I am happy to see that things are going well for you and Sayu, I do hope you have been careful in your activities." Near stared at him and then cleared his throat looking away.

"Yes, we were careful." He answered and L nodded.

"Good, I was sure you would be. Now, I must ask you another favor. As you know Light is to receive a commendation in two days, one I made sure that he and Matsuda receive as I felt they both deserved it. In order to do that I mentioned that I would like to be in attendance as L, and of course Ryuzaki would have to be there as well. So, I need you to be me during the ceremony, is that something you think you can do?" Near nodded and smiled.

"Absolutely, it shouldn't be a problem at all. Anything in particular you would like me to say?" L smiled and nodded.

Light and L spent the rest of the evening and next day preparing for their trip, with Light still refusing to tell L anything about it, except that he would enjoy it and anything they wanted to do they could do in that location. L had never packed before, Watari had always done it for him so Light spent time showing him how to do it properly. He told him that even if it were merely jeans and white shirts, with underwear and now the swim trunks, there was a proper way of doing it. L listened intently, his thumb at his mouth and watched as Light packed his suitcase while instructing him. Then smiled when Light realized he had just packed his suitcase for him and he didn't have to do it.

"Can you at least tell me when we are leaving?" L asked him finally and Light nodded.

"We're leaving on the overnight tomorrow after the ceremony. Originally we were going to leave on Friday morning, but now since the ceremony is the day before and generally there is always some type of celebration after these ceremonies, I thought it would be better if we left around midnight afterwards and had Watari change the tickets from the next morning. Had it been scheduled any later it would have to wait until we returned. Besides, we can sleep through most of the long flight that way."

"Long flight? How long?" L asked and Light wagged his finger at him.

"I'm not telling you that, it would take you no time to figure out where we were going if you knew how long the flight was." L sighed in exasperation just as the intercom went off.

"Yes, Watari.:

"If you are free, I need to see in my office, L." Watari told him.

"I'll be there in a few minutes," L answered and turned to Light with a smile, "I appreciate the packing lesson," he said and turned to leave and was smacked with a flying pillow as he walked out.

 

"I was afraid you were going to suggest this again," he was saying a few minutes later in Watari's office as he stared at the suit in front of him.

"You certainly weren't planning on attending Light's award ceremony in your usual attire," Watari stated and L sighed.

"I suppose not. Shoes as well I imagine?"

"Yes ofcourse, and socks." L shuddered visibly as Watari pulled out the shined shoes and dark socks.

"Can I not wear a tie at least?" L asked and Watari shook his head.

"You will wear a tie, the suit would not look proper without a tie, L." L sighed again and looked at the dark blue suit with distaste.

"Fine, but only because it's for Light and I do not wish to embarrass him," he said finally and Watari nodded.

"Do you wish to try it on?" he asked and L shook his head.

"No it can wait until tomorrow. Thank you for having it ready for me, Watari." He said and the older man smiled.

"My pleasure," he said and began to hang up the suit.

"Shall we have tea and snacks?" L asked him, his eyes wide with anticipation and Watari nodded.

"Ofcourse. You go sit down and I'll bring them in," he said and watched L as he walked to their room to sit down in his place and wait before heading into the kitchen with a warm smile.

 

Light woke up in the middle of the night when he rolled over and realized he was alone in the bed. He sat up and looked around the room, then panicked slightly when he didn't see L anywhere. He got up and opened the door to find L standing and staring out of one of the windows.

"L?" he called quietly and L turned at the sound of his voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know I had bothered you," he said quietly as Light came to him.

"You didn't, I just realized you weren't next to me. Is something wrong?" L turned back to the window.

"I was having difficulty sleeping, slightly afraid of dreaming and there were rushing thoughts…" Light sighed and slowly wrapped his arms around the troubled detective.

"I'm sorry, L. Can I get you something to drink, some tea or something else that might calm you?" L shook his head and leaned back against Light.

"No thank you, I'm fine. I just didn't want to disturb you with my tossing and turning, and yet I still seemed to."

"I don't like being in that bed without you. You ready to come back?" L nodded.

"I guess so. I'm just not sure I'll be able to sleep."

"Maybe if I hold you it'll happen. We don't have to be up early, we can sleep in late if you don't fall asleep right away. Don't push yourself, I know you're nervous about this trip and…other things." L turned and faced Light, leaning forward to kiss him softly.

"Let's give it a try then," he said then stopped and stared earnestly into Light's eyes, "Do you think we'll get back to what we were before this all happened?" he asked and Light pulled him tightly against him.

"Yes L, yes I know we will. We just have to work a little bit at it but I promise you, it will be as it was before I walked out of that door to start that case. You believe me?" L nodded against Light's chest.

"I believe you, Light." He whispered and Light leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

"Come on, let's go back and lie down, try to get some rest. We do have a busy day tomorrow, although we can sleep on the plane." L nodded and allowed himself to be led back to the bedroom.

 

L fidgeted as Light tried to fix his tie, standing on one foot and then the other, sliding his feet in and out of the offensive shoes.

"L you're not making this easy," Light told him and he tried to stand still.

"I cannot understand why anyone would want their feet suffocating at all times in these things," he complained and Light laughed.

"We don't consider them suffocating. There, finally now let me look at you," Light stepped back to look at L from top to bottom. Somehow the dark blue suit seemed to bring out his features even more, from the wild black hair to his large eyes, the upturned nose and sensuous mouth. His porcelain skin seemed to just glow in contrast to the dark suit. Light felt himself getting aroused as he stared at L and took a deep breath to try to concentrate on something else. L noticed the change in his demeanor and worried that something was wrong with how he looked. He looked down at himself and then at Light.  
"Is something wrong? Do I not look presentable?" he worried and Light shook his head.

"Presentable? I'm having difficulty looking at you in that suit without wanting to take it off of you," he said laughing and L looked at him, his eyes blinking in surprise. That only made Light laugh again.

"You have no idea how beautiful you are do you?" he finally said as L continued to stared up at him, and shook his head.

"I have only known how beautiful you are, I do not think of myself in that way. But I am happy that you are happy with the way I look, I don't wish to embarrass you today." Light sighed and shook his head, then reached for a brush from his dresser. He pulled L to him and began to slowly brush L's hair, causing the detective to close his eyes in enjoyment, leaning back against him. It always amused Light as to how his hair would always spring back into the craziness that it was, although it did look a little more controlled. The intercom went off and he leaned over to answer it.

"Yes, Watari?" he asked.

"I will be waiting for you in the car," he told them and Light nodded.

"We'll be right down," he said and released the button, "Come on, let's get this over with," he said and L looked at him in surprise.

"Do you not think you are deserving of such an award?" he asked and Light stopped as he opened the bedroom door.

"I like being recognized for the work I did, but had you not said anything it would not have happened, so I feel it is being forced."

"They all know you and Matsuda deserve it, they just needed to be prodded a bit, not forced. I merely made them see the error of their ways." Light nodded with a smile and pulled the door open.

They were met with applause, catcalls and whistles from the boys as they walked out into the living room.

"Damn L, you look hot when you dress up!" Mello said as he walked over to his mentor, running his hands along the suit jacket. He walked behind him and checked the tag, "Ralph Lauren my, my, my. This is easily a thousand dollars worth of suit and if I know you, this will never see the light of day again."

"I've told him he wears it well, but he doesn't listen to me," Light said and Matt turned to appraise him.

"You always look good, but this suit is really awesome," he told Light and then pulled out a digital camera, "You guys have to be captured, you look too good." He said and immediately started snapping. He took pictures of the two, then with Mello and Near, and then had Mello take a picture with him in it.

"Please be careful what you do with those," L warned and Matt nodded.

"They'll be here for personal use only, so your friends can see how awesome you two looked today," he said, "And we'll take a few back home with us and you know no one will see them except us."

"Are you guys sure you 're not coming? You're my family too," Light said and they all shook their heads.

"No, this is your day Light and you share it with L, we're not award ceremony types anyway. We'll be here when you get back to celebrate, but thank you." Near told him and Mello agreed.

"Besides, you'll never get me in a suit like that," he added and Matt laughed.

"I once thought the same thing," L said as he and Light began to walk towards the door, "Never say never." Light chuckled as he followed him out of the door.

"So, do you think Light knows what L is going to offer him tonight?" Mello asked and Near shrugged.

"I don't know, but somehow I doubt it. It will look better if Light is caught off guard, so I'm sure he didn't tell him."

"Do you think he'll accept it?" Matt asked as they walked into the office.

"I don't know, that's a good question. We'll just have to see." Near answered as he followed them in.

Watari let them out at the front of the building and then continued into the garage so he could prepare for connecting L to the proceedings. 

"I don't know what kind of reception we're going to get, after my little speech the other day," Light mused as they walked into the elevator.

"It should be nothing short of normal after L's little speech the other day," L countered and Light laughed.

"This is true, I almost forgot about that," he said and took a deep breath before the doors opened. L reached over and hit the stop button to prevent the doors from opening.

"It's going to be fine, Light. If nothing else I believe what you did brought you even more respect than you've had before. Also, you have to realize that you deserve this commendation, you both do. Yes, L may have spurred it along, but you deserved it so behave like you do. Finally, I love you and I'm with you in every way." He reached up and kissed him before flipping the button on the elevator back to on. Light smiled at him and nodded as the doors slid open.

They walked to the main auditorium and Light resisted the urge to grab L's hand for support as they got to the door. For some reason he was more nervous about this than he had ever been and he had received more awards and prizes than the norm as he went through school, but for some reason this one was getting to him. L was aware and turned to him, a brilliant smile on his face and everything Light needed to see in his eyes.

"Detective Yagami good to see you!" and he turned to see the Director smiling at him, giving him a quick bow and ushering him into the room alongside his father. He looked quickly to make sure L was still behind him and went along with the Director.

L endured the surprised looks he was getting from the other officers who had only always seen him in his regular attire as he stayed as close to Light as he could without being in the way as he and Matsuda were introduced to other dignitaries and important people in the room. As he saw Light was beginning to relax more he whispered to Light that he was getting a coffee and Light nodded his approval. He saw Sayu and Sachiko Yagami standing near the refreshments as his eyes immediately found the pastries and coffee and he went to serve himself.

"Hey, Ryuzaki you look awesome!" Sayu said as he poured himself coffee.

"Yes, you do look very handsome dear,"Sachiko added and L smiled.

"Thank you, only for Light would I wear something as uncomfortable as this," he said piling the sugar into his coffee.

"It may be uncomfortable for you but you look great," Sayu said again, "So what kind of award is my brother getting this time?"

"A commendation for work well done above the norm," L answered, "Considering what he went through he deserves that and more."

"I heard L is supposed to be here," Sayu said looking around, "No one's ever seen him, he must really like working with Light to come here." L sipped his coffee.

"I don't expect he's truly going to show up physically, it will be via computer as is his usual habit. He cannot afford to be seen in public." He told her and Sayu pouted.

"That's not very fair," she said and L smiled at her.

"It is if you're L," he said and turned towards the doorway when he saw movement. 

Watari was coming in carrying the laptop, complete in his disguise. L watched in amusement, he'd never seen it from this perspective and it was quite interesting.  
The rather boisterous conversations in the room calmed down to a hush as Watari walked to the front of the room and placed the laptop on the table that had obviously been set up for just that. As he put it down and began to set up the connection, the Director also went to the front of the room.

"Now that our special guest is here, would everyone take a seat and we can get these proceedings started." L walked to where Light and Matsuda were standing and stood between them.

"Matsuda, I need you to not react any differently," he whispered as Matsuda looked from the computer back to him.

"But..how…"he stammered and Light stopped him.

"Remember, L said he wished to be in attendance, so don't act so surprised," he said a warning tone to his speech that Matsuda immediately picked up.

"Oh yea, that's right, I did forget. I guess we should be honored!" he said and Light nodded relieved. L looked around and had to hide his smirk as he watched the surprised and confused faces of the few who knew he was L as the laptop was being set up; watching them look from him to the computer. 

"L, you are connected," Watari said to the computer as the gothic letter swirled on the screen. L smiled wider as he watched.

"He is rather impressive, isn't he" he said and Light rolled his eyes and tried to figure out which heir was doing the duty.

"Greetings to all who are attending this much deserved award ceremony. I am happy I could also attend even if it is in this capacity," the mechanical voice began from the computer, "Please continue, I will withhold whatever comments I wish to make until afterwards." The Director stood and walked to the podium which was placed center stage.

"I am sure I speak for everyone when I say we are honored to have you here as well L. Now, let me explain to everyone why we are here…."

Light and Matsuda endured the speeches and accolades, although Matsuda appeared to be actually enjoying them. Light had to remember that while getting awards was rather routine to him, it was not something that Matsuda was used to. He looked over at his work partner and was nearly blinded by the glow of his smile and excitement. He reached over and patted his back and turned his attention back to the stage.  
It wasn't until after Light and Matsuda had received their commendations and were on stage that the laptop sprang into life.

"May I add my congratulations on a job well done by both of you at great personal risk. Now that you have received your commendations, I would like to say a few words. I have worked with both of you on several cases over the past few years dating back to the Kira case, and each time you have both proven yourselves to be more than capable and in the case of Detective Yagami your intelligence and insights rival my own; and Detective Matsuda continues to impress me with your enthusiasm for whatever case we work on and your raw talents in investigation and detective work continue to grow. I have more I wish to say, but I will save that for a private discussion I wish to have with you both and your superiors later after the festivities so I do not hold up the celebrations." 

Light shot a quick questioning look to L who merely smiled back at him, revealing nothing in his eyes. The Director smiled as he stood with the two detectives.

"We could reconvene in my office a little later L," he suggested and then turned to the audience, "And if we could give these two fine detectives another round of applause and then please enjoy the refreshments." He told the audience which then rose to its feet and applauded the honorees.

Light left the stage and went through the hand shaking and pats on the back from his fellow detectives, who all seemed to be genuine in their praise, a few of them still sounding a little uneasy, but most were fine, even talking to L as he came to Light's side. When they were alone for a moment he whispered to L.

"What's going on?" he asked and L looked at him innocently.

"I'm sure L wishes to congratulate you further," he said and Light's eyes narrowed slightly, causing L to inadvertently draw back, "Am I going to be angry about this?"

"There is nothing to be angry about Light. I believe it will be a good thing." L told him and he looked slightly askance at L but said nothing more as his family had gathered around him.

"Way to go, Light", Sayu told him, "Does this mean more money?"she asked and Light laughed.

"I doubt it, but the commendation is enough for right now," he said and she took it from him and looked at it.

"Very nice, it will look great on your wall," Sachiko said and Light nodded as his father bowed and he returned it.

"Congratulations Light, it is well deserved," he said and then looked down at L for a moment before phrasing his next question, "Do you have any idea what else L wants to talk to you about?" he asked and Light shook his head.

"I promise you I have no idea," he said, "But I am sure it 's noting to be concerned about." He assured his father who had not forgotten the conversation he had with L at the hospital.

"I'm sure it's nothing more than another form of congratulations for them both," L said smiling at Soichiro but somehow it failed to make him feel better.

Half an hour later Light and Matsuda were in the Director's office and waiting as Watari set up the laptop. As soon as it was set, L began to talk.

"You all know that I use a series of very talented and invaluable contacts to help me with my cases as I am limited to what I can do physically. Both of these detectives have proven to me that they possess the qualities necessary to be one of my contacts and so I wish to offer them both the opportunity to work with me exclusively."

There was an audible intake of breath from the room as everyone realized exactly what had been offered, the chance to work exclusively with L. Light and Matsuda both registered shock and stared at each other and then at the laptop screen. 

"As you can imagine," the mechanical voice continued, "I do not make this offer lightly and I would expect that you would not make the decision lightly either. You must realize that accepting this offer would mean you would have to resign from the NPA and be ready to accept cases at a moment's notice, which could also include immediate travel without knowing when you would return. However, I find you both have qualities and talents that are being wasted within these walls and could be better utilized working for me, not to mention the rate of pay would increase exponentially, and you can be assured that your futures and your families would be taken care of at all times.

I ask that you consider the offer carefully; I will not look unfavorably on you if you decline, and both of you need not accept or decline together. If only one of you wishes to join me that is fine. I will still look forward to working with you both no matter what your decisions will be. I will contact the Director for your answers within two weeks. And once again gentlemen, my sincere congratulations. Watari…" The disguised figure immediately moved to disconnect the laptop and carried it out of the room where L, Light's family and Suki were seated in the waiting room.

Light and Matsuda looked at each other and then at the Director and Deputy Director who both stood there open mouthed.

" He wants us to work for him?" Matsuda finally said breaking the silence and smiled, "That's amazing, Light what do you think?" 

Light and his father were staring at each other, both of them knowing exactly why this offer had come at this time. L had no faith in the NPA as far as Light's safety was concerned, nor did he like the way he had been treated by the other officers and had offered Light a way to continue doing the work he enjoyed without having to deal with it. Light wasn't sure exactly what to think immediately, or exactly what to feel about it.

"I must say that is quite an offer," The Director finally said, "I would think about it very carefully, about what your futures would be here at the NPA against an unknown such as working for L. It would radically change your lives, is that something you want right now so early in your careers?" Light finally found his voice.

"As L said this needs careful consideration so I'm not willing to say anything about it right now," he said and smiled at the Director, "But you can be assured that I will take everything into consideration before I make such a decision. Now if you will excuse me, Ryuzaki and I have a flight to catch this evening and we still need to get ready. Thank you very much for this afternoon." He said and as he started to leave Soichiro grabbed his arm.

"Think carefully son, we both know where this offer comes from," he said to him quietly and Light nodded.

"Don't worry, I will." He said and went out of the office. L jumped up as he heard the door open and searched Light's face as he came out, desperate to see what his reaction was, hoping for the best and worried for the worst. 

"Well, what did L have to say?" his mother asked him and Light smiled.

"He had some business he wished to discuss with us, nothing to worry about," he looked at L, "We need to go and get everything ready for our flight," he said and L was comforted by the smile he gave him.

"Oh that's right, vacation time," Sachiko said, "You two enjoy yourselves and Light, get plenty of rest you still look very tired, and next time be very careful how you swing your arms, poor L looks as if you beat him."

"Swing my arms…?" he asked and L explained.

"Your mother saw the bruise on my face and as it is obviously a hand mark she wondered what had happened. Since I cannot lie I told her what happened," he watched as Light's eyes widened in surprise and he smiled.

"That you had hit me inadvertently while gesturing as you were explaining something to Watari and I walked into the swing." Light looked at the ceiling and then smiled at his mother.

"I will be more careful, don't worry. Sayu…behave," He added and she burst into laughter as he and L walked away from them.

"I will make sure that he gets sufficient rest, Mrs. Yagami," L called back over his shoulder and she nodded and waved.

Light waited until they were alone in the car before saying anything, making L nervous. As soon as they were behind closed doors he turned on L.

"Are you completely out of your mind?" he asked and L blinked at him.

"Why because I offered you to work with me exclusively?" he asked.

"You should have mentioned it to me first so I wasn't taken by surprise," Light complained.

"And then it would have looked wrong when you got the offer, I wanted you to look as if you had no idea what was coming," L defended.

"Well you certainly accomplished that," Light said and ran a hand through his hair, "Don't think I don't know where this offer comes from." He said and L stared back nervously and tried not to flinch.

"Are you angry with me?" he asked and Light turned and looked out of the window and sighed heavily trying to keep himself from being angry, knowing it would frighten L right now.

"I'm not…angry L, but I can't help but wonder if this is not another way for you to try to control me. You've never offered this before, and I know it's because of what's happened."

"I never offered it before because you weren't sufficiently experienced to handle such a challenge. Now that you are, I offered. I truly believe you are talented enough and experienced enough to work with me. Also, the abuse you take from your fellow detectives bothers you greatly and you put up with it because you enjoy the work you do, it is the job you have wanted since you were a child. I told you before it is not necessary for you to deal with that, that there were many opportunities open to you."

"And I told you that I wasn't going to let them make me run," Light snapped and L drew back.

"It is not running if you are going someplace better, Light. You have shown them you are not afraid of them, you have proven yourself. Its just time to move on."

"Not to mention if I agree to this you can pick and choose what I do and keep your finger on me at all times," Light accused and L turned away from him.

"I am not going to deny that your safety is part of my decision to offer this, but do not think for a moment that working for me keeps you out of danger, you must know this. I have lost several contacts in the past few years; it is not easy working for me. I do not trust how the NPA operates or any other police force for that matter. There is too much inside politics that sometimes get in the way of the honest police work and can cause dangerous situations that need not be so. As far as knowing what you are doing at all times, I know that anyway as you do not generally hide your cases from me. I can promise you that you will be well aware of my cases and if you do not think I am being fair to you, you may choose which ones you wish to work on. I do not wish to control you Light, I only wish to offer you what you really wish to do without the annoyances that accompany working for the NPA." He turned back to look at him, reached up and took Light's face in his hands.

"It will also afford us the opportunity to not be separated by cases any longer. You would travel with me and be my eyes on the street, unless you feel you would tire of being in my constant company. Perhaps living and working together would be too much time with me." Light moved L's hands from his face and shook his head.

"That's ridiculous, that isn't the problem. In fact, I had imagined perhaps we'd do that in the future at some point, it's just that the offer came at a time that things are not quite where they should be and I still have to question the main reason for this."

"Of course the main reason it came into my mind was because I was unhappy with what was happening with you at the NPA. You are too talented to continue to be abused there Light," he smiled, "Especially when I could abuse you better myself." Light stared at him and then burst into laughter.

"This is true, no one can abuse me like you can," he said then pulled L closer to him.

"Then you will consider it?" L asked him and Light nodded and leaned forward and kissed him, his tongue forcing it's way into the detective's mouth. L accepted it with a groan of pleasure and pressed himself into Light's arms. They pulled apart only when the door opened and they realized they were in the garage of their apartment building, Watari holding the door open for them.

"So tell me, are you serious about Matsuda or did you do that so it didn't look like you were playing favorites with me?" Light asked as they got into the elevator.

"I am serious about Mastsuda, I believe he has earned the right as well. I think I would be careful what jobs I would send him out on at first, but I believe he would be an asset. Even though I have suggested to him that under the circumstances at the NPA perhaps he would be best served if he were no longer your partner, I know that in reality you two work best together."

They walked into the apartment to find that the boys had recycled the party hats, confetti and noisemakers for their return. They looked at each other and sighed.

Several hours later after a bit of celebrating and dinner, the boys were helping Watari take their luggage down to the car as Light made a final sweep to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. L sat on the couch with his knees against him finishing off a piece of cake, watching Light go back and forth as he double checked everything.

"Why are you so concerned about forgetting something? Do they not have stores where we're going?" he asked.

"Of course they have stores, but it's possible they may not have the brands I'm used to," he answered grabbing a bottle of shampoo.

"Yes of course because your hair would not be so brilliant with a different type of shampoo," L said and Light huffed at him.

"It isn't good for your hair to change products suddenly," he answered and L eyed the size of the bottle.

"I don't know where we are going but I do know in some airports they do not allow certain sizes of bottles. Perhaps you should wait until we arrive…unless of course you change your mind about taking my jet." Light put the bottle down and sighed.

"We're not taking your jet, L." he said and sat down next to him, "I believe we are all set. I will tell you one thing, we are going to America." L finished the final bite and looked at him.

"Really? Any state in particular or are we hopping across all fifty?"

"Stop being a smart ass, we are flying to New York and making a change there,"

"A change to where?" L pushed hoping that since he got that much information he might get more.

"Nope, that's all I'm saying until we get to New York," Light said and laughed as L gave him a huge pout in answer. The door opened and the boys piled in.

"All bags are in the car, Watari is waiting," Mello said and the two stood up.

"I must thank you for everything you three have done for me, unfortunately I cannot give out commendations, all I can do is tell you how much I appreciate it," L told them and one by one they went to him to hug him good-bye.

"Hey it's our job isn't it?," Mello told him, "Keeps us on our toes," he added. Light hugged him next.

"You know there's no way I can ever thank you enough for what you did for me," he said to the blonde who smiled at him.

"Just make sure you take care of L, that's thanks enough," he answered and Light nodded. He hugged the other two and then grabbed L's hand.

"I'll call and keep you apprised of our…adventures," he said winking as they walked out of the door, leaving the three laughing.. they knew where the two were going.

Once at the airport they dealt with checking their bags and going through customs along with everyone else; something L was not used to and did not appreciate, making his disdain quite obvious and causing Light to make sure he didn't get himself into trouble.

When they were finally at the gate, Watari hugged Light and then went to hug L and for a moment he felt his heart would break when he saw those huge eyes looking up at him in almost fear as he realized he truly was going to be separated from him. Light moved away and moved closer to the gate to give them a few moments.

"L…you are going to enjoy yourself and be just fine. I do expect several phone calls, however." Watari told him and L nodded.

"I've never been anywhere without you Wammy, it doesn't seem right," L said and the older man nodded.

"You are right, and perhaps it is way past time that you did. I will be here when you return, and I also expect to see many pictures." L nodded and then held his father figure in his arms until the announcement of the flight boarding made him let go.

"Wammy, I've never told you…" he started and Wammy stopped him by mussing his hair.

"Yes you have," he said and backed away from him as Light came back and grabbed his arm.

"Thank you, Wammy", Light told him and led L along the ramp to the plane. Watari watched until he was sure they were on the plane, then turned and went back to the car, his heart heavier than he'd ever felt it before.

Once Light made sure L was settled in his window seat he sat down next to him. They were in first class and the seats were almost as spacious as the ones on L's jet. L looked out of the window then pulled his knees up to his chest. Light carefully pushed his knees down and grabbed his hand.

"Look at me, Ryuzaki." He said and L did, his eyes shinning with the unease he was feeling.

"Tell me that you love me and that you trust me," Light said to him and L nodded.

"You know I do," he answered quietly and Light smiled.

"Then try not to look so unhappy, you're going to enjoy yourself." L sighed and looked out of the window again.

"I don't even know where I'm going, how can I be sure of that?" he said and Light sighed.

"Because I would never lie to you, and because…ok fine, I'll tell you. Because when we arrive in New York we're changing to a plane to Florida." L turned to stare at Light.

"Florida? Why Florida? I don't recall there being anything particularly exciting about Florida." He said and Light smiled broadly.

"Don't tell me you've never heard of Walt Disney World?" L stared at him as he'd just grown another eye.

"You cannot be serious Light Yagami, you have not hijacked me to take me to a children's amusement park with costumed rodents!!! If you were interested in such a thing there is one in Tokyo."

"Come on, remember how much fun you actually had at Tokyo Dome once we arrived? That's what kind of gave me the idea, along with the fact that there is a lot more there than amusements, which is why I didn't suggest Tokyo Disneyland. Besides, we still needed to get away. Trust me, Ryuzaki I can guarantee you will enjoy it!"

"It certainly is too late for me to try to jump off of the plane isn't it? But because you have worked so hard to do this, I will give you the benefit of the doubt," he suddenly smiled, "And you must promise me that we can ride all of the roller coasters!" Light grinned back, glad that L was smiling again and took his hand.

"I promise, and guess what Ryuzaki?" 

"What? Something else I should know?" he asked.

"We're going to Disney World!" he said and began to laugh, as L rolled his eyes and eventually laughed with him.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…. 

In the next story…hope you enjoyed Into the Night and thank you so much for reading and especially those who let me know what they thought!!

Hugs!!


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